Give Me A Place to Stand On
by HappyAuriga
Summary: Companion piece to "Against All Odds". Severus's point of view.
1. Chapter 1

Give Me A Place To Stand On…

Chapter 1: Secrets

"Is Daddy a wizard, too?"

The little boy looked at his mother questioningly.

"No, dear," the woman sighed. "Daddy isn´t a wizard."

"But you are a witch?"

"Yes. I´m a witch and that´s why you´re likely to be a wizard."

"Why don´t you ever do magic?" his nearly black eyes were full of doubt. "Isn´t a witch supposed to do magic?"

Eileen Snape smiled. A clever little boy she had, he was quick on the uptake for his five years. If she ws lucky, this wasn´t going to be as difficult as she had feared. "I don´t do magic because Daddy can´t. It´s not nice to remind people of their inabilities."

"Can you show me magic?"

Eileen hesitated. "I guess I can. But only once." She drew her wand and pointed it at the potatoes in the sink.

The boy watched in amazement as they started to wash and peel themselves.

"Wow!" he cried when the last potato had found its place in the pot on the stove. "I hope I am a wizard! If I am, we can do all the work for Daddy and he needs not toil in the cold anymore."

Eileen knelt in front of her son and held his shoulders. "Listen to me, Severus," she said urgently. "Your Daddy mustn´t know if you´re a wizard. He´s so proud of you and he´d be very disappointed if you were more like me than him."

"But I am more like you!"

The boy was right. He had his mother´s dark hair and eyes, her pale skin, the uneven teeth. The only trace of Tobias Snape was the long nose. Eileen smiled sadly. Had he inherited his father´s features and her nose, he´d be a handsome boy. Sometimes fate was cruel.

"This is something completely different."

-x-

"You must be more careful." Eileen collected the pieces of the cup and threw them into the dustbin. "He nearly noticed!"

"I´m sorry, mom. I was frightened."

Eileen could tell that the boy still was, as he sat at the kitchen table, crouching to make himself even smaller than he was.

"You must control your fear, or it will control you! It will give away your secrets!"

Severus nodded. The past two years had taught him how much his father despised magic, for his parents had a row every time his father found a trace of it in the house. The boy had shown first signs of magic himself only months after he had learnt he probably would. Like with all wizarding children his magic was triggered by emotions and , as life at the Snape family home wasn´t too happy since Tobias Snape had lost his job, in Severus´ case mostly fear.

"Next time he starts a row, I want you to go to your room."

"Yes, mom."

-x-

"Severus, who´s supposed to read this?" Miss Jones handed back his homework with a sigh.

The other children giggled.

"You´ll write it again. And this time you´ll choose an acceptable size for your letters."

"Yes, ma´am."

The boy sighed inwardly. He was going to need a new notebook sooner than he´d thought.

-x-

"Can´t your parents afford a decent haircut?"

The blond boy laughed and the others followed his lead.

Severus backed away.

"You´re a freak!" The blond pushed the smaller boy and Severus fell on his back. He was often teased because of his long hair.

"Severus!" This time he was saved by his mother. The boy stumbled to his feet and hurried to join her.

"Your hair again?"

The boy nodded.

"They don´t know anything. Many wizards wear their hair long and it softens your features a bit."

"Yes, mum."

They both knew that the boys were right. They couldn´t afford a different haircut, but admitting it wouldn´t make things better.

-x-

"Oh, sorry! Good morning!"

The girl nearly ran into him. He stepped back to let her pass through the door first.

"Thank you! Hurry up, Severus! We´re late!"

He smiled. He´d never have guessed that Lily Evans, the most popular girl in their class, even knew his name. A moment later he hurried up the stairs after her. If they were lucky, they´d make it to the classroom before Miss Jones.

-x-

"Mum, I did magic at school!" His voice was barely a whisper.

"What? How could you!"

"I was angry. Sorry!"

"Tell me exactly what happened!"

"Billy Web teased me during the break and everybody laughed at me. When we were painting after break he didn´t stop and I got really angry. I knocked his water glass over and spilt the water on his painting."

"Did anybody notice it was you?"

"No, they all thought he had knocked the glass over himself. Miss Jones told him off."

"You were lucky." Eileen sighed. "Come with me." She led the way to the attic.

Severus followed her hesitantly.

"Don´t be shy, come here." Eileen rummaged in an old trunk.

Severus stepped nearer to have a look. There were old books and clothes in the trunk. The boy´s eyes widened when his mother produced an old wand.

"Wave it!"

Severus did as he was told. The wand produced a couple of colorful sparks.

Eileen nodded contently. "It will do." She carefully closed the trunk and led her son back to the kitchen.

"Your problem is that you have no control over your magic," she explained. "What I will try is to give you some by teaching you some easy spells. Keep in mind that you´re not supposed to know any before you go to Hogwarts. So this has to be our secret."

"What is Hogwarts, mum?"

"The wizarding school you´re going to attend when you´re old enough."

"Where is it? I can´t remember seeing it before."

"You haven´t seen it. It´s far from here. In Scotland."

"In Scotland! I can´t go to a school in Scotland!"

"Why is that, Severus?"

"I can´t leave you!"

Eileen smiled. "You will like it there. But it will be years until then. Let´s start with this now."

She spent the next hour explaining to her son how to hold the wand.

-x-

"Mum, what happened to you?"

Eileen opened the door just wide enough to allow her son in.

"Come in and be quiet," she whispered.

Severus followed his mother to the kitchen. He knew better than to talk in the entrance-hall, from where his voice could be heard upstairs. It was not before he had closed the kitchen door that he repeated his question.

"I stumbled," said Eileen averting her eyes from her son, hanging her head so that her long hair covered the bruise on her cheek.

"You aren´t a good liar, mum." A statement. The boy knew. "Why don´t you use magic to defend yourself? I understand that you don´t want to conjure food or clothes, but why do you let him hit you?"

"You don´t curse a person you love, Severus. Would you use magic against me?"

"No! But you wouldn´t hit me. You don´t hit a person you love."

Eileen sighed. The logic of her eight year old son was simple and brilliant at the same time.

-x-

"I don´t need you to tell me whether I´m drunk!"

Severus hid under his blanket in his dark bedroom. His parents had been shouting for hours. First he had cried a little, but then he had remembered that the shouting was good. As long as he could hear his father shout, he knew his mother had no fresh bruise.

Finally it came; the sound he had learnt to dread more than anything over the past months. His mother´s outcry of pain.

Later Severus could not tell what made him do it. He was up in a moment and hurried downstairs.

His parents were in the living room. Eileen tried to back away from her husband, but there was little space in the small room. Tobias went after her in cold fury, ready to strike again. Again. She was bleeding from her lip.

Severus knew that his father was beating his mother, but he had never seen him actually do it. He only saw the bruises in the morning or sometimes when he came back from school.

Neither of his parents saw the little boy stand in the doorway and watch how his mother took another blow. The look of torture on the beloved face broke his rigidity. With some quick staps of his bare feet he positioned himself between father and mother.

"No, dad!" His voice was firmer than he felt. He fixed the man, whom he hardly had seen sober in the past months and prepared himself for the first blow.

It didn´t come.

Tobias Snape scrutinized his son´s face for some moments, then murmured something which sounded like ´not beat babies´ and made his way upstairs on unsteady feet.

Severus wasn´t sure why beating children was worse than beating women, but as long as his father´s drunken logic spared him and his mother further violence, he was not going to question it.

"Didn´t I tell you to stay upstairs, stupid boy?" Eileen was angry. "What if he hit you?"

"He didn´t, mum."

"You didn´t know that beforehand!"

Severus spent this night in his mother´s arms on the living room sofa. From this day on he stepped between father and mother whenever it was needed.

Eileen kept reminding him that this wasn´t going to work forever, but only as long as Tobias considered him a baby.

Severus shrugged. He´d find another way to protect his mother when the old one didn´t work any more.

-x-

"I don´t know why this doesn´t work!" Severus was frustrated. He had worked on the spell he had found in his mother´s old book for some days to no success.

"Show me what you´re trying to do."

He showed her.

"I said some easy spells! You´re trying to use your wand as a knife!"

"I could help you in the kitchen."

"Why don´t you take a knife and cut these potatoes then?"

"It´s more fun with the wand!"

"Use the knife!"

Severus obeyed reluctantly. His mother watched him with a smile.

"It´s the wand movement," she explained when he had finished his assignment. "Come here, I´ll show you."

-x-

It was July and the Snapes were working in the garden. Tobias had found a job and tried to stay sober. Taking care of the chickens in the small coop in the backyard diverted him from his longing for beer and stronger beverages.

Eileen was busy with her vegetable and herb patches. Severus – now eleven and no longer a primary school kid – helped his mother. Especially the herbs were interesting, for his mother kept explaining what they were used for in potion brewing, refering to potions as herbal teas for her husband´s sake.

Life was rather pleasant when Tobias had a job, although Severus knew by now that his father never kept his jobs long. The boy had learnt to enjoy it as long as it lasted. He didn´t notice that something was wrong until his mother whispered "Oh my god." The reason for her uneasiness became clear very quickly for a barn owl landed on the boy´s shoulder and stretched out its leg. Severus untied the letter it was carrying quickly and the owl took off again. The boy tried to hide the letter in his pocket but it was too late.

"What was that?" cried Tobias angrily.

"I got a letter," piped the boy.

"A letter carried by a bird? What sort of people send letters by bird?" The answer seemed to come to Tobias Snape of its own accord. "You told me he wouldn´t inherit the hocus pocus!" he shouted at his wife accusingly.

"Pssssssssht! The neighbours!" Eileen tried to calm her husband down.

"I don´t care about the neighbours! I want to know why my son gets hocus pocus letters!"

Eileen tried to shoo her husband into the house. She managed with Severus´ help. "I assume it´s his Hogwarts letter," she said.

Severus examined the wax seal and nodded.

"Your son is a wizard and he was accepted to Britain´s best wizarding school," Eileen explained in a neutral tone but her eyes gave away her pride.

"You signed him up for this school without my permission!"

"I didn´t do any such thing. If he was accepted it means they had his name down from his birth on."

"From his birth on? They knew he was a wizard brat from the first day on? Anyway. He won´t go. My son doesn´t need hocus pocus."

"He has to go. If he doesn´t learn to control it, he´ll hurt people sooner or later."

This day Tobias Snape got drunk beyond reason. The next day he lost his job.

-x-

Over the next few days Severus witnessed some especially fierce rows between his parents. Although Eileen usually bowed to her husband´s decisions, she stood her ground when her son´s education was concerned. As Tobias refused to pay for ´hocus pocus´books, she tried to figure out other ways of providing the boy with what he needed for Hogwarts.

Soon it became clear that Severus was going to keep the old wand (his mother´s first) and that he was going to wear his mother´s old school robes. He also got most of the books he needed from her old trunk.

Nevertheless there were some things the boy needed new, such as some potion ingredients, which could not be taken from the herb patch in the garden, and the charms book, for a different book was required on his book list than Eileen had used in her school days.

Eileen started feeding the family from the vegetable patch, saving the money her husband had given her for food for Severus´ school things.

Tobias was furious and their rows became even more violent. Severus offered to his mother to stay at home more than once, but she would not hear of it.

One day in August, Eileen Snape took her son to Diagon Alley to get what he needed. They went to Flourish and Blott´s first, where the woman purchased a very old and battered copy of the required charms book. While his mother searched the second hand book shelves, Severus looked at the shelves loaded with new books in amazement. There must be millions and millions of spells in all those books! Never before had he been aware that there was such a wide range of magic. He knew that his mother kept some spell books in the attic, he had seen them when she got his wand down, but the amount of information on magic provided in the book shop came as a surprise.

The walk to the apothecary´s was overwhelming. The boy had never been to Diagon Alley before as his father didn´t like magic and his mother rarely had the money to buy magical items. There were shops with broomsticks in the windows and equipment for wizarding sports. Shops with sweets, shops with animals. Severus knew that some of the pupils at elementary school had cats and dogs as pets, but the shops in Diagon Alley sold toads and owls as well as cats, but no dogs.

The apothecary´s itself was fascinating. The shelves were loaded with jars and bags of things which Severus had never seen before. There were glass bottles with red liquid, seemingly blood.

Eileen Snape bought what the boy would need. The shop assistant looked annoyed when she started listing the things she wanted instead of buying a whole starter kit.

On their way back to the pub, which held the entrance to Diagon Alley, Eileen and Severus took more time to look at the shops and the witch explained some of the items in the windows to the boy. Before leaving Eileen bought a small ice-cream for her son, a gift which the boy didn´t enjoy as much as he should have for he knew that his mother had spent her last pennies (knuts, he reminded himself) for it.

-x-

"Finally back?" Tobias´ voice was full of accusation, his tongue heavy.

"Take your things upstairs, Severus." Eileen handed the boy the parcels she was carrying and Severus rushed to his room to place them into his trunk obediently. It was his mother´s trunk actually, but she had moved her things out and now it was to be his. Carefully the boy stroked his initials on the lid of the trunk. His mother had removed the EP only yesterday to replace it with SS. He smiled.

The peace of the moment was broken by angry shouting from downstairs. Severus sealed the trunk with a spell his mother had tought him – they could not risk a drunken Tobias rummaging in his school things for they had no money to replace what might be damaged – and hurried downstairs as quickly as possible.

"I will teach you gadding about while your husband stays hungry!" Tobias slapped Eileen before Severus could step between them. "What did I marry you for if you don´t even carry out your most simple duties!"

Eileen took another slap.

"Dad!" Severus tried to move between his parents, but Tobias had grabbed Eileen´s hair and there was not enough room between the two adults for him.

"To the kitchen, where you belong!" Tobias dragged his wife by her hair all the way. When he let go at last, a thick tuft of black hair remained sticking to his sweaty fingers. Eileen whimpered in pain. Obediently she started peeling potatoes.

"Potatoes again!" Tobias shouted. "I´m tired of it. I´m not a pig. A man needs a chunk of meat now and then! You deny food to me to buy hocus pocus things for the brat!" He slapped Eileen´s head from behind.

"Please, calm down, love."

Severus had no idea how his mother could call the raging man ´love´. He wondered whether there had ever been love between these two people in the past. And whether it had been his fault that it ceased to be. Was his father mad at his mother because she gave him a wizard son instead of a muggle son?

"Severus, please go to the park for a while. I need to talk to your father alone."

"But mom..."

"Just go, dear."

Reluctantly Severus left the house and set out for the near park.

-x-

Severus didn´t return home before nightfall. His mother had asked him to leave and if she thought that having him out of the house was going to make things easier, he was going to stay away as long as he could. Finally the boy was driven home by hunger and – truth to be told – also a little fear of darkness.

Eileen waited for him with a meal of potatoes and a cup of tea.

Severus scrutinized her face. He couldn´t make out new bruises. "Are you OK, mum?"

"Yes, dear."

"He didn´t ... ?"

"No. He calmed down quite quickly after you had left."

"He doesn´t want me in the house any more?"

"Nonsense! He loves you and he is proud of you," Eileen stroked her son´s hair gently. "He just has a hard time coping with the fact that you are not like him. Every father wants his son to be like him."

"I´m a disappointment to dad."

"You´re not. It´s just that you´re less like him than he thought."

-x-

In the morning of September the 1st Eileen prepared a lunch package for Severus. She advised him to be a good boy and hard working student and hugged and kissed him good-bye in their living room. First Severus was puzzled for he thought he´d have to go to the train alone, but then he understood that his mother wished to say good-bye without nosy onlookers.

To the boy's surprise Tobias was sober for once and said his good-byes in an unsteady, tearful voice. The man advised his son to be good as well, but also to not forget his muggle dad. Severus promised not to and asked whether his father would like him to write although he´d have to send the letter by bird. The question touched the older Snape so much that he fell on Severus´ neck sobbing.

After some more minutes Eileen helped Severus disentangle from his father and said it was time to go.

Severus held onto his trunk with one hand and onto his mother´s arm with the other. He felt a meanwhile familiar sensation behind his navel and seconds later they stood in a quiet cul-de-sac near King´s Cross station.

Eileen told the boy to wait and went for a trolley. She helped Severus hoist his trunk on it and led the way to the platform.

Severus took in every detail of the place. It was crowded with people in what he knew to be wizarding clothes, but also many in an odd assortment of muggle clothing. There were also some, who had done an excellent job concerning their muggle appearance.

Eileen laughed when he pointed this out to her. "They´re probably muggles. I told you some witches or wizards are born into muggle families. And the halfblood´s parents won´t have difficulties with muggle clothing either. Look at me! Do I look like a witch?"

Severus obediently scrutinized his mother. No. She didn´t look like a witch. She´d have passed as a muggle easily.

"Let´s find you a seat now," suggested Eileen.

Severus nodded. There were so many children. More than at his whole old school. Who was he going to sit with? Who would tolerate his presence?

"Come, don´t be shy," Eileen smiled and led the way towards the train.

-x-

Severus followed his mother to one of the carriages. He felt a bit nervous for he knew she´d be leaving soon and he would be on his own afterwards. To his surprise the witch suddenly changed her mind and headed for the next carriage.

"Come, quickly," she smiled. She made a beeline for a big man in a chequered muggle shirt.

Severus wasn´t able to keep pace with his mother. When he caught up she was shaking hands with the man, who seemed slightly familiar to Severus. Where had he seen him before?

"Mr. Evans," the witch said, "how pleasant to meet you. You´re bringing your daughters, I assume?"

Mr. Evans? Not Evans like in ´Lily Evans`? Severus searched his memory. Was it possible that he had met the man at his old school? An image of the man waiting in front of the school building entered his conscious mind. The man´s next words answered Severus´ question.

"Only Lily. Petunia isn´t a witch. Ah, and there´s young Severus. I take it, he is a wizard?"

"He is..."

"It came so much as a surprise to us, when Lily got her letter. She´s the first witch in our family."

It was unbelievable. Lily Evans, the most popular girl in his old class, was a witch. A muggleborn witch. His mother had told him how blood status was considered very important to some wizards, but he could not see how any pureblood witch could outdo Lily Evans.

"I wasn´t surprised. Seeing that I´m a witch, I was well aware of the fact that my son would possibly be a wizard."

She didn´t mention how much she had hoped he wouldn´t be. Severus knew she´d have prefered a muggle son, though she never had worded her wish.

"Do you need help with his trunk? He can sit here with Lily."

"Thank you so much, Mr. Evans. I´m relieved he can sit with your daughter, to be honest. He doesn´t make friends easily."

Sit with Lily? This was a bad idea. Lily had never talked to him before. He couldn´t see her tolerate his presence. She´d probably send him away and tell the other children that he was a freak. So much for a fresh start.

"They´ll both be better off, if they can start together." Mr. Evans heaved the second trunk into the compartment.

Both better off? Severus couldn´t see how Lily always-surrounded-by-friends Evans would have a better start with him sitting in her compartment than without. Well, there was nothing he could do about it at the moment. He´d have to sit there at least until their parents were gone.

"Ah, Lily, dear." Mr. Evans beamed at his daughter, who had finally managed to come to him. "Look, whom I have met." He pointed at Severus, who stood quietly beside his mother trying hard to refrain from getting himself tied to her apron-strings. "You´d never have guessed, that one of your old class would be here, would you?"

To Severus´ surprise Lily smiled at him warmly. He returned the smile as he didn´t know what else to do or say.

After some moments the steam engine gave a whistle and the adults prepared to leave the train. The Evans hugged their daughter, but Eileen Snape only removed a fluff from her son´s shirt. Though they had said good-bye at home, Severus wished she´d hug him, too.

The two children waved to their parents when the train started to move. Soon they went around a bend and Severus couldn´t see his mother any longer.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: A New Life

Severus closed the window with some difficulty and sat down. Then he decided there was no use to put off the inevitable.

"You don´t have to sit with me, if you don´t want to. I can go somewhere else." There, he had said it. Was this a flicker of panic in Lily´s eyes?

"Oh, no. Why should I not want to sit with you?" The girl smiled.

Why? Because she usually sat with her friends. Then Severus understood. Lily Evans knew none of the other kids. She had no friends on this train.

"So, your mother is a witch? Do you know any magic?"

She tried to make conversation with him? Boy! She must be really desperate. Severus decided there was no reason not to enjoy this as long as it lastest. (It would not last long, that was clear. Only until Lily Evans got to know the cool kids.)

"A bit," he replied shyly.

"What is it like to live with magical parents?"

Severus hesitated. Joy seemed to be less a part of this than he thought. She asked his blood status the first minute. His mother had warned him, but he wouldn´t have guessed that a muggleborn would bring up the question. Then he understood. A muggleborn didn´t know about blood status. Probably she had no idea about it at all. She was only trying to make conversation again. "My parents aren´t both magical. My dad is muggle."

"He must be proud to have a wizard son."

Haha. "He is not. He doesn´t like magic. My mom kept telling him that I probably wasn't a wizard. He got a fit, when I got my letter." A fit. The understatement of the century. Well, he had told her that his dad was a muggle but he´d certainly not tell her that he was a constantly drunk, wife-beating muggle.

"Sorry to hear that. But you knew before, that you were a wizard..."

"My mum told me when I was five. She said I had to be careful around dad. She said he´d find out early enough." Severus remained silent after these words. He had already told the girl enough. "When did you find out you´re a witch?" He hoped she´d talk a bit about herself instead of being nosy about his life.

"When my letter arrived. I was kind of relieved. It explained a lot."

Explained? What was there to explain? Then he remembered how puzzled he had been about his first act of magic although he had known beforehand that it was to come sooner or later. He tried to imagine coping with it without knowing it was magic. Without knowing that magic even existed.

"Has this anything to do with your sister? What did you do to her?"

The girl hung her head. "When my sister and I were smaller, we often quarreled about toys. She refused to lend me hers." Lily sighed. "I told her, that if I wasn´t to play with them, she wasn´t either. The toys just disappeared before our eyes."

Her first act of magic had been a vanishing spell? Merlin! This girl had to be powerful! He had tried vanishing spells but he hadn´t mastered them so far. Not even with a wand.

"I made her toys disappear," the red head went on, "because she wouldn´t let me play with them. When she told our parents, they didn´t believe her. She got told off for being a liar so often! And I didn´t know I did it. How could I? I´m the first witch in the family." There was a pause. "Would you like a sandwich?"

The boy nodded. Lily put a napkin on one of the empty seats and laid some sandwiches from her bag on it. "If you´ve got a knife, we can share the apple, too."

A knife? No, he had no knife. Hesitatantly Severus pulled his wand out of his pocket and used the slicing spell he had used on the potatoes in his mother´s kitchen so often. Thinking of his mother hurt a bit. "Would you like some pumpkin juice?" He had to give something in return for the sandwich and apple.

"I never tried pumpkin juice."

"It´s time, you did." He held out the bottle.

The girl took a sip. "Thank you...Severus."

"No problem. You´re welcome...Lily."

-x-

They ate in silence. Severus was relieved. Having not have any friends before he had no idea what he should talk about. So he just sat there, enjoyed his sandwich and glanced at the girl from time to time when she didn´t watch.

Lily Evans had long red hair and bright green eyes. Her eyes were twinkling as she ate her meal. The trace of panic had gone and she looked totally at ease, just like she always had when she had been surrounded by a flock of girls at primary school.

"This was good," the girl said and wiped her mouth with the napkin they had used as a table cloth. "When did you learn to ... ?" She pointed at Severus´ wand.

The boy moaned inwardly. He had given away that he already knew some magic. He really needed to be more careful. Then he remembered that the girl probably had no idea about the restriction of underage wizardry. Severus explained.

"So you´re not supposed to know any magic?"

"No." He looked at her insecurely.

"I won´t tell anyone," Lily promised with a smile. "It´s cool you know, though."

There was a short silence again.

"Do you know anything about Hogwarts?" Lily asked curiously.

Severus nodded. It was amazing how the girl came up with new topics for conversation. He himself would have run out of any five minutes after they´d left King´s Cross. Glad he had something to contribute to their chat, Severus started telling about the school and the sorting.

"A hat? Are you serious?" Lily looked like in doubt.

He was just going to explain about the founders, when the compartement door was opened.

"In fact, I am. But how come you know?" said a tall, darkhaired boy at the door. He wore his hair long like Severus, but he had tamed his long locks in a ponytail. His robes were made of fine fabric. Severus had not to ask about the blood status of this boy. A pureblood, used to wearing robes. Probably from a rich, old family.

"What?"

"I am Sirius. Never mind. We´re having a party over there in our compartment and we could do with some ladies." A second boy who stood behind him nodded in agreement. "What about it, redcap, wanna come?"

So this was it. This was one of the cool kids and he invited Lily to sit with him and his friends. Severus prepared himself to stay behind alone.

"No thank you. I´d rather think not. And close that door when you´re leaving."

Had she really said that? Severus could hardly believe it. Had this cool, popular girl really just turned down an offer to sit with the cool kids to stay with him?

"What an idiot. And did you see that second one? Are they twins?"

"No, just both darkhaired, I think. Or would you think, I´m their little brother?" Not very witty, but he wasn´t used to making fun of others. Usually it was he who was made fun of.

Lily giggled. "At least, we´d be sure, who in the family got the brains."

Severus joined in the giggle and relaxed a bit.

-x-

When they reached Hogsmeade station, they left their luggage on the train. Severus started to look out for the person to take the first-years to the castle. His mother had told him that they would take a different route than the other students when they arrived at Hogwarts for the first time, but she hadn´t elaborated what route this was going to be.

He soon spotted a huge man, who repeatedly shouted "Firstyears over here!" They followed the giant form down to the lake where they were ordered to get into small boats in groups of four.

He and Lily chose a boat on the left. It was a nice change to know that he wouldn´t be left alone in a boat when everybody had settled down. They would be two in the boat. Two in a boat were OK. One alone was awkward.

"Hi, redcap," a familiar voice said and the rich pureblood boy and his seemingly equally rich companion climbed into their boat. "We haven´t been properly introduced. I´m Sirius Black and this is my friend James Potter."

"Lily Evans. And this is Severus Snape." Thank god, she didn´t follow Black´s lead and ignore his presence.

"Nice to meet you, Lily. Severus." The two boys smiled at Lily, but looked at Severus in dislike. The boy didn´t mind. These were exactly the glances he had received from his classmates over the last years and he had never expected it would be different at Hogwarts.

The boats moved smoothly on the undisturbed lake and soon they got a first glimpse of the castle.

"It´s magic," whispered Lily. Her eyes shone with awe.

"Of course, it is. It´s a wizarding school." laughed Black.

Severus thought of interfering. Black should not laugh at the girl. But before he could say anything their boat rocked as the giant squid made its appearance. Lily lost her balance and grabbed his hand to avoid falling into the lake. Her hand was warm and soft. Severus decided he liked being touched by his new friend. He took her second hand in his to give her more support. . "Are you OK?" he asked.

"Yes, thank you,"

"Now, now, what a nice little couple we have found." The Potter boy, who hadn´t said a word so far, finally joined the conversation.

Severus let go of Lily´s hands. He was not going to let this boy tease them.

"Leave it, you´ll be in trouble before we even reach the castle. He´s not worth it." Lily looked concerned. Severus tried to calm down and glared at Potter, who opened his mouth to comment. "Don´t you dare," fumed Lily. "Just hold your tongue, you evil, little..."

The exchange was ended by the fact that they had reached the castle. They followed the giant upstairs, where they were welcomed by a very old, stern looking witch.

-x-

After explaining about the Hogwarts houses and house points the witch led them to the Great Hall. It was amazing. Eileen had told her son about the enchanted ceiling, nevertheless he was overwhelmed by the sight.

He whispered a short remark about the house tables to Lily, who was walking by his side. He could hardly believe that she still hadn´t left for someone else. Lily whispered a short reply and he smiled.

"I hope, we are in the same house," he whispered when they lined up in front of the school to be sorted. In reply Lily touched his hand for a moment. Severus enjoyed the sensation and hoped even more that they would be. He was so absorbed in his thoughts that he missed the Sorting Hat´s song, though it couldn´t have been very interesting as the crowd´s applause was short and polite.

When the hall fell silent after the applause, Professor McGonagall – the old witch who had led them to the hall – stepped forward and began reading out names. Severus paid attention as he liked to know the names of his classmates. If you had to retaliate for something, knowing the name of the culprit was the first step. How could you secretly gather information to use against an opponent, when you didn´t know his name?

There was a little uproar, when Sirius Black went into Gryffindor. Severus could even hear one of the teachers behind him protest. According to him, all Blacks were Slytherins.

Soon it was Lily´s turn and she was sorted into Gryffindor, too. Severus sighed. His mother had told him that Gryffindors were brave, but troublemakers. He wasn´t sure whether he fitted this description. From time to time he glanced over to the Gryffindor table, where Lily had a conversation with Black and later also with Potter, who had followed his friend into the troublemaker house. So it was done. Lily had made friends with the cool kids. It was no longer important whether he was in the same house.

When it was his own turn, Severus sat on the threelegged stool and put on the hat.

"Hello," said a small voice in his head.

Severus shuddered. This magical item invaded his brain!

"Hello!" the had repeated its greeting.

"Hello," Severus thought reluctantly.

"Ah," said the hat, "I already started to think there was nobody there. How was your journey?"

"Nice."

"Anything unusual?"

"No."

"I sense a lie. What was it?"

"I talked to someone."

"Is this unusual?"

"Yes." Severus felt awkward. His lack of friends hadn´t bothered him too much so far, but admitting it to a stranger – a hat – was different.

"Anything else? No difficulties?"

Severus thougth of the quarrel in the boat. Lily had taken care of Potter and Black. Severus felt even more awkward. The hat was going to think he hid behind a girl.

"That´s none of your business!"

"What a secretive, unfriendly kid! I know exactly where to put you! They´ll teach you to make contacts and that being friendly may be at least useful. You fit best into SLYTHERIN!"

Slytherin? Severus was dumbfounded. He put the hat back on its stool and went over to the Slytherin table, where he was greeted by some older students.

-x-

Severus helped himself to roast beef and rice. His thoughts raced and though the meal was delicious, he didn´t really enjoy it.

Slytherin.

The dark house.

What was his mother going to say? They had talked about houses at home and his mother had guessed he´d end up in Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff. He was clever and he was hardworking. But he was no troublemaker, neither out of bravery nor out of calculation.

One of the older students interrupted his thoughts. "I never heard about a wizarding family called Snape," the boy said. "It must be one of the minor houses up from the north. Or does your family come from one of the small islands?"

"No, my family lives near London."

"Near London? How come that neither of us has ever heard of the Snapes?" Another boy joined the conversation.

There was no way to keep the secret for seven years. Better get done with it.

"It´s a muggle name. My dad is a muggle."

"A halfblood? The hat placed a halfblood in our house!" The news traveled along the Slytherin table with light speed.

Severus stiffled a moan. Slytherin was the pureblood club. For some short hours he had thought that things were going to be better at Hogwarts than at his old school, but now he had to admit they were probably going to be worse.

-x-

After the feast the headmaster gave a short speach.

"Welcome to our firstyears and welcome back to the rest of you," he said. "Before we all go to bed after this excellent feast, I have a few announcements to make. First I want to remind you, that the Forbidden Forrest is out of bounds for all students. Second Mr. Filch asked me to point out to you, that magic is forbidden in the corridors. I wish you all a good night."

His words were followed by the scraping of feet. The students got up and all but the firstyears set out for their dormitories. At each house table a prefect was in charge of the small group of new housemates, in case of Slytherin a short boy with broad shoulders, short black hair and thick eyebrows. Hadn´t it been for the light blue eyes, Severus had guessed he was a relative of his mother. The prefect introduced himself as Andrew Flint and led the way down to the dungeons to Slytherin house. He showed them how to get past the wall guarding the entrance (´No mudbloods allowed´), explained the rules for the common room (Don´t disturb those who are studying, no practical jokes, we play pranks on Gryffindors not on each other) and showed them their dormitory (a big rectangular room with five fourposter beds).

There was an awkward silence after the prefect had left. Five boys had no idea how to settle in. At last one of the boys moved. "I´ll take this bed," the brunett said. "And you," he pointed at Severus, "make sure you don´t take the one beside mine." He sat on the bed near the entrance.

One of the other boys hurried to occupy the bed next to his. "Not beside mine either," he hissed.

The third boy copied the first two but was soon involved in a fight with the fourth, for it became clear that one of them had to take the bed beside Severus´, who had settled on the last bed with an inward sigh.

The fight got fiercer and fiercer, both boys hit and scratched and bit their opponent. It took only five minutes for the prefect to return.

"Explain," he ordered the panting boys. "And your explanation better be good or it will be ten points from Slytherin."

The two fighters hung their head in shame.

"They can´t decide who of them has to sleep beside the halfblood," the first boy said coolly from his bed.

"I see," said the prefect with a hint of a grin on his face. He reached into his pocket lazily and produced a galleon. "Chose a side!" he ordered. The boys obliged and the prefect tossed the coin. "Bad luck," he informed the smaller boy. "You have the half-breede. Now go to bed, all of you."

The boys obeyed and the loser of the toss shot Severus angry glances.

It took a while for Severus to fall asleep.

-x-

After a little tussling in the bathroom in the morning, the Slytherin first years were led to the Great Hall for breakfast by one of the prefects. They were a bit late, the last group of new students actually, as the prefect had refused to let them leave Slytherin house with wet hair and their robes showing the traces of a water battle. The first year girls scrutinized the boys with anger. They hadn´t behaved like idiots (quote of what the prefect said) after all. At last one of the older students had had mercy and dried their robes with a spell.

"Good morning, Severus!" Lily greeted him happily and waved from the Gryffindor table when he entered the hall.

Severus smiled and waved back.

"What do you think you´re doing?" asked one of the older boys. "We don´t fraternize with Gryffindors! Keep it in mind!"

"We don´t want to have to remind you of that," another boy agreed.

"This girl may even be a mudblood," hissed the girl sitting beside the first boy. "They take everything at Gryffindor house. No pride there."

After breakfast a seventh year prefect handed out timetables. Severus looked around the hall and noticed that at all the other house tables a teacher was doing this. He pointed it out to Simon, the fellow first year, who was sitting beside him.

"The heads of houses," said Simon. "Ours is Professor Slughorn." He pointed at the fat wizard at the head table.

Severus didn´t dare ask why the professor made a prefect do his job. Instead he examined his timetable. When he saw that some classes were held with two houses, hope arose in him. And really: he was going to see Lily every Wednesday in potions.

-x-

Studying magic turned out to be even better than Severus had imagined. As he knew already some spells – easy his mother had called them, but after his first lessons it became clear that they wouldn´t do any of those in class for months if not years – he had a good start.

The easiest class was charms. The professor, a tiny man, explained about holding the wand first and then an easy spell (Vingardium leviosa, the levitating spell). Severus waited some minutes in order to not give away he already knew how to do the spell, but as soon as the feathers of some other students began to hover, he levitated his. The professor praised his skills and talents and awarded him five house points.

Transfiguration was harder as his mother hadn´t tought him any, but he managed to do well nevertheless. Professor McGonagall, deputy headmistress and head of Gryffindor house was said to be extremely strict, but Severus got a "well done, Snape" and two house points from her.

By Tuesday evening his housemates had to reconsider their attitude towards the unwelcome halfblood in their midst. The boy earned more housepoints than the average first year and he was a talented wizard. Though nobody thought he´d ever be popular, it was silently agreed to leave him alone and work in peace. Slytherins were known for using the useful after all and a point-earning first year was undeniably useful.

As nobody felt like making friends with the boy though, Severus spent the evenings in the library looking up spells and returning to his dormitory only shortly before curfew.

-x-

On Wednesday afternoon Severus and his fellow Slytherins went to the potions classroom early. The older students had advised them to as the professor liked to think of his own students as very hardworking and eager to learn. Severus was a bit curious to finally meet the man. From what he heard from other students he assumed that the other heads of houses had spent some time with their firstyears to make sure they settled in fine, but professor Slughorn hadn´t cared to even say hello so far. The older students said it was because the professor had more important things to do and the firstyears could be handled by the prefects very well. Personally, Severus thought – and he was a bit ashamed for thinking it as he didn´t know the professor – the man was lazy and not doing his job. Of course the boy knew better than to word this opinion aloud.

The Gryffindors arrived punctually, but only just. Severus exchanged a smile with Lily, but before either could say a word the door opened and the professor ushered them in. Severus would have liked to talk to Lily for she was nice and friendly, on the other hand he wasn´t sure how the other Slytherins would react. So having no time to talk to her perhaps wasn´t bad. A smile would have to do.

He stepped into the classroom and settled down at one of the tables in the back. He always chose the back seats. He wasn´t likely to be disturbed in his studies there and the teachers came to see how he was doing when they made their students practice.

To Severus´ amazement Lily took the seat beside him without hesitation. With her came a girl with brown hair, whom Lily introduced as Myra.

After the professor had read out their names – not to see whether they were there, but to see whether any of them came from rich old families – they were set to brew a potion. The professor didn´t care to explain much, but only told them to look it up in their textbook.

Severus had no difficulties with the potion. It was an easy task, which required only five ingredients. The boy decided to make it more interesting by setting himself a narrow time limit. Half an hour. Could it be done in half an hour?

It could. Not only he managed, but Lily finished the potion shortly after him. As soon as they both had cleared up their workspace, they started a conversation in hushed voices.

"How was your week so far?" Lily whispered.

"Not bad!"

"I had problems with transfiguration, but I think, I solved them."

"Good to hear that!"

He was just going to ask what kind of problems the girl had met, when someone – Simon – cleared his throat beside him. Severus was frustrated. Why couldn´t they just leave him alone? He had hoped they would be able to exchange some words during their potions lessons, but seemingly his housemates were watching him even there. He sighed inwardly. He´d be told off in the evening by some older students, so much was sure.

To keep things from getting worse, he didn´t speak to Lily any longer, but slipped her a note to meet him in secret when everybody was busy packing their books into their bags.

-x-

Severus went to the library between the last lesson and supper. It was there that three older students cornered him.

"Rumor has it," said one of the boys threateningly as they approached, one staying behind to look out for Madam Pince, "that you have been fraternizing with your little Gryffindor friend again. It seems you are not to impressed by words."

"We are awfully sorry," said the second boy, his smirk contradicting his words, "that we have to make use of other means to impress the message to you."

Before Severus could react, one of the boys had hit him hard on his upper arm. Severus moaned. He raised his arm to block the next strike. The only achievment was that he was hit on this lower instead of upper arm.

"Consider this a warning," advised one of the boys. "Next time we won´t be so nice."

As quickly as they had come they were gone.

-x-

On his way to supper Severus was deep in thought. His left arm hurt. He couldn´t talk to Lily any longer. In doing so he would make the whole house his enemies.

He glanced over to the Gryffindor table, where the girl sat with her friend. Myra, if memory served him well. She laughed. For a moment Severus thought he heard her light laughter. The same laughter they had shared only some days ago. He could hardly believe that this girl wanted to be his friend. What a pity he had to end it.

The thougt of ending their friendship, no matter how short it had been, caused him an almost physical pain. Lily had been the first kid who ever wanted to be his friend. How could he turn her offer down? And for what reason? To stay on the good side of people who didn´t like him? Who dispised him because his father couldn´t do magic?

No. He couldn´t do that. If he had to stand a little pain to keep in touch with his friend, he´d stand it. The decision felt right and Severus´ mood lightened considerably.

With a small smile he helped himself to some pudding. He´d have to find a way to make Lily keep their friendship secret. No need to rub it in his housemates´ eyes. And maybe looking up healing charms would be wise.

-x-

Severus slipped out of the hall cautiously. He watched out for other students in the Entrance Hall. When he couldn´t see any, he hurried out through the front doors. Turning around every few steps he approached the playground. He didn´t enter it though but hid in the shadows of the arcades.

He didn´t have to wait long. Lily approached only minutes after he had taken his place in the shadows.

"Come here," he tried to get her attention in a hushed voice. "We can´t be seen."

Lily joined him under the arcades. "Why can´t we be seen?" The girl was puzzled.

"What happened the last time we were seen talking to each other? What happened every time we got in touch after the sorting?" He couldn´t believe she was that naive.

"Well, I got told off by other students..." She noticed. Fine. So why on earth didn´t she see the need for secrecy?

"So did I. We can´t be seen together." Please let her understand!

"You don´t want to be friends any longer?" Severus sighed inwardly. It would have been the easiest solution but even the thought hurt. The girl looked hurt and disappointed, too. Never before had anyone looked hurt at the prospect of not being Severus´ friend.

"Of course I want to be your friend, we just can´t do it openly." Severus hoped his voice didn´t give away his excitement.

"Are you ashamed of our friendship?" Lily tried to see Severus´s face in the dark.

"No, it´s just..." Ashamed? Proud! But his arm hurt.

"It´s what?"

Severus didn´t answer. What was he to tell her? That the boys had hit him? No. He wasn´t going to make her miserable. And he was not going to risk her backing away from him out of fear, he had to admit. The boy tried to fight down the shame which rose in his chest. How selfish he was! At last Lily grabbed his arm. "It´s what?" she insisted.

"Ouch!" he tore away from her and rubbed his arm. He could have slapped himself for giving away the secret.

"Did I hurt you? I didn´t mean to, please forgive me!" cried Lily. She forgot all caution and spoke the words aloud.

"Sssshhhh!" he motioned her to be quiet. "You didn´t hurt me." he whispered.

"But you are hurt." Lily insisted. "Show me that arm!"

There was no way to escape her. She took his arm, rolled up his sleeve and examined it in a quickly lit Lumos! spell. The bruise was clearly visible even in the dark. Severus hadn´t looked at it before. It was big and black and green. No wonder the thing hurt so much.

"Who did this?" Lily asked. She waited some seconds. "Was this done to you because we were talking?"

She was quick on the uptake. Severus hung his head in shame.

"OK," said Lily. "We´ll keep it secret. I don´t want you to get hurt because of me. I´m sorry for blaming you."

"No harm done," Severus answered. "Are we still friends?" He held his breath. Was she scared away from him?

"Of course, but we´d better go inside or they´ll miss us."

Severus followed Lily back into the castle with a happy smile on his face. It had been a good day after all. When they reached the doors, he sent her in first and entered some minutes later.

-x-

The rest of the term Severus was busy with studies – for his lessons and for his private purposes. He looked up all kinds of defensive spells, curses, hexes and jinxes as well as healing charms. It soon became clear that most of those were too difficult for him to actually perform, but he noted them down nevertheless. He was making quick progress in classes and hoped he´d be able to master some of the more difficult spells soon.

He also noticed that the really powerful spells for combat had to be in the restricted area of the library. Severus looked forward to being old enough to get a permission form from one of his teachers to explore this section of the library.

He and Lily kept their friendship secret. They exchanged shy smiles in the corridors and occasionally slips of parchment with little messages at potions. Severus burned Lily´s messages after reading them. It would turn out as a desaster if one of those were found by a housemate. The only message he kept said "Hope to meet you during the holidays. Looking forward to a chat." He just couldn´t stand destroying this little letter.

His only correspondent for real letters was his mother, who wrote every two or three weeks to ask whether he was alright, whether he ate enough and whether he studied hard. Severus wrote back to her on weekends. His letters were cheerful. Yes, he worked hard, yes, he got enough food and yes, he had found a friend. He didn´t mention that he couldn´t speak to said friend without being the punching ball for older housemates. Nor did he mention that he studied hard to be able to deal with said housemates. He always asked his mum to hug his dad for him and tell him how much he was looking forward to seeing him again.

It was in December when Severus got an especially thick and heavy letter from his mother. He opened it curiously and found a second envelope inside the first. The enclosed letter informed him, that the second letter was for Lily and his mother had sent it because the Evans had no idea how to send it themselves.

Severus glanced up and down Slytherin table, then he got up and walked over to where Lily sat with Myra. "This is for you," he said and held out the letter. "My mum sent it by owl for your parents." He spoke loud enough for the surrounding students to hear that he hadn´t talked to the Gryffindor girl out of his own choice.

Without a second glance he returned to his seat and resumed eating. He started when suddenly Lily stood beside him and spoke to him – also loud enough for his housemates to overhear. "My dad writes, we´re giving you a lift from King´s Cross."

Severus shrugged and tried to make an indifferent face. Inwardly he jubilated. He´d spend the ride home in the Evans´ car. He´d finally be able to speak with Lily.

-x-

Severus was a bit nervous how his housemates would take his speaking to Lily, but seemingly they felt he was not to blame for his mother sending Lily´s letter. On the contrary, they seemed pleased how he had handled the situation for one of the older students hissed to him ´Glad you learned your lesson´ when he passed him in the corridor.

When the time to go home approached, Severus was to be found in his dormitory considering which books to take with him. As he had no friends to spend the evenings with, he had done all the assignments the teachers had set them for the holidays. So he was free to choose what to read at home. He´d have liked to take all his school books, but that was out of question. Severus knew that his father wouldn´t like to see his magical school books in the house – his mother wasn´t hiding her books for no reason after all. On second thought Severus had to admit he´d have to be very lucky to be able to study magic at home at all.

His mother had informed him in one of her letters that his father had lost another job at the beginning of December. So there was no hope to study when he was at work. Tobias rarely left the house when he was unemployed. Instead he made his wife buy cheap beer at the supermarket.

Severus sighed. At last he chose to take his charms book to read on the journey. It was one of the smaller books and Severus gave learning charms top priority to enable him master healing charms as soon as possible.

-x-

The train journey was long and depressing. Severus found himself an empty compartment and settled down with his book. Taking a seat first had the disadvantage that he couldn´t choose his company, but it spared him not finding a compartment where his presence would be tolerated.

Several groups of Slytherins walked by, including the other first year boys. At last, the train had already started to move, the remaining seats were taken by a group of Ravenclaw fifth year girls. They settled down and opened their textbooks immediately.

Severus watched the Ravenclaws study with furtive glances. They were amazing. The girls read in silence, taking notes from time to time. After about half an hour they closed their books like on cue and started discussing the chapter they had read.

The small Slytherin on the seat beside the window felt a jolt of envy. Now this was an attitude towards work he´d wish for in his house. Why hadn´t the stupid hat put him in Ravenclaw? He stopped reading his own book and started to listen to the girls´ discussion. Soon he got a grip of what they were talking about. So he couldn´t be too stupid for Ravenclaw. Bloody hat!

-x-

The ride in the Evans´ car wasn´t what Severus had hoped for. It turned out he wasn´t the only one who had longed to talk to Lily and soon the girl was emerged in a conversation with her parents. Severus watched the landscape fly by.

When they reached Severus´ home, Lily got out with him.

Severus bit his lip. What was he to say? He didn´t want to sound obtrusive."I´ll be at the park tomorrow. If you´d like to come..."

Lily shook her head. "Sorry, my grandmother will come. I´m not sure I can make it."

He hadn´t hoped for a positive answer. He hadn´t dared. So there it was finally. She wasn´t going to meet him. "Never mind. I´m at the park a lot. Perhaps another day."

"I´ll come as soon as I can."

She was? He could hardly believe it.

Lily smiled and offered her hand for good-bye. Reluctantly Severus took it in his and shook it. It felt as soft and warm as he remembered.

-x-

Severus waited until the car had turned around the corner then opened the gate and went to the front door. He knocked. It took a while until his mother opened. She embraced her boy as soon as he stepped into the house.

"Look at you," she said cheerfully. "You must have grown several inches!"

"I haven´t, mum," Severus said softly. "If I had, my trousers were too short."

Eileen laughed and looked down. "You´re right and they´re still fitting. Come in, dear."

The fact that she ushered him to the kitchen bode ill. She always took him to the kitchen when his father was drunk. Severus shuddered. Surely not even his father was getting drunk when his only son came home for the first time in four months.

"How have you been, mum?"

"Well, dear, well."

"Mum?"

At last Eileen turned to face her son. The light of the kitchen bulb showed what the small lamp at the entrance hadn´t. There was a bruise on her cheek. And was there another near her lip?

"Oh mum!"

"It´s nothing, dear. Nothing."

"Don´t lie to me. I´m not stupid." Severus remembered his arm back in September. He hadn´t thought about it then, but now it gave him an idea what his mother had been suffering for years. "Why don´t you use a healing charm?"

"It would make him more furious."

"He has no right to do this to you!"

"I have every right in this house!" Tobias Snape had to hold on the door-frame. "Coming home with funny ideas? What did they put into your head, son?"

Severus hung his head. He hadn´t meant to infuriate his father.

"Won´t my boy greet me properly?"

Severus got up and reluctantly embraced the drunken man. The stench of beer was sickening. Tobias returned the embrace and kissed his son´s dark hair. He lost his balance when he let go of the door-frame and Severus found himself trying to keep his father on his feet.

Eileen hurried to help the boy and together they ushered Tobias to a chair.

"Tell about that school," the man demanded.

Severus started telling about the houses and the lessons. Telling about a wizarding school without mentioning magic was difficult. Severus told about herbology. Gardening was something his father would understand.

Tobias fell asleep at the table. Eileen gave Severus a bowl of soup and then sent him upstairs to his room. The boy offered to help her move his father upstairs, but she refused.

Severus hadn´t been in bed for long when he heard shouting from downstairs.

-x-

When the boy went downstairs for breakfast the next morning he met his mother at the foot of the stairs. She gave him a small bottle and plastic bag.

"Severus, your father is in a bad mood. Please, son, go to the playground and come back for supper only," she ordered in a hushed voice.

Severus took the bottle and bag, which he recognized to contain his breakfast, and his coat. When he closed the door carefully, he heard his father´s drunken voice. "Who´re you talking to, woman? Is it the brat?"

-x-

Severus found himself a swing to sit on, which was an easy task this early in the morning. He had a meal of pumpkin juice and buttered bread. Why had his mother let him come home? If she knew, what mood his father was in – and the bruises in her face affirmed that she knew – why hadn´t she told him to stay at Hogwarts? At least he´d be able to get breakfast at a table and be comfortable and warm all day. And he´d be able to go to the library and study instead of waste his time sitting on a swing all day.

The boy hung his head in shame. What a cruel thing to think! Of course his mother wanted to see him! And he wanted to see her. As well as his dad. The man couldn´t stay drunk for all the holidays, could he? He´d be sober soon and then they were going to have a good time together.

Maybe staying at the park wasn´t so bad after all. He´d told Lily he´d be there. So perhaps she was going to come and they could talk.

In the afternoon women with smaller children came and Severus had to leave his swing. He went over to a bench where he continued what he had done all morning: he tried to make an alphabetical list of all stars he knew in his mind. As it were many after four months of astronomy lessons, it was a rather challenging task.

-x-

Severus went home after nightfall. His insides were aching with hunger and although the day had been sunny his fingers were red from cold.

His mother must have waited for him behind a window for she opened the front door before he could knock. "Ah, there you are, come in, dear, come in," she whispered and ushered him to the kitchen.

"Where´s Dad?" the boy asked after carefully closing the kitchen door.

"Asleep in the living room," said Eileen.

"Did he hurt you?"

"No, just shouting. He only fell asleep an hour or so ago." Eileen set a bowl of soup before her son.

Severus started wolfing down the meal.

"I´m sorry. I should have given you more to take with you."

"It´s OK, Mum."

Eileen smiled. It was not OK, obviously. An eleven year old boy shouldn´t be spending the day without a meal god knows where to stay out of the way of his father.

"Can I have some more?"

Eileen refilled the bowl. "Where were you?"

"In the park."

She should have guessed. His hands looked frozen.

"Go to bed now."

"Yes, Mum."

"You have to tell me about Hogwarts tomorrow. I want to know everything."

"Yes, Mum."

-x-

Eileen didn´t learn about Hogwarts the next day, nor the day after that. Tobias was up and drunk before the boy came down for breakfast. He was going on about "beating the hocus pocus out of the wizard brat and make him a decent man". The only thing Eileen felt she could do was give Severus his breakfast and send him to the park.

Severus didn´t eat all his breakfast at once, he kept some for lunch. Nevertheless he was very hungry each time he returned home.

The fourth day in the park was especially bad as the weather had changed to wet and cold. He had to wipe the swing first to sit down. In the first place he was reluctant to wet his sleeve by doing so, but standing the whole day seemed worse than coping with a wet sleeve.

Listing the stars in alphabetical order took a considerably shorter time than on the first day and by noon Severus was bored.

He didn´t notice the girl before she greeted him.

-x-

"Hi," said Lily. "Aren´t you freezing?"

"No." Of course he was freezing, but he´d not admit it. Not to his only friend and make her feel bad.

"Don´t you lie to me. I don´t like that."

Was she angry? He hadn´t meant to make her angry. Why did she insist on knowing? Did she feel better when she knew he hurt? "OK. My fingers are freezing, but the rest of me is OK."

Lily sat on the other swing and offered him her gloves.

She didn´t want to enjoy his suffering. She cared. Severus was ashamed for having doubted her motives. "You keep them, you´ll need them yourself."

"You take them. We can wear them in turn."

Severus knew better than to turn down the offer again. It would make her angry. And to be honest, he could do with some minutes in warm gloves. They were warm. Lily had warmed them with her fingers.

"What are you doing here? I wasn´t expecting to meet you here in this weather. Are your fingers better?"

God, was that girl curious! Well, he was definitely not going to tell her about his father. "My mum said, I needed fresh air."

"Fresh air? You´re telling stories."

Severus sighed. It was amazing how easily this girl got him to spill his secrets. He was going to keep at least part of them though. "See, my dad doesn´t like magic and since he learned, that I´m a wizard..."

"Yes?"

"...he´s a bit difficult."

"Difficult?"

Merlin, was she nosy. Severus tried to feel annoyed, but he couldn´t. At least somebody cared for him and was it only a curious girl. "You´re not making this easy. My mum and he are shouting most of the time. It´s worse, when I´m around for sooner or later he´s going to complain about the wizard´s brat."

"Oh, I´m sorry." She really sounded sorry.

"It´s not your fault. You take the gloves for a while." He took them off and passed them over to her. Seeing her slip her hands where his had been a moment before was kind of comforting. They swung for a while in silence. It was Severus to break it. "How are things going at your home?" Asking her about her family surely would stop her asking about his.

"Badly. My sister won´t talk to me. She leaves the room, whenever magic is mentioned. It´s annoying."

"I´m sorry." So she wasn´t much better off. Though her sister probably wasn´t hitting anybody.

"It´s not your fault."

In the evening they made an appointment to meet again the next day.

-x-

Unlike the days before Severus had breakfast with his mother in the kitchen the next day. Finally the boy got to tell about Hogwarts properly. Eileen enjoyed his little tales about classes. She knew most teachers from her own schooldays. It had been Hogwarts policy to choose the wisest and most experienced witches and wizards to teach the young. The castle had hardly seen a teacher younger than seventy and most stayed up to their deaths. Some even longer.

Their meal was put to a quick end when Tobias woke and was sick on the living room carpet. Severus hurried to help his mother, but coming into his father´s view turned out to be a bad idea as the man went for him on unsteady legs.

Eileen shoved Severus´ coat into the boy´s hands and advised him to go wherever it was he went every day and to not come back early.

Severus strolled to the park, cursing fate for sending him there without a bite for later under his breath. He sat on one of the swings to wait for Lily.

When the girl came, she started interrogating him right away. "For how long have you been sitting here?"

"Don´t know." For ages. But I won´t tell you. "What´s the time?"

"Past one."

"Four hours." He had said it without a thought. Merlin. Lily had an effect of making him telling the truth. She was like Veritaserum to him.

"You can´t be serious. Have you eaten?" Did she never stop?

"Breakfast." Severus looked miserable. He was too hungry to think of a lie and act upon it.

"Here," Lily produced a napkin with two cookies from the pocket of her coat. "You can have them both, I just had lunch."

God, it sounded too good to be true. She had something to eat with her. Severus wolfed one cookie down. Then he remembered that wasn´t a decent way to deal with a gift of sweets. "They´re delicious. Did you make them?"

"No, mum and Petunia did."

"You didn´t help?" he took a small bite of the second though his stomach urged to be filled quickly.

Lily shook her head.

Why was she looking so sad all of a sudden? "Wouldn´t they let you?"

"I didn´t want to spoil it for my sister. She feels uncomfortable when I´m around. She even hates the word magic."

Another bite from the cookie. "Just like my dad. I left my charms book on the table yesterday. He was so upset when he found it. He got a fit. Mum sent me outside and told me not to come back before nightfall." This was a lie. He hadn´t even dared to take his book out of his room. To be honest he hadn´t seen much of the house so far. Severus put the last crumb of the cookie into his mouth. "Thanks for feeding me." He smiled.

"I´d have brought more, had I known..."

"Never mind, it was more than I had before." Severus got up from his swing. "You want me to push you?" he offered. He had nothing to give in exchange for the cookies but perhaps she´d be content with a little gesture of friendship. He hoped she would. He´d not like to owe her something.

"Yes, please!"

Severus worked hard to make the girl enjoy herself. Her long hair was flying and she was laughing and giggling. Lily was all happiness. Severus smiled. Life seemed easy at that moment. He didn´t think about his parents or how hungry he was. Everything that mattered was to push the girl and elicit another laugh from her.

"This is like flying!" Lily cried happily. "Do you like flying, Severus?"

He stopped pushing. "No."

"Why? I enjoyed our flying lessons."

He sighed. "You saw me. I´m not good on a broom."

Lily stopped her swing and turned round to face him. "You won´t end up as a Quidditch player, but you were not bad. It´s because you usually excel in classes. You expect too much of yourself."

That was not the reason. He was pathetic on a broomstick. "Maybe."

"You´re exhausted. Look at you. Your hair is all wet. You´ll catch a cold!"

"I´m OK." There. He had made her worry. Why couldn´t he do anything right?

"We have to get you inside."

"No, really, I´m OK." Inside? No way! His father would go after him if he went home now. And his mother would step between them to protect him. Severus didn´t need to be a seer to know how this would end.

"You are shivering!"

Yes, he was. But nevertheless. Severus tried to will the shivering to an end. "I can´t go home, it´s too early," he admitted when he didn´t manage. He only hoped that she wasn´t going to ask why.

"It´s not too early to go to my house." The girl jumped from the swing and set out for home. "What are you waiting for? Come!"

Reluctantly Severus followed Lily. To her home? It was probably warm there, and Merlin knew he could do with some warmth, but wasn´t her family going to ask questions? He didn´t want to deal with a whole family of people as nosy as his friend.

"What about your parents? What will they say, when you bring me along?"

"Welcome?"

"And your sister? She´ll feel uncomfortable with me." He tried to find excuses not to go but Lily wouldn´t let him. "Petunia will stand an afternoon of discomfort to spare you a pneumonia. Just don´t talk about magic, when she´s in the room."

"OK. I shall remember not to." Well, that was going to be easy. He was doing it at home all the time.

-x-

Severus was curious to learn where Lily lived. Her parents´ house, he found out, looked pretty much like his, perhaps a bit bigger but not much. When Lily knocked, the door was opened by an elderly lady, Lily´s grandmother Severus assumed.

She greeted the children kindly, informed Lily that the rest of the family had gone to London and finally, after the introductions, asked them in.

Severus tried to be a polite and pleasant houseguest. He felt cold and being sent away too soon didn´t seem tempting.

Lily led the way to the living room. Her grandmother joined the children with a tray of cookies and cocoa.

Severus only then remembered how hungry he was and helped himself to several cookies while the old woman tried to engage him in a conversation about Hogwarts. The boy learned soon who had taught Lily to get to the heart of matters quickly for the grandmother made Lily tell about the rivalry between Slytherin and Gryffindor within minutes. Severus got nervous. Would the woman let him stay now that she knew they weren´t supposed to talk?

To Severus´ surprise Lily´s grandmother didn´t bother about Slytherin and Gryffindor but told about a friend she had had for a lifetime without ever seeing her. A penfriend, she called her.

Lily pointed out they couldn´t be penfriends and Severus had to explain about owls and house tables.

"So you have to find other means of communication." The grandmother stated matter-of-factly. "And now I´ll get us some sandwiches. You seem hungry, dear." She got up and took the empty cookie plate.

Severus felt a bit awkward. Emptying the cookie plate at top speed wasn´t very polite. He blushed.

"No need to be embarrassed, there´s no shame in being hungry," Mrs. Evans said and went to the kitchen.

-x-

"We could use signs," said Lily. "Something like a secret language."

"That seems like a good idea," Severus agreed. "We can´t talk to each other, but if I wave my hand, nobody would know who the sign is for."

"Waving is bad," the girl said. "They´d know that it´s a sign for SOMEbody. They would guess for whom sooner or later. We need signs nobody would recognize as such."

"Like scratching an ear?"

"Yes, exactly!"

Secretly Severus thought this was a bit stupid. But there was no harm in trying where the discussion would go. "So what does scratching an ear mean?"

"Good morning?"

"We can´t waste a sign on an obvious message like ´good morning´. There´s only a limited number of parts of the body to be scratched in public."

"Are you OK?"

"OK. How do I answer?"

"Scratch your ear as well."

"If I´m OK or if I´m not?"

"Left ear if you are, right if you are not."

"This will be complicated." But it was going to work, he had to admit.

A bit later the grandmother returned with sandwiches. Severus felt it was a good day after all. Soon they were eating and discussing signs and giggling. Why couldn´t his family be so nice and comfortable?

-x-

A little later Lily´s parents and sister returned from their shopping trip and Severus was introduced to them, too. The parents were nice, but the sister – Petunia – left immediately for her room when she learned that Severus was a wizard. Being introduced to muggles as a wizard was a bit strange but the fact that he didn´t need to hide what he was was nice for a change.

As it was already growing dark outside, Severus went home shortly after the Evans arrived. There he found his father snoring on the living room sofa and his mother waiting with his supper. He didn´t feel hungry, having had sandwiches and cookies at Lily´s, but denying his mother the chance to give him at least a meal seemed cruel. So he forced himself to eat a bowl of soup though his stomach protested on the unusual amount of food.

After the meal he went upstairs and to bed as there wasn´t much else to do in a house where you weren´t supposed to make any sound. A little later his mother came to his room and sat on the edge of his bed and they continued their conversation about Hogwarts in hushed voices. It was nice.

Before she left, his mother kissed Severus´ forehead. This was nice, too.

-x-

Life at the Snape house didn´t get any better than that. Severus spent practically his whole Christmas holidays at the park. It was a bit better though as Lily came every day to meet him and she always had a bite for him with her, cookies or muffins most of the time. It was also less boring to stay at the playground, as he´d only to entertain himself in the morning. Shortly after lunch Lily would arrive and they´d have a chat about something. They even practiced some magic. That was, Lily practiced wand movements with a pencil and Severus tutored her. Being muggleborn Lily had a much more difficult start at most subjects than Severus.

In the end Severus was relieved to return to Hogwarts. He didn´t feel really welcome in Slytherin house but at least he could stay inside and got three meals a day.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Gryffindors

Despite Severus doubts the sign language worked pretty well. And though he´d admit it only reluctantly he was pleased with the fact. Life was a lot better when you got a little "Are you OK?" sign from time to time. It meant that somebody cared. Somebody other than your mother. And it meant that he was doing something against his housemates´ orders. This felt good as well. Severus didn´t like to be kept in leading-strings.

At the end of February something disturbing happened. Lily got a letter in the morning. Severus didn´t mean to be nosy but he couldn´t help but notice. Lily usually got her letters inside one of Severus´, her parents were muggles after all.

Severus was still looking over to the Gryffindor table in surprise when the girl got up and stormed out of the hall. Were those tears on her face? Severus wasn´t sure, but he definitely had to find out. What could have happened to dismay his friend?

Severus waited for some minutes on tenterhooks. He finished his breakfast quickly because leaving the hall and leaving a full plate behind would attract attention. At last he dared get up and follow Lily.

-x-

They had appointed to meet at the trophy room in case of an emergency. Severus could only hope that Lily had gone there and not to Gryffindor tower. Carefully he stepped inside the room.

Lily was seated against one of the glass cases. She was shaking with sobs, her letter lying forgotten beside her on the floor.

Having never had a friend before and being an only child, Severus had no experience in comforting another person. He was not sure what to do. Hesitantly he sat beside the girl and carefully asked what was the matter.

It was worse than he even could have imagined. Lily had lost her grandmother. Along with revealing the information the girl fell on his neck and started crying even more.

Severus felt a bit awkward. He wasn´t used to hugging and touching other people. Even his mother hugged him only occasionally and his father... What was he supposed to do or say? He lay his arm around the girl´s shoulder hoping that she would take it as a gesture of comfort. "I´m so sorry, she was very nice." This couldn´t be the wrong thing to say, at least he hoped.

It wasn´t wrong for Lily didn´t get worse. But seemingly it wasn´t right either for she didn´t stop to cry.

-x-

Severus tried to find something else to say in order to comfort the crying girl but at each attempt stopped in midsentence. At last he gave up and only held Lily in his arm, patting her back from time to time.

He felt a bit ashamed when he became aware that a part of him enjoyed holding the girl. Having her holding tight on him made him feel useful.

However, holding her seemed to be exactly the right thing to do. After what must have been half an hour Lily calmed down and finally let go of him. "I´m sorry. Your robes are all wet." She sniffed. "Do you know a spell to dry them?"

He shook his head. "Never mind, they´ll dry soon. Are you OK?" He´d try to find the spell next time he went to the library. Obviously it would come in handy. Girls were said to cry more often than boys. He couldn´t know how often Lily was going to wet his robes with her tears.

"I don´t know how to get to the funeral. The Hogwarts Express won´t be an option, will it? How do students get home during the school year?"

Severus hadn´t thought about that before, so he had to guess. "If your parents are magical, they´ll take you on side along apparition, I guess."

"My parents aren´t magical, as you very well know!" She sounded offended. Severus felt things would be easier if Lily was a boy. Boys weren´t as easily offended.

He tried to make up with a helpful suggestion. "Ask the headmaster or your head of house. They´ll know!"

It worked. Lily smiled at him. "You´re right, I´ll go to professor McGonagall at once. She´ll know what to do. Thank you for your advice. And thank you for comforting me."

"You´re welcome. Now go. I´ll wait some minutes, we don´t want to be seen together."

-x-

After Lily had left, Severus tried to get his robes in an orderly state. He really needed a drying charm, he decided. And when he was at it, an ironing charm wouldn´t hurt either. He hoped that clothes spells weren´t as complicated as healing charms. Well, he´d find out the next day. He was just dusting the backside of his robes when he heard the door. Had Lily forgotten anything? He didn´t look up, which was why he started when the newcomer finally made himself heard.

"What did you do to her, Slytherin?" asked James Potter. "Why was she crying?"

Do to her? Surely Potter didn´t think that he had made Lily cry! It was common knowlegde that the Slytherin and Gryffindor boys used to play pranks on each other. The battle had gone on for at least five centuries if not longer. But there was also an unworded agreement to leave the girls out unless they got themselves involved.

Before Severus could say anything, Sirius Black made himself heard. "You make a Gryffindor cry, you pay."

Severus took a step back and reached for his wand when the other two boys reached for theirs. Of course he was not afraid of them. He knew enough about dueling to handle them, of that he was sure. His mother had tought him some hexes and jinxes. Nothing that would get him into serious trouble, but enough to defend himself against his classmates. And he´d read his defence-book. They hadn´t done any spells for dueling in class so far but there were some mentioned in the later chapters.

Black started the fight with a stinging hex.

Severus used a simple shield spell to block it and retaliated with another stinging hex.

Black obviously didn´t know any shield spells.

Potter, it turned out, didn´t know any dueling spells at all. He used ´Vingardium leviosa´ on Severus wand, but the Slytherin dodged it. He cast a spell at Potter to ground the other boy.

It was clear within seconds that Potter and Black couldn´t win a magical fight against Severus although they were two. Therefore they decided to go the muggle way. While Black occupied Severus with some (easily blocked) spells, Potter rushed at him and hit his wandhand hard.

Severus dropped his wand in surprise. Potter and Black dropped theirs as well and soon the three boys were in a ball on the ground. Hitting. Beating. Biting. Spitting. Kicking.

When they at last parted exhausted, all three were sporting injuries. Severus left leg was aching and he couldn´t put his weight on it properly. He also had some minor scratches and bruises, but those wouldn´t be seen. Unlike the wound over Potter´s eyebrow. Severus grinned inwardly. He had never aimed at Potter´s face. Black must have hit him.

Black was bleeding. Traces of red appeared from under his long hair and disappeared into his collar.

Severus thought about putting some things right, like that he hadn´t made Lily cry. But the two Gryffindors left to see Madam Pomfrey in a hurry, though not before pointing out that the last word hadn´t been spoken in this matter.

Severus collected his wand and went to his first lesson. If he hurried, he´d be just on time.

-x-

At lunch there was only one topic discussed in the Great Hall, though different aspects of it at the different house tables.

Professor McGonagall had been seen taking Lily to the gates and, as neither the professor nor the girl had returned so far, probably further. The students could only guess as Severus was the only one who knew where they had gone and he wouldn´t tell.

The Slytherins discussed in hushed voices how a pureblood witch like professor McGonagall could sink to wearing muggle clothes in public. It was considered common knowledge that only Gryffindors could sink that low. Several pointed out that the fact that she did implied that Lily indeed was a mudblood like they had her suspected to be. If she had at least one magical parent, a magical relative would have come to take her wherever it was she had gone to.

The Hufflepuffs discussed the professor´s clothes, too. Only they were more interested in the fashion aspect. Several muggleborns in Hufflepuff house started to comment on fashion trends.

Ravenclaw house made the whole thing an intellectual problem, trying to deduct where the professor had gone by pure logic. They didn´t get it right as wizards were bad at logic in general.

At the Gryffindor table Lily´s whereabouts were discussed. Myra Bones was in the center of common interest as she was Lily´s best friend, but she had no idea where Lily had gone. Any way, the whole of Gryffindor house agreed that it was very nice of professor McGonagall to go with Lily.

Severus ate his lunch in silence and didn´t comment at all. He just hoped that Lily was OK.

-x-

Lily returned to Hogwarts a week later.

Severus had missed her more than he´d have guessed in advance. The day simply wasn´t good if there was no little smile from the Gryffindor table and a small message passed on with a simple hand movements in the morning.

As the girl had to work hard to catch up when she finally returned to school, Severus saw even less of her than usual. So he spent most of his time in the library. He looked up spells for keeping clothes in order. Luckily they really were more easy than healing charms and he soon mastered them.

Things at Slytherin house were at least not going worse than before. The other boys in his dormitory had teased Severus for some days when they found out (they were talking about ´finding out´ as they were sure of it, they knew nothing for certain though) that Lily was a mudblood. Severus thought this was a horrible word to use for a muggleborn. When he didn´t react to their teasing, it stopped. The boys prefered to have nothing to do with him anyway.

-x-

When they returned home for Easter break, Severus was given a lift by the Evans again. This time he had no high hopes about talking to Lily in the car from the very start. It didn´t matter though as he was sure they´d meet at the park. To Severus´ surprise he wasn´t left out of the conversation this time.

Mr. Evans thanked him for comforting his daughter back in February and invited him to visit.

-x-

Severus found his parents in a far better state than at Christmas. His father was sober and welcomed his son with a smile and a hug. His mum looked happy and there were no traces of bruises or tears in her face. She had cooked a welcome dinner for the boy. When Severus smelled roast pork, he knew that his father had a job.

The meal was delicious. Eileen had prepared various vegetables to go with the pork and even a small welcome cake. They had a good chat over dinner. Tobias asked his son about school and whether he was doing well. Severus told about herbology again and that he went to the library for extra studies frequently.

His father was proud that his son was hard working. He only wished that he´d learn some ´real stuff´.

Eileen smiled at the boy apologetically.

Severus didn´t mind his father´s attitude. The man was sober and calm and he was proud of Severus. This was all that mattered.

-x-

Tobias Snape left the house after breakfast to go to work the next morning. Severus and Eileen stayed at the kitchen table and Severus told about how he was doing in the more magical classes. Eileen asked some questions, especially about the charms classes. Professor Flitwick, she told, had been her favorite teacher and she wanted to know how he was doing and whether he had changed the curriculum over the past years.

Severus answered her questions gladly. As long as she didn´t ask for details about life at Slytherin house, everything was in order. When she brought up the topic of friends, the boy talked about Lily and asked whether it was OK if he visited her in the afternoon. He´d been invited after all.

Eileen agreed with a smile. Her son had spent half a decade at elementary school without ever visiting or inviting a friend. His asking for permission to go to the Evans´ was an encouraging change.

-x-

On the way to Lily´s house Severus kept asking himself whether he was expected to bring a present when he visited his friend. He could only hope that not.

When he arrived at the Evans´ house, he was greeted warmly and asked to the living room, where Lily´s mother repeated her husbands thanks for his caring for Lily. Petunia was made sit with them by her parents, but she left soon. Well, at least she made no nasty comment about ´another freak´ this time.

Lily seemed excited, but Severus didn´t dare ask. He assumed she´d find a way to tell him in secret if she didn´t want her parents to know. And really, after a while the girl asked for permission to show her friend her room to ´discuss homework´.

Severus followed Lily upstairs curiously. He wasn´t able to get more than a quick glance at the room however as the girl held a small bottle out as soon as the door closed on them.

"Look!" she whispered and her eyes glittered.

"What is this?" Severus examined the bottle obediently. It didn´t look special in any way.

"A cough-syrup," the girl pointed out excitedly.

"What´s special about that?" Severus was puzzled.

"My mum made it. An old family recipe, she says. Now smell it."

Severus took the bottle, removed the stopper and sniffed. "This smells like the cough-syrup we made in potions." Now this was interesting.

"This is the cough-syrup we made in potions. Same ingredients, same order in adding them. I asked her."

"How is this possible? Is your mother..." Severus was bewildered. A muggle concoction couldn´t be a real potion, could it?

"No, I´m sure she isn´t. But potions have been brewed in this house and the ministry didn´t detect it." If this was true it was definitely an interesting piece of information. The ministry could be fooled.

Severus hated to spoil Lily´s excitement, nevertheless he worded his doubts. "If she isn´t a witch, this can´t be a proper potion."

"Let´s have a closer look. You wait here." Lily left the room in a hurry and finally Severus had time to have a look at it.

There was a bed with light green sheets. On the pillow sat a fat fluffy teddybear with a red bow around his neck. The cupboard and desk were made of light wood. Severus guessed it was beech but wasn´t sure. Some of Lily´s school books lay on the desk. On a bookshelf over her bed were numerous muggle books. Severus would have liked to have a closer look at the shelf, but Lily returned very quickly.

She took the bottle from the boy and put some of it´s contents on the spoon. "It´s a different color, a bit brighter than it should be."

"It also seems to be a touch too thin. But you´re right, it smells exactly like the potion." Severus offered his opinion. "Are you sure about the ingredients?"

Lily nodded. "I asked her. And I asked about the order of adding them. It´s the same. So why is this different?" She put the bottle down on her desk and dipped a finger into the small amount of syrup on the spoon. Carefully she licked the fingertip. "It tastes better than the potion we made."

"Are you sure?" Severus took a sample himself. "It´s sweeter. Did she add sugar?" It was better than the potion. Why did most potions taste foul?

"I don´t think so, we´ll have to ask her."

Severus agreed as it seemed the obvious course of action and they went down to the kitchen.

Lily made her mother promise to show them how to make the potion the next day and the two children spent the rest of the day in Lily´s room developing a plan what to observe the next day.

"I´ll ask my mother about the potion brewing and if it´s considered magic." Severus said before he left for his own home.

-x-

The boy remembered his promise at lunch the next day.

"Mum," he asked shyly, "I have a question about the restriction of underage wizardry. I´ve been wondering whether the ministry would detect a thing like potion brewing."

"Well, I assume they would if you used a wand." Eileen smiled at her son. "What are you up to, my boy?"

"Up to?" Severus looked offended. "What would I be up to. I just wondered . . . for academic reasons."

"I see."

"Would they detect it if I didn´t use a wand?"

Eileen laughed. "Severus, you´re a talented young wizard. But not talented enough to do wandless magic. There´d be nothing to detect."

"You mean to say nothing I do can be considered magic as long as I don´t use a wand?"

Eileen nodded. "Though I guess you´d have to be careful when you get older. At least one of my mother´s brothers was capable of wandless magic. I´d not be surprised if you had the gift. As I said, you´re very talented."

"But there´s no need to worry about that at the moment, is there."

"No." Eileen snorted with laughter. "I know you´re up to something. Do tell!"

Severus tried to look scandalized but at last he explained about the cough syrup.

"You seem to have found your match in Lily. It´s great you´re both willing to study the same thing."

Severus smiled. After the meal he left for the Evans´ house.

-x-

After Mrs. Evans had finished her potion – both children were watching closely and taking notes – they went to Lily´s room where they started comparing the textbook chapter on the cough potion with their notes.

"This is interesting," Severus finally said. "Temperature seems to be important. And for how long you cook it."

"What surprises me, is that the way of stirring seems to be important, too," added Lily.

Severus bit his lip. It was difficult to come to a conclusion with this amount of data. "The two ways of using the ingredients differ in too many parameters. We can´t know how strong the influence of one particular is." He was astonished how complex potion brewing really was. Of course he´d always worked very diligently at potions, like his mother had taught him, but now he saw for the first time how delicate the composition of a potions recipe really was. He felt awed when he thought about the wizards and witches who were competent to even change recipes on their own. He started when Lily interrupted his thoughts.

"We´d need to experiment. Make two samples and change only one parameter."

"We´d need more ingredients." The idea was good.

"We´d need more time. Easter break would be too short," the girl pointed out.

She was definitely right. "Do we have a summer project?" Summer would be fun. Potion brewing with Lily meant seeing her frequently.

"I suppose so. This could be fun. But we have to plan it carefully."

Severus practical side took over. "So lets do the planning now and the brewing in summer."

"OK. – By the way, did you talk to your mother?"

"Yes."

"Come on, don´t let me ask for every detail! What did she say?"

He felt a bit awkward. "She got a fit of laughter. She said, as we´re too young for wandless magic, nothing we do will be considered magic as long we´re not using a wand." He didn´t dare tell that his mother thought he might be able to do wandless magic when he was older for he didn´t want to sound like a show-off.

"So, then it´s clear. We can start a potions workshop in summer."

"You´re right. We can practice potion making at home. This will be fun." He really looked forward to their workshop. For more than one reason.

"Let´s make some plans how to do it and where to get the ingredients." Lily smiled. Seemingly she liked the idea as much as the boy. Severus smiled back happily.

-x-

"You know," said Lily when Severus arrived at her house the next day, "we could lay out a herb patch. Growing the herbs would be cheaper than buying them."

"That´s a good idea," the boy agreed as his pocket money varied from tiny to none.

"I asked my parents. We can have some space in the garden. My mum isn´t good at gardening."

"Did you think about which herbs we can grow?"

"None which needs special care. As I said, mum is bad at gardening, and we need her to water our plants while we´re at school. You´re a bit late today. Were there any problems at home?"

Problems at home? Severus tensed up. What did Lily know? Where the neighbours gossiping about his family?

"I feared your mum wouldn´t let you come." Lily looked worried.

Severus felt relieved and relaxed. She had thought that HE had had problems with his mother. "No," he said, "no problems. She´s glad we´re working on potions together. I asked her about healing charms and she explained the basics to me. I think I might have a chance to finally master them when we return to school."

"But Severus, healing charms are awfully advanced spells!"

"They are, but they are also very useful. I´d really love to know one or two."

-x-

Severus had thought that the rest of the school year would pass quickly and easily. He planned to study healing charms, stay at the library in the evening for as long as possible and do some more planning for their potions summer workshop.

It was on the Hogwarts express that he learned that things wouldn´t go as easily as he thought. Severus had a compartment for his own as many of the fifth and almost every seventh year had stayed at school to study for their upcoming exams. Soon after the train left London, James Potter and Sirius Black entered uninvitedly. They had made friends with two other Gryffindor first year boys, whose names Severus didn´t remember.

One of them was rather small and had light brown hair. The only thing Severus knew about him was that he missed lots of potions classes. The boy seemed to have a rather weak health. The other was blond and a bit plump.

Potter and Black started teasing the Slytherin as soon as they had sat down and Severus was sure there would be a fight if he raised to the bait. Obviously the two intended not to waste any time to find out what they could do against him now they had found themselves backup.

As he already knew that the two had no objections against using muggle fighting, Severus tried to remain calm. He was aware that he could not win against four boys in a fist fight and he had no idea what the two other boys were capable of with a wand. So a magical duel was no option either.

When Severus refused to raise to a fight, Black pushed him. When he repeated the action as Severus didn´t react like intended, the brownhaired boy looked disgusted. Black noticed, too, as he got up from his seat and said "Let´s go find more interesting company."

Severus exhaled in relief when the compartment door had closed on the four boys. He guessed however that this was not over.

-x-

Severus liked his studies at the library. The big room with its rows of book shelves was quiet as the librarian, Madam Pince, saw that those who came to learn were able to do so undisturbed. There was a very characteristic scent to the room. It smelled a bit dusty and of ink. Severus supposed this was what knowledge smelled like. On the whole the library seemed like a sacred place to the young Slytherin, a bit like the muggle church his mother had showed him once.

Severus sat at a small table with two spellbooks in front of him – professor McGonagall had assigned them an especially challenging homework – when they came.

The four Gryffindors surrounded him quietly. One of them – the brown haired boy, whose name was Remus Lupin, Severus had found out – stayed a little behind to watch out for teachers or the librarian. Black emptied Severus´ inkwell on the nearly finished essay with a smirk. Potter grinned and the blond boy – Peter Pettigrew – looked up to the taller Black in awe.

Potter punched Severus´ upper arm. Severus nearly fell from his chair when he tried to give ground. Somehow he managed to prevent his fall and get hold of his wand. He aimed some quick stinging hexes at the Gryffindors and they fled.

Severus smiled contently. He´d have studied shield spells in Potter and Black´s case after he found out his enemy was better at cursing than he. But Gryffindors were brave, not planning or known for strategic skills. He started chanting a healing spell on his arm and after a while he got up and started scanning the shelves on a book about cleaning away spilt ink.

-x-

After some encounters in the library similar to the first one, Severus changed his habit. He didn´t study at the library any more but took the books back to Slytherin house. First he sat down in the common room but this turned out to be a bad idea. The older students made sure he understood quickly that he wasn´t wanted there. They started with calling him names. When he didn´t react to nasty reverences to his blood status, some of the older boys hit him. Severus was ready by then to leave but his attackers wouldn´t let him.

It was Bellatrix Black, Sirius Black´s cousin, who finally ordered the boys to stop and leave him alone. Severus had no illusions about her motives. She didn´t want her friends to get in trouble if they hurt him too badly. The first year didn´t think for one moment that the older girl cared for him. She´d parcitipated in the name calling after all.

Severus took his books to his dormitory where he shut the curtains of his fourposter and lit a lumos spell. After some healing charms – he wasn´t good enough at it to actually heal the bruises, but he could make the worst pain go away – he started reading his book.

This night he read until he actually fell asleep over the book. He found those charms in the book very useful – charms to magically chop potion ingredients, charms for cleaning cauldrons and so on. But it would have to wait. The next morning would find Severus in the library looking for books on combat spells.

-x-

Severus dedicated most of his leisure time to finding combat spells for the rest of the year. Every day he was to be seen doing his homework in a hurry – not as good as he would have done it with a little more time, but still good enough to outdo most of his fellow students. Later he would get some books from the library and study hexes and jinxes.

Of course he had already known some when he first came to school. His mother had felt he had to know all aspects of magic to understand why it was so important for him to control it. The few spells she had tought him were more than his fellow firstyear students knew, so they were enough to keep him safe from the Gryffindor firstyear boys. But for the older Slytherins he needed more and most of all he needed shield charms.

His new skills were put to a test in late May when Severus was attacked by some thirdyear Slytherin boys in a dungeon corridor. The younger boy was pleased to find out that he was quite capable of not only repulsing his attackers but also giving them an idea of what it felt like to be the target of some well aimed hexes. After the incident life was more quiet for Severus.

-x-

The journey back to London brought a bad surprise. Severus was cornered by the Gryffindor four in an empty compartment of the Hogwarts express. As the other boys knew that he was better with spells they took his wand from him and chose the muggle way of bullying.

"So, you´re not so good without your wand, are you?" Black sneered at him while Potter held his arms behind his back.

Severus tried to ignore the pain in his wrists.

"I asked you a question!" Black pushed him hard. Potter was nearly knocked off his feet when Severus stumbled and collided with his body. Lupin hurried to help Potter.

Severus stayed silent and glared at Black hatefully.

"You´re not so good without your wand and especially not when you can´t hide behind Evans." Black knew exactly how to trigger the other boy´s anger.

"Leave her out of this," hissed Severus.

"Aaaawwww!" mocked Black and Pettigrew giggled. "Doesn´t Snapey want us to talk about his little friend? Does it remind him that she´s not even talking to him?"

"She knows now who to befriend and who not." Potter whispered into Severus´ ear.

"Obviously," sneered Severus. "That´s why she´s travelling with you. – Oooops! She isn´t."

Black didn´t comment, but hit Severus hard. Moments later the boys were once again in a ball of kicking and hitting arms and legs.

In the end they were seperated by the witch who pushed the snack trolley.

"You should be ashamed! All of you!" she raged. "Fighting on the train like common muggles! I will leave those bruises to be seen by your parents. Now go to your compartements and think of how you´ll explain to them what happened. And be aware that you´re lucky that school ended when you boarded the train. This behaviour could get you expelled easily!"

Severus didn´t know what the other boys were doing. He practised healing charms for the rest of the journey.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Summer in a Lab

To his relief Severus found his parents happy and smiling when he returned home. A part of him had feared that maybe his father had lost his job again and his mother hadn´t told him in her letters to save him from worrying but everything was in order. His father was sober, his mother looked happy and they were awaiting him eagerly. A nice meal waited for him and his father had pumpkin juice with them, not beer. There was no reason not to think this was going to be his best summer ever.

The next day Severus went to the Evans´ house after breakfast and he and Lily inspected the herb patch they had laid out during the Easter break.

"This looks great," said Severus while he inspected the parsley.

"Indeed," Lily agreed. "We´re lucky it rained enough. So Mum chouldn´t destroy anything."

"Surely your mother isn´t that bad a gardener."

"We´re talking about the woman who kills cacti. I mean, what can you do wrong with a cactus?"

Severus laughed and sat on the lawn beside the patch with a sheet of parchment and a quill.

"What are you doing?"

"Making a harvest schedule. No, don´t pick the rosmary today. It´s better at the full moon."

Lily looked at him questioningly pointing at another cluster of young green. He nodded and the girl started picking.

After a hard day´s work they sat in Lily´s room. They had hung bunches of herbs for drying from every bit of apt space in Lily´s room and it smelled just like in one of Hogwarts´ greenhouses. Lily had placed a large plate of sandwiches on her desk. The girl sat on her bed, Severus on the chair. Both children were pleased with the day´s achievements and they shared their meal in silent content.

"We can start the actual brewing tomorrow." Lily stated between two bites.

Severus nodded and stretched to reach for another sandwich. His sleeve went up some centimeters as he did so. He could have moaned in frustration. He had worked so hard all day to keep Lily from noticing and now he had spilled the beans because of a sandwich. Great.

"This is not another bruise you´ve got! Show me that arm!" Lily sounded upset.

"It´s nothing." He knew it was futile. Lily wouldn´t drop the topic. Nevertheless he tried to make her.

"Show me that arm!"

Severus knew when he had lost. Slowly he stretched out his arm and let her examine it.

"The other arm now!"

She was worse than he had hoped for. "What is this? An examination?" Were all girls like that?

"The other arm!"

He did, as she asked. He had bruises on both arms, slightly above his wrists, where Potter had held them. He just hoped she wasn´t going to examine the rest of him for there were some worse bruises on his upper arms and chest where Black had hit him.

"Who did that?"

"Nobody. An accident." He was not going to tell her. No way.

"Severus Snape, don´t you dare assume I´m an idiot! Someone held your arms with brute force. I want to know who it was! Now!" Lily was angry.

Severus put down his sandwich. He hadn´t intended to make her angry. Not his only friend. He wished he knew what to do to mollify an angry girl. For one absurd little moment Severus wished he had a sister. He really could do with some experience on how to handle a girl. He decided to try an honest approach. "Look, I really don´t want to talk about it."

"Look, I really want to. I find out my friend has been hurt, I want to help." Lily didn´t sound angry any longer, but worried.

"You can´t."

"I will find out who did this and he´ll have to answer me."

"NO!" Severus cried, jumping to his feet. The plate fell to the floor. "No." He bent and started picking up the sandwiches. "Just leave it. I don´t want you to interfere." Black and his cronies would laugh a week if I had you of all people interfere. He didn´t say the last thing aloud, of course.

"You´ll have to explain why."

"I´ll give you my reasons if you promise to respect my wish." Please, let her say yes to that.

"OK. I´m all ears."

"OK." Severus sat down, put the plate back on the desk and sighed. "I had a little difference of opinion with Black and Potter earlier this year. First it was with wands, but when they found out, I know some curses they don´t know, it became more of a fistfight." He could as well start at the very beginning.

Lily gasped. "Why didn´t you tell me?"

"You were with your family."

"Oh." For a moment the girl looked as if she was going to cry. So much for starting at the beginning. Severus could have slapped himself. "But these bruises are fresh," Lily pointed out after a short moment of hesitation.

"We had some more encounters during summer term. Be reassured, I´m not the only one who got bruises. Usually I can deal with them well, but on the train..."

"What happened on the train?"

"There´s little room to manoevre. It´s a bigger disadvantage if you´re outnumbered than at Hogwarts. They wouldn´t let an opportunity pass. And now they are four." Severus tried not to sound bitter. He could handle this. He didn´t need Lily to think he wasn´t capable of protecting himself.

Lily gasped. "Four on one? These cowards! I´ll..."

"You will do nothing. You promised."

"Tell me one thing. This difference of opinion, had it anything to do with me?" Oh, how did she do it? Could this girl read minds?

"A little, but only in the beginning. It´s more personal now." If you lie, stay close to the truth. It´s easier.

"Why don´t you want my help. They are four, you could use backup."

"Not from you." Had he really said this? This conversation was not good. Not at all.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Lily looked angry again.

"You´re a girl." I can´t hide behind a girl. He didn´t say this aloud and luckily Lily couldn´t read minds. He had to come up with a reason she´d accept. "And you have to live at Gryffindor tower, where they have access, but I haven´t. You´d be without backup there. If they knew, we were friends, I´d go crazy imagining what they´re doing to you, when I can´t help." He looked at her expectantly. Did it work? Did she buy it?

"As you said, I´m a girl. They won´t touch me."

"Won´t they? You´d not expect them to fight four on one, would you?" Severus realised only then that what he had said was very true. Lily had to live close to his attackers. If they ever found out about their friendship, she´d be in the line of fire.

Lily´s eyes widened with fear. "You really think, they would hit me?"

"I don´t know for sure, and I don´t want to find out. You keep away from them." Severus could have slapped himself. He hadn´t wanted to frighten the girl.

"But I want to help. There must be something I can do."

"You keep our friendship secret. I know you care for me. That´s all I need." He took another sandwich. He felt Lily´s eyes on him, but concentrated on his meal. After a while the girl took another sandwich as well.

-x-

They started their brewing the next day. It turned out that they had not much choice of recipes given the limited number of ingredients they had. Lily searched her textbook and to their disappointment all she found to make with their herbs was a sleeping draught. They started their work nevertheless and soon they found out that they could learn a lot about potions by studying their sleeping draught.

First they worked at Mrs. Evans´ kitchen, but when the woman became aware that her daughter and her friend planned to work on a daily basis, they were banned from the kitchen, though not before being given a camping cooker to continue their work at Lily´s room. This was even better for they need not fear to be interrupted by a family member coming for a snack.

-x-

Severus came home after their fifth day of brewing. He was looking forward to telling his mother what they had found out about the influence of temperature. He and his mum had developed a routine of discussing the day´s achievements after dinner over the past few days. Eileen Snape was proud of her son´s enthusiasm and, though he couldn´t contribute anything to the discussion, Tobias Snape followed his wife and son´s conversation with pride. Even a muggle, who despised magic, could understand the importance of potion making after Eileen had explained the similarity to the making of medicine.

Severus knew something was wrong as soon as he entered the house. He wasn´t greeted by the scent of dinner like the days before. Instead he seemed to smell a touch of . . . was this beer?

His question was answered when his mother came from the kitchen, handed him a plate with bread and cheese and ushered him to the staircase.

"He lost his job," she whispered urgently. "Go to your room and stay there. Please, Severus, no matter what you hear, stay there!"

"Mum," he whispered back while he allowed himself to be gently pushed up the stairs, "if he attacks you, I can step between you. Remember, it always worked."

"No!" Eileen looked as if in pain. "He didn´t try to hit me so far and hopefully he won´t. If he does, you´ll do nothing. You have grown. He might not consider you a child any more when he is drunk. I don´t want to find out."

"But mum. . .!"

"No but, son. I ordered you to stay in your room and you´ll obey. Don´t make me lock you in."

Reluctantly Severus went to his room. He ate his dinner, wishing his mother had thought of some water or juice. Later he lay in bed and listened to the house. Nothing was to be heard. Seemingly his father had fallen asleep somewhere in the house. No shouting was a good sign. Nevertheless the boy was too scared to sleep for several hours.

-x-

Severus offered to stay at home the next morning. He felt it was his duty to protect his mother for it had worked well in the past for him to step between his parents. His mother, however, had different plans and shooed him out of the house early. In fact it was way too early to go to the Evans´. So the boy went to the park like he had done during Christmas break to wait until it was time to show up at Lily´s house. The difference was that it was not cold now and so Severus enjoyed the morning at the park. He sat on the swing for a while though he had to admit it wasn´t as much fun as it had been in the past. After strolling to a bench he sat wondering whether this was normal for growing up, liking something and not liking it some months later without a particular reason for the sudden dislike.

When the sun had risen quite an angle in the sky, Severus left the bench and went to the Evans´ house, where he was already awaited by Lily. They continued their work on the sleeping draught. After their experiments with stiring and different temperatures, they tried out various orders of adding the ingredients. The results were very interesting and Severus felt he learned more in one day at Lily´s room than in a month at professor Slughorn´s classroom.

During their potions lessons they were never allowed to experiment. They always got their orders how to proceed and the time at class was just sufficient to complete the assignment when you followed the instructions to the letter. Severus wondered how they were supposed to know what could go wrong when they were never allowed to try it out or were even told how the outcome of the brewing would change if they altered the recipe.

Lily laughed when the boy worded his thoughts. It was no malevolent laughter though, but more of a merry chuckle.

"You are amazing, Severus," the girl giggled. "You really should be a teacher sometime. I just can picture you in your classroom encouraging your students to make mistakes!"

"They could learn a lot through mistakes!"

"They could kill each other by accident!"

"Do you really think so? Are our experiments dangerous?"

"No," said Lily and bit her lip. "You can´t blow up a brew, which only consists of herbs."

"You see," Severus pointed out, "by the time we proceed to potentially dangerous stuff, we´ll have learned loads. If the students know the results of mistakes, they´ll know how important it is to work diligently with certain ingredients."

"Maybe you´re right." Lily didn´t sound totally convinced.

Severus stayed late that day. When he finally returned home, he was sent to his room again. His mother had already put a plate of sandwiches and a jug of juice – Severus was grateful for the latter – on his desk. After his meal the boy went to bed. He couldn´t find sleep any faster than the day before.

And this time there was shouting to be heard from the living room.

-x-

Over the next few days the Snape family set in a new routine. Severus was sent out by his mother early in the morning while his father was still asleep. The boy went to the park, where he waited until it was late enough to go and see Lily. At the Evans´ house he studied potions with his friend though he was not as absorbed in the brewing as during the first week of the holidays. A part of his mind always stayed at home with his mother. In the evening Severus stayed at Lily´s house as long as staying longer would not be considered obtrusive. When he returned home, he´d search his mother´s face for bruises, but luckily find none, only a shy smile. He couldn´t help but think that his mother felt responsible for the situation though he himself felt it was his father to blame. It was his – Tobias´ – decision to drink until he he lost track of what he was doing, and he was doing it consciously – at least in the beginning. Minutes after he returned home, Severus would go to his room and stay there.

The boy didn´t mind. Spending the day with Lily was pleasant and interesting and he knew it was for his mother´s good when he was nowhere near his father. The only bad thing was lying in bed and listen to them quarrel and shout. Severus spent hours waiting for the telltale silence that always followed his father hitting his mother.

For nearly a week it did not come. But then it came.

-x-

After two weeks of brewing, Mrs. Evans was fed up with the fumes of potions filling the entire house. She declared a break to the workshop when she brought lunch upstairs.

Lily tried to argue but it was no use. Her mother ordered them to clean up and continue their brewing later during their holidays.

Reluctantly the children obeyed. Severus stayed for a while after they had finished tidying up. As the weather was not so good, he returned home much earlier than the rest of the week.

His father sat in the living room and watched TV. There was a half empty beer bottle on the coffee table, but one look into the man´s face told that this was neither his first nor his second. When Severus entered the house he was called to the living room and ordered to sit with his father.

"Where have you been? I didn´t see much of you lately, son," Tobias asked with a heavy tongue.

"I went to see Lily," said Severus.

"Lily? Got yourself a girlfriend already? That´s my boy!"

"Lily´s not my girlfriend. We´re just . . . friends."

"Just friends? Then what have you been doing all day?"

"Studying."

"Studying?" Tobias Snape asked angrily. "So she´s another wizard prat? You´re fraternizing with your kind of. . ."

Severus didn´t learn what kind of he was as his father prefered to take a sip from his bottle instead of finishing the sentence.

"You´d better learn something decent instead of roving about and do hocus pocus. Come, sonny, I´ll teach you something decent." Tobias tried to get up from the sofa. "Help me up, boy."

Severus had just gotten up, when his mother entered the room. "Severus, go to your room," she ordered.

"Why, no, Eileen," Tobias stammered. "I´m going to teach him decent work."

"No, you´re not. It´s late and the boy needs to go to bed." Eileen stood her ground despite the sun still shining outside.

Severus didn´t think for a moment this would work. If his father wanted him to learn to chop wood or look after his chickens, so what. He´d do it.

"Go to bed? He´s not a baby!"

"Severus go upstairs!"

"Mum, really..."

"Severus, you heard me."

"Yes, mum."

"You can´t deny me my son! He´s old enough to hold an axe."

Severus was already at the door when his father attacked his mother. Without thinking the boy turned around and tried to get between his parents. It had always worked in the past. He was sure his father would glare at him and settle back down on the sofa and his mother´d be safe. So it came to a complete surprise to the boy when his father´s fist hit his face. Severus stumbled back and fell on the floor. He raised his hand to touch his hurting face to find it damp with warm liquid. He looked at his hand in disbelief. He was bleeding.

The sight of his son´s blood shocked Tobias. "Severus!" he cried, "oh my god, what did I do? Eileen, the boy is hurt! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!" Tears wetted the drunken man´s face.

"Sit down and be quiet." Eileen ordered. She rushed to the kitchen and returned with a wet towel. Kneeling beside the boy, she murmured words of comfort and washed the blood off his cheek. "It´s only a small wound on your lip, dear. It will heal quickly, you´ll see. I told you to go upstairs. Why didn´t you go upstairs?"

Tobias lay on the sofa, watching his wife wash the boy´s face in horror, lamenting over what he had done. "Is it bad, Eileen? Did I kill him?"

"You did not kill him, but it is bad enough!" scolded Eileen. To Severus she said in a soft voice: "Just let him think it´s bad. Serve him right. Go upstairs, I´ll bring you supper to your room."

-x-

Severus sat on his bed and watched the world grow dark outside his window. His face hurt and he had a taste of blood on his tongue he was convinced he´d never get rid of. The boy stared out of the window without taking in anything he saw. All he could think was that his father had hit him. He had never been hit before. Not by a person he trusted. Not by a person he depended upon.

Of course he had had his share of beating and bruising at school, both elementary and Hogwarts, but that had been different. He´d fought with other boys. They were equals in their fights and comparable of strenghts. Today had been different. He had been hit by an adult. A person who was much stronger than he was and whom to hit back he felt he had no right. Despite his life had not been easy so far, Severus felt as a victim for the first time.

After what seemed like hours but could barely have been ten minutes, Eileen entered the room. She brought a bowl of soup and a jug of pumpkin juice. Carefully she put down the tray on Severus´ bedside table and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Let me have another look at this," she said softly after turning on the bedside lamp.

Slowly the boy turned his head for his mother to have a look at his face. Eileen smiled feebly but failed to hide a look of shock when she first set eye on her son´s left eye.

"This will be a black eye, dear," she murmured. "I´ll make you a salve, but I can´t start before your father is sober."

"Which will be at Christmas," Severus said bitterly.

"I´m sure it will be earlier. He´s devastated because he hit you. Eat your soup now. Do you need help?"

"No, thank you."

Eileen stroked her son´s hair before she left. Severus stared out of the window for a while longer, then he decided he´d eat the soup before it got cold. Opening his mouth wide enough for the spoon hurt. After some sips Severus laid the spoon aside and snuggled into his bed.

-x-

Severus woke early to a feeling of hunger. For a moment he wondered why he had a nearly full bowl of soup on his bedside table. Then he remembered. Carefully he touched the left side of his face to find it still hurting. Slowly he left his bed and tiptoed to the bathroom. A glance into the mirror gave him a shock. His left eye was surrounded by a big black bruise. His lower lip was scabbed and swollen. The boy moaned.

Silently he returned to his bedroom and drank some of the cold soup. He wondered why he hadn´t thought of drinking the soup the evening before. It didn´t hurt as much as eating it with the spoon as he needn´t open his mouth as wide.

After a while he heard his mother walk downstairs and he wondered whether he could dare to leave his room and join her in the kitchen. What if his father was still drunk? He´d rather not meet the man.

The sun rose and the world outside Severus´ window awoke to a brilliant summer day. The boy sat on his bed, his arms wrapped around his knees. At a point he thought this was the time he should be at Lily´s. The girl had suggested to go through the textbook to see which potions they could brew with their ingredients and some things they could get hold of without too much effort. But going to see Lily was out of question this day. If he did, the girl was going to ask awkward questions. Severus knew his friend well enough to know that she wouldn´t be satisfied until she knew the truth about how he had got his bruises. No, he couldn´t see her before his face was healed. How could he ever tell her that his father had hit him? What if the girl thought he´d take a leaf out of his father´s book and hit her, too? Then again, she´d be angry if he didn´t show up. By lunchtime Severus was convinced that he had lost his only friend.

-x-

Severus´ brooding was interrupted by a soft knock on the door. Without thinking the boy covered up under his blanket.

"Oh, dear," said his mother and stepped into the room. She hurried to the boy´s bed and sat on its edge. "I thought I´d let you sleep, had I known that you´re awake, I´d have come earlier. Why didn´t you come down for breakfast?"

Severus didn´t answer but allowed the blanket to be drawn back and his face gently touched.

"You weren´t afraid to come down, were you?"

Hesitantly Severus shook his head. How could he tell his mother? It would make her sad to hear how much afraid he was of his father. Eileen recognized the lie though.

"You don´t need to be afraid," she said kindly. "It was an accident. Your father didn´t mean to hit you. It won´t happen again."

Severus would have believed her, hadn´t he heard his father´s apologies after hitting his wife for hundreds of times.

-x-

The boy had to force himself downstairs by pure will. If it hadn´t been for his determination, he´d never have left his bed again. He looked around for his father nervously when he reached the foot of the stairs. He thought he saw him rest on the living room sofa, so he slipped into the kitchen without a sound.

His mother smiled at him when he entered and placed a bowl of potatoes and scrambled egg in front of him.

Severus managed a smile and took a forkful of egg.

"Eat," said Eileen. "I´ll have a look at your eye when you´re finished."

"The eye doesn´t hurt much," said Severus in a small voice. "But the lip does."

Eileen stepped closer and scrutinized Severus lip. "There´s not much to be done at the moment. I´ll make a salve, but I need dried parsley and I only hung up some this morning. The salve won´t be ready before the day after tomorrow. Will you go to Lily´s today?"

The boy stared at his mother in disbelief. "No!" he cried out. "No! How can I . . ."

"Are you ashamed, dear? You shouldn´t. It was not your fault."

"I know. Nevertheless I´d rather not face Lily like this." And I´m not sure she´ll ever talk to me again when I stay away without an explanation. He didn´t dare word the last aloud.

-x-

Severus felt miserable all day and all the following morning. At some point his father came to him to apologize. Severus nearly freaked out. He couldn´t understand how his mother managed to face the man day after day calmly after what he did to her.

Shortly after lunch the doorbell rang. Luckily his father was in the backyard tending his hens. Severus glanced through the curtains and his heart nearly stood still. At the fence stood Lily.

"Do you want to talk to her?" his mother asked softly from behind him.

"No!"

"Then we´ll just wait until she goes."

Severus stared out of the window. Lily didn´t look angry, but the longer she waited the unhappier she seemed to become. Was it possible that she missed him? Were they still friends?

"Mum, can you talk to her? Tell her I´m ill and will come to see her when I´m recovered."

"Of course I can," smiled Eileen and left the house to walk to the fence.

Severus heard his mother discuss with Lily. The girl wanted to come in to see him, which was – of course – impossible as neither he nor his mother would risk Lily meet his father. The discussion didn´t go well. Lily was worried by what his mother said. Severus felt bad about making Lily worry. Carefully he opened the door a crack and signalled his mother.

Eileen went back to the door and then carried her son´s message to his friend. The message didn´t produce the hoped for result. Lily insisted on seeing Severus as she had found out he was neither contagious nor too badly hurt to walk around.

"You were right, son," sighed Eileen when she got back to the door. "This girl is very nosy. She says she won´t go before she saw you. I´m afraid you have no choice."

Reluctantly Severus opened the door. His mother gave him an encouraging smile and gently touched his hair. Slowly he walked to the fence. He hung his head to hide his face beneath his dangling long hair.

"What on earth happened to you?" Lily cried when she saw him.

Severus had never been so embarrassed in his life. What a shame! She´d find out about his father and she´d asume he was like his dad and never talk to him again.

"Let´s go to the park." A little walk would give him some time with her. They trotted side by side in silence, Lily glancing at her friend from time to time. Severus led her to their hiding spot near the wall. Concealed behind the bushes he finally turned to face her.

"You look horrible. What happened?" Lily sounded worried.

"My parents had a row." Some irrational part of him hoped that this would be explanation enough for the girl, but on a more rational level he knew it wouldn´t be.

"Your dad hit you?" God, she came right to the heart of matters.

"He didn´t mean to. It was intended to be mum. I got in the way." Severus regreted it the moment he said it. Hitting his mum wasn´t better than hitting him and he didn´t want to sound like he thought it was.

"You got...? You tried to keep him from hitting your mother!" Was this admiration in Lily´s eyes or disgust?

"Well, I succeeded."

"But you got hit yourself!" Pity. It was pity in her eyes.

"Yes, now that you mention it. I didn´t think he´d do it. He always stopped when I stepped between them before. But not this time." Explaining was sort of a relief.

"This happened before?"

"I told you he was difficult."

"You told me they were shouting. You didn´t say anything about fighting."

"Usually they shout. But dad lost his job last week. Again. He has been drunk ever since. They have been shouting every day. The day before yesterday he hit her. I stepped between them, because I knew he wouldn´t hit me. Well, I was wrong." Severus felt better after telling. A sorrow shared indeed was a sorrow halved.

"Why..."

"Mum says, I´m too tall now. He doesn´t regard me a little kid any more. She says, he has no objections to hit a young man." He had to admit that he felt a bit proud. He was twelve. How many twelve year olds were considered adults?

"Why didn´t you come to our house? You´re safe there!"

A safe place would have been nice. But how could she assume that he´d go there and leave his mother at his father´s mercy? "Look at me! I was ashamed. It´s not easy to tell people that your dad is a drunken rowdy, who´s hitting wife and son."

"But you´re telling me now."

"I know you. You would have stayed in front of our house until you knew the truth. I can´t keep things secret from you. You wouldn´t let me." But it´s OK, I trust you. I must trust somebody and there´s nobody else.

"Sorry, I never meant to put pressure on you."

"It´s all right. You don´t do it out of curiosity, but of care. OUCH!" Smiling was painful.

"Want to go for a walk?" Lily asked after a short pause.

Severus would have loved to go for a walk with his friend. But then he remembered his black eye. "I´d rather not. I don´t want to be seen. People would ask questions."

"We could go to the wood. It´s not far from here, and there are few people. If you keep your head down, your hair will conceal your eye." Lily smiled encouragingly.

After some moments of thinking Severus agreed and they went to the forest. The air was fresh and rays of sunlight gave the scene a mystical touch. They walked in silence for a while. For the first time in days Severus felt at ease. From time to time he glanced at his friend.

The girl was walking with her hands in her pockets. Her face was earnest but not angry or disgusted. He had not lost his friend. He had found out that she was caring and willing to help. Severus felt warm and relieved. After a while he concentrated on the surroundings instead of Lily.

"Do you notice, how many potion ingredients we could get from here? We have to bring a bag next time."

The girl started. Apparently she had been lost in thought. With a smile she looked around and agreed. Yes, the wood was full of ingredients and they had only to collect them.

-x-

When Severus returned home he had a feeling of foreboding. Had everything been in order, he´d have expected his mother to wait for him and the scent of dinner (probably potatoes, his father was unemployed and they had to save money where they could) to fill the house. Neither of them was the case. The boy had a look into the kitchen. It was empty, as was the living room. He was just going to climb the stairs when he heard voices from the backyard.

First he couldn´t make out the words, only the angry sound, but when he approached the back door, he could distinguish more and more. Obviously his father was drunk again. His mother was pleading with him to ´come in and have a cup of coffee before the boy returns´.

"Coffee?" Tobias Snape roared. "First of all I don´t want bloody coffee and second we can´t afford coffee as I´m unemployed. Or did you miss that, witch?"

Severus ducked. His father had to be very drunk to blame his mum for being a witch without any ´reason´ provided by his son´s presence. Usually he was angry about his son being a wizard (a hocus pocus guy), but not about his wife being a witch.

"Didn´t you see the boy in the morning? Tobias, he´s your son and he´s scared of you beyond his wits!"

"Nonsense! My son is not scared of me. He´s a man. A man is not scared of a proper bit of beer."

"Tobias, be reasonable. Only yesterday he´d rather starve in his bedroom than come downstairs. Come to the house now! Please!"

"If it makes you happy, Eileen. But I tell you, you´s wrong. My boy´s not afraid of nothing!"

Severus felt an urge to run. He knew the order. Get drunk. Blame her for being a witch. Loose track of his language. Hit her. After a deep breath he stepped out to the yard.

"Hi mum, hi dad. I´m back."

"Hello, dear," said Eileen. "Go upstairs. I´ll bring you dinner in a minute."

"Send him upstairs? Want hide me son from me?" Tobias Snape raged. Without a warning he stroke.

Eileen stumbled back. Unsteady as her drunk husband was, he had hit her shoulder though he had – as always – aimed at her face.

Severus was between his parents in an instant. "No, dad!" he cried. His voice trembled with fear, but he couldn´t just stand by and watch his mother take blow after blow. He´d been forced to do this for years when he was smaller. When his father aimed at him instead of his wife, he was prepared. He ducked. His fights with Potter and Black paid off at last. He knew how to avoid a fist when he knew it was coming. Unfortunately he was also used to hitting back and this was exactly what he did. He didn´t aim well though and hit the wooden wall of the chicken house instead of his father.

Tobias Snape´s face became a mask of pure rage. "You try to hit me, prat!" he shouted.

Severus stood transfixed. He hadn´t planned to hit his father. He just did it because it was what he always did at school after ducking under a blow. His hand hurt. He watched his father´s fist come like in trance and although he knew he´d be hurt badly if he didn´t duck, he couldn´t muster the strenght to move. Instead he stood and waited for the impact.

It never came. There was a flash of red light and his father collapsed on the ground.

"Stupid boy!" his mother scolded. "What do you think you´re doing?" She levitated her unconscious husband. "Open that door," she ordered.

Together they manoevred the stunned man to the sofa and Eileen covered him with a blanket.

"Come," she shooed her son to the kitchen where she started to make dinner with magic. She also set up a cauldron and started brewing something.

Severus sat at the table and watched his mother doing magic in her kitchen in broad daylight with his father next door.

"We can as well get some work done while he´s stunned," said Eileen. "I just hope he won´t remember me using that stunner on him." She placed a plate of potatoes in front of her son and sat beside him. They ate in silence.

"What were you thinking you were doing?" Eileen asked reproachful after a while. She softly removed a strand of hair from her son´s forehead. "This was a very stupid thing to do, dear."

"I couldn´t let him hit you, mum!"

"Of course you could. He´d have me hit two or three times and then he´d have fallen asleep like he always does. You only made him more angry. I had to use a stunner on him! I just hope he doesn´t remember!"

Severus didn´t know what to say first. "Why didn´t you let him hit me?" he asked at last. "He´d have hit me two or three times and then he´d have fallen asleep."

Eileen looked scandalized. "I can´t let him hit you! You´re my son!"

"And you are my mum."

Eileen blinked. Then she embraced Severus and they sat for a while in silence, motionless. After a while Eileen pulled away. "Let´s brew that salve now."

They spent an hour with the brew. Eileen explained every step to her son. When they had reached a point where the brew had to simmer for two days, she sent the boy to bed.

-x-

Severus got up early the next day. He and Lily had agreed to go to the wood to collect potion ingredients. A part of him wasn´t sure whether he should go. He didn´t like the thought to leave his mother alone with his father, but on the other hand she managed quite well while he was at Hogwarts and he´d been looking forward to their little adventure at the wood.

He found both his parents at the living room. They were having a cup of coffee and his mother smiled encouragingly at him.

"Come here, dear," she said softly. "Have a cup with us."

Severus sat on the sofa beside his father and took a cup. He watched the man from under his hair while he poured himself some coffee. He´d have prefered cocoa or tea, but there was only a pot of coffee and he didn´t dare say something. He´d rather drink coffee, which he found a bit bitter, with both parents than have his mother go to the kitchen and leave him alone with his father.

Tobias Snape looked a bit dazed like always when he had a hangover, though Severus wondered whether it wasn´t a bit worse than usual. Had his mother used a memory charm on her husband? No, she wouldn´t do that. It must be the aftermath of the stunner.

"Your mother said I tried to attack you yesterday," his father said in a rusty voice. "You do know that I didn´t mean to, don´t you?"

Severus nodded and massaged his bruised knuckles absentmindedly. He regretted it immediately. It hurt.

His father didn´t catch his son´s sudden intake of breath. "You´re a good son, Severus," he murmured and took another sip of coffee.

-x-

When Lily arrived at the garden fence, Severus wasn´t sure whether it was wise to leave his mother alone, but was shoved out of the house. Eileen gave the boy a picknick bag and sent him off with a loving smile.

The two friends went to the forrest in silence. Severus kept his head down all the time so that passers-by wouldn´t see his bruised face. His attitude changed as soon as they reached the first trees. He gave up his looking to the ground and chatted happily with his friend.

Lily didn´t mention his black eye and they spent a light-hearted morning. They hiked and collected herbs and mushrooms. Lily put everything in little plastic bags and promised to dry their prey at home.

Severus was relieved that the girl didn´t insist on him coming to her parents´ house to help. He´d be too much ashamed to show them his face.

Around lunchtime they found themselves a comfortable picnic place on some rocks. Lily had brought sandwiches, apples and lemonade. Severus discovered some pumpkin muffins in his bag. When had his mother found time to bake muffins?

They enjoyed their little picnic, but Lily noticed the bruises on Severus hand and asked awkward questions. The boy had to admit that he had tried to hit his father, which renewed his fears the girl might think he was a brawler and no longer want to have anything to do with him. To his amazement Lily just asked for an explanation why he had felt the need to hit his father and when he told her it was to protect his mother looked at him nearly admiringly.

-x-

The evening at home and also the next day were relatively carefree. Tobias Snape stayed away from beer and the family came to a rest. The fact that he had attacked his son twice seemed to have given the man quite a shock.

Severus spent a considerable amount of time at the kitchen where his mother lectured him about the salve she was brewing and how it could be changed to work for different kinds of wounds. The boy hadn´t been aware how much his mother knew about healing.

Eileen smiled, when her son pointed out that she should have become a healer.

"I nearly did, dear," she said. "I was in healer training for almost two years."

"What happened?"

"I found something better. I met your father and I had you."

Severus stared at his mother. She had given up healer training for his father? Living with his father could hardly be called better than being a healer. And, he thought a little bit bitter, having a little child nobody – not even his father – liked neither. No, he was hardly worth giving up a job like being a healer.

His mother seemed to read his thoughts. "It was the best decision of my life," she assured him and stroked his hair gently. "I know it´s hard to understand, because you see him drunk so often. But when you were smaller, my dear, your father had a good job and we were a very happy family. It wouldn´t be fair to blame him for things he had no influence over. And you, Severus, are the best son I could ever get. You completed our felicity."

Severus doubted his father was not to blame for the change of things. It was his decision to drink. His feelings must have shown on his face.

"You don´t abandon a loved one when he or she fails you. When you´re older, you´ll understand." Eileen smiled. "And now back to salves."

The brew was finished in the evening and Eileen applied some on Severus´ face. At first her touch was a bit painful, but the pain lessened with each finger full of salve she added.

"The bruises will be gone in the morning," his mother promised. "If you like, you can go to see your friend tomorrow."

-x-

Severus was happy to be able to go to Lily´s. His face was back to normal and so he was to be found on his way to the Evans´ house right after breakfast although it was raining heavily. His father had suggested he stay at home but Severus had refused and his mother had handed him her old umbrella with a smile.

Lily beamed when she opened the door and found her friend standing on the front steps.

"Come in quickly and give me your umbrella," she cried. "Come to the kitchen. Mum is baking muffins and they will be ready in a minute."

Severus obliged and followed the girl to the kitchen, where they waited patiently for the first muffins. Lily asked her mother for permission to resume brewing and – to her own surprise – got it.

"As it´s pouring outside, you have to stay in the house," laughed Mrs. Evans, "and I guess if I don´t let you work on your potions you´ll stay here breathing down my neck and eat all the muffins as soon as they come out of the oven. So for the rest of the family´s good, go upstairs and brew whatever you´ve been brewing."

Severus looked at the half eaten muffin in his hand guiltily, but laughed again at the sight of his face and shoved a plate with more muffins into his hand.

-x-

They decided to experiment on boiling down some of the mushrooms they had collected and Lily lit the camping cooker. As soon as the mushrooms were bubbling merrily, the girl sat on her bed and started conversation.

"That eye of yours healed really quickly," she said.

Severus didn´t like the conversation from the beginning. Confessing the mess his family was hadn´t been easy the first time and he felt that further discussion wouldn´t be anything but awkward and hurtful. "Mom made me a salve," he answered evasively.

"Good. Is everything going well at home?"

Lily was really mercyless. Couldn´t she see he didn´t want to discuss this? Well, he knew her well enough to know that she wouldn´t drop the topic. So better get over it. "Yes. Mom talked to dad, when he was sober. Told him he hit me. He was devastated. He tries to behave better now. Hasn´t had a drink for nearly three days." He sighed. "It won´t last long, it never does, but at the moment everything´s OK. Oh my God!" He had concentrated on what he was saying so hard that he hadn´t noticed their brew had burnt. The boy rushed to open the window as heavy billows of smoke emanated from their cauldron. "Note down, that stiring is essential with this!"

Lily coughed and went to open the door, too. "We need some draught in here to get the fumes out. No need to make a note about the stiring. I´ll never forget this stench."

Well, that was true. She´d smell it for quite a while. Quickly Severus expressed his pity. "Poor you, you have to sleep in here."

"Help me." Lily tried to get rid of the smoke by fanning one of her shirts. Severus did as he was asked though, personally, he thought the fanning was rather pointless.

"May I ask you a question?" he asked while he was waving another shirt.

"If you don´t stop fanning while we talk..." Lily coughed again.

"I´ve been asking this myself while I was at home. How come, you have so much time for me? Aren´t you seeing your friends from elementary school? You always seemed quite popular."

Lily wiped a tear from her face and coughed.

Severus regreted his question immediately. How could he have asked such a thing. Surely something bad had happened and he had put his finger into the wound. "Sorry, I didn´t want to make you sad. You don´t have to answer."

"No, it´s just the fumes." She coughed again. "How can you stand them? I met the girls during Christmas break, but I felt sort of excluded. They chatted about school and friends and I couldn´t tell them anything. I was not allowed to."

"I see." He had known all along that he wasn´t Lily´s first choice as a friend. How could he. But hearing her say it aloud was hurtful.

The girl wasn´t finished yet. "We had nothing in common any more. I had to make a choice between losing my friends and breaking the law. So I lost them. I wouldn´t like to have to rattle my chains in prison."

"There are no chains in Azkaban," Severus said without a second thought.

"Azkaban?"

"The wizard prison. It´s guarded by dementors. Evil creatures. They don´t need chains to keep their prisoners." It was amazing how much the muggle born Lily didn´t know about the wizarding world. So many things, he had been told when a little kid, were new for her.

"Close that door! The whole house stinks!" Petunia was furious. She slammed the door shut.

"Well, at least she was talking to me," said Lily.

Severus ignored the intermezzo and came to the heart of matters. "You lost the girls and you came to me. I´m your makeshift solution."

Lily looked hurt at the suggestion. "You know that´s not true. It´s not like I´m suffering when I spend my time with you. Do I look like I´m suffering?"

Severus stopped fanning and turned to face Lily. Her eyes were red with the fumes and her hair was untidy. She looked exhausted from waving. "To be honest, yes." He grinned. The boy felt better than ever. It was not what Lily had said, but the hurt look on her face when he had suggested he was a makeshift solution.

After a short pause Lily started to laugh and Severus joined in heartily.

-x-

August brought a pleasant surprise. Tobias Snape found a job. Although neither Eileen nor Severus thought he´d be able to keep it for long, they enjoyed the prospect of some weeks without quarrels and fights. Severus was able to relax a bit and finally his summer holidays became what they were intended to be, a time of recreation and fun.

He spent nearly every day at the Evans´ studying potions with Lily. When the weather was fine they went to the forrest to find more ingredients.

First they had taken what they found by chance and later looked for recipes to use their prey in. But now they had moved to choosing recipes and look for the needed herbs. Their only restriction was that they had to keep to phytogenic ingredients as potions mainly used parts of magical not common creatures. They started to make plans, however, to take Care of Magical Creatures in their third year to be able to breed some ingredients themselves.

When August was going into its second half, their Hogwarts letters arrived. The Evans asked Mrs. Snape for help with getting Lily´s things and Severus´ mother gladly obliged. Lily´s parents had no idea, but they had granted the boy shelter when he couldn´t stay safely at home, so Eileen was more than pleased to do something for them in return.

On a sunny Wednesday Severus and Lily were to be found at Diagon Alley with their mothers. Eileen got most of Severus´ things second hand, which was still an achievment as two weeks earlier they hadn´t known where to take the money from for even that.

After their shopping Mrs. Evans bought the kids some ice-cream and she and Mrs. Snape had a chat over some cold lemonade.

Neither Severus nor Lily noticed the boy who watched them chat happily while eating their ice-cream.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: A Troublesome Year

The new school year started like the last had ended. Severus sat alone on the train as his pureblood housemates wouldn´t want to socialize with him. He buried his nose in his charms textbook after the train left London, but he didn´t get to read much. Black and his group turned up at his compartement about a quarter of an hour after the witch with the food trolley had passed.

"It seems we haven´t made ourselves clear enough last year," said Black casually and dropped into the seat beside Severus.

The Slytherin reached for his wand instinctively but stopped when Potter, who had taken the seat opposite him, pointed his at him. Lupin closed the compartment door carefully and closed the curtains.

"We told you last year," said Black when the curtains were in their place and Lupin had sat beside Potter (Pettigrew sat beside Black), "that you´ll stay away from all Gryffindors, especially Evans."

"Or what?" Severus asked more boldly than he felt.

"Or we´ll have to make ourselves more clear." Potter liftet his wand threateningly.

Lupin nodded.

"What gives you the idea that I was near one of your precious Gryffindors?"

"I saw you!" cried Pettigrew in triumph.

"Do you want to summon the prefects here?" Black grunted at him. "Not so loud!" And to Severus: "As he says, you have been seen with Evans. You will stay away from her! Be warned that we´ll be near her whenever she needs help!"

Severus looked at the other boys, puzzled. What were they talking about? It wasn´t as if he´d try to beat up a girl. How low could they possibly think to even think about such a thing. Why would Lily need help when he was around?

"Well," said Potter, "we have better things to do. You got your warning. And this," he kicked Severus´ shin, "shall be a little reminder."

The four Gryffindors got up and filed out of Severus´ compartment. When they were gone, Severus started a healing charm on his leg. This was going to be one class at which he excelled.

-x-

Lessons were interesting as always. Severus enjoyed learning new things. In second year the tasks became more challenging. Most of the first year had been used to give the novices to magic the chance to accommodate themselves to the magical world and find a start for doing magic themselves. In second year the students were supposed to have settled in and become used to doing magic and the teachers set them assignments which were far beyond the level of difficulty they knew from their previous year.

Severus didn´t complain. As he had no friends at Hogwarts – at least none he could meet and talk to – he had plenty of time for his homework.

The only lessons which turned out to be disappointing were Potions. Firstly this was because Professor Slughorn practically didn´t teach, but spent the lessons chatting with the rich and famous kids – mostly Joseph Greenspoon of Slytherin and Sirius Black and sometimes James Potter of Gryffindor. The students had to get their instructions from the textbook. Secondly Severus was disappointed because Potter took the seat beside Lily´s which meant that he, Severus, lost his chance of slipping short letters into Lily´s bag like they had done occasionally during their first year. Also their short whispered conversations were put to an end.

Severus prepared himself to not being able to contact his friend before Christmas. It was going to be a long and lonely term and their little signs at breakfast became more important to the boy than ever.

-x-

On the first Thursday in October something very extraordinary happened.

Severus sat at the library, researching spells for his transfiguration homework, when Professor Slughorn, who hadn´t but ignored him since he had been sorted into Slytherin, approached his table.

"Snape," he said without a greeting, "carry your things down to your dormitory and meet me at my office in ten minutes."

Severus closed his books and put his quill and parchment into his bag. He had no idea what Slughorn wanted with him, but he didn´t dare ask. Was he in trouble? The boy wasn´t aware he had done anything wrong, but he could never know. Two of his enemies were Slughorn´s favorite students. Who knew what they had told the teacher.

Severus hurried to Slytherin house and put his things into his trunk.

"What are you doing here at this time of the day?" hissed Greenspoon when Severus rushed out of the dormitory moments later. It was silently agreed that Severus spent as little time as possible at the dormitory and in exchange the other boys would leave him alone.

The professor waited for Severus in front of the office instead of inside. This was very strange, indeed.

-x-

"I´m supposed to take you to the headmaster´s office," Slughorn said without preface. "Follow me."

Severus walked silently beside his head of house. The fact that he was taken to the headmaster scared him a bit and he really wished the professor would tell him what this was about. They climbed the staircases pausing from time to time to allow the fat teacher to wipe his forehead with a huge cotton handkerchief. Finally they reached a stone gargoyle, which sprang to life when the professor adressed it with what sounded liked ´every flavour beans´ for Severus. Behind the stone creature was a spiral staircase which moved upwards.

Severus had to suppress a smile when he thought that the professor was surely glad he didn´t have to climb another flight of stairs but instead was carried up by magic.

At the end of the moving staircase was an elegant oak door. Professor Slughorn knocked once and entered without waiting to be called in and Severus followed.

The headmaster sat behind his desk in plum robes. When he saw the boy entering his office, he got up from his chair and stepped in front of the desk.

"Ah, young master Snape," he smiled and Severus couldn´t help but feel the headmaster looked a bit sad, "this will do Horace, thank you."

The boy was puzzled when the fat wizard inclined his head and left. What was this about? His head of house was responsible for his studies and discipline. Why did he leave?

-x-

Dumbledore looked at the young wizard over his halfmoon glasses for a moment.

"Do come over to the fireplace," he said and led the way to two armchairs. He sat in one of them himself and waited for Severus to sit in the other. "This is very difficult for me," the old wizard said sadly. "It is my duty to inform you that earlier this day your mother was found dead."

Severus stared at Dumbledore. He must have heard wrong! Surely the old man was not talking about his mother. Eileen Snape was a young woman. She had been in perfect health less than a month earlier. He had received a letter from her only last weekend. Then he remembered. She had hinted – not told, but he knew how to read between her lines – that his father had lost his job again. Was it possible? Had his father . . .? The boy didn´t dare finish the thought.

It was only when the headmaster got up and embraced him that he realized the tears wetting his face. Severus felt awkward being hugged by his school principal. He sniffed and wiped his face with his palms. "I'm OK," he whispered shyly. "I'm OK."

The headmaster looked at him earnestly. "You are not, and it is OK that you are not."

"No, really. I´m OK." Severus straightened and the old wizard returned to his seat.

"How did she . . . ?" the boy asked after a while of staring silently into the fireplace.

"We don´t know. The Ministry investigated, of course. She was discovered at your house at the foot of the stairs. Your father doesn´t remember anything. They weren´t even able to get any information from him with magic. He was too . . . "

". . .drunk." Severus finished the sentence when the headmaster didn´t.

"Do you think it´s possible that he did something to her?"

"He beat her when he was drunk. Sometimes very badly. But I´m sure she´d have used magic in a case of emergency."

"So seemingly it was an accident."

Severus nodded. "How do I get home? For the funeral."

"I´ll take you there and back," promised Dumbledore.

Severus drew in a breath. Wasn´t this the head of house´s job? McGonagall had taken Lily to her family last year.

Dumbledore must have read his thoughts. "Horace – professor Slughorn for you – isn´t good at such things, so I volunteered." He smiled reassuringly.

"Thank you, Sir."

"You´re welcome, master Snape, very welcome."

-x-

They traveled home this very evening. Dumbledore had a house elf get some clothes for Severus from his trunk. They walked to the gates silently side by side and apparated to the Snapes´ backyard.

The house was dark and silent as was the yard except for the low cackling of hens.

Dumbledore walked to the back door and Severus stood beside him. The old man put his hand on the boy´s shoulder reassuringly and knocked. First there was no reaction, but then a light went on upstairs and later in the hallway and at last the door was opened.

"What do you want at that time of the night?" Tobias Snape asked bluntly.

"I´m Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts´ school for witchcraft and wizardry. I bring your son."

Tobias noticed only then the boy beside the impressive old man. "Severus!" he cried and fell on the boy´s neck. "Thank you so much, Sir, for bringing my boy home," he said when he finally let go of his son.

"I´ll come to take you back to school," Dumbledore said gently to the student.

Severus nodded, but his father shook his head. "He´s not going back!" he cried. Severus stared at the headmaster in horror.

"I´ll come," the wizard repeated reassuringly. Then he turned and seconds later was gone.

-x-

Severus wasn´t sure how he survived the following week.

His father changed between sobbing for his lost wife and telling his son that he´d put an end to the hocus pocus and make sure he´d get a decent education.

"You´ll need to feed your family with your hands´ work when you´re grown up as I´m not rich and there´s nothing for you to inherit. I´ll make sure you´ll be able to. Not like me. Doing odd jobs," he told Severus again and again.

The nights were even worse. The first Severus spent in his bed unable to sleep. He spent hours and hours telling himself ´she´s dead´ over and over without taking in the meaning of the sentence. The second he spent sobbing. The whole day he had run into things his mother used to do and would never again. She´d never again put a cup of tea in front of him at breakfast. She´d never again stand by the sink, skinning potatoes the muggle way. She´d never again brew a salve. She´d never again bake him muffins to take to a trip with Lily. In the evening he retired early and sobbed until the first light of dawn showed on the horizon before falling into an uneasy sleep.

The funeral was on Tuesday. There were only few mourners. Severus. His father. A neighbour. Some women, who had bought salves from his mother. Mr. and Mrs. Evans.

After the ceremony the Evans came to condole with Tobias and Severus. Mrs. Evans stroked Severus´ cheek with a sad smile and the simple gesture made the boy feel better than he had in days.

The week after the funeral was spent similar to the days before. Severus listened to his father sobbing and babbling and spent his nights in despair in his room. When the days passed and the headmaster didn´t show up, the boy became worried. What if the old wizard obliged and left him with his father?

Finally, on Wednesday morning, Dumbledore came to take Severus back to school and trouble started.

-x-

"I told you before he´s not going back!" cried Tobias Snape. "He´ll stay with me and learn something real!"

"I reassure you, Mr. Snape, that magic is very real." Dumbledore said patiently.

"It´s freaky! My son´s not going to be a freak! I´ll make him a man!"

"Your son is a wizard and when he´s had his education at Hogwarts, he´ll be a very powerful one. He´s talented and believe me, Sir, there´s no contradiction in being a wizard and a man at the same time."

"You´re wasting your time! My final word was said. He´s not going with you!"

Severus´ stomach dropped some inches. What if Dumbledore gave up? What if he let him stay here? What if his father forgot his mourning and went back to drinking? He, Severus, would be at the receiving end of his moods with nobody around to help. The boy watched his headmaster intently.

"I will take the boy with me. He was signed up to my school by his mother and her wish will be respected."

"No!" howled Tobias. "She´s dead and I wasn´t happy about her sending him there in the first place. I´m his only parent now. It´s my parental right to determine what education he´s going through!"

Dumbledore lost his temper. "Do you really think that I´ll leave a highly gifted boy at the mercy of a hopeless drunk? Don´t make me angry, Sir! Or I may forget that you´re a wandless muggle! He needs to learn control his magic and he will! And I don´t give a damn about your parental right!"

Tobias blinked for a moment before he turned to Severus. "What did you tell this complete stranger about family business?" he hissed.

Severus backed away as his father approached him. The man had never become violent when sober, but right then he looked like he was going to. Before the boy could find out, Dumbledore stepped in front of his student.

"He needs not say anything. I have to just look at him when he talks about you!"

Severus shuddered. Had he been so obvious?

"He´ll not go!" his father insisted.

"He will! And you´re not going to stop him!"

"I will inform the authorities if you take him with you!"

"Do you really think they´d give a young wizard to a muggle who won´t grant him a magical education?" Dumbledore snorted. "We may as well inform the ministry at once. They´ll take him from you and give him to the custody of a decent wizarding family. He´d be better off and you´d never see him again."

Severus was shocked. He didn´t want to stay with his father all the time, but not see him again?

Tobias Snape was shocked, too. "He´ll come home for the holidays?" he asked.

"Of course."

"Eileen said, students could stay at Hogwarts for the holidays. He won´t."

"He won´t," Dumbledore said gently. "He´ll come home to spend time with his father and learn muggle lessons, if you like."

"Can´t he stay for some days longer? The house will be so empty!" Tobias whined.

"No, he missed enough lessons. He´ll have to work hard to catch up. You want him to succeed, don´t you?"

"OK, he can go. But he has to come home for the holidays."

Dumbledore nodded. "Get your things, Severus," he ordered softly.

Severus had never run up the stairs so quickly. Two minutes later he was by the headmaster´s side with his things thrown into his bag in a mess. He looked around for his father to say good-bye, but the man was not to be seen. From the living room he heard the tell tale sound of bottles and glasses.

Dumbledore smiled at the fragile boy beside him sadly and led him out to the yard from where they apparated to Hogsmeade.

-x-

"How do you feel?"

Dumbledore´s question came as a surprise. Severus had no idea what to say; not because he couldn´t word his feelings, but because he was not sure how he felt. Relieved? Yes, he felt relieved that Dumbledore had brought him back to school. Sad? Yes, very sad, his mother was dead. Ashamed. The headmaster had taken him away from his only remaining relative and he felt happy about it. He was a bad son.

"You must feel confused," the headmaster said after a while. They were walking up towards the castle. "So much has happened and your father – forgive me if I´m wrong – doesn´t seem to have been very helpful in sorting your feelings out."

Severus nodded. "He´s not good at such things," he said in a small voice.

"Would you like to have a cup of tea with me before you rejoin your classmates?"

The boy looked up at the old wizard, who watched him with kind, twinkling eyes, and accepted the offer with a small nod. "Yes, please."

Dumbledore raised his wand and pointed it at Severus and himself. The boy felt a strange tickling sensation all over his body and gasped in surprise.

"I used an invisibility spell on us. We don´t want to be seen when we go up to my office."

They walked to the room behind the stone gargoyle in silence, hidden beneath the headmaster´s spell. When the door had closed on them, the old man lifted the invisibility spell and motioned at the armchairs by the fireplace invitingly.

"Sit down, my dear boy, sit down." He placed two steaming cups of tea on a small table between the armchairs.

Severus sat down. He was no longer sure why he had said he´d have tea with the headmaster. He didn´t know the man at all. So why was he having tea with a complete stranger?

"Thank you for bringing me back here," the boy said when he couldn´t stand the silence any longer.

"I couldn´t allow a magical education to be withheld from you." Dumbledore smiled kindly.

"Sir, were you really going to have me taken from my father by the authorities?"

The headmaster laughed. Severus was startled by the coldness of the sound. "I couldn´t have, my dear boy," the old man said and the warmth was back in his voice. "Your father was right about being your only parent and having the right to determine what you´re going to learn. If he had insisted, I´d have had no choice but to leave you there. I tried to intimidate him and luckily it worked."

Severus eyes widened. "What if he decides later that I can´t come back?" he asked fearfully.

"We have to be careful to not give him a reason to change his mind," said Dumbledore. "For now he´s content with having you at home for the holidays. You´ll have to be an obedient son and learn whatever he wants to teach you in order not to give him the idea he needs more time with you. Do you think you can do that?"

Severus nodded. He´d do anything to be able to learn more magic.

"Have you any idea what he wants you to learn?"

The boy shrugged. "Chop wood, look after the chickens, repair things in the house. I don´t know." He paled when a certain thought crossed his mind.

Dumbledore looked worried. "What is it, my boy?"

"My father has chickens in the backyard" – Dumbledore nodded as he remembered hearing them cackle- "mostly for the eggs, but from time to time he slaughters one to roast. You don´t think he´ll make me kill chickens?"

"I don´t know," the headmaster said sadly, "but if he does, you´ll have to learn. You´ll have to keep in mind how much depends on keeping your father happy."

Severus took a sip of tea.

"Did you talk to your father about your mother?"

The boy shook his head.

"Did you talk to anybody else? Another family member, an uncle or aunt perhaps?"

"I didn´t speak to anybody but my father."

"You had to cope all on your own?"

"It´s OK." Severus swallowed hard.

"You really should have someone to confide in. Do you have a friend at Hogwarts you wish to speak to in private? Nobody should have to cope with such a huge loss on his own, especially not someone that young."

Severus was about to turn down the headmaster´s offer, but then changed his mind. "I´d like to speak to Lily Evans from Gryffindor house, Sir, if you can arrange nobody to know. – Our housemates aren´t too happy about our friendship."

"I see," smiled Dumbledore. "You rest a bit and I´ll arrange everything." He got up and left the office for some minutes. Shortly after he returned there was a knock at the door and Lily entered.

Obviously she hadn´t been told who waited for her at the headmaster´s office, because the girl was clearly surprised by his sight. But what was even more important, her face seemed to radiate with joy when she saw him. Severus felt better than in days, better than ever since summer. He was too moved to be able to explain the situation to his friend, but Dumbledore kindly did that for him. When Lily heard of his mothers death, she wrapped her arms around him and it didn´t feel awkward like Dumbledore´s embrace when he had told him, but warm and comforting.

The headmaster summed up the events of the past days for Lily and then left the office to get some cocoa for them.

They sat in the armchairs by the fire.

"I nearly got mad, when you were gone," Lily said earnestly.

"Sorry. I should have left a message." He didn´t want to make her feel worried.

"How could you have? – Do you think your dad...?"

Funny, how everybody seemed to think the same about his father although his parents had worked so hard to keep their family situation secret. "No, I´m not sure, but when he´s drunk enough to lose his memory, he´s not agressive. The more he drinks, the calmer he gets, after he´s past a certain point."

"But who...?"

"I don´t know. There are rumours about a Dark Lord, says Dumbledore. But there´s no proof, that she was killed by somebody at all. It might have been an accident." He regretted mentioning the Dark Lord immediately. Dumbledore had only hinted it on their journey home and not brought the subject up again. So why did he frighten Lily?

"Is it true, your dad won´t let you come back?"

Severus nodded. "Said, there´s no decency in learning magic. Said, his son won´t need hocus pocus. I´m to feed my family with my hands´ work, like he did." It sounded even worse when he repeated his father´s words. "Dumbledore was furious. They shouted."

Lily looked at him in awe. "Albus Dumbledore shouted at your father to have you come back to Hogwarts?"

Shortly later the headmaster returned, they had cocoa and then were sent to lunch.

In the afternoon Severus resumed his studies.

-x-

Severus was glad that his dorm-mates didn´t like to socialize with him for once. Had they been his friends he´d surely be forced to tell where he had been and why and he´d not have felt up to this task. The loss was too fresh to be worded aloud. The boy felt weak and lost and for the first time he feared the moment he´d have to face his Gryffindor enemies.

It came as a surprise that they ignored him for the rest of term. First Severus asked himself whether this was Lily´s doing, but as he couldn´t see how she´d have done it, he dismissed the thought.

-x-

At the beginning of the Christmas holidays Severus was invited by Mrs. Evans to visit and the boy looked forward to working on potions with Lily. Maybe they´d be able to talk a bit about his mother. The pain wasn´t so fresh anymore and he felt he´d be able to share some of his sorrow with his friend. Maybe Lily´d even embrace him again. He felt a hug would do him good and he most likely wasn´t going to get one from his father.

Severus started when Mr. Evans´ car stopped in front of his parents´ – no, his father´s – house. He left the car and like always Lily went to the fence with him and they shook hands.

"I´ll see you tomorrow," the girl said happily and Severus nodded.

-x-

"Father?" There was no answer. "Dad?" Severus went through the house in search for Tobias. Where was the man? Severus hoped sincerely that the whereabouts of his father had nothing to do with beer. Please, please, please. He closed his eyes. Don´t let him be drunk!

He found him in the backyard. Tobias Snape was clearly not drunk. There was a heap of small trunks and thick branches, which needed chopping and the man was busy preparing a space where to put the firewood afterwards.

"Dad!"

"Severus, sonny!" Tobias hurried over to the back door and patted the boy on his back enthusiastically. "I didn´t expect you that early."

"Mr. Evans said the traffic was exceptionally light."

"Mr. Evans?"

Severus stared at his father in disbelief. Obviously the man had no idea how his son had travelled from King´s Cross home and hadn´t given it a thought either. If it hadn´t been for Mr. Evans, Severus´d still be waiting at the station for someone to collect him.

"Mr. Evans gave me a lift home. He always does."

"Ah, yes. – Well, now you´re here. That´s all that matters. Come over, I´ll show you what we´ll do."

"Dad, can I change before?"

His father was puzzled. "Oh, yes, of course," he said after a short pause.

-x-

Severus returned to the back yard ten minutes later. His father showed him how to hold the axe and lectured him on the correct use of it. Severus sighed inwardly. Instead of doing his homework, he was going to spend the holidays as a lumberjack. Great. Well, at least it was not the chickens.

After the lecture Tobias sat down on a trunk and watched his son work. Soon the boy sweated, but he didn´t dare stop working as he had Dumbledore´s advice in mind. Don´t displease him. Don´t make him change his mind about attending Hogwarts.

In the evening they had bread and cheese for supper. Severus suggested to cook something as he was used to a warm meal in the evening, but his father refused.

"Dad, the Evans invited me to visit tomorrow. Is it OK, if I go there?"

"Who are those Evans?" His father was clearly not pleased with the idea of his son going anywhere.

"You know them from the funeral. They are acquaintances of mum." He was wise enough not to mention that they had a witch daughter.

"The couple who condoled? They were nice. You may go, but tell them you can´t come more often."

Severus felt disappointed. So he had finally holidays but wouldn´t be able to see his friend. He had been so much looking forward to their potions workshop. Well, it wasn´t meant to be.

-x-

Severus went to see Lily the next morning after a brief difference of opinion with his father. Somehow the man had remembered the Evans had a witch daughter – another wizard´s brat as his father put it – and had tried to forbid his son to go and see them. It had taken Severus´ whole power of persuasion to get permission to go on a brief visit. He had to promise he´d not go again and only pointing out that it would be conventient to get a lift to King´s Cross at the end of the holidays had finally changed his father´s mind.

The visit was short as promised. Mrs. Evans offered to talk to the boy´s father about chopping wood, but true to his conversation with Dumbledore Severus refused. Before he left, Lily gave him a Christmas present. He felt a bit ashamed that he hadn´t thought to get her anything, but she didn´t seem to mind.

-x-

Severus was prepared to have bread and cheese for Christmas dinner. He had had bread and cheese for breakfast, lunch and supper every day so far. It came as a nice surprise when his father went out to the supermarket and returned with a bag of groceries for a little feast.

"Come, Severus," he said after storing away his purchases, "we still need to get our roast."

The boy had a feeling of foreboding when his father led the way to the coop. To Severus´ horror his father caught a chicken and demonstrated how to hold and kill it without actually doing it. After showing twice where to hit the hen he let it go – the animal fled at top speed – and ordered his son to catch one and slaughter it. Severus thought he´d faint, but he remembered what the headmaster had said and therefore obeyed.

When it was over Severus ran to the bathroom and was violently sick. He washed until he thought he´d drown and changed into fresh clothes. He met his father in the kitchen an hour later, where the man was busy with plucking the chicken.

"This was not bad work for your first attempt," Tobias Snape said with a hint of pride in his voice.

"Thank you," Severus said politely.

"I felt sick the first time, too," his father said reassuringly. "It will become easier."

Severus bit down a remark that he didn´t want it to become easier. He didn´t want to kill chickens at all. He wanted to go to the supermarket and buy his meat or, even better, have the ready meal served by a house elf. Only the thougth of his father having the power to prevent him from learning magic stopped him.

"You can take care of the potatoes." Tobias smiled.

In the evening Severus had potatoes and salad. He couldn´t have downed a bite of that bird if his life had depended on it.

-x-

For the rest of the holidays they went back to chopping wood. As the days passed, Severus found that the work became easier for him. His arms had become stronger and if he wasn´t much mistaken also his chest had become a bit more muscular. Well, gaining some physical strenght probably wasn´t bad. So the whole holiday mess had been good for something after all.

At the end of the holidays the Evans picked Severus up at the fence and he returned to school. He had a chat with Lily in the car, but it wasn´t as pleasant as he had hoped for as she asked about his work and he was reminded of the chicken incident.

The journey back was eventless save the appearance of a new student, whom Lily´s friend Myra brought to the Hogwarts express. When the train approached Hogsmeade there were rumors that the new student had hexed Black but Severus couldn´t know for sure. Maybe he could find out from Lily. It wasn´t going to be easy though as their sign language had no sign for ´Did your classmate hex Black?´

-x-

Spring term was not bad. Seemingly the new student really waged war against Black. At least Severus heard rumors about it frequently. If it was true, he had nothing against it. The Gryffindor four were occupied elsewhere and left him alone and Black losing to a girl certainly was amusing.

As Easter approached Severus became nervous. He dreaded the holidays. He´d not be able to do homework – after Christmas professor McGonagall looked at him disappointedly when he confessed he had not even started his assignment and took ten points from Slytherin – and he started asking himself whether Easter was important enough to have roast chicken. He wished time would slow down, but as always when he wished such a thing it seemed to speed up to mock him.

A week before the holidays started a prefect came to his dormitory and woke him to tell him he had to go to the headmaster´s office at once.

Severus hurried there. Hope arose in his heart. Had the headmaster found a way to keep him at Hogwarts for the holidays?

-x-

The headmaster waited for him by the stone gargoyle.

"We don´t have much time," he said, "do follow me, Master Snape."

Severus was curious what this was about. Bewildered, he followed the headmaster down the slope to the gates and allowed himself to be taken close for side-by-side apparition as soon as they had passed the gates.

Severus blinked in surprise when they materialised in front of the Evans´ house.

"Listen, Severus," Dumbledore said, "I´m very sorry I don´t have more time to bring this to you more cautiously. You must understand that I do not intend to be rude or cruel. Your father is dead. I´ve been informed barely twenty minutes ago. You´re an orphan now and what I want to do is keep you out of an orphanage."

Severus heart sank. An orphanage! He never had given that a thought before but the tone of Dumbledore´s voice told him that going there was bad.

The old man grabbed the boy´s shoulder and ushered him to the front door where he knocked impetuously. He turned and looked around several times while they waited for somebody to answer the door.

Mr. Evans clearly wasn´t thrilled by having visitors at the crack of dawn and for a moment Severus thought he might get very angry, but the man´s expression softened when he recognized the boy.

"I´m Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts school for witchcraft and wizardry. May we please come in?"

Mr. Evans stepped aside to allow them in and Dumbledore shoved his charge into the hallway.

"Are we welcome, Sir?" he asked.

Severus thought this was a funny question.

"You are welcome," answered Mr. Evans and his face gave away that he shared Severus´ opinion.

"Thank you!" Dumbledore beamed. "You have no idea how important that was!"

"Do come in and explain," said Mr. Evans and led the way to the living room.

"Who is it?" Mrs. Evans came downstairs in her morning gown.

"It´s Lily´s headmaster and Severus."

"Oh, would you like tea?"

The headmaster nodded and a quarter of an hour later they sat around the coffee table and had tea.

"This morning," Dumbledore explained at last, "Severus´ father had a lethal accident." The Evans both held their breath and looked at the boy, who shrank back in the sofa, pityingly. "The common course of action for the authorities in such a case is to bring the orphan to his closest relatives or, when he has none, to an orphanage. In young master Snape´s case, it would be a muggle orphanage as his father and last living relative was a muggle."

"Oh no!" Mrs. Evans, who was sitting beside Severus on the sofa, wrapped an arm around the boys shoulders. "Is there a way to avoid this?"

"In fact there is and as previous cases showed that it´s easier to keep a child out of an orphanage than get him out once he´s there, I took the liberty to bring the boy here as quickly as possible. By welcoming him to your house you gave him a home for the moment and he´s safe. If you won´t agree to the proposal I´m going to make, you just have to word your wish that he leaves to undo your accepting him as a house guest."

"What do you propose?" Mrs. Evans asked.

"As I learned that young master Snape is a friend of your daughter, I thought that, maybe, you´d be ready to take him as a foster-son. He´d not bother you much. He can stay at school all year, if you wish, and has only to return here for the summer holidays. He will be of age before graduating, which means he doesn´t need to come here after his last school year. By granting him some weeks at your house, you could spare him a life at an orphanage."

The Evans searched each others eyes for a brief moment before Mr. Evans spoke. "We´ll gladly take Severus as a son and he will of course not stay at Hogwarts for his holidays unless it is his wish."

"So then it´s settled," Dumbledore beamed. "You´ll apply for fostering Severus."

He was interrupted by a soft noise at the window.

"Ah, this was quick," he said and got up to let the owl in. He removed a roll of parchment from the bird´s leg and it took off without waiting for an answer. "For you." The headmaster handed the letter to Mr. Evans.

Mr. Evans read it and handed it to his wife, who paled after reading it.

"Don´t let the harsh tone upset you," said Dumbledore, "if you agree, I´ll accompany you to the ministry to file your petition for custody."

Mr. Evans nodded and got up to get dressed properly.

"I don´t want you to leave the house under any circumstances before the matter is settled," Dumbledore ordered Severus. "We don´t want to give anybody the idea that you desire to be anywhere else than here. Is this clear?"

The boy nodded.

"He needs some clothes," said Mrs. Evans, "can we go and get some of his things from his parents´ house?"

"No, it´s too risky. I´ll send his bag from Hogwarts later today. He has been welcomed to your house and he stays here. Don´t forget!"

Mrs. Evans promised to keep Severus in the house. The boy was relieved to learn that the garden was not out of bounds for him. He didn´t like the thought of being locked up.

-x-

"You can have Lily´s room for the moment being," said Mrs. Evans after her husband and the headmaster had left. She led the way upstairs and started to change the sheets of Lily´s bed. "When Lily comes home, we´ll have to think of something else."

Severus nodded. Maybe there wasn´t going to be a need for this. If Dumbledore´s plan didn´t work, he may well be at an orphanage when Lily returned home. He asked himself whether he would be allowed to attend Hogwarts then. And if not, whether he would be able to see Lily from time to time.

"Do you want to have breakfast, dear, or do you prefer to sleep a bit? You must have gotten up in the middle of the night."

"I´d like to sleep, I think."

"I´ll be downstairs when you´re hungry. I´ll bring you pyjamas." Mrs. Evans left and returned with a pair of pink Barbie pyjamas shortly later. "They´re Petunia´s," she explained.

"Petunia won´t like me using her clothes."

"They´re old. She hasn´t worn them in months. And Lily´s are too small for you."

"They´re pink." The boy blushed.

Mrs. Evans laughed. "Nobody will see you under the duvet and I won´t tell."

Severus changed and climbed into the bed. He lay awake for some time thinking about his father´s death. Was he a bad son, because no tears came to him? The only feeling he had was relief. He had dreaded the Easter holidays so much and now he was not going to spend them in his father´s company.

After a while he fell asleep.

-x-

When the boy came downstairs, dressed in his school robes, he heard the Evans and professor Dumbledore talk in the kitchen.

"Ah, here he is," said Mrs. Evans. She ushered Severus to a chair and placed a plate with sandwiches in front of him. "You missed lunch, and supper will be in two hours," she said softly.

"Thank you, Mrs. Evans." Severus started eating hungrily.

"There will be a hearing at the ministry on Friday," said Dumbledore. "You´ll have to come there and give testimony that you wish to live with the Evans family."

Severus stopped chewing and swallowed hard. "What if I say something wrong?" he piped.

"You don´t need to be nervous," the headmaster smiled kindly. "Mr. Evans and I will be with you all the time. And all you have to do is tell them that you like your new family and living at their house. You will not be asked more."

The boy nodded.

"Your bag arrived from Hogwarts," said Mrs. Evans. "When you´ve finished eating you can take it upstairs and unpack. I´ll help you find some space in Lily´s cupboard."

-x-

Severus and with him the Evans waited for Friday on tenterhooks. The boy tried to divert his thoughts by reading some of Lily´s books. Whoever had packed his bag had forgotten to add his school books, so homework had to wait until Lily came home with hers. Luckily there were pyjamas in his bag and he was able to give the pink ones back to Mrs. Evans.

On Wednesday Dumbledore came to accompany Severus and the Evans to the funeral. They were the only mourners. Severus still hadn´t found himself capable to cry and it was only when they returned home after the ceremony that he shed some tears when Mrs. Evans hugged him sadly. He was not sure though whether this was because of the loss of his father or the sad look on the woman´s face.

On Thursday evening they talked about nothing but the hearing. Mrs. Evans reassured the boy that they´d not allow the ministry to take him from his new family and Mr. Evans promised to stay with him all the time at the hearing. At the end of the meal Petunia informed the family coldly that she hoped dearly that the ministry would show reason and ´not burden them with another freak´. She was sent upstairs without dessert.

-x-

When Severus woke on Friday morning it was still dark outside, but he was too nervous to sleep. He stayed in bed for a while because he didn´t want to wake anybody (Mr. and Mrs. Evans because he liked them, Petunia to avoid a scene), but then he got up. He was surprised to meet both, Mr. and Mrs. Evans, in the kitchen.

"Good morning, dear," said Mrs. Evans kindly, "I guess you couldn´t sleep either."

Severus shook his head and sat at the kitchen table when Mrs. Evans placed a cup of cocoa there for him.

"Thanks." He murmured.

The three of them had breakfast in nearly absolute silence. Neither felt like talking as each was aware of the day´s importance and caught in their thoughts and fears.

Professor Dumbledore came to collect Severus and Mr. Evans shortly before ten. They went once again over what was to be expected at the hearing and the professor smiled at Severus reassuringly. Severus hardly managed to smile back. It was his life this was about. He wished he hadn´t had breakfast.

When it was finally time for the meeting, the old wizard threw some floo powder into the fireplace and they went to the ministry.

-x-

"Wow! This was quite a journey!" Mr. Evans exclaimed. "I´m not sure I like this way of travelling too much though. I feel a bit drowsy."

The headmaster explained that this was normal and led the way to a counter, where Mr. Evans and the boy were given badges, Dumbledore produced one from his pocket. Severus´ said ´S. Snape, orphan, hearing concerning living arrangements´. Curiously the boy gazed at the men´s. Mr. Evans was – according to the badge - ´R. Evans, muggle, hearing concerning living arrangements of S.S.´ and the headmaster´s read ´A. Dumbledore, meddling old fool´.

"I´m here so often and I grew tired of theirs. With this, I´m much faster as I can avoid the queue at the counter."

Severus looked around. There was no queue and when he saw the twinkling in the old wizard´s eyes, he doubted there ever was.

They went to the elevators and, after a ride in one of them, along a long corridor. The hearing was to take place in one of the offices. The professor explained that they were going to be called when the judge was ready. He conjured three extremely comfortable armchairs for them and a stack of muggle magazines.

Seemingly the judge was a very busy man. Severus had just started filing through his fourth magazine, when a door opened and a stern witch led a girl of maybe seven or eight years towards the elevators. The girl´s eyes were tearful and the witch babbled on about this (whatever) being for the girl´s own good. Severus´ heart sank.

Some minutes later a young wizard with very short mousy brown hair, carrying a thin file, came from one of the other offices and entered the judge´s. Some more minutes after this Severus´ name was called and the professor led the way inside the office.

There were two wizards waiting for them. One was a judge, who was going to decide whether Severus could stay with the Evans family. The other, whom Severus had already seen in the corridor, turned out to be an employee of the Office for Magical Youth Welfare, who had to counsel the judge.

"Good morning, Albus," the judge greeted. "I didn´t expect the Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot to turn up at a youth welfare hearing."

"Good morning, Thor," the headmaster replied, "I´m not here as Chief Warlock. I´m here as headmaster of Hogwarts as the young man in question is one of my students as you have undoubtedly seen in the files."

Thor, a slender man of about fifty years with long blond curls, nodded. "The case doesn´t seem to be very complicated. We have a young orphan and a family, ready to give him a home. So it seems quite clear."

Before Severus could allow the budding feeling of hope spread through his body, the other wizard spoke up. "The case is not at all clear. We´re talking about giving a young wizard to muggles!"

"Muggles, who have a witch daughter," Dumbledore pointed out.

"Which means what exactly? There are many muggles who despise their magical offsprings."

"If we would, we´d not apply to foster a magical child." Mr. Evans pointed out.

The judge nodded. "Please, Mr. Evans, tell me about your daughter."

"She´s in Severus´ year at Hogwarts and she´s doing well there." Mr. Evans looked at Dumbledore.

The headmaster nodded in agreement. "In fact Miss Evans is the top student in several of her classes. The only other student achieving comparable grades is young Severus."

The OMYW employee snorted. "I don´t see how Miss Evans grades can be of importance for this case."

"Her grades show that the Evans are capable to give a wizarding child the education needed to succeed in the magical world although they are muggles." Dumbledore was irritated.

"If that is indeed so, then why did you hide the boy at their house in the night? You must have dragged him out of bed!"

"That was because I know you and the OMYW! You know exactly well that you´d have dragged him out of my castle to a muggle institution only minutes later and you know how complicated it is to get a child back once you have taken care of them. Don´t deny it, Xaver!"

"I don´t deny anything. We do everything necessary for the welfare of our charges."

"Do calm down, both of you!" ordered the judge. "Mr. Evans, why do you want to foster the boy?"

"He´s a friend of my daughter and if it were her to be an orphan, I´d prefer her to live with friends of the family over an orphanage. To be honest, I don´t see why us being muggles is worse than the orphanage being run by muggles."

The judge contemplated Mr. Evans´ words for a while, then he turned to Severus. "And what do you say, my boy, where do you want to live? Don´t be afraid. Speak freely."

"I would like to stay with the Evans family, Sir," Severus said solemnly. "Lily is my friend and my mother let me stay there frequently during the holidays."

The wizard the headmaster had called Xaver snorted. "He´s thirteen. He can´t decide for himself."

Soon the four men were involved in a heated discussion and after a while Severus lost track. In the end, after more than five hours, the judge decided that the boy was to stay with the Evans and Severus found himself hugged by his new foster-father.

Dumbledore led the way out of the ministry and suggested to get a quick bite before returning home. Mr. Evans agreed as neither of them had had lunch. "My wife will be on her way to pick up Lily by now," he said, "we may as well get something to eat here."

Shortly later they were seated around a table in a small cafe. The men had tea and scones and the boy got cocoa and a large slice of apple pie.

"There were times when I thought we´d lose," confessed Mr. Evans.

"It was close at some points," agreed Dumbledore, "but we succeeded and that´s all that counts." He smiled at the boy between them.

"Thank you, professor and Mr. Evans," Severus said in a small voice. "thank you for helping me."

"You´re very welcome," said Mr. Evans. "Helping is what friends are for."

After they had finished their meal they decided to return home to bring the merry news to Mrs. Evans and Lily. The professor took them to the park, where Severus had used to meet Lily, one after the other and bid his good-bye. Mr. Evans thanked him again before the old wizard disapparated.

Severus felt relieved. It was over. He was allowed to return to the Evans´ house and this house was going to be his home until he became of age. It was a happy thought.

-x-

Lily and her mother were waiting anxiously for them and cheered when Mr. Evans announced that Severus was now officially a son of the family. There was a lot of happy hugging and Mrs. Evans made supper.

The cheerful atmosphere lasted only until Petunia spoke up during the meal. First she made nasty comments about having another magical person in the family, then she refused to share her room with Lily.

There was a quarrel between the three Evans women about the sleeping arrangements. In the end it was decided that for the time being Severus was going to share Lily´s room. He´d have to sleep on an old air-mattress, but he didn´t care. Sharing a room with Lily was a good thing. They´d be able to chat in the dark. The boys in Severus´ dormitory did it a lot and it sounded like fun although Severus was never part of it.

-x-

They did indeed chat after they went to bed. First they covered the obvious topics: Severus had to tell what had happened since he had left Hogwarts. Lily uttered astonishment, compassion and amusement at the right parts of his tale and though the topic was not cheerful, Severus enjoyed the conversation very much.

Later the boy confessed he had taken Lily´s books. "I was bored and I took one of your books without asking. I´m sorry."

"Don´t be stupid. You can take my books. Which one did you choose?"

"The one with the story about the Canterville Ghost. It´s funny."

"I like that story, but I never thought it was funny." Lily´s voice was more than doubtful.

"But it is."

"You have to explain that."

"Just think about the Hogwarts ghosts and then read the story. Can you imagine the Bloody Baron using water-color?" Severus suppressed a giggle.

"You are right, this is funny. Let´s have a look." Lily sat up and started rummaging in her bedside table´s drawer. "Here it is." She lit a torch. "Where is the book?"

It was Severus´s turn to rummage. He found the book on the floor under the desk. "Here."

"Start reading." Lily passed him the torch. Severus did as he was asked and soon the two were shaken by fits of laughter. After some pages he passed the book and torch to Lily and she went on reading. The fun was put to an end when Mrs. Evans opened the door and said "The two of you are keeping the whole house awake. Sleep now!" in a gentle voice.

Severus was ashamed. The Evans had saved him from the orphanage and kindly accepted him into their house and he had made Mrs. Evans angry only hours later.

They remained silent for some minutes, then Lily continued reading in a whisper. Soon they were giggling and laughing again. This time Mrs. Evans was really angry. "You put that away and sleep now. We´re all tired." – "Yes, mum." – "Yes, ."

Ten minutes later they resumed reading. In order to not disturb her parents again Lily made Severus lie beside her and they read in silence. They pointed at funny paragraphs though and it was fun nevertheless.

-x-

The boy woke the next morning to Mrs. Evans angry voice. He had no idea what this was about and he felt a disturbing pain on his side. Groaning he reached under the duvet and removed the reason for his uneasiness. "Ouch, I must have been lying on this torch the whole night!" he whined.

stared at the two children and a smile of relief showed on her face. "You´ve been reading that book. I thought you were..." she blushed. "Sorry, come down to breakfast, dears."

Lily stared after her mother. "What was that about?"

This was exactly the question Severus was thinking about and he had no idea what it had been about. Then he became aware that he was sitting beside Lily, who was undoubtedly a girl, in her bed and he blushed. With one quick movement he fled from the bed. "We´d better go to breakfast quickly." He collected his clothes from the chair and went off to the bathroom.

When he had washed and dressed he stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. How stupid, he scolded himself. Surely the Evans were going to be fed up with him before the Easter holidays ended. They had given him a home and he repaid their kindness with annoying Mrs. Evans the first evening and spending the night in her daughter´s bed. He tried to convince himself that, since they had done nothing but read, the latter wasn´t really bad, but a nagging little voice in his mind kept telling him that even that had been too much.

-x-

The boy went back to Lily´s room and threw his pyjamas on his air-mattress. The moment he entered he could have slapped himself. He had not knocked. Lily had already changed, but entering without knocking when she did would have been just the missing link to catastrophy. Severus made a mental note to himself to not forget knocking in the future.

They went downstairs. Severus could hear the Evans talk in the kitchen through the door.

"I tell you, it looked as if the were embracing each other. Calm down, dear, they were only reading a book." Mrs. Evans didn´t sound angry but rather amused. Severus was puzzled.

"Tonight they were reading a book. I just don´t want to think about tomorrow." Mr. Evans, on the other hand, didn´t sound amused at all.

"Don´t be ridiculous!"

"Some minutes ago, you were being ridiculous yourself!"

"I was wrong. Don´t say anything, when they come down. The boy´s had a hard week."

"This doesn´t give him the right to crawl into my daughter´s bed."

Severus decided he´d better go and apologize before his foster-father got more angry, but Lily caught his arm when he wanted to knock. "What are they talking about?" she mouthed.

Severus bit his lip. The thought alone was embarrassing. If he had to explain it aloud, he´d probably die from embarrassment. Lily, however, scrutinized his face openly and curiously and he couldn´t let her face her parents without an idea. He leaned forward a bit to whisper in her ear. This way at least Petunia wouldn´t listen in.

"Your mother thought we had been . . . kissing, when she saw us."

The girl´s crimson blush gave away she didn´t doubt that her mother suspected them of more than kissing.

Severus gave Lily a brief moment to recover before he knocked and entered the kitchen. "Good morning, Mr. and ." he said politely. "Please accept my apology for giving you a shock, . It won´t happen again."

"You can bet on that, boy," said . "I want your word that you´ll stay on your air-mattress in the future."

"I give you my word that I´ll stay in whatever place you see fit for me for the night, Sir." Severus answered solemnly. "We were reading a book yesterday evening and I got up to Lily so we wouldn´t wake you. I must have fallen asleep." To his relief Mr. Evans didn´t look as angry as he had sounded before.

"Dad! What are you thinking of us! This is insulting!" Lily was upset.

"No, child, now I´ve Severus´s word, it´s funny." Mr. Evans smiled and turned to his wife, who was frying some eggs for the children. "You really thought...?" He laughed.

"Stop making fun of me!" scolded as she was placing plates in front of Lily and Severus.

The boy thought it was amazing. A quarter hour before the Evans had thought he had molested their daughter and now they were laughing and joking and he wasn´t left out. He was part of their group. A simple apology and a promise had triggered the change. Nobody seemed to harbour a grudge against him for giving them a shock. Severus knew one thing for sure: This had never been possible in the Snape family.

-x-

The rest of the holidays Severus was very careful not to anger his new guardians. He helped in the house, obeyed orders without discussion and spent the night on the air-mattress. First he even tried not to chat with Lily to avoid disturbing her parents, but the girl would not have it and he enjoyed their chats far too much to remain silent for long.

As he had told about his father´s death and the hearing the first night, Lily informed him about her new house-mate one of the next. The tall, red-haired girl´s name was Angelique Dupont. She was a relative of Myra´s and she indeed waged war against Sirius Black. Severus thought that the last alone made her very interesting.

They had a good laugh when Lily retold some of the pranks Angelique had played on Black. The only bad things about those stories was that Severus couldn´t spread them at Hogwarts. Firstly he had nobody to spread them to and secondly Black would guess how the Gryffindor secret had left the tower and he, Severus, and Lily would be in trouble.

They spent some time making plans for their next potions summer workshop and with Lily´s herb patch and – of course – they did their homework. Severus wrote two rolls of parchment extra for transfiguration to make up for the disappointment he had caused professor McGonagall at Christmas.

-x-

The journey back to Hogwarts was a bit of a shock. Living with the Evans family was a wonderful thing to get easily used to and now he was back to being not wanted in his house, not able to talk to his only friend (sister, actually, it was a pleasant thought) and bullied by the Gryffindor four.

It started on the train. He had a compartment on his own once more and Black and his cronies tried to corner him there. But he was careful and locked the door magically and they couldn´t come in. Watching them try unlocking charms was actually fun. Of course he hadn´t been stupid enough to choose a spell which would be outdone by something as simple as ´Alohomora´.

At last the four boys had given up and Severus had spent the rest of the journey peacefully reading up on cleaning charms. They came back on the Hogsmeade platform.

Fortunately Severus had counted on this and had a spell ready for them. He cast a stinging hex at Pettigrew, who – being the least powerful of the four – tried to hit him and frightened the others away with a ´Serpensortia!´, the spell to conjure a snake. He cast the spell nonverbally in order not to teach it his enemies. There was much to be said about Potter and Black, but they were undoubtedly powerful and skilled enough to learn a spell by hearing it only once. As soon as the boys had fled he got rid of the snake, nonverbally again.

The action reminded him of the last summer, when his mother had tried to teach him nonverbal magic. He had barely got a grip of it then. It hurt to think that she had never seen him perform a nonverbal spell properly after the effort she had put into teaching him.

He spent the journey up to the castle with sad thoughts and for some seconds he had to fight back tears. When they reached the front doors, he had luckily recovered. He left the carriage he had shared with three Hufflepuffs and walked into the Great Hall, where the students were welcomed by the headmaster only little later.

-x-

Severus sat facing the Gryffindor table as always. It had become a habit after he and Lily had worked out their sign language. He didn´t have to wait long until the girl scratched her left ear. ´Are you OK?´ He returned the gesture, but didn´t dare smile at her. Seconds later he was happy he hadn´t, because he noticed Black glare at him with hatred.

-x-

The war started the very next day. The Gryffindor four tried to corner Severus on countless occasions. Luckily he was a better spell-caster than Lupin and Pettigrew and more experienced with hexes and jinxes than Potter and Black. His ability to use nonverbals turned out to be of great advantage. Firstly it helped keep his spells secret. Let them go to the library and research themselves. Secondly it left his opponents wondering which shielding spell to use, for shielding was all you could do against a nonverbal. There was no way to cast a countercurse without knowing the curse.

Although Severus got the upper hand on Black and his cronies every time they met, he nevertheless got plenty of opportunities to practice healing charms. When he was attacked by four boys at once it was unevitable that one or the other spell would actually hit him. He developed a routine to counter or shield Black and Potter´s, and Lupin´s if he could manage, and let Pettigrew hit him. The plump boy was undoubtedly the least powerful of the group and his spells did less damage than the others´.

As summer neared Severus started noticing a strange thing. He wasn´t always attacked by four. Often Lupin was missing. Now that he´d noticed it, he paid attention and found out that the boy missed classes frequently as well.

The good thing with all the fighting was that Severus got top marks in Charms and Defence without actually practicing for the exams.

-x-

The journey back to London was uncommonly uneventful. Severus had no idea why that was, but the Gryffindors left him alone. When the train pulled into the station, the boy got his trunk and left platform 9¾ . He was greeted by his foster-parents heartily. Mr. Evans patted his back and Mrs. Evans pulled him into a hug.

They had to wait a short while as Lily had friends to say good-bye to. It took her quite some time to join her family. Severus supposed this was because the French exchange student, who had become a friend for Lily, was returning home.

When Lily had finally joined them, they went to the parking lot and Mr. Evans heaved the two Hogwarts trunks into the boot of his car. The ride home was filled with happy chatting. The Evans wanted to know everything about the two children, especially about their exams. Severus was pleased that he wasn´t left out of the conversation and praised for his grades just like Lily.

Mrs. Evans prepared a special welcome dinner for them. It consisted of a vegetable stew, which Severus had mentioned he liked very much during Easter break and chocolate pudding, which was Lily´s preferred dessert.

Petunia was silent during the whole meal. Severus thought this was quite a change for the better. At Easter she had poisoned the atmosphere with nasty remarks about magical people all the time.

While they enjoyed dessert, Mrs. Evans brought up the question of sleeping arrangements. She didn´t even suggest that Lily move in with Petunia. Instead she talked about getting a bunk bed for Severus in Lily´s room.

The boy thought this wasn´t a good idea. Sharing the room with Lily had caused them trouble once and he wasn´t going to risk infuriating his new parents.

"I thought about this, Mrs. Evans," he said. "If it´s OK with you, I could sleep at my room in my parents´ house."

"You can´t stay in that house all by yourself, dear." Mrs. Evans cried.

"It would be only for the night, I can come over to your house for the day. It would solve our problem and I wouldn´t mind." Not to mention that they could use the house by day to escape Petunia.

"This sounds reasonable to me," agreed Mr. Evans. "If you really don´t mind staying there all alone. You don´t have to, you know." Severus smiled inwardly. Staying there all alone would be much better than staying there with his father. Truth to be told, even better than staying there with both his parents though this hadn´t been his mother´s fault.

"This house has not be used for months. It needs cleaning first." Mrs. Evans thought practically.

"So the air-mattress will have to do for one more night. Tomorrow you and the children can clean the Snape house, dear." pointed out to his wife.

"What a brilliant idea," smiled. "The four of us will clean that house in an instant!"

"What do you mean by ´the four of us´, mum? You´re not expecting me to enter that freak house?" Petunia joined the conversation with a frown.

"You do not expect me to let her into my house?" Severus retaliated. Never. This poison-spitting fury would never cross his threshold!

sighed. "So it will be the three of us. I just thought, if you spent some time together and knew each other better..."

"She´s spent years with Lily. To what result?" Severus was angry now. He felt a bit guilty. Starting a row with Petunia would make the Evans angry. But this was too important.

"I know that scum well enough!" Petunia shouted.

"You take that back, Petunia. You´re being rude." tried to restore calm.

"So, am I?" Petunia got up and left for her room.

Severus stared after her. She had left. Now he was the boy who had driven the daughter of the house out of the room. Surely the Evans weren´t going to allow him disturb the peace of the family. Why could he never do anything right? "I´m sorry. I didn´t mean to drive her away." Severus said in a small voice.

"Don´t worry, dear." Mrs. Evans smiled and touched his shoulder softly. "You can´t let her insult you all the time. She has to learn to keep a truce at least."

She didn´t seem angry at all. These people were either amazing or brilliant actors.

-x-

After the meal Mrs. Evans prepared Severus´ bed for the night. She wouldn´t allow the boy to do it himself as she had done the same for Lily. Severus felt very happy when he realised that the woman was trying to make him feel like one of her own children.

Lily started examining Severus´ arms for bruises the minute her mother had left the room. Severus pulled his arms from her and put his sleeves back down. "Stop that!" he hissed. "Heaven knows, what your mother will be thinking we are doing, if she comes back."

The Evans were so kind to him, they did so much more than keep him out of the orphanage, they truly made him a part of his family. The least thing he could do for them in return was be a good son. And getting too near their daughter clearly wasn´t going to help that matter.

After they had changed, they went to bed. They didn´t sleep though, but had a good long chat in hushed voices. Lily told Severus about Angelique and Myra. The most interesting thing was that Angelique was going to study Latin at Beauxbatons Academy.

"She wants to be a spellmaker," Lily whispered. "I wasn´t aware that you could create spells. I just thought, they´d always been there."

Severus hadn´t given this a thought before. For him, too, magic had been an everlasting, neverchanging thing. The idea that spells had to be created by someone was faszinating.

"A pity Latin isn´t taught at Hogwarts," he murmured.

"Maybe I can ask Myra to bring a textbook from France one day. She spends every summer there with her family."

"Do you think we can study Latin with only a textbook, without a teacher?"

"I´m not sure. We´ll see how we do with Ancient Runes."

Severus agreed. They both had chosen Runes along with Care of Magical Creatures for their third year. If Runes wasn´t too difficult for them, they´d possibly be able to learn Latin from a textbook.

Before he fell asleep, the thought of which other areas of magic could be experimented with crossed the boy´s mind. This night he dreamed of creating a new potion.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: A New Family

Mrs. Evans shooed Severus and Lily to the Snape house right after breakfast the next day. The boy had to carry some buckets, brushes and rags. Lily and her mother carried bags with all sorts of detergents.

Severus didn´t look forward to cleaning the house the muggle way. Doing it with magic would be much easier and faster, but as neither he nor Lily were of age, this was out of question. He dreaded entering the house. He hadn´t been there since Christmas as Dumbledore had ordered him to stay at the Evans´ house until the hearing. He could have gone to the house afterwards, but there was no need to as his things had been sent from Hogwarts by then. The Evans had never suggested to go and he hadn´t brought up the topic.

The boy walked some steps in front of Lily and her mother, lost in his thoughts. He only realised that he didn´t have a key when he reached the front door.

Mrs. Evans hurried to catch up with him, rummaged in her pocket and produced a key. "Here, dear. Professor Dumbledore gave it to us after the hearing."

Severus took the key with a quick word of thanks and unlocked the door. He hesitated to open it. The house was full of memories, not all of them good. He turned and looked at Mrs. Evans and Lily.

Mrs. Evans smiled at him encouragingly but he still couldn´t muster the courage to open the door.

Lily set down her bag beside the buckets he had put on the front stairs and stepped beside him. She smiled brightl, but her eyes weren´t as brilliant as usually. Severus knew she understood. She took his left hand in hers and squeezed it gently.

With a sigh he turned the doorknob.

-x-

The house looked like always. It smelled a bit musty, but this was to be expected when no window had been opened for months. There was also a layer of dust.

Somehow Severus had expected the place to be untidy. It had been inhabited by a drunk with nobody to look after him for months. He had pictured empty bottles or cans. Dirty dishes. Unwashed clothes. But seemingly nothing of this kind was there.

The boy was relieved. He´d have felt embarrassed if Lily and her mother had seen the house in an undecent state.

It was Mrs. Evans to break the silence. "I´ll do the kitchen, Lily the living room and you can take the sleeping rooms, dear," she directed. "That way Lily and I aren´t likely to intrude too much onto your private properties."

"Thank you, . If you´re not sure about an item, please ask me or Lily. There might be some magical things lying about. And if you happen to find mom´s old broomstick, please don´t use it for cleaning."

While Lily stepped into the living room and her mother went to the kitchen, he slowly climbed the stairs.

He started in his own room as this was going to be easiest. He dusted the shelves, vacuumed the floor and changed the sheets. He also inspected his cupboard and filled a plastic sack with clothes that were too small for him. He sighed. He´d need a lot of new things for the new school year. Had the Evans been aware he´d cause so much cost when they had taken him? Did they have the money to pay for his things, too?

He carried the sack to the landing and proceeded to the next room to clean it.

-x-

It was his parents´ bedroom.

The blanket on the left side was laid out neatly and the bed looked like it hadn´t been used for a very long time. On the bedside table stood two frames. One held a muggle photograph of a little, dark-haired boy and the second a colourful drawing of flowers. Severus remembered when he had given this drawing to his mother. It had been even before he had learned he was a wizard. He couldn´t believe she had kept it for so long.

The other bed looked more used. The blanket, it seemed, had been arranged hastily by it´s owner, neatly enough to not look untidy, but not very diligently. On his father's bedside table stood one frame, which held a picture of Eileen and Severus. The boy must have been four or five. Both looked very happy in the picture. Severus didn´t remember seeing his mother ever with such a happy twinkling in her eyes.

The boy started cleaning the room. As he had done in his own, he started with dusting and vacuuming. Then he changed the sheets. He gathered the old ones and carried them downstairs with the ones from his bed. He saw Lily dust books in the living room when he passed the door on his way down to the cellar.

He was just putting the bed sheets into the washing machine when he heard a loud shriek.

-x-

Severus rushed to the kitchen at top speed. The view of Mrs. Evans backing away from a nutcracker was not what he had expected to meet there.

"Sorry," Severus panted, stiffling a fit of laughter. "I´ll help you."

He grabbed the nutcracker – a wooden statue of a Beefeater – and squeezed it. "It´s a magical tool," he explained. "You´re supposed to set him beside a bowl of nuts and he´ll crack them all open. To stop him you have to squeeze him. See." He set the nutcracker down and it stood motionless.

"It wanted to bite me!" cried Mrs. Evans.

"Sorry, I should have warned you. I´ll go back to the washing machine."

"Do so, but come back soon. It´s almost time for lunch."

-x-

Lunch was taken in the living room. "Didn´t your mom read any magic books?" asked Lily and pointed at the now dust free shelves, which held only muggle paperback books.

"I suppose, she did, but she must have kept them somewhere else. Dad wouldn´t have tolerated magical stuff in his living room. She only had some magical kitchen items, because he never cared to come to the kitchen."

"There´s more?" Mrs. Evans looked uncomfortable.

"At least a self-acting rolling-pin. I can finish the kitchen if you feel uncomfortable."

"No, dear, no need to. I´m warned now." Mrs. Evans smiled feebly.

-x-

Severus returned to his parents' room after lunch. He started searching the bedside tables and cupboards.

The most interesting find was a small bundle of letters in his mother´s bedside drawer. Severus took the first out of its envelope. When he read the first line ´Eileen, my beloved´ in his father´s unruly writing he stuffed it back and put the bundle back in the drawer. Reading his mother´s letters felt like betraying her trust.

He wondered what he was to do with his parents´ clothes. His mother´s were old and out of fashion, so the boy thought he probably should throw them away, but he couldn´t muster the courage. He decided to leave them in the cupboard since he had no intentions to use it.

His father´s cupboard turned out a treasure. There were plenty of shirts and trousers which were likely to fit him. Severus looked through his finds and tried some on. The shirts´ sleeves were a bit long, but they would do. The trousers were definitely too long. The boy decided to ask Mrs. Evans whether she could fit them for him.

"I found some clothes I can wear," he explained to her, when she came upstairs to see how he was doing. "The shirts are OK, but the trousers are too long. Can you fit them for me?"

"Dear, you don´t need to wear the clothes of your dead father. We´ll get you new ones." Mrs. Evans smiled kindly.

"That won´t be necessary," said the boy. "Why buy new ones and spend money, when I can use these?"

Mrs. Evans looked at the boy in surprise. Neither of her daughters had ever turned down an offer to get her new clothes. "You take the shirts," she said then, "but we´ll buy new trousers."

Reluctantly, Severus agreed.

-x-

Later in the evening they returned to the Evans´ home. Severus had a quick bite and then returned home to explore the rest of the house. Where had his mother kept her books on magic?

-x-

Severus went up to the attic when he returned home. He remembered his mother keeping her school stuff in a trunk up there. The old trunk was now his, but he assumed that his mother hadn´t moved the books downstairs when she had emptied the trunk for him.

He really found some old cardboard boxes, but there were no books in them, but his mother´s old school robes, shoes and toys. The boy yawned and, when he realised how tired he actually was, went down to his room. He changed into a nightshirt and fell asleep as soon as his head touched the pillow.

-x-

Despite his exhaustion Severus woke early the next morning. A glance out of the window told him that the sun had not yet risen. With a groan he snuggled into his blanket but after some minutes he had to admit that he´d not be able to sleep again, so he got up.

He washed and dressed and strolled to the kitchen lazily. Breakfast would be fine, but it was far to early to go over to the Evans. His foster-parents weren´t likely to thank him if he woke them at the crack of dawn. Severus made a mental note to get some biscuits or so for the house. It wouldn´t do to starve there. After a while he realised that, although there was no food, there were probably tea leaves and coffee somewhere in the kitchen. A cup of tea was better than nothing.

He searched the kitchen but couldn´t find any tea. Then it struck him. The pantry! He opened the door, and really, there was a box of tea leaves on one of the shelves, but that was not all. There were rows and rows of jars and bottles and bundles of dried herbs. His mother's potions ingredients! And on the floor stood a box. Severus opened it with shaking hands. He didn´t need to read the titles to know what that was. The heavy leather-bound books seemed to breathe magic.

The boy couldn´t supress a grin. His mother´s books! He´d found them! He could hardly wait to tell Lily.

He thought it over, while he was sipping his tea. Why move the books to Lily´s room when they had a house to work at? He just hoped the Evans´ were going to give permission for them to work at the Snape house.

When another idea came to him, he searched the house again. When it was finally nine o´clock, he went over to the Evans house.

-x-

Severus was just finishing his breakfast, when Lily came downstairs.

"Hi, sleepy head," he said. "I was just talking to your mother about moving our potions lab to mom´s kitchen. I´m not using it to cook anyway and you´d get all the herbs out of your room." He didn´t mention how happy he was that Mrs. Evans had agreed to the plan so easily. His find would make their potions workshop much more interesting and they´d be spared explaining what they were carrying to Lily´s room. Severus wasn´t sure the Evans were going to approve their daughter and foster-son experiment with a fully trained witch´s potions kit.

"Heaven knows, I could do with some more space," yawned Lily. "Can I have peppers with my eggs, mum?"

put a plate in front of her daughter. "Cocoa or tea?" she asked.

"Tea, please."

"It might not be a bad idea to move your potions workshop to the Snape house, dears. I know, your work is important for school, but sometimes the stench is really irritating." poured a cup of tea for Lily.

"So then it´s settled. We can start moving our things, when I finished breakfast." Lily took a forkful of egg.

"Hurry up then," the boy urged, "we got loads to do!" He was eager to show his friend what he had found and he wanted to know which books were in the box.

"Severus Snape, stop pushing me! We have all summer to do this. There´s no need for me to suffocate on my breakfast." Lily glared at him, but her twinkling eyes gave away she wasn´t really angry.

"Sorry, I just wish, you´d hurry up a bit." Severus wished he could tell her, why he wanted her to hurry, but Mrs. Evans was certainly not going to let them have books which were in the restricted area of the Hogwarts library. As long as they didn´t know more about the contents of that box, better not mention it to the woman.

"Nuisance!" Lily complained, but nevertheless started shoveling eggs into her mouth.

-x-

They agreed to start moving the lab immediately after breakfast. As soon as Lily had finished her meal, they rushed upstairs and started packing their herbs and concoctions in two boxes Mrs. Evans had provided.

"This stuff will never fit into these," Lily pointed out after a while. She had a point. Although the boxes were nearly full, so were her shelves.

"We´ll have to go several times," agreed the boy. "We shouldn't try to stuff too much into one box or we'll damage our ingredients."

"You're right. Better go more often."

Severus opened the door for Lily and the girl stepped into the corridor, where she nearly ran into Petunia. "Are you moving out, finally?" the older girl asked pertly.

"No, we´re not. We just got ourselves a house as a playground for the day," Lily snapped back.

They reached Severus´ house quite quickly as Lily put the energy her anger provided into her pace. In fact the boy had difficulties following her without actually running. Severus overtook her at the garden fence. He set his box down on the doorstep and rummaged in his pocket from where he produced the present he had prepared for Lily earlier that morning.

-x-

It was a key to the house on a pink ribbon. Lily seemed very pleased to receive her own key, but she complained about the ribbon´s colour. Fortunately Severus had foreseen this. The information that his own key was attached to a pink ribbon, too, soothed the girl.

The boy let Lily try out her new key and let them into the house. When they set down their boxes on the kitchen table, it was finally time to show Lily his find.

"I have to show you something." Severus grinned and pointed at the small door beside the refridgerator.

"You want to show me, where your mom kept her tins?"

"Oh, come on, I discovered it this morning. I woke early and thought I could make myself a cup of tea." Severus led the way to the door and opened it. "Tataaa! Mom´s stock of potion ingredients. And a box of books."

Lily entered the small storeroom. "Oh my god!" the girl exclaimed at the sight of the ingredients displayed on the shelves. "Have you an idea what we can do with all this stuff?"

"Actually I have. A pity we still can´t use wands."

"What´s in the book box?"

"No idea, I wanted to wait for you to have a look with me."

Lily beamed at him, her face was all happiness and Severus found that making Lily happy made him so, too.

-x-

They moved both, the box and the kitchen table to meet near the refridgerator. After a short pause – the book box was extremely heavy and Severus had no doubt that his mother had levitated it to the pantry – they started unpacking. The very first book was a great find. Moste potente potions. Severus knew it existed as it was mentioned in the first chapter of his beginners´ potion book, but never had seen one as it was in the restricted section at the Hogwarts library.

No matter what else was in the box, this book alone was better than he had dared hope for.

There was a total of twenty books. Moste potente potiones was the only one which could be considered dark or dangerous. There were some on healing, one on herbology and his mother´s old school books.

While Severus found the advanced books interesting, Lily was more practical. She took the school books from the stack. "We can work through these in advance," she pointed out and the boy had to admit she was right. Most of his mother´s books were too advanced for them. With a sigh he started to put them back into the box, but then he remembered there was no more reason why magical books couldn´t be on one of the book shelves in the living room.

"Please, help me empty one of the shelves," he said and led the way to the living room.

"Which one?" asked Lily.

"What do you think? Which books won´t I need?"

"You don´t want to throw them away?"

"No, but I´ll have to put them in the attic and I don´t want to climb up there twice a day."

Lily nodded in understanding. "What about those mystery stories? Do you think you´ll want to read them?"

"Yes. They´d better stay here."

"Science Fiction stories?" – Those couldn´t go either.

"Love stories?"

"I don´t think I want to read those."

"I thought so." Lily grinned.

They both took a stack of battered love stories upstairs and Severus put them into a box in the attic. Back downstairs they fitted the potions books into their new space. They looked out of place in a way as they were all heavy and bound in dark leather. They simply didn´t fit in with the colorful backs of the old muggle books. Luckily books weren´t able to complain.

"I wonder, where mom kept the rest of her school books." They´d be decent neighbours for the potion books.

"She may have sold them," Lily pointed out. "You said, your parents were short of money. She may have sold them to feed the family."

"No, dad lost his job after I was born. She knew I would need school books. They must be somewhere in the house."

"Let´s set up our potions lab and search for the books another day. Mum will be concerned, if we don´t come back soon."

"Right, it´s time for lunch anyway. I´m starving."

-x-

Mrs. Evans awaited the two with a light meal of salad and bread. She called for Petunia to come downstairs to join them.

Severus wished she hadn´t. His older foster-sister´s presence was never pleasant. From the first moment on the girl had made it clear that she didn´t like Severus. Of course the boy was aware that this might have nothing to do with his being Severus at all. Maybe it was just about his being a wizard. Anyway, it was annoying.

Petunia stomped to the table and dropped onto her chair. "About time you show up," she nagged, "mum refused to give me lunch as long as you´re not here." The complaint that they were responsible for her unhappiness hung in the air for several minutes and nobody dared to say anything.

It was Mrs. Evans to break the uncomfortable silence at last. "So, how are things going? Did you move your herbs successfully?"

"We had a good start," said Lily, "but it will take some time. We´ve more stuff than we thought."

"We can´t risk to stack the ingredients. It would damage them," added Severus.

"A pity, so you´ll be around longer," Petunia mumbled.

"Stop it, Petunia!" Mrs. Evans was angry.

The girl didn´t say anything for the rest of the meal, but she sneered at Severus and Lily when Mrs. Evans didn´t look.

-x-

They carried two more boxes of herbs each to the Snape house in the afternoon. On their way between the houses they discussed how to proceed after they had settled in.

"Mum´s ingredients are pretty old," Severus pointed out. "Nearly a year, even if we assume she bought them shortly before she died."

Lily nodded. "Some will lose their power soon."

"We should look up methods to preserve them."

"That´s a good idea. I´ll take a book with me to read after supper, if that´s OK with you."

Severus had nothing against it. When they went back in the evening, he gave Lily his mum´s old fourth year book. He himself started reading the fifth year edition. The book contained loads of interesting information. The potions on the fifth year curriculum were complicated, but extremely useful. Many of them were to be used in healing. Severus had started leafing through the book, but soon he was not leafing but reading.

-x-

Although the boy had read late in the evening, he was up at the crack of dawn. He had no idea why that was. Although he had never had a habit of sleeping late, he had never been that early a bird. He took the book downstairs and made himself tea. Sometime later, when he thought he´d starve if he didn´t get breakfast soon, he went to the Evans.

The house was dark. As he didn´t want to wake anybody, Severus went to the backside of the house and had a look through the kitchen window. The room was still empty. With a sigh the boy settled down by the back door and waited for his new family to get up.

He wasn´t sure how long he had sat there, when finally the door was opened. Mrs. Evans uttered a small cry of surprise. "Severus!" she panted, "what are you doing here? You gave me a shock!"

"I´m sorry, I didn´t mean to startle you," the boy said solemnly and got up.

"How long have you been sitting there?" Mrs. Evans asked kindly and ushered him inside.

"I´m not sure. A while."

"Breakfast?"

"Yes, please."

A quarter of an hour later Severus and Mrs. Evans sat at the kitchen table and had buttered toast and tea together.

"Are you always up that early, dear?" Mrs. Evans asked.

"No, not that early. But rather early."

"I had a word with my husband yesterday. If you´re to commute between the houses, you need a key. And if you rise with the birds, even more." She took one from a drawer and put it on the table in front of the boy. "Only don´t lose it."

"I won´t."

It took a while until Lily came downstairs, too. After she finished breakfast they resumed their task of moving their workshop. Finally it took them the whole week to carry all their things to Severus´ house and place them in the pantry.

-x-

Severus spent his evenings absorbed in the fifth year potion book. He found what he had been looking for in the first place near the end of the book. There were several chapters on preservation methods. Apart from drying herbs, there were other means to elongate the durability of ingredients, like making concoctions, destilling or suspending the essential parts in an oil. Severus was happy they had summer holidays for these methods had one thing in common; they were time consuming and most of them required the brewer to be present and observe the process, to intervene if necessity arose.

"We should take lunch over to the house," he suggested at breakfast, "the morning´s work could be destroyed if we left our brew unattended for an hour."

Lily agreed and Petunia was exhiliarated. "Great! We won´t see you the whole day!" she cried happily, grinning at her younger siblings maliciously.

"Stop it, Petunia," said Mrs. Evans, but she sounded feeble. More than a week of constant bickering from her elder daughter and the never ending need to intervene on her younger´s behalf had made her tired.

"A pity we didn´t become aware of that possibility before. We´d have stayed at my house all the time." Severus hissed back at the girl. "Your company isn´t pure pleasure, you know." He fell silent after a warning look from Mrs. Evans. As much as he wanted to protect Lily from her sister, he didn´t want to annoy her mother.

Half an hour later they arrived at their lab with a bag of sandwiches and two bottles of juice – orange for Lily and pumpkin for Severus – and started their experiments. The work was exhausting, but interesting. They lost some ingredients with misleading changes of instructions, but they both felt it was important to make mistakes. Seeing what went wrong gave them a better understanding of the details in the instructions.

Soon they developed a successful working pattern. Each had his or her tasks and the longer they worked together the fewer time was wasted with waiting for one step to be finished. As each got to knew the working pace of the other, they knew in advance when help was needed or when a task had to be started to be finished at the same time with the other´s.

The better their working sessions got, the worse got mealtimes at the Evans house. Petunia´s remarks became more and more offensive, Lily and Severus retaliated more openly from day to day and the Evans became more and more tired of it.

July was nearly at its end, when Severus made a suggestion to ease the tension for the family for some days.

"My mother used to take me on hiking tours in the surrounding moor land. She collected herbs there. If you gave permission to me and Lily for such a tour, we´d be out for some days and you could have a break from trouble." He looked at Mrs. Evans hopefully.

"You want to go out to the moors alone? No, no, dear, that´s out of question, you´re only thirteen years old and Lily won´t even be that for some weeks. You can´t go hiking alone for some days."

"But we´d be safe. We can take our wands."

"No, young man, no. This is my last word."

Petunia chose exactly this moment to enter the kitchen. "Still here?" she hissed at her sister.

"Yes, I am. By the way, we were just talking about using our wands." Lily was not in a mood to let her sister go unpunished for her nasty tone.

As it was to be expected, Petunia dropped the plate she had just taken from the dresser. "How dare you mention your abnormity in my presence," she shrieked. "This was a threat! Admit it! Mum, she´s threatening me!" She grabbed an apple and fled from the kitchen.

"Tell me more about that hiking trip." Mrs. Evans sighed.

Severus and Lily smiled at each other.

-x-

Mr. Evans was not thrilled by the idea of the two children going hiking alone, but he agreed grudgingly as he knew his wife needed a break. He insisted however, to be part of the preparations. A whole weekend was spent with teaching Severus how to pitch up a tent, making sure the boy knew which route to take and what to do in case of an emergency.

Severus was pleased that Mr. Evans had assumed he´d be responsible for the younger Lily without hesitation. He had been trying so hard to be a good son to his new family but Petunia´s behaviour had been discouraging. Mr. Evans´ trust in him was a good sign. The man wouldn´t commit Lily to his care if he wasn´t convinced he was a good boy, would he?

The boy paid close attention to everything his foster-father told him and willingly practiced pitching up the tent in the garden.

Mr. Evans was only satisfied when he could do it in under ten minutes.

"That will do, you won´t have problems with this out there," he said, when Severus stepped back to let him scrutinize his handywork.

The boy laughed. "I started thinking I´d have to do it blindfolded next, Sir."

"Now you mention it..." Mr. Evans joined the boy´s laughter.

In the evening Mrs. Evans helped them pack their things. They had rucksacks with food, clothes, plastic bags for their herbs and the tent. Both children put their wands into their bags, though neither was going to use them. But it had been clear from the beginning that the permission to go was linked to their ability to use magic when in trouble.

-x-

"That was pretty sly of you, to tell them we were taking our wands," said Lily, as she was walking beside Severus.

"It was pretty sly of you to never tell them, we weren´t allowed to use them at home." Severus pointed out. "Doesn´t that look like arnica? Let´s put down our rucksacks and collect some."

It wasn´t arnica, it turned out. Lily checked on her herbology book. But although it wasn´t the healing herb, it could be used in potion brewing and they picked some.

They collected herbs the whole day. By nightfall they had more than they could put into Lily´s rucksack. "Eat this," Lily held out a bag of sandwiches. "It will give us room for the herb bags."

"I can´t eat all that now. I´d explode!" Severus stared at the girl in disbelief.

"Well," Lily sighed, "in that case, I´ll have to carry it. Find a place to pitch up the tent, please. I´m tired."

Severus did as he was told. He went up a small hill to get a better view of the surrounding landscape. A group of bushes seemed quite inviting. They´d shield their tent against the wind. "Here," the boy cried and waved to Lily. "Here is a good place!"

The girl stamped over to him and dropped her rucksack on the spot. "Oh my god, I never knew hiking was this exhausting!" She dropped herself beside the rucksack.

Severus smiled. "I´ll take care of the tent. If you´ve recovered when I´m finished, you could make supper."

"Why is cooking always women´s work?"

Severus was taken aback. "Because I´m pitching the tent. But we can trade duties if you prefer." He had assumed Lily agreed with their tasks as she hadn´t protested when her father chose Severus to show him how to handle the tent.

"You know pretty well, that I don´t know how the tent thing works. Why did dad choose you to explain it to?"

"Because cooking is women´s work and he thought I should be doing something. Oooops!" Severus knew immediately he had said something wrong. Lily was fuming and hadn´t she been so tired, she might have attacked him. At least that was the impression he got.

"Look," Severus continued, "if you like, I can show you how to pitch the tent today and tomorrow we reverse roles." He tried to appease the girl. It wouldn´t do to lose his only friend over a quarrel about tents and cooking.

"OK, that sounds fair. I´ll show you how to open a tin later."

The boy stared at her in disbelief but didn´t dare to say anything.

-x-

It took Severus ten minutes to show Lily how to pitch up the tent. He patiently explained his every move.

"That was interesting," the girl stated when he was finished. "Are you hungry now?"

"I´m starving," the boy confessed.

Lily rummaged in her rucksack. "Beans or goulash?" She presented two tins.

"You choose."

"Lentil-soup then."

"I didn´t know, we had lentil-soup."

"Sorry, but I have only two hands. Is lentil-soup OK with you?"

"It is, I like lentil-soup. Mom used to take it with us when we were hiking. It´s bringing back good memories."

"I´m glad it does." Lily smiled. "So, now look..."

"Lily, I do know, how to open a tin."

"Of course you do. Sorry." The girl put on the camping cooker and started warming the soup. "You have to stir it."

"I know."

"Shut up and hand me a bowl."

They crawled into their sleeping bags soon after their meal and Lily fell asleep immediately. Severus lay awake for quite some time trying to figure out what he had done to turn the amiable girl into a erratic menace. When he fell asleep, he was no step closer to an answer.

-x-

It was still dark outside when Severus awoke. It must be close to dawn as the first twittering of birds was to be heard. He stayed motionless in his sleeping bag in order not to disturb Lily, who was breathing slowly beside him.

When it grew light and the birds hesitant sounds rose to a racket outside, it struck the boy that his friend had been exhausted the previous evening. She had carried her share of their luggage without complaint and never asked him to go slower. Severus could have slapped himself. He had set the pace for their hiking without taking into account that the girl was shorter than he. No wonder she had been unbearable when they finally settled down for the night. Now Lily looked peaceful as an angel. Her long hair surrounded her head like a cloud, her cheeks were rosy and her mouth hung open just a tiny bit.

He decided to let her sleep and crawled out of the tent as silently as he could manage. He started to get their herbs out of the plastic bags and hang them on a string to dry. It would have been better to do this in the evening, but Lily hadn´t been in a state to do it and he knew better than to try to send her to bed while he was working. She wouldn´t have that. Severus picked some leaves away, which had been spoiled over night.

When he had finished his task, he made coffee. He had tried the beverage at Hogwarts, curious to find out why many of the older students preferred it over tea, and found he liked it.

The sun was high in the sky when Lily finally came out of the tent.

They made things up over breakfast. Lily apologized for being a pest and Severus pointed out how they were going to make hiking easier for her, without mentioning that any of the changes was meant to achieve this, of course. He knew better than to tell Lily to her face that she was weaker and less enduring than he.

First the girl didn´t like the thought to leave their things behind, but Severus managed to talk her into it. As a result the day was much better than the previous. Lily was still in a good mood when they returned to the tent in the evening.

There was a short moment of tension when she noticed that the boy had suspended yesterday´s crop on strings without her help, but Severus pointed out it had been easy work and Lily dropped the topic and turned her attention to making dinner.

They ate with a good appetite. The evening was warm, the air was fresh and perfumed with the scents of the drying herbs. Soon the first stars could be seen. Severus produced a star chart and a torch from his rucksack. "I thought, we could work on astronomy a bit," he explained. "Observing the stars is easier out here. There are no disturbing lights." He lit the torch and looked at his map of the nocturnal sky. Then he lay back and gazed at the sky.

"What are you looking for?" asked Lily.

"The dolphin."

"Let me have a look."

Severus handed her the chart and the torch. Lily studied the chart and lay back, too. After some minutes she exclaimed "There!" and pointed at the sky.

"Well done! I see it, too." He had found it some minutes before as his mother had played this little game with him every time they were in the moors, but why destroy Lily´s joy.

"Ah, this is uncomfortable. I wish I had a pillow."

"You can use my shoulder, if you want." He wasn´t sure whether this was a welcome offer, it just felt like the right thing to say.

"This would be very uncomfortable for you."

"I´d do anything to keep you from being a pest again."

"How dare you!" Lily was up in the fraction of a second and pointed the torch at her friend. "You are a pest yourself!" she said in a soft voice when she saw his broad grin. She lay back down and rested her head against his shoulder. "I hope, I´m heavy."

"Now that you mention it... you are." They giggled and went on searching the sky for constellations.

After a while Severus felt he´d be more comfortable if he rested his arm on Lily´s shoulder, but he didn´t dare to.

-x-

They collected more herbs the next morning, which was the last of their trip. In the afternoon they met Mr. Evans, who picked them up and took them back home.

Severus spent the evening with storing away their crop, which meant the living room was filled with strings of herbs. The house was full of the herbs´ scent and the boy could even smell it upstairs in his bedroom.

The rest of the summer holidays was filled with experimenting, trips to the forrest and shopping trips.

The first time Mrs. Evans insisted on taking him to buy some clothes, Severus felt a bit awkward for he didn´t like the idea of Mrs. Evans having to spend money for him.

"Really, Mrs. Evans, I have everything I need."

Mrs. Evans snorted. "I suppose your parents stored everything from your baby clothes up to your wedding suit the day you were born. Don´t be ridiculous, dear. You´ve grown. You need new trousers at least."

"No, really."

"Show me, what you´re going to wear." The woman insisted on walking over to his parents´ house with him.

Severus showed her what he had chosen from his father´s clothes.

"You can´t be serious, Severus. I´ll agree that you can use some of the shirts, but not the trousers. No way. They´re too wide."

"Can´t they be fitted?"

"It´s easier to get you new ones."

"I can´t. I don´t have money!" It was finally out. The boy blushed.

Mrs. Evans laughed gently. "You don´t have to pay your clothes yourself, silly." She hugged the boy. "You thought you had to? How sweet of you."

"I don´t want to cause you expenses," Severus mumbled.

"The ministry pays us a small sum for your school things. And if they didn´t it would make no difference. You´re a son to us. Paying your things is no burden for us."

They went shopping this very afternoon and Severus got two new pairs of trousers. He insisted on both to be black.

-x-

In the middle of August their book lists arrived. There was a rather nasty scene with Petunia, who started shrieking at the top of her lungs when a beautiful barn owl flew in through the kitchen window and sat on Severus's shoulder. But when had there ever been a scene with Petunia, which was not nasty?

As Mrs. Evans had planned to take Lily and Severus on a shopping trip in the afternoon, it was agreed that they´d go to Diagon Alley right away and get their books.

"Watch out for Black," whispered Severus, when they entered the alley. (Tom, the Leaky Cauldron´s barkeeper, had kindly opened the wall in the yard for them.)

Lily nodded.

They followed Mrs. Evans to Gringott´s, where Severus had to help her change money.

"I still can´t believe it," sighed Mrs. Evans. "This wizarding currency is so complicated! You need a calculator to keep track."

"What is a calculator?" asked the goblin, who was counting galleons and sickles for her.

"A nonmagical abacus," explained Severus.

"I see," the goblin returned to his work and shot Mrs. Evans a look as if he was in doubt it was wise to give money to a woman, who had lost her marbles.

They went to the apothecary´s first. Lily and Severus fought down the temptation to buy more ingredients than necessary. As Mrs. Evans knew nothing about potions, she´d have paid anything they told her they needed, but it seemed undecent to take advantage of her, so they kept to the list.

The next stop was Flourish and Blott´s. Severus refused a set of new books.

"Look," he said, "I have everything but a Charms book from my mother. Her books are absolutely fine and she kept them for me from my birth on. I´d feel bad if I didn´t use them."

"Are you sure they can be used, dear?"

"I used her books every year."

"OK, in this case you can do as you like. Why don´t you chose a book for leisure time reading, dear?"

"Really? May I?"

Mrs. Evans nodded and Severus set out for the shelves to look for a book he´d like. He was still rummaging, when Lily and her mother returned from the counter.

"We got my books and your Charms book," said Lily. "Have you found anything interesting?"

"Anything interesting? You must be joking! I wish I had the money to buy them all. As I have not, I´ll take this, if I may." He presented a thin book. The Art of Healing by Esculap Wintergreen.

"I thought, you´d get a novel," said Mrs. Evans.

"A novel? I have shelves and shelves of novels at home."

"Right you are. So, you´re interested in healing."

The boy nodded enthusiastically.

Mrs. Evans smiled and gave him the money to pay for his book.

-x-

Mrs. Evans gave Lily and Severus some money for ice-creams and left them to wait at Fortescue´s, while she took their purchases to the car.

"Did you see any sign of Black or his cronies?" asked Severus.

"Not so far. I saw some Hufflepuffs from our year," Lily said between two spoons of strawberry ice-cream.

"We can´t let them surprise us this year."

"You´re right. If we´re in trouble, I´d like to at least know in advance."

The boy nodded and helped himself to another spoon of vanilla ice-cream. After a minute pause, in which he took in the sweet flavour, he sighed. "I hate being in trouble for being seen with you. I wish, we didn´t need this secrecy."

"So do I, but there´s nothing we can do about it." Lily took his hand in hers and squeezed it before returning her attention to her ice-cream.

They went to Madam Malkin´s when Mrs. Evans returned. The woman had brought Lily and Severus´ old school robes with her. She sold them both to the tailor witch and bought new ones to replace them.

-x-

"We have time to go to the clothes shop we originally planned to go to today," said Mrs. Evans when they were back in the car. "Lily needs new sweaters and Severus, you could do with some shirts."

"You said it was OK, if I wore my father´s."

"It is, but you need more."

They went to the girls´ department first. Lily tried on what seemed like dozens of sweaters. Mrs. Evans watched her with eagle eyes, judging each piece by its colour, size, sleeve length and washing instructions. Severus was to hold those things which had been chosen to be bought.

When the two women were finished, they dragged the boy to racks full of shirts. Severus was rather reluctant. He had no wish to play the mannequin like Lily had done for the past two hours, but it was no use. Mrs. Evans made him chose a couple of shirts (all black) and added some herself (painfully colourful; you can´t look like a gravedigger, dear.) and sent him off to the changing room.

He spent the next half hour showing one black shirt after the other. Mrs. Evans chose three, making the washing instructions her criterium.

"Now, dear, we won´t take any more black ones. Go and try on one of the friendlier ones."

"I won´t wear light blue, Mrs. Evans. I´d look ridiculous."

"Nonsense, you´re young. You need some colour."

Grudgingly Severus put on the light blue shirt. He didn´t dare look into Mrs. Evans´ face when he came out of the changing room.

"I told you you´d look great," beamed the woman.

"Mum, can´t you see he doesn´t like it? He´s not at ease with the colour."

Severus was grateful for Lily´s comment. He really didn´t want this shirt.

"Hold that stuff, mum." Lily handed her sweaters and the black shirts to her mother and disappeared between the racks. Shortly later she returned with a dark green shirt. "What about this? It´s not black, but not gaudy."

Severus took the shirt and tried it on. A quick glance into the changing room´s mirror told him that the colour suited him well.

"Wonderful!" Mrs. Evans was more than pleased and Lily nodded approvingly.

"Thanks for saving me," Severus whispered when they followed Mrs. Evans back to the car some minutes later.

"You´re welcome. And besides, you looked dreadful in that blue thing." Lily grinned mischieveously. "I thought the Slytherin colours would look nice."

Severus hadn´t thought about Slytherin at all. For him, the shirt would always be the colour of Lily´s eyes.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: New Subjects

The new school year started like the old had ended. Severus was cornered on the train by Black and his friends, but he had his wand out in time to prevent them from hexing him.

"You kept away from Evans over the summer, we hope," hissed Black at him. The boy was furious that Severus had been quicker with his wand. Now the five boys were in a compartment together. One had his wand out and the others glared at him threateningly. Severus asked himself whether the Gryffindors were aware how ridiculous their threats were when he was the one with the wand. These boys were really pathetic.

"No trips to Diagon Alley," Potter added.

"So, you didn´t spy on me all summer," Severus smiled. "I´m hurt. I thought you´d trace my every step."

Black hissed angrily.

Severus enjoyed the situation. Neither of his enemies was likely to admit that they had no idea where to find him during the summer. Or where to find Lily. He sneered at them.

"You keep away from all Gryffindors!" hissed Black.

"Especially Evans!" Pettigrew added.

The Gryffindor four got up and left the compartment.

Severus pocketed his wand and smiled. The thought of telling them he had not only talked to Lily but shared a tent with her – let their fantasy torture them – had been tempting, but he couldn´t risk them turn against Lily. So he had to limit himself to picturing their faces when he told them.

He grinned and turned back to the book he had been reading. The Art of Healing.

-x-

The new timetables – handed out by a prefect, for Professor Slughorn prefered continuing his breakfast over dealing with his students like the other heads of houses – held a more than pleasant surprise. Both new subjects, Care of Magical Creatures and Ancient Runes, Severus was going to have with Lily. Care was a Slytherin/Gryffindor class and Runes was an all houses course.

The first lesson of the year was Care of Magical Creatures and Severus liked it from the first minute on. The professor, an elderly wizard called Kettleburn, was a friendly and cheerful guy. He treated all houses equally and his lesson held plenty of information, which was brought to the students´ attention in a very systematic way. Severus felt it would be easy to excel in this class, as the professor had their curriculum very well prepared and his lecture was not only informative, but also very interesting. They were given an assignment to breed flobberworms the very first lesson.

"I´m aware," the professor smiled, "that flobberworms aren´t the most interesting of creatures, but you´ll have to prove yourselves on the small tasks to be allowed to proceed to the bigger ones."

Ancient Runes on Wednesday afternoon was even better. Not only was Severus the only Slytherin, Lily and Myra were the only Gryffindors and the three of them ended up as a study group for the professor, a very old witch with white hair and many wrinkles, wanted them to use very valuable school dictionaries and she had only one for three students.

"I bet, the two of you enjoy that," whispered Myra as the three settled down at a table. Lily nodded and Severus could hardly restrain from grinning like a fool. He was going to spend a double period each week with his friend with nobody around who had anything against their friendship. It was nearly too good to be true.

The subject itself was extremely interesting although they started little. They had, of course, to learn the basics before they could proceed to more interesting texts. Nevertheless Severus was very glad he had chosen Runes. He kept telling himself that the fact he could talk to Lily there had only little to do with that.

-x-

It came as a surprise that the Gryffindor four didn´t react at all to Severus´ studying Runes with Lily. He had counted on them having a go at him as soon as they heard about it, but they did nothing. They were to be found in the library more frequently than before. Severus often saw them discussing in hushed voices when he was there looking up charms or doing his own homework.

He was not going to complain though. These weeks were the most quiet since he had first set foot into the castle. He studied undisturbed and his marks improved, if it was still possible.

-x-

The Christmas holidays were wonderful.

It was too cold to continue their potions work at the Snape house. Mrs. Evans even refused to let Severus sleep over there.

"You can choose," she said sternly. "the sofa in the living room or the air-mattress in Lily´s room. Your own house is no option. Sorry."

"Then I´d rather take the air-mattress, if it´s OK with Lily."

The girl nodded.

Severus was glad. Having Petunia walk into his "bedroom" every morning wouldn´t be a pleasure. And as Petunia never missed an opportunity to annoy Lily and Severus, it was clear that she would.

They spent most of the holidays in Lily´s room. (If Black knew...) They had both brought their Runes textbooks and hadn´t Mrs. Evans insisted on them going out from time to time, they´d spent two weeks with translating. As it was, they had to go outside for a while every afternoon.

Most days they went for a walk to the park. Once they met Lily´s friends from elementary school, but the girl ignored them. She and Severus were just having a discussion on the translation they had started in the morning. The boy grinned at the girls, when they stared at the two of them wide-eyed. Who´d have ever guessed that Lily Evans, most popular girl in their class, would be so absorbed in a conversation with him, Severus Snape, outsider of said class, that she didn´t even notice her friends.

-x-

It happened the first day back to school.

Severus and Lily were staying behind after Runes to look up some words in the school dictionaries. They were enjoying their work while Professor Stonecarver was seated behind her desks and marking homeworks. They discussed their translations before noting them down, not aware that the professor heard them without the other students in the room.

Professor Stonecarver smiled at the children´s enthusiasm for her subject from time to time. Neither she nor the students had realised the time until it was nearly too late. "You´ll have to run, if you want supper. Quickly, go, or you´ll stay hungry," the professor cried and Severus and Lily grabbed their bags and set out for the Great Hall at maximum speed.

There was no time to care about entering the hall one after the other. They dashed in side by side only splitting up to go to their house tables.

Severus grabbed some food just before the platters were removed and started to eat. He hadn´t had more than a few forkfuls when the sight of what happened at the Gryffindor made his fork stop halfway to his mouth.

Lily was in trouble. Black and Pettigrew had taken the seats on both her sides and Black was talking to her, taking food from her plate with his fingers. Severus got up to help his friend. Lily saw him and gave her sign for ´I can handle this´. The boy sat back down.

He couldn´t hear what was spoken, but after some minutes he saw Lily hit Pettigrew with her fork. He couldn´t help but smile when Pettigrew fell from the bench.

The next thing Severus saw was Lily getting up and leaving without finishing her meal. An urge of fury raced through his body. It was Black´s fault that Lily stayed hungry. He wished he could take out his wand and throw that plate of food to the idiot´s face.

There was a loud clatter and the plate flew up to smash into the Gryffindor´s face.

Severus was shocked. Surely he hadn´t . . .

When he saw Lily stare at him from the doors he signalled her to meet him at the trophy room.

-x-

"Was that you? Did you throw that plate at Black?" Lily asked as soon as the door of the trophy room had closed on Severus.

The boy nodded. "I think so."

"What do you mean by ´I think so´. You must know, whether you used a spell on Black."

"I´m not sure. I didn´t use my wand, but the plate did exactly what I wished it would do."

Lily stared at Severus in disbelief. "You did wandless magic? Wow! You´ve been fourteen only last week!"

"There´s still a chance, somebody else did, what I wished for."

"Can you try it again?"

"I suppose not. Emotion is important for wandless magic. I´m not angry now."

"This is impressive. You´re going to be a very powerful wizard, Severus."

The boy smiled.

"Angelique thought, she saw you perform a nonverbal spell last year. I forgot to ask you. Did you?"

"I´ve been doing nonverbals for more than a year." He tried to sound humble.

"Wow! Soon Black and his cronies will be running from you. Why didn´t you tell me?" Lily´s eyes were gleaming with anticipation for Black running.

"I couldn´t at school and I forgot at home. Sorry. I should have told you."

"Is there anything else? I´m really hungry. I think, I have some chocolate in my dormitory."

"Oh, I forgot." Severus produced a muffin from the pocket of his robes. "I thought, you´d be hungry."

"Thank you, but aren´t you hungry yourself?"

"You take it. I had some stew. I can do without dessert."

Severus left the trophy room after Lily had started her muffin. It wouldn´t do good to be seen together twice a day.

-x-

Luckily the Gryffindor boys went back to their studies in the library, whatever those were about, after the incident and slowly spring approached.

March was approaching when Lily came with big news to their Runes lesson.

"Myra and I´ve been invited to spend the next school year at Beauxbatons Academy!" she whispered excitedly.

Severus was taken aback. Lily gone for a whole year? He´d feel so lonely! Although they couldn´t meet or speak openly it had always been of comfort to know that she was nearby. Beauxbatons was in France. That was hundreds of miles away!

"I won´t go, if you want me to stay," Lily said in a small voice.

Severus realised only then that he had let his disappointment show on his face. "Don´t be silly," he shook his head. "this is an unique opportunity. Of course you´re going."

"But you look sad." Lily leafed through her dictionary as the professor was watching them.

"Of course I do. I´ll miss you. The whole family will miss you. Hand me that book please, Myra." He took the school dictionary and looked up a word. "Thanks." He handed the book back. "Well," the boy grinned, "maybe not Petunia, but the rest will." Suddenly he shook with laughter. Myra and Lily looked at Severus in bewilderment. The professor got up from her seat and walked over to them. "One point from Slytherin, Snape," she said severely. "Calm down, boy."

Severus wiped tears off his eyes. "Sorry, professor. I made a mistake in my translation. It was so ridiculous." He made a serious face. "I need that dictionary again, please."

"What was that about?" asked Lily as soon as professor Stonecarver had returned to her desk.

"I just imagined Petunia releasing balloons and throwing confetti when she learns you´ll be gone for a whole year."

"You´re a monster, you know that?"

"Maybe, but this monster wants letters from France."

"Promised."

-x-

Though Lily was enthusiastic with the idea of spending a year in France, it was not clear she would be able to go. Her parents had the last word in the matter. Therefor the whole plan was discussed in detail over the Easter holidays.

When the topic was brought up the first time, Severus felt a spark of hope that Mr. and Mrs. Evans would forbid Lily to go. The realisation of how selfish he was made him feel guilty. Spending a year at Beauxbatons was a unique opportunity. What sort of friend was he to hope that Lily couldn´t go?

Petunia on the other hand made it known at once that she was glad her sister was leaving for a year and the only pain in the matter was that she wasn´t taking Severus with her. The boy agreed with her on the last, he´d have liked to go, too, but he wasn´t invited.

Oddly enough it was Petunia, who brought a grave problem to the family´s attention.

Lily didn´t speak a single word of French.

-x-

Lily was concerned. She hadn´t shown it with her family, but when she and Severus were walking to the boy´s house, she worded her fears.

"You know," she said, "Petunia has a point. I don´t speak French. Do you know, if there´s a magic way to learn a language quickly? Or should I start studying?"

"I have no idea. But I´m sure Dumbledore won´t overlook a crucial detail like this. You can rely on that." They walked a short distance in silence. "Will you come to the lab tomorrow? I read something about essential oils I would like to try out."

"Why not, but we have to be careful. You can´t do wandless magic or we´ll be in serious trouble." Lily looked anxious.

"I don´t think I can do it anyway. I tried, but I didn´t succeed."

"Didn´t you say you were angry at that time?"

"You´re not going to make me angry, are you?" Severus grinned. The idea that Lily would try to infuriate him on purpose to make him do magic was hilarious.

"Well, I´ll try not to. I´d better go back now. Good night."

"Good night."

That evening Severus lay in his bed and pondered how Lily was going to learn French. Hopefully not the muggle way, or he´d see not much of her in the few days she´d spend with him and her family before going to France.

He couldn´t help it. He was a bit jealous.

-x-

The rest of the Easter holidays was spent with experiments on essential oils. Fresh herbs or flowers had to be used and they decided to try with the cress from Lily´s herb patch.

Severus was quite content with the results, though there was enough room for improvement. He decided to continue in summer, after Lily´s departure. He planned to spend as little time at the Evans house as possible for he had no doubts that Petunia was going to be even nastier with Lily gone. Lily was her sister, even if she despised her. He, on the other hand, was a stranger forced on her.

-x-

The last term of the year was spent with studying and hearing news about Lily´s preparations for her year abroad. Professor McGonagall was in charge of everything concerning Lily and Myra´s big adventure. The girls had news to tell in almost each Runes lesson. Sometimes it was little things, like sending their trunks to France from Hogwarts or filling out forms.

The biggest news was about learning French. Like Lily and Severus had hoped, Dumbledore knew ways of learning a language very quickly.

"I´ve looked it up in the library," Lily informed Severus during their next Runes lesson. "It´s called Babel potion. It takes long to make it, but the recipe is not complicated. It only has to boil for more than twenty days. The problem is, that it can´t be stored. Everything you don´t use within five minutes is lost. And you can only take one spoonful a day. There´s an incantation, too. The crucial ingredient, which is hard to lay hands on, is a small yellow fish." She sliped him a piece of parchment. "I copied this from the library book. I thought, you might want to read it."

She also gave a detailed description of how she and Myra were given the potion. Dumbledore himself, professors McGonagall and Slughorn and a Ministry employee had used the same potion to learn languages.

The most impressing thing was a short sentence spoken in French.

Severus hadn´t been aware that a potion could do such a thing like teaching a person a language. The subject was even more faszinating than he had been aware.

He spent several evenings trying to find more information about the Babel potion and several more looking for information on the small yellow fish needed for the potion. He was about to give up, when he finally found what he was looking for in a small book with ´Don´t Panic´ written on its front. Severus thought this was a funny title for a book, but then he started reading and forgot to wonder any further.

-x-

June passed too quickly and sooner than he had wished for, Severus was back at the Evans´ house. He liked being there any other time, but this time it meant that Lily would soon leave and be gone for a whole year. The boy had become used to her friendship and being around, even if only at a distance at Hogwarts, that he hardly remembered what life had been like without her.

He´d have liked to spend every remaining minute with his friend, but her family – well, not Petunia – thought along the same lines. In order to make everybody happy – but Petunia – Severus slept at the Evans house and they didn´t go to their lab.

Instead they helped Mrs. Evans with the cooking – a task Severus liked very much as he had assisted his own mother in it quite often – and chatted happily with Mr. Evans in the evenings.

"You know, Severus," Mr. Evans said one evening. "I think, you should take Lily´s room while she´s in France. I could teach you chess in the evenings, if you like that."

"Chess? That would be great, Sir."

Severus had his friend for himself only late in the evenings, after going to bed, when they chatted for hours and hours. Although the Evans must have heard them, nobody came to tell them to be quiet and sleep. Severus was glad. He´d have time for sleeping after Lily´s departure.

Then the dreaded day arrived. They had breakfast together. The mood at the table was a bit awkward. Everybody was aware it would be time to say good-bye very soon and though everybody had so much to say before, nobody knew where to start. Petunia was the only cheerful person. She left the table without a word and Severus had no doubt that she had no intentions of coming back downstairs to say good-bye.

It was Professor Dumbledore himself, who came to pick Lily up. He kindly explained apparition to Lily´s parents and how to contact him if need be. Lily hugged them all (Petunia made no appearance, like Severus had suspected) and then she was gone.

-x-

"So," said Mrs. Evans sadly. "There she goes." She sighed. "Would you like to help me with lunch, Severus?"

"I´d like to be a bit on my own if I may."

Mrs. Evans nodded in understanding. "Be back for lunch, will you?"

"Yes, Mrs. Evans."

He went to his house and tried to decide with which experiments to start his summer studies. After some minutes he had to stop filing through his books for his heart wasn´t in it and he couldn´t remember what he had read only minutes before.

He set the book aside and stared at the shelf which contained his potion books.

Funny, the house seemed more empty with Lily gone than with his parents although Lily had never lived there.

Severus spent the rest of the morning staring and missing his friend.

-x-

He heard happy chating when he returned for lunch.

Petunia was entertaining her parents with a tale of how one of her school friends had bought a new coat. So this was how it was like when he and Lily were at Hogwarts. Petunia, silent, taciturn Petunia turned into a chatterbox. She even laughed.

It stopped as soon as he entered the room.

"Ah, here you are, dear," Mrs Evans smiled.

"We´ve been waiting for you." Mr. Evans motioned him to hurry to the table.

"You´re still here."

Severus had never thought that one sentence could hold so much venom. Petunia managed easily. The emphasis she put on ´you´ made it sound as if he was vermin or a bit of dirt caught on the sole of her shoe.

"Petunia!" Mr. Evans said warningly.

Severus was grateful he interfered. He himself felt too weak to deal with the girl at the moment.

-x-

As it was agreed that Severus should move into Lily´s room, he took some potion books and clothes from his house to the Evans´ in the afternoon. Mrs. Evans saw that he had some empty space in Lily´s cupboard and changed the sheets for him.

"Really, I can do this myself," the boy protested, but Mrs. Evans wouldn´t have him to.

"Nonsense," she said and this was all the comment he´d get from her.

-x-

In the evening Mr. Evans brought his chess board to the living room. He started with explaining the pieces and their moves.

Severus, who had never played chess before listened intently and tried to memorize everything Mr. Evans said.

"Well, that´s it," Mr. Evans said at last. "We can play now."

Severus nodded.

The first game was over very quickly. It took Mr. Evans less than ten moves to win.

"Would you like to analyse your moves?" he asked kindly.

"Yes, please."

They replayed the game with exactly the same moves and Mr. Evans explained after each of his, why he had chosen it and which advantages it gave him. After Severus´ he pointed out, what was good or bad about them. Most was bad, obviously.

The next game took more than half an hour due to the fact that Severus pondered for a long time over each move. In the end Mr. Evans needed only few moves more than before, but nevertheless he praised Severus´ improvement. Again they analysed each move after the game was over.

They played two more games and Mr. Evans noted down the moves of the last one.

"You´re a quick learner," he said. "I´m not sure I´ll be able to memorize all the moves any longer."

And really, the last game was quite long – in moves, not only in time – and although Severus lost again, he was quite proud he could take Mr. Evans knight without losing a piece in return.

-x-

Over the next week the family settled into a new routine. After a common breakfast – Mrs. Evans insisted on Petunia coming downstairs – Severus would go to his house to experiment with essential oils. He had found some information on the topic in one of his mother´s potions books and was curious to try things out. He´d spend the day supervising his brews and reading, which meant that he was mostly reading and only occasionally interfering with the bubbling potions. Destilling essential oils was a time consuming business and most of it consisted of waiting.

After a quick lunch at the Evans´ house, Severus´d return to his lab and resume reading – potions text most of the time, but he´d also found a booklet on chess between the battered muggle books.

In the evening, after supper, Severus would play chess with Mr. Evans, who was very pleased with the boy´s quick improvement. So far, Severus hadn´t won one single game, in fact never even come close to doing so, but the games became longer and the defeats less spectacular.

After his chess lessons, Severus went to bed, where he read for a while or thought about where Lily might be at that time.

-x-

"Well done!" Mr. Evans exclaimed.

Severus had just taken one of his knights.

As their games were becoming longer, they´d changed their routine from playing and analyzing later to playing and Mr. Evans commenting on Severus´ moves immediately. The man told whether a move was good or bad, sometimes they analyzed why that was, but of course Severus was never allowed to take a move back. The rules had to be observed after all and the boy wouldn´t have wanted to take back bad moves even if Mr. Evans had permitted it.

"Do you mean to tell us he learnt chess in under a week?" Petunia made the snide remark on her way past the coffee table.

"Why not?" asked Severus, curious.

"Because," the girl stopped and turned to face him, "learning chess is difficult. It takes years."

Severus was taken aback. Sure, he needed practice, but he hadn´t thought it would take him years to become an acceptable player. Weeks, yes. Months. But not years.

"Severus seems to be a natural," explained Mr. Evans.

Petunia laughed humorlessly.

"Why don´t you play with him?" Mr. Evans asked his daughter.

"I won´t play with a freak!"

Severus scowled at the girl.

"You´re not a chicken, are you, dear?" Mr. Evans said teasingly.

It was Petunia´s turn to scowl. "Chose your colour, freak!" She sat down beside Mr. Evans.

"Firstly, don´t call me that, and secondly, we´re in the middle of a game!"

"OK. Finish him off, dad." Petunia leaned back on the sofa beside her father.

-x-

Petunia had to wait for another twenty minutes until she and Severus could play. When they arranged the pieces, she casually pointed out that she had been playing the game for more than five years.

Severus smiled. This was good news. If it was true, and he had no doubt it was, nobody´d expect him to win, so he had nothing to lose. And he recognized a gesture to shake him. Well, this was´t going to work.

Severus played carefully. He thought about each move before making it, like Mr. Evans had taught him. His strategy was rather simple as he had not much experience at the game: Try to defend your pieces and take your opponent´s when you can without weakening your defence.

To the boy´s amazement it worked. He lost fewer pieces than Petunia and after nearly an hour, he had won his first game.

Mr. Evans, who had watched the game intently, congratulated and patted him on the shoulder. Mrs. Evans, who heard her husband´s praise, came from the kitchen and smiled at him.

Petunia watched the scene with a look of fury.

"There´s no need to congratulate him. He moved the pieces with . . . his abnormity when I wasn´t watching," she said icily.

Before she left the room, she glared at Severus with pure hatred.

-x-

The next day brought a very pleasant surprise. Mrs. Evans was busy putting bacon on the family´s plates when a huge owl, a race Severus hadn´t seen before, landed on the back of Severus´ chair and hooted.

Petunia jumped up and sent her own chair flying backwards before she left the room shrieking like a banshee. (Severus smiled at the thought that a person despising magic so much could sound perfectly like a magical creature.)

The owl stretched its leg to Severus. It carried two letters and a small parcel and the handwriting on the envelopes was clearly Lily´s! Severus untied the letters from the bird´s leg and gave the owl a piece of his bacon.

"You wait for an answer and there´ll be more of this," he promised.

One of the letters was "To Mum and Dad", the other "To Severus Snape".

Mr. and Mrs. Evans leaned together to read their letter and after the first lines both smiled.

"She´s well and they´re going to the beach every day," said Mrs. Evans. "And she likes the family she´s staying with."

Severus opened his letter at the table, too.

"Dear Severus," the letter said, "I´ve settled in at Aix quite well. The Duponts are very nice and we often go to the beach. Yesterday we went to Grasse. Aunt Rose (Mrs. Dupont) works at one of the perfume factories and we went to visit it. You won´t believe how interesting that was! The whole building smelled of flowers and we were shown how the muggles destill essential oils. You may think that muggles have no aptitude for the business, but the results they achieve in perfume making are spectacular. They use . . ." The rest of the letter – three pages of parchment – were filled with detailed descriptions of muggle methods of perfume making. Severus was impressed.

"What is in the parcel?" asked Mrs. Evans, after Severus had read out his letter. He felt the woman would appreciate it as she had waited for news from Lily as eagerly as he himself and the fact that his letter was much longer than Lily´s parents´ seemed cruel.

"Let´s look," Severus said and opened it.

It contained a book on perfume making with many pictures and drawings to go with the explanations.

"That´s our Lily!" laughed Mr. Evans. "She goes on vacation and buys school books. And it really takes Severus to be pleased about it!"

Severus barely heard his comment. He had already started reading his new book. A hoot from behind reminded Severus of the owl.

"Come up to my room and rest. I´ll write an answer in the evening," the boy said and carried the (very heavy) bird upstairs.

-x-

After a day of delightful reading, Severus sat at the kitchen table with parchment and quill. Mr. and Mrs. Evans sat with him and they started a letter to Lily together. Severus noted down what the Evans wanted to tell their daughter.

Mrs. Evans went to Petunia´s room to ask whether she had a message for her sister, but when she came back down, she had no message but a very angry expression.

"What did she say?" asked Severus curiously.

"You don´t want to know, dear, you just don´t want to know. Sometimes I ask myself how we failed so spectacularly in this girl´s education," the woman shook her head sadly.

"Was she nasty again?" Mr. Evans asked.

Mrs. Evans tried to stop her husband with a meaningful look at Severus, but Mr. Evans wouldn´t have it.

"What did she say?" he asked.

"She told me to tell Lily to stay there," Mrs. Evans said reluctantly after some moments when it became clear that her husband wasn´t going to give in.

Mr. Evans got up with an angry expression on his face – Severus hadn´t thought the man could look so furious – and left the room. Soon there was shouting to be heard from upstairs.

Severus stiffened. "I´ll go to bed," he said in a small voice.

He gathered his quill and parchment and sneaked up to his room.

The boy wasn´t aware of Mrs. Evans worried looks.

-x-

The shouting stopped only a little after Severus had reached the safety of his room. Only minutes later light-hearted laughter was to be heard from downstairs.

Severus felt stupid. He´d reacted as he had been taught by his mother. When the adults shout, go to your room. He didn´t dare to go back downstairs as he had said he´d go to bed and he didn´t want Mrs. Evans to notice he had run away from the shouting.

The boy settled down at Lily´s desk and went on with the letter. He told about his chess lessons and how interesting the new book was.

A little later there was a soft knock at the door.

"May I come in?" Mr. Evans asked softly.

Severus tensed, but nodded.

"I guess I must have startled you with my losing my temper. I´m sorry."

Severus didn´t know what to say. He stared at his letter.

"Dumbledore hinted . . . Well, I just wanted to tell you I´m sorry, if I frightened you. It won´t happen again."

Severus nodded, but still couldn´t force himself to face Mr. Evans. What had Dumbledore told his foster-parents? What did Dumbledore know? What had he guessed?

After a while Mr. Evans left.

Although Petunia´s behaviour didn´t change, there was no more shouting at the Evans house all summer.

-x-

Lily´s owl was sent to and fro at a rythm of about two weeks. It carried letters and small parcels containing cakes or Lily´s favorite sweets to France and came back with messages and small presents, most of which were for Severus. Potions ingredients were sent home. Lavender and other flowers. A vial of attar of roses. And, Severus was overjoyed, a Latin book.

The boy did some brewing this summer, but less than if Lily had been there. He spent more time reading. Near the end of summer he used his attar of roses to try to make a perfume. He found it smelled pleasant and filled some of it into a nice vial. For once he had a Christmas present for Lily.

The situation with Petunia didn´t improve in the slightest. On the contrary. Since the chess incident she met her foster-brother with open hostility. She made nasty comments on any occasion, she took the last muffin when Severus was late for breakfast, she accidently washed his school robes with his underwear.

Severus fumed when his pants and shirts came all grey out of the washing machine. He was sure he hadn´t put the robes in. It was only when Petunia smirked at him when she came to the cellar that he put two and two together.

As Mr. Evans was anxious not to frighten Severus – the boy would have liked to know what exactly he had been told, but didn´t dare to ask – Petunia got away with her behaviour and made efforts to think of more nasty tricks to play on the boy. Hadn´t Severus been used to waging war from Hogwarts, he´d have been desperate.

Somewhen during August, Petunia started spending more time out of the house. She left in the morning and came back after dawn. First neither Severus nor the Evans had an idea what this was about, but then Severus saw her with a boy when he was on his way home from the lab. He grinned. Petunia and her admirer looked too funny. For what the boy lacked in lenght – he was by a head shorter than Petunia – he made up in width. They looked like a stick and a ball.

As September drew nearer, Mrs. Evans took Severus to Diagon Alley and they bought what he needed for the new school year. As the boy had grown a bit, he got new robes. The old ones were sold, but they got only a small amount of money for them. Washing them too hot had left them grey instead of black.

Mrs. Evans asked kindly what else Severus needed and he though for a moment whether to tell her about his ruined underwear. He decided against it. Apart from the colour it was OK, and it was not like someone was going to see it.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Alone at school

Severus expected a quiet journey on the Hogwarts Express for once. Since Lily wasn´t there, he supposed the Gryffindor four had no reason to threaten him and remind him to stay away. He sat in an empty compartment with a book – Fleurs du Midi, another booklet on essential oils Lily had sent him – and his lunchbag.

The train had barely left the station, when the door was opened and Black and his friends filed in.

"Where is she?" Black asked without preamble.

"Who?"

"Don´t act innocent. Evans."

Severus sneered at the other boy and looked under the seats. "Not here obviously."

Black drew his wand. "Answer our question!" The other three boys followed his lead.

Severus tried to stay calm. He couldn´t produce his wand quick enough with the book in one hand and a half-eaten apple in the other. "Isn´t she with the other girls? Bones, I think and those three blondes in your house."

"Obviously not!"

"Apparating in?"

"Don´t be stupid! She´s muggle-born. How can she apparate in?"

"Too bad she didn´t inform you of all people about her whereabouts. I´d ask the girls if I were you."

Black´s face became distorted with fury and he raised his wand.

Severus felt a wave of panic wash over him. There was a flash of red light and the four boys sat down, dizzy, shaking their heads.

Severus put down the book and drew his wand quickly. He´d rather not have the Gryffindors know he did wandless magic when he was scared enough. Not that he had objections about them knowing about the wandless magic but he´d rather not have them know they had scared him.

"Out now," he said threateningly and the still dizzy boys obliged.

-x-

The incident at the train left Severus fearing he´d have to fight the Gryffindor boys like back in second year, when things had been really bad. His suspicions turned out to be wrong, however. As soon as the boys had heard from their female housemates that Lily and Myra were at Beauxbatons for the whole year, they lost interest in Severus and returned to whatever they had been doing the previous schoolyear.

The term was quiet and Severus was able to study in peace, the only interruptions came from a younger housemate. Regulus Black, his nemesis´ brother had been sorted into Slytherin – professor Slughorn was pleased beyond reason – on September, 1st. The boy seemingly didn't care about blood status but sought Severus´ company frequently. The fourth year wasn´t too thrilled with this, as the smaller boy disturbed his studies and even if he hadn´t, Severus definitely didn´t wish to fraternize with his archenemy´s brother.

"I told you to get on somebody else´s nerves. Don´t you understand plain English?" Severus hissed when Regulus sat down at his table in the library with a cheerful greeting.

"Why? We are housemates! It´s not uncommon for housemates to study together!" Regulus said stubbornly.

"I don´t want to study with you."

"Why would that be?" The boy looked suspicious.

"You´re a Black."

"You make it sound like something indecent. The House of Black is one of the oldest and most honored in the wizarding world."

"The House of Black is the source of annoying gits."

"I´m not my brother! I know you don´t like him."

Severus snorted. "Not like him?" Well, that was the understatement of the year. "Why would you want to study with me of all people?"

Regulus bit his lip. "My brother talked about you. He´s not sure he can win your fight. Everybody who gives Sirius a run for his money, is interesting company."

"You want to study with me, because I have a fight with your brother?"

"I want to study with you, because you don´t lose the fight you have with my brother."

"I don´t understand." Severus was honestly puzzled.

"You don´t think Sirius is a nice big brother seeing how he treats you?" The first year sounded embarrassed. He grabbed the school bag he had put down beside his chair and left the library at top speed.

-x-

Severus stayed behind silent and pensive. So the younger Black was ill disposed of his brother. Perhaps he had been a bit hasty and being on speaking terms with little Regulus could be useful. He shouldn´t have declined the offer of friendship in this manner. Severus decided to be a little nicer next time. If there was a next time. He sighed. The essay on goblin rebellions for professor Binns would cost him all evening.

"What business do you have with my brother?" Black blocked the way out of the library.

Severus looked around, but the rest of the Gryffindor gang was nowhere near.

"What are you talking about?"

"You thought you were hidden in that niche? I saw you. Stay away from Regulus."

"Really, Black. First Evans and then Regulus. Admit it. You just can´t stand me talking to anybody. Jealous?" Severus smirked at the other boy.

"You wish! Who´d want to be friends with you."

"Regulus?"

Black looked murderous.

Severus sneered. "Pity you can´t come to our common room. But you´ll excuse me now. I have an appointment." With that said, he stepped around the Gryffindor and hurried to the crowded corridor, where he knew Black wouldn´t risk an attack.

-x-

Regulus sat in one of the green leather armchairs in the common room and read a book, when Severus returned to Slytherin house.

"Hi, what are you reading?" Severus asked and settled in the armchair beside the young Black´s.

The other boy looked up from his book, puzzled. "You changed your mind?"

"Yes. I´d like to study with you."

"Why?" Suspicion covered the first years face.

"Because a certain person just told me I wasn´t to."

Regulus grinned. "Sirius knows so well how to get his way."

Severus laughed.

The two boys spent the rest of the evening discussing first year herbology. First Severus thought it was boring and a waste of time and he stayed only because he knew it would annoy Black when he heard about it. But Regulus turned out to be quite the herbologist. He knew more about the subject than any other first year and Severus had to admit that he learned some things during this conversation.

-x-

Calling it friendship wouldn´t describe it properly, as it wasn´t friendship that made Severus and Regulus spend evenings in the library together. No, it was rather a common desire to annoy Sirius Black as much as possible.

On weekdays the two boys were to be found walking to the library together. If the older Black or one of his friends were there, they´s find a table and do their homework together, interrupting their work from time to time to discuss a detail of it or share a joke. If no Gryffindor was around, they´d work in silence.

The Gryffindor Black cornered Severus several times to tell him to leave his brother alone, but Severus laughed in his face and made sure the other boy got a good view of him and Regulus spend time together as soon as possible.

On weekends Severus went to the library alone.

Regulus spent his time with his older cousin Bella, also a member of Slytherin house, and her friends.

-x-

The journey home for Christmas was the first Severus spent in company of a housemate. Regulus had asked him several days beforehand to travel with him and – knowing that it was going to annoy Sirius to no end – Severus had agreed.

The two Slytherins found themselves a compartement and sat in the window-seats. Only seconds later the door slid open again and the Gryffindor four took the free seats.

"What are you doing here?" Regulus asked without preamble.

"Making sure my little brother isn´t pestered by scum."

"So why did you bring the scum with you? And why didn´t you stay away?" Regulus voice was full of hatred.

The older Black was up in an instant. "You little cockroach!" He threw himself on his brother.

Potter and Lupin reacted quickly. They grabbed Black by his shoulders and tried to wrestle him off the smaller boy.

Regulus shrieked and tried to protect himself from Sirius´ fists. He did a poor job. He was by two heads smaller than his brother and Potter and Lupin adding weight on top of their friend weren´t helpful, though they meant well.

Severus drew his wand and cast a mild stunner on the older brother. He´d have liked to use something more powerful, but didn´t dare to. If the fighters moved suddenly, he might hit his housemate.

Potter and Lupin dragged their friend back into a seat, the farthest from Regulus´. Pettigrew joined their fussing about the dizzy boy. Severus couldn´t help but observe that the fourth Gryffindor had not interfered in the fight. He wondered whether it had been due to the fact of too little space or joy of watching.

"You´re pathetic, Black, you know that?" Severus hissed at Sirius when he came around.

The rest of the journey Severus and Regulus chatted cheerfully about their plans for the next term. Sirius glared at them the whole time. Regulus shot him glances of hatred from time to time.

When the train pulled into King´s Cross Station, the Gryffindors left the compartement first. Regulus held Severus back at his sleeve.

"Did you see how pissed off he was? That was like an early Christmas present!"

-x-

Severus spent the next days with helping his foster-parents with Christmas preparations. He helped Mr. Evans with the tree and assisted Mrs. Evans in the kitchen.

"You´re really dexterous, Severus," said Mrs. Evans. She was preparing biscuits for Christmas and Severus was chopping nuts and raisins. "Are you sure they don´t teach you cooking at Hogwarts."

"Very sure, Mrs. Evans, but they teach us potions. It´s quite similar in some aspects."

They worked for some time in silence.

"You know, Severus," said Mrs. Evans, taking a bowl of nuts from the boy, "there´s something I wanted to ask you."

"What is it, Mrs. Evans?"

"It´s quite personal, I´m not sure . . ."

"Go ahead, Mrs. Evans."

"You know that you´re like a son for me and Mr. Evans?"

Severus nodded.

"So, I´ve asked myself. – Would you like to call me Mum? Mrs. Evans seems so distant."

Severus hadn´t thought about this before. He had to search how he felt about it. Mrs. Evans, he became aware, watched him intently. The boy didn´t want to hurt her. She´d be hurt, if he said no, wouldn´t she? He had in mind to say yes, but when their eyes met, there was no eagerness in Mrs. Evans´. Only warmth.

"No," Severus said. "Mum is dead. I don´t need to use this name for you to feel you´re like a second mother to me. I´m not sure how to explain. But you´re so many things Mum wasn´t. I could never use the same name for you and her."

Mrs. Evans nodded in understanding. "I thought so, but I felt I had to at least offer it," she said kindly.

"Thank you, Mrs. Evans," Severus answered solemnly.

-x-

The day before Christmas Lily´s owl – D´Artagnan according to one of Lily´s letters – brought a huge parcel from France. The bird looked exhausted and neither Severus nor one of Lily´s parents had the heart to send him back immediately although Lily´s Christmas parcel had been waiting for the owl for days.

"You´re a good bird," Severus praised the owl and stroked its soft feathers. "What about a nice rest upstairs in my room? And I´m sure we´ll find some treats for you." The boy carried the bird upstairs where he sat it down on the back of his – Lily´s actually – chair.

Mrs. Evans, who had followed him upstairs handed him a small bowl with small pieces of bacon and sausage.

"It´s amazing what heavy loads these owls can carry," she said while she watched her foster son feed the treats to D´Artagnan.

The bird hooted accusingly and ruffled its feathers.

"Owls are stronger than they look. Of course it takes a very experienced and exceptionally competent one to carry a parcel that far," Severus explained and the owl ruffled its feathers even further, this time in pride. He fed the bird the last bit of bacon and ushered Mrs. Evans out of the room. "Let´s let him sleep," he said before closing the door behind them.

"Severus, I´m surprised. Never have I heard you word such praise," Mrs Evans looked at the boy questioningly.

Severus smiled slyly. "You want him to carry that parcel you prepared to France or not? It´s huge and he won´t do it unless we encourage him a bit."

"Did you just try to manipulate that bird?" Mrs. Evans laughed. "It didn´t understand you! It´s a bird, Severus!"

"It´s a magical post owl. Do you really think, Mrs. Evans, that a bird, which can find the addressee of its delivery no matter where they´d hide, can´t understand praise?"

"When do you think we can send him on his way?"

"Tomorrow morning, I guess. Can we look into Lily´s parcel now?"

"We can look, if there are letters in it, but we won´t open any presents before Christmas!"

-x-

The parcel held a neatly wrapped present for each family member and letters to the Evans and Severus, Petunia got only a card. Mrs. Evans put the presents under the Christmas tree where they´d have to wait for the appropriate moment to be opened, but she allowed the letters to be read at once.

Severus´ contained, like each he got from Lily, discriptions of what Lily had learned recently. There were some charms and an essay about Lily´s potions teacher using a recipe they´d already covered with professor Slughorn and getting completely different results by changing the way of stiring the potion. And one, where the results were the same, but achieved in half the time by changing the stiring pattern. The letter also said that Lily hoped Severus could use his present, so the boy became even more curious about its contents.

"I´ll go over to the house," Severus told his foster-mother after staring at his parcel for a while.

"Do so, dear," Mrs. Evans smiled. "But put on warm clothes, it will be cold there."

Severus went upstairs to get another pullover and then set out for his parents´ house. It was too cold there to do some brewing, but he aired the rooms and chose some books to take to the Evans´. He had started reading some of the muggle novels in August and found that they weren´t bad. He chose one and sat on the living room sofa to wait for the rooms to get enough fresh air before closing the windows and returning home.

Returning home.

He wondered, when exactly this house had stopped being home and the Evans´ had acquired the title.

A part of him felt ashamed that he didn´t consider the house his parents had lived at home any longer. But he had to admit that he was very happy at the Evans´ and probably you couldn´t expect a child – did he feel like a child any longer? – to prefer an empty house full of bad memories – of course there were good ones, too – over one filled with life and happiness. Severus put his book down. How´d life have turned out, if Dumbledore hadn´t made sure he could stay with the Evans family? He´d be at an orphanage now. No wizarding family´d taken him in. The Princes – his mother´s family – were neither rich nor famous and he – their last offspring – bore the name of his muggle father. His housemates reminded him frequently that this was a bad thing. The only reason he wasn´t bullied more often was the fact that he stayed out of Slytherin house in the evenings as long as possible. If he returned early, he´d most certainly be reminded that he wasn´t wanted there.

Things had improved a bit since he befriended Regulus Black. The Black family was everything the Prince family was not. Rich. Old. Famous. Traditionally Slytherin. The Black family had set examples for the wizarding world over the centuries and if their youngest son was friendly with Severus, their house-mates were if not to copy the behaviour so at least to not oppose it.

Atishoo!

Severus started. He had no idea how long he had sat there, lost in his thoughts, but he was cold. He hurried to close the windows, sneezing twice more. He found himself some pepper up potion in the pantry. After downing the brew – he could tell it was no longer fully potent for it had to be at least two years old – he chose some books to take home.

The boy decided not to come back during the Christmas holidays. He had gotten his books, aired the house and since he didn´t regard it ´home´ any longer, there was no point in returning.

-x-

The next morning Severus sent D´Artagnan on his way to France with Lily´s Christmas parcel. The owl eyed him as if it thought the boy was a traitor. Severus guessed that in a way he was. He had reassured the bird that it could rest only to send it back on its way with a heavy parcel after a very short period of recovery.

"You´re a good bird," he said while attaching the box to the owl´s foot. "This is really important. We all rely on you." He offered the owl some bacon, but it didn´t take it. Could owls look offended?

Severus could understand the bird´s unwillingness to take off to France. The way was long, the parcel was heavy (his vial of perfume the only small present for Lily if you didn´t count Petunia´s note. Mr. and Mrs. Evans had put a jumper and a large fruit cake into the box) and the weather was anything but nice.

"Good luck," Severus wished the bird. The owl glared at him and the boy half expected it to stick out its tongue.

At last the owl was gone.

-x-

Christmas with the Evans family was beautiful and sad at the same time. Beautiful, because the family breakfasted together and then assembled around the Christmas tree. They sang some carrols before opening the presents. Sad, because they were missing Lily. Well, most of them.

Severus took his time opening his presents. There was none for him from Petunia, which was all right because he hadn´t cared to get something for her either. The Evans gave him some new shirts – dark grey, black and dark green – and two books, one on chess strategies and a muggle vampire story. Severus hugged both his foster parents to thank them and they both hugged him back happily. Lily´s present turned out to be even better. He got a Latin book and some vials of potion ingredients, mostly essential oils.

Petunia had got a necklace from her parents and a vial of pink nail polish from Lily.

Severus thought the colour looked lovely and would go well with Petunia´s light hair. Probably Lily had made it herself, though she´d not mention it to her sister.

Petunia´s last parcel didn´t come from a family member and the girl made some fuss about it, which was quite funny seeing that neither of them ever learned what was in it.

Mr. and Mrs. Evans presented each other with books. Petunia had bought her mother a scarf and her father a tie. Severus, who had not much money, had filled some of the perfume he had made for Lily in a vial for her mother. Mr. Evans got one of the books from the Snape shelves. Severus had chosen one which looked not too battered. It was on gardening, a topic for which the boy didn´t need any muggle books after learning Herbology at Hogwarts. Lily had sent wines and cheeses for her parents (poor owl, Severus thought).

Both were enthusiastic and opened one of the bottles at once. As it was Christmas, Severus and Petunia got a glass, too, though seeing that the boy was only fifteen, he got not much more than one sip of wine in it.

The whole family spent a lazy day at the living room, enjoying French cheese and wine

-x-

The Latin book was the best of all his presents, Severus decided in the evening. He´d gone to bed and intended only to have a brief look at it, but then he found himself immersed in studying the new language. Latin, he thought, was not difficult. The grammar had a clear structure and many of the words sounded familiar due to spells he already knew.

He just couldn't stop reading. Whenever he found a word, which reminded him of a spell, he looked up its exact meaning in the Latin book, which held also a small dictionary in the appendix. Then he searched his charms text – thanks Merlin he had taken it home for the holidays – for spells which used the word. He made a list of the spells and what they did.

Shortly after he thought he got an idea how Latin grammar was used to construct spells out of Latin words and how it was changed to make the words magical, Mrs. Evans called him for breakfast.

-x-

After spending the rest of his holidays with his nose in his new book – apart from meals and an occasional game of chess – Severus thought he had created his first own spell. He couldn't know for sure as he neither was allowed to try it out at home nor had a person to try it on. Well, he had a person in mind to assist him with an experiment. Four, to be honest, but one in particular. He had to remember to let Regulus watch. He´d certainly enjoy this at lot.

-x-

The opportunity to try the new spell came quicker than he had thought.

He and Regulus were sharing a compartment on the train back to Hogwarts, when Sirius Black and his cronies entered.

"Why don´t you go and sit with cousin Bella for a while?" Sirius asked.

"I saw her only yesterday, so there´s not much to chat about. Severus, on the other had, I haven´t seen in weeks." Regulus glared at his older brother.

"Go!"

"No!"

The older Black shrugged. "You had your chance. – Well, Snape, you see, I saw chousin Bella, too, and do you know what she told me? You hang around with my brother a lot at Slytherin house."

It was not true, really. They studied at the common room together sometimes, but not really frequently. Knowing Bellatrix Black, she had only told the part of the story which would most certainly infuriate Sirius. It was a wellknown fact in Slytherin house that Bellatrix thought of the older Black brother as a traitor for being sorted into Gryffindor and she´d do anything to annoy him. Play along with Regulus´ little game of befriending Severus was an easy way to do so.

"Didn´t I tell you to stay away from him?" Sirius asked.

"If I remember correctly, you told me to stay away from every person who talked to me in the last three years," Severus replied coldly.

Lupin stared at Black in horror. Severus registered the fact. Maybe it´d be useful one day. Lily had said that Lupin was more decent than his friends. Perhaps Black´s insisting on not allowing Severus any friend would drive the smaller boy away from the group.

"So it´s only two people who talked to you in the last three years? Evans and my brother? My, my, Snape, you have one poor social life." Sirius smirked.

Although it was true, it hurt. "Get out of here, Black," Severus hissed.

"Make me!"

"It will be my pleasure." Severus had his wand in hand in a second. He didn´t use it to throw the four boys out of the compartement though. This he did wandlessly, the wand was for trying his new spell on Black.

"Levicorpus!" He didn´t say it, just thought it.

It worked perfectly. Black hung by his heel in midair. The effect would have been funnier if the boy had already changed into his school robes, but on the other hand, hanging down robes would have concealed his struggles to get down. So perhaps muggle dressing wasn´t so bad at all.

"Splendid!" Regulus laughed. "How did you do it?"

"That´s my secret," Severus smiled. "Perhaps I´ll tell you one day."

"Oh come on, Severus, I´d love to know that spell."

"I bet you would. But it will be useless if the incantation doesn´t remain secret. And you can´t master nonverbals yet. When you can, I´ll give you the spell." Or I won´t. For the moment Regulus was content.

The two boys enjoyed the view of Potter, Lupin and Pettigrew trying to get Sirius down for more than an hour.

"Look at his red face," Regulus laughed.

"Look at them trying to get him down with their weight," Severus pointed out.

He released Sirius Black only when they heard the rattling of the food trolley approaching. The fun of watching the Gryffindors had worn off a bit until then and there was no point in getting in trouble.

Severus found it interesting that not one single fellow Gryffindor had tried to help the four boys. Some had even come to join the laughter – Regulus and Severus weren´t the only Slytherins amused – one of them a prefect.

As much as he loathed the four boys, Severus thougth that at least the prefect should have tried to help. He shuddered to think how the four boys must behave at Gryffindor tower to make their housemates so indifferent about their suffering. He was glad that he and Lily had always been careful about their friendship.

-x-

Having used his first own spell to some success made Severus proud. It also made the rest of the school year a quiet one.

His fellow Slytherins seemed to think that a person, who gave them a good laugh at the Gryffindor troublemakers, especially the Black traitor, couldn´t be so bad. The boy wasn´t met with friendlyness, that´d be said too much, but he was bullied less than usual.

The Gryffindors seemed not eager to cross his path. It had been the first time he hit them with a spell they didn´t know the counter-curse for and this fact disturbed them a lot. Severus was even tempted to think of them ´frightened´, but then Sirius Black was far too dumb – in Severus opinion – to recognize a magically superior enemy and be frightened. But be it as it may, they went back to their studies at the library and left Severus alone.

Not that he wanted to be left alone. He was alarmed at the fact that no Gryffindor came to their aid on the train and he thought that, for Lily´s sake, he needed to know what they were up to.

As May approached, they left the library. Severus thought this was because they had found the information they needed and were up to practicing the spells they had found. Which spells were those? And how were they to be countered?

Severus started spying on the Gryffindor four. His efforts didn´t go unnoticed, as the four boys had one experienced spy in their midst, Peter Pettigrew, who had spent a whole school year spying on Lily. When the school year finally ended, he hadn´t found out a thing, but had a new nickname. Snivellus. He just hoped nobody was going to mention it to Lily.

Speaking of Lily. The girl had sent letters and potions ingredients almost weekly. Severus pitied her owl, especially when it had to go all the way from Greece.

"She´ll be back in some weeks," he told the bird when he sent it back to France with a letter. "You´ll have a quiet life then."

Obviously, the owl didn´t believe one word.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: No longer alone

"Come, quick!" Mrs. Evans said in an urgent whisper.

Severus and his foster-father abandoned their chess board and rushed to the window.

"Is this the one you saw last year?" Mrs. Evans asked. She had to look up a bit to meet Severus´ eyes. Having finally grown to a normal hight – a bit more to be honest – Severus overtowered the woman by nearly a head. Not long and he´d be as tall as her husband. So he had at least inherited some genes from the right side of the family. He wasn´t as small as all his father´s relatives, he came after his mother´s. Most Princes were tall. Not that he had ever seen one, but she had mentioned it when he had complained about being the smallest child in elementary school, even smaller than the girls.

"He is, unless Petunia has a thing for fat guys," Severus replied.

Beside him his foster-father snorted.

All three of them were peering out of the window, well hidden behind the curtains, to get a good look at Petunia´s boyfriend. She hadn´t introduced him to the family so far, but they had deduced that it must be a serious relationship as she didn´t go to the park to meet him any longer, but let him pick her up or drop her near the house.

"Urhg!" Severus whispered as Petunia allowed the very fat boy to peck her cheek. He wasn´t sure he wanted to see that.

Mrs. Evans chuckled.

"Quick! She´s coming!" Mr. Evans rushed back to the chess board as his daughter neared the front door. Severus followed.

Mrs Evans looked lost for a moment, then she rushed to the chess board, too, and feigned interest in the game.

"That knight was not on E5, but on E6," Severus pointed out. "You´re cheating!"

"Prove it without Petunia guessing we didn´t play chess all evening," Mr. Evans grinned.

Severus bit his lip.

They could hear Petunia hang up her jacket in the hallway. Then the girl opened the door.

"Had a good view?" she snapped. "You´re pathetic. All three of you!" With that she stomped upstairs.

"She already knows," Severus pointed out. "So back to your knight."

"Oh, well," Mr. Evans laughed. "You win."

"I do. Another game?"

-x-

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!" Petunia shrieked at the top of her lungs.

Severus shook his head and took hold of the owl. Really, after a whole year of correspondence with Lily, the girl should be used to the arrival of post owls. It wasn´t new after all.

The minute owl hooted and stretched out its leg for the boy to get the letter.

"What is it?" Mrs. Evans asked curiously.

"Dear Mr and Mrs Evans, if it is convenient for you, I´ll drop your daughter at your house tomorrow after breakfast. Yours sincerely Albus Dumbledore," the boy read out. He didn´t care to suppress his broad smile. "Lily´s coming home."

Mr. Evans smiled, Mrs. Evans started to plan "a good English lunch, the girl must be famished" and Petunia shrugged.

-x-

Breakfast next morning passed slowly. Severus had two cups of coffee. Mrs. Evans kept fussing over what to cook for Lily.

"I really wish Dumbledore´d hurry," sighed Mr. Evans.

"We miss her, too, dear," said Mrs. Evans and patted her husband´s hand.

"Oh, that´s not the reason. I want the waiting to be over. Look at us. We´re all nervous wrecks."

There was nothing to be said against that.

Petunia, who was nervous, too, though Severus thought it was rather because she feared Lily might arrive before she was able to leave, fled the house at ten.

"Where´re you going?" Mrs. Evans asked.

"Out."

Mrs. Evans sighed. "I really wish she´d introduce that boy at last. She´s spending so much time with him. What if he´s not trustworthy?"

Mr. Evans shook his head. "Don´t be stupid. You´ve seen him. He worships the ground she walks on. Not that I´ve an idea why that is."

"Don´t speak bad about Petunia. She´s your daughter!"

"I know and I love her, but you have to admit the girl´s not very nice."

Severus snorted. This was the understatement of the year. He didn´t want to become a part of this conversation, however. "I´ll go upstairs," he said. "Lily´ll want her room back and I have some packing to do." He and the Evans had agreed that he´d sleep at his parents´ house for the rest of the holidays.

-x-

The boy had only started to put his things into a bag, when he heard voices downstairs. Oh no! He had missed Lily´s arrival! He dropped the shirt he was holding and hurried to the front door, taking two steps at a time. He was nearly there, when Mrs. Evans called for him to help with the luggage.

He came just in time to be greeted by the headmaster, who had brought Lily himself, and watch the man disapparate.

Lily looked stunning. She had grown, though not as much as Severus, her forms had softened and her hair was longer and shinier than ever.

"Wow, you´ve grown quite a bit," Lily interrupted his thoughts. "Look how tall you are. I´m barely reaching to your chin!" She hugged him tightly and Severus found that holding his friend in his arms was not unpleasant. Nor were her compliments.

"We´re feeding him well!" laughed , who had stepped out of the house behind his foster-son. "Come here, girl." He hugged his daughter. "Obviously Severus is not the only one, who´s grown. You´re a young lady!"

Severus and Mr. Evans carried Lily´s trunk upstairs, while Mrs. Evans led her daughter to the living room. They both hurried, as they didn´t want to miss a bit of conversation with Lily. When they came downstairs, they heard the last bit of Mrs. Evans informing Lily about Petunia´s boyfriend.

They sat at the dining table and listened to Lily´s tales until four in the afternoon, lunch being the only short interruption. Severus as well as the Evans drank in every word Lily said. The boy had known he missed his friend, but hadn´t been aware just how much.

At four Severus got up. "Sorry," he said, "but I have a decoction brewing at the lab. I have to check on it." For the first time ever he felt sorry he had to go to the lab.

"May I come and have a look?" Lily looked eager to catch up on their potions workshop.

"Of course, it´s your lab as well as mine. If your parents have no objections, that is."

"No, no, you go, dears," said Mrs. Evans. "I´ll unpack Lily´s trunk and start the washing."

"Thank you, mum."

"Be back for supper!"

"OK."

-x-

Lily chatted merrily about the potions lessons at Beauxbatons on their way over to Severus´ house. Severus asked some questions he´d planned to bring up when she was back as he thought the answers would be too long to put in a letter. Lily answered them patiently and the boy learned a lot on the short walk.

Severus was proud when Lily produced her key – still on the pink ribbon – from her pocket.

"I hoped I´d need it today," the girl smiled. "May I?"

Severus gestured at the door invitingly and Lily let them in.

"Oh, that smells good! What are you decocting?" The girl sniffed.

"I´m trying something with the lavender you sent in your last parcel." Severus led the way to the kitchen, were a cauldron full of violett liquid was bubbling merrily. He stirred it and smiled in a satisfied manner. "This is ready for destiling."

He started to put up the necessary equipment and handed Lily a flask. "You fill this with the decoction."

"Yes, Sir." Lily saluted and started to work. It was like she´d never left. "How long will this take?" she asked after a while.

"It should be ready next Friday, before we go back to school."

"What will we use it for?"

"Burn oinment. I found the recipe only yesterday. There are not many left, which don´t require a wand." He sighed. "The problem is, it takes ten days to make it. And it requires fresh lavender. If this works, we can replace the fresh flowers and make it during Christmas break."

"So we´re making lavender oil?"

"Not simple lavender oil. I added some nutmeg. This should stabilize the essentials and thus allow us to use this oil instead of the fresh ingredient."

"Nutmeg. This could work."

"I hope so."

"I missed our discussions."

"I missed them, too."

They smiled at each other and continued working.

-x-

The next day Lily handed out souvenirs from France. They´d been at the bottom of her trunk, so she hadn´t been able to do so at once. Mrs. Evans and Petunia got colourful blouses and scarfs and some perfumed soaps. Mr. Evans got more wine and Severus – no surprise here – more books. One of them was in Latin, but another one was an advanced Latin book, so it didn´t matter. Lily also promised to help him translate the potions text and the prospect of another project with Lily was more than welcome.

In the afternoon they went over to the lab to supervise the destilling.

"Everything´s in order," Severus stated after checking on the apparatus.

"How do you see so quickly?" asked Lily curiously.

"I´ve experimented with destilling while you were gone. If it goes wrong, it´s because this" – he pointed at it – "tube is not cool enough. You can see whether it is by checking on the size of the droplets here, here and here."

Lily eyed the places he had pointed out. "And they´re right as they are? They´re not the same everywhere."

"They aren´t supposed to be." Severus lectured about what he had found out.

Lily nodded. "I see. That´s a lot quicker than the way the textbook suggests."

Severus agreed. "It´s not the first time this happens," he reminded the girl.

"So we´re finished here. What will we do next?"

"I thought we could go to the forrest to collect some bark. I nearly ran out of it."

-x-

The afternoon at the forrest was beautiful. As was Lily. It was amazing. Lily had been a little girl when she left, but one glance at her told that she wasn´t any longer. Severus caught himself watching his friend closely several times. Once he had to actually scold himself for gaping at her. The way her jeans were no longer loose on her hips and the sunlight caught in her shiny red hair attracted his eyes again and again.

´Severus Snape!´ he berated himself, ´you won´t risk your only friend by staring at her like a lovesick idiot. Stop this now!´

"What are you waiting for?" laughed Lily. "I found some hazelnuts. Come here!"

Severus obliged reluctantly. He knew what the girl expected from him. The nuts had to be picked. Those from the ground hadn´t the same powers as those picked from the bush. In the past, Severus had lifted Lily up and she had picked the nuts. Today, however, holding Lily´s waist wouldn´t help. Not really. He sighed. Perhaps he was tall enough to pick the nuts himself.

-x-

He was not.

"You do remember how we did it?" asked Lily.

The boy nodded.

Lily stepped out of her shoe. "So?"

Obediently Severus put down their bag and bent one knee a little so that Lily could step on his tigh with her bare foot. He took the girl´s waist and held her when she lifted so that she stood on his leg.

"I´m not too heavy?" Lily asked with concern.

Well, she was heavier than she had used to be, but the proximity of her body was well worth the additional weight.

"No," Severus reassured her. He imagined how he could catch her in his arms if she fell. ´Stop it!´ the tiny voice in his head nagged.

Lily stretched to get as many nuts as possible. "My hands are full," she announced after a little while and Severus gently set her down to the ground. The girl put the nuts into their bag. "Again," she ordered. "There are more."

Severus had rather not repeated the procedure, but as he hardly could tell the girl why, he had to go along.

-x-

On Friday they went to the lab to finish their work on the lavender-nutmeg oil. The last drops of oil were running through the cooler and they sat down to wait for them to fall into the vial.

Severus showed Lily his work in his mother´s sixth year potions book to bridge over the waiting period. "Your handwriting is a menace," she complained and leaned over to get a closer look. Her hair scented of lemon, Severus noticed for the first time. "Who can read this? Tell me, what´s this word, here." Severus leaned closer. The scent of lavender filled the kitchen. Suddenly the handwriting was of no importance. Green eyes met black eyes. When their lips touched, time seemed to stand still.

Severus could have slapped himself. How could he risk to lose his only friend for one moment of passion. If Lily came to her senses, she´d never talk to him again. How could he be so stupid! "I´m sorry," he stuttered, trying to save, what could be saved. "I didn´t mean to..."

To the boy´s amazement, Lily reacted with fury. "What do you mean by you didn´t mean it? You can´t kiss me and tell me you didn´t mean it. Next time you do a thing like that, you better be sure about it!"

Severus was taken aback. Did that mean, that Lily had actually wanted this to happen? And if she really did, he had ruined it! What could he do or say? Desperately he struggled for words. As he couldn´t find any appropriate, he leaned forward and made sure that Lily understood he meant it.

-x-

"This might be a problem, you know." Lily said, when she stoppered the vial with lavender oil.

"Why?" It had been too good to be true. His first thoughts had been right. He´d only been wrong on guessing how long it would take Lily to come to her senses.

"If Black or any of his friends finds out that we´re an item, we´re facing hard times."

Black or his friends? She thought they were the problem! Not that her friend had passed the limits and kissed her! Oh! Had she said ´item´? "So secrecy is crucial."

"I suggest so."

Severus thought about it before he answered. "I agree. I can´t help you in Gryffindor tower. And you´re not as good a dueller as I am."

"Nobody cared to teach me."

"We can use Hogsmeade weekends. I´ll teach you." He´d have to. He wouldn´t risk his girlfriend – what a sweet word! – to be hurt by Black.

"That´s cute of you."

"Cute? I never thought of myself as cute." Was she making fun of him?

"Not? Well, I´ve been told that interesting is a better word for you."

Severus was amazed at that. He had spent his whole life with the knowledge that he was neither handsome nor especially witty or pleasant to be with. "Who finds me interesting?"

"I won´t tell you. You´re mine alone."

"OK." He had no problem with that. Severus couldn´t imagine he´d ever want to be somebody else´s.

-x-

They couldn´t continue the discussion on Friday for they had to be back at the Evans´ house for dinner and they both thought they´d better use the remaining time for exploring the new feeling of kissing each other.

They couldn´t ignore the matter completely, so the discussion was continued on Saturday while they packed away the lab for the winter.

"We can´t afford to spill the secret. Black and his idiot friends would be after both of us." Severus pointed out.

"I know. We must be very cautious."

"I know Myra is your best friend, but I think we can´t even risk telling her."

"What she doesn´t know, she can´t tell."

"Exactly."

"I feel bad about that. Myra has been faithful."

"It´s too risky." He´d go crazy anyway, thinking of Lily being at Gryffindor tower without him to protect her. Knowing that a friend´s slipping tongue could endanger her would not help at all.

"You´re right. But nevertheless, I feel bad."

"Poor girl. We have to be careful that we don´t do anything thoughtless."

"But how can we stop each other from being imprudent without giving the secret away by the action itself?"

"Don´t know."

They dragged a big box with pots and cauldrons to the storeroom.

The boy thought about the whole problem while they tried to move the box. What could he say to Lily which wouldn´t raise suspicion if the only exchange between Slytherin and Gryffindor accepted by their housemates were insults? Hang on – insults!

"Maybe I have an idea," he said.

"Tell."

"You can call me a halfblood. It always makes me calm and focused."

"Who´s calling you a halfblood?"

"Nobody." Nobody he was going to tell her about.

"You never were a good liar. Who?"

"Some in Slytherin house." He hoped she would drop the topic with this, it was so humiliating.

"I never thought of that. Having a muggle father won´t be fun in Slytherin."

"I can handle it."

"And you really want me to call you that?" Lily looked so adorable as she eyed him full of concern.

"I´d know you don´t care about my blood status and I´d get the warning."

"So, what you´d call me? A mudblood?" Lily looked at the boy searchingly.

"Only if you allow it. And it always would mean this." He kissed her.

"Wow, we´ll be noticed, if you keep walking around insulting me. I shall be egging you on, mister."

And he´d be only too willing to oblige. "So you agree?"

"Yes. It´s a good idea and it will fool Black´s gang. But I don´t like it too much. We should keep this as an emergency plan."

"Which part of it don´t you like?"

Lily looked scandalized. "Severus Snape! You greedy little squirrel! We don´t have time to kiss all day. Look at those herbs we have to store away!"

The boy sighed. "It was worth a try." Personally, he thought that one more little kiss wouldn´t cost too much time. But better not upset Lily.

-x-

They spent the evening with last minute preparations for returning to Hogwarts, not that Severus was looking forward to it. He´d rather have spent more time with Lily at home. Returning to Hogwarts meant more secrecy and no kissing. And no talking. Severus just hoped their timetables were going to give them chances to talk.

They had some problems with Lily´s owl. The bird didn´t want to go into its cage and Severus got bitten.

Lily applied some salve on the wound on Severus´ finger and the boy thought he had never felt so well cared for. It was like heaven.

What was even better, he had to spend the night on his air-mattress in Lily´s room as Mr. Evans wanted everything to go smoothly the next morning.

Of course Severus kept his word and stayed on the floor – not that he was not tempted not to – but they talked for quite a while and Lily hung her hand from the bed so that Severus could hold it all night. It was better than nothing.

-x-

The journey to Hogwarts the next day was eventless. Severus and Lily parted reluctantly on the platform at King´s Cross Station. Lily went to meet her friends and Severus to find an empty compartment. He found one and spent the journey reading his Latin textbook. He had some ideas for new spells and could hardly wait to try them out at school. Using the journey to refine the details in his spells seemed like a good idea.

The sorting and the feast passed quickly and Severus was already getting ready to leave the Great Hall for his dormitory, when a seventh year prefect came to him and handed him a small roll of parchment with a smile.

What was this about? Prefects never smiled at Severus, less when they were Slytherin. The boy knew the reason when he opened the message.

His head of house invited him to one of his legendary parties.

-x-

Severus stepped into the room reluctantly. He didn´t like crowds for they meant seldom something good for him. He prefered being alone or with a friend, one friend, his only friend. Or his family. But no crowds.

It came as a pleasant surprise that the room was not crowded, at least not yet. There were only some students from Slytherin, Josef Greenspoon the only one from Severus´ year.

Severus thought that Slughorn must have handed out his invitations to the students of his own house first. And really, after some minutes two Hufflepuffs entered the room and little later a flock of Ravenclaws.

Severus retreated to the back of the room with a glass of juice.

The last to come were the Gryffindors. There were several, their group nearly as numerous as the Slytherins, but only four whom Severus knew. Black and Potter. Severus thought that Black clearly fit into Slughorn´s taste for party guests, the boy was from an old, rich family. His brother, Regulus, was at the party, too. Normally Severus´d have sought Regulus´ company, but his friend – for lack of a better word – was absorbed in a conversation with a very pretty fourth year housemate.

Severus wondered how Potter fit in. Was it possible? Was Potter related to Harold Potter, the famous potions master? Given the abysmal performence Potter usually showed in potions it was not very probable. On the other hand, Slughorn was known to go for students even very remotely related to celebrities. It fit. Yes, the longer Severus thought about it, the more it fit that Potter´d be arrogant enough to not ask his celebrity potioneer cousin (?) for help.

The last two Gryffindors Severus knew were – his heart missed a beat – Lily and Myra. What were they invited for? The boy wasn´t sure about Myra, but he knew for sure that Lily´s family was neither rich nor famous. Then it dawned to him. The girls had got two of the very rare invitations to Beauxbatons. This made them celebrities themselves.

Severus watched the Professor, who had arrived last, make his round and talk to Lily. He was too far away to hear what was said. Lily laughed. Severus noted that the smile never reached her eyes. No wonder. Potter and Black had joined her and Myra for a glass of pumpkin juice.

As much as he´d have liked to keep an eye on the Gryffindor group, he couldn´t. Professor Slughorn made a bee-line for him after he had talked to the Gryffindor group.

"Severus," the man greeted him jovially. "I heard nothing but praise about your potion brewing abilities. You must have done some background reading, for if I´m to believe the rumors, you know things which are not in your textbook."

"I inherited some potions texts from my mother and read through them, Sir," Severus said politely. Slughorn knew about his family.

"Ah, yes, your mother. Very tragic, my boy, very tragic. I was so happy that everything turned out fine for you."

Severus didn´t know what to say. Slughorn couldn´t have cared less for what had happened to him back in his second year. If he had depended on his head of house, Severus´d have gone straight to the orphanage and probably never have come back to Hogwarts.

"You excuse me, Professor," Severus tried to keep polite, "I´d like to prepare for tomorrow´s lessons."

On his way out he noticed that Lily and Myra had also taken an early leave.

-x-

Professor made his round through Slytherin house the next morning. He was known to delegate as many of his head of house duties as possible to the prefects, but the start of term inspection of the house was something he hadn´t found a way to avoid. Yet.

It was done like everything the vast wizard did. He lingered to chat with the "important" students and ignored the rest.

Severus, who had been thoroughly ignored for the past four years, was more than surprised, when the Professor greeted him friendly as soon as the man entered the fifth year boys´ dormitory.

"Severus," the professor cried cheerfully, "you left so early yesterday! You must know, my boy, that those who work hard, deserve a celebration now and then. You should not deny yourself this."

Severus didn´t really know what to say. "I´ll try to remember, Sir." He smiled shyly.

"We hadn´t even time to chat," Slughorn went on. "I met my old colleague, Professor Fraudeur, this summer. He was full of praise for you!"

Severus was taken aback. Professor Who?

"It seems someone has been over-modest in class," the professor winked, "unfortunately Aimé had to return to Beauxbatons rather soon. You know about the different holiday schedule of Beauxbatons, of course."

Severus was glad he was the only fifth year in the dormitory at the moment. The potions master´d have given away his secret, had any other student heard this. The boy shuddered at the thought of his house-mates finding out that he was fostered by muggles.

Luckily the professor was in a hurry to finish his inspection quickly and left after a quick glance around the room.

-x-

"How did you do it?" Regulus asked eagerly.

"Do what?" Severus asked innocently.

They sat at a table in the library and studied transfiguration together. At another table, a bit closer to the restricted area, sat Sirius Black with his friends and shot furious glances at his brother and arch-enemy from time to time, which was the very reason why the two sat together.

Of course Severus was aware what Regulus meant. Half of Slytherin House had been eyeing their own half-blood in a mixture of curiosity and admiration ever since the party.

"Get an invitation to the party!" Regulus tried to hide his impatience.

Severus wasn´t too happy with the question. Getting something other than hatered from his house-mates had been a nice change, but telling about professor Fraudeur meant revealing his only connection to Beauxbatons Academy, Lily Evans.

"An acquaintance of Slughorn´s praised my brewing abilities and Slughorn became curious," he said evasively.

"Wow, you and Slughorn have common a acquaintance?"

"No, he and my mother have." Severus hoped dearly that the Prince house was unimportant enough that the wizarding community hadn´t yet acknowledged his mother´s death.

"I see."

A while later Regulus took his leave, no doubt to inform Slytherin house what he had found out.

-x-

Severus could hardly wait for Wednesday and Ancient Runes.

"What did you tell your French potions professor about me?" he asked as soon as he had written down the last word of the lesson´s assignment.

"Why would I tell monsieur Fraudeur anything about you?" Lily seemed puzzled. Had he been wrong with his assumption that Lily had – probably unknowingly – caused his invitation?

"Because Slughorn hinted to me that his French colleague had congratulated him for my brewing abilities. That was why he invited me to his party."

"I didn´t tell Fraudeur about you."

"You did," Myra interjected. "The perfume."

Severus was puzzled. Lily giggled. "Ah yes, the rose perfume you sent me. It caused quite an uproar. Everybody wanted it or at least to know where to get it. I told them, my foster-brother had made it."

Severus hoped he didn´t blush. Of course he had made the perfume to his best ability, but he hadn´t intended it to attract attention in that way. "You didn´t tell me about that."

"Sorry, I had more important things on my mind." Lily smiled conspiringly.

Severus was puzzled again. Then he remembered what Lily had had on her mind. "I see," he said.

-x-

Severus could hardly wait for Friday to arrive. Friday was double potions in the afternoon and he intended to spend those glorious two hours with Lily by his side. So it came as a bad surprise when James Potter claimed the seat beside the girl.

Lily looked like she was going to cry and Severus gritted his teeth. He could hardly do anything without giving away their secret. Help came from an unexpected source.

It was Professor Slughorn, who shooed Potter away from Lily´s side. "No, no, Potter. No offence, but Miss Evans is out of your league as far as potion brewing is concerned. Snape, you work with Evans. I´ll give you special assignments to challenge you a bit. Potter, you go and work with Bones."

Severus pitied Myra, but only a bit. Too great was his joy of getting to work with Lily for a whole year.

"This means trouble, Slytherin," Potter hissed as he made his way to the seat he had been sent to. Black and Lupin looked ready to assist him with whatever he planned to do to pay Severus back.

At the moment, all this didn´t matter. Severus sat by Lily´s side, that was all that counted. He´d deal with the Gryffindor boys when he had to. The boy didn´t hear what the professor told them to do and he started when he got aware that he´d be in trouble for it. Just when he started to search for the right page in his textbook, the professor came over to him and Lily and handed them a sheet of parchment. "I want you to try this," he said.

Lily and Severus had a look at the recipe. It was complicated and well above fifth year level. Slughorn meant to put them through their paces. After a short discussion, they set to work. Severus went to the cupboard for ingredients and Lily set up three cauldrons.

Slughorn went to check on other students' potions, but observed Lily and Severus from the corner of his eye. Every single movement was accurate. They wasted no time. Severus brought the ingredients in exactly the needed order and amount. Lily added them to the right cauldron at the accurate time. Sometimes she stired two cauldrons at once, and when all three needed stiring at the same time, the boy was there to help her. It was like watching a ballet.

They finished the potion seconds before the lesson ended.

Slughorn raced over to them. "Brilliant!" he cried happily. "I never thought this possible to be finished in less than three hours! Very well done! Take ten points for Gryffindor and ten for Slytherin! Wait, I´ll bring you a bottle. This is of excellent quality, I may as well take it up to the hospital wing."

While their peers left for supper, Lily and Severus stayed behind to fill the potion into the bottle. Although they were supervised by Slughorn all the time, these minutes were more private than anything they had shared since the start of term. They both smiled when they finally left the classroom.

-x-

They parted shortly after leaving the classroom. Lily went up to Gryffindor tower and Severus to Slytherin house to drop his bag before supper.

When he made his way up to the Great Hall shortly later, he was hit by a stinging hex from a niche. Cold fury washed over the boy as he tried to put weight on his leg and nearly fell.

"Well, well, Snivellus," sneered James Potter as he stepped out of the niche, Lupin and Pettigrew in tow. Where was Black?

The question was answered, when Severus´ leg was hit again, this time from behind. The cowardly attack from behind was all the Slytherin needed to trigger his wandless magic. He hit Potter and Black´s thighs with strong truncheon curses and Lupin and Pettigrew´s wand-hands with stinging hexes. All four boys howled with pain. Severus pushed their wands away from them and hurried to go past them as long as they were occupied with tending to their injuries.

He limped. For a brief moment he considered going back to Slytherin to heal his leg, but then he remembered that Lily´d be worried if he didn´t show up for supper. So he limped to the Great Hall and saved the healing for later.

-x-

It had been their first fight of the year, but not their last. The Gryffindor four were not ready to accept defeat lightly but came back. Luckily, Severus had some advantages on his side, the other boys didn´t know of.

Firstly, he could do some wandless magic. True, he needed to be very angry to be able to use it, but unknowingly the Gryffindors – the marauders as they called themselves now – provided him with just what he needed to access these extra powers.

Secondly, he – other than the Gryffindors – knew some healing charms. So even if they managed to hit him with a curse, he´d heal the injuries in the evening and face them whole the next day. He´d hurried to tell Lily, who was very worried about him and mad at the other boys, about his healing abilities to soothe her a bit. Nevertheless she was worried and Severus liked the fact she was.

Thirdly, Severus had an ally. Regulus found out about their first fight that very evening and promised to help his fellow Slytherin. He showed up frequently when the Gryffindors cornered Severus and added his own hexes from a hiding place. Severus was a bit annoyed that the other boy refused to help him openly, but Regulus insisted that the idea of being won over by Severus singlehandedly´d annoy Sirius more than his brother siding with the enemy.

As the weeks passed, Severus got more back-up from his fellow Slytherins. Regulus had talked to their housemates and convinced them that Severus might be a half-blood, but he was their half-blood and therefore the Gryffindors were trespassing on Slytherin property by attacking him.

Again the support wasn´t given openly, but whenever a Slytherin passed one of the fights, Severus could be sure of having an extra wand on his side. In fact, his housemates enjoyed the opportunity of hexing practice and soon the marauders found themselves in the position of unknowingly being the Slytherins´ sparing partners.

Finding someone to practice hexes and curses on was difficult and more than once Severus found house-mates follow him to get a shot at the Gryffindors.

-x-

The last Saturday before Halloween was going to be a Hogsmeade weekend. Severus could hardly wait for Friday to invite Lily during Potions.

"Will you go to Hogsmeade with me?" he asked as soon as their potion was bubbling merrily and they had a short break.

"Gladly," Lily answered. "It may be a problem, though. I´ve been invited by Potter, but I´ll find a way to escape him, I promise."

They made an appointment to meet in the forrest near the village.

This evening was the first time that Severus started an attack on Potter and his friends.

-x-

Severus had no idea how Lily did it, but she managed to come to the appointed place without Potter following her.

True to his promise to teach her how to duel, he thaught her some hexes and jinxes and a shield charm.

After practicing for nearly an hour, Lily sat by the trunk of an oak, panting. "This is exhausting!" she cried. Her cheeks were red.

"You´re not going to be a pest, I hope." Severus grinned and sat beside her.

"Who´s a pest, mister?" Lily asked with mock sternness in her voice and pushed the boy gently. "You wanted to tell me about that spell you invented. Why don´t you do so, while I recover my breath?"

Severus looked around. "OK, it´s nonverbal. There is no special wand movement required. The incantation is ´levicorpus´."

"What does it do?"

"You studied Latin, didn´t you?"

"You mean...?" Lily grinned. "Show me!" She got up and waited.

"Just a moment. I said ´tell´, not ´use on you´." She couldn´t be serious!

"Why not? I practiced those hexes on you!"

"But you are a girl!"

"Meaning what?"

Severus knew, when he had lost. "OK. I´ll show you, but we need a soft subsoil." He got up and looked for some moss. "Engorgio!" The moss swelled to the size of a feather-bed. "Are you ready?"

Lily nodded and the boy pointed his wand at her. In an instant Lily hung head down in midair. Her long hair dangled to the ground. "That´s great. Now let me down."

"Watch out. The landing will be rough. Ready?"

"Yes. Ouch!"

"Are you hurt?" Severus hurried over to her.

"I fell on my wrist."

"Poor you! Show me!"

Lily got up and showed the boy her wrist. It started to swell. Severus started a healing chant in a low voice. "Is this better?" he asked after some minutes. The girl nodded.

"We´d better go back." Lily said. "I have to meet Myra."

They went the first part of the way together. "What is the counter-spell?" asked Lily when the first houses came into view.

"Liberacorpus," said Severus. "I'll see you in Runes."

"You take care."

"So do you."

Severus went directly back to Hogwarts. He´d had time to go to the village to look at the shops, but he didn´t mind to. How could the afternoon get better after having spent hours with Lily? Well, there was one way to improve it, but as that was too risky, he´d be content with what he got.

-x-

The next morning brought a surprise. Severus was pulled behind a statue on his way to breakfast. His first reaction was to hex the offender into oblivion, but he recognized Myra in time. The girl was very upset.

"I need to tell you something," she panted. She must have run to catch him.

"What?" The boy was worried. Was something wrong with Lily?

"Some minutes ago, Black used the Levicorpus spell on me to trick Lily into telling him the countercurse. He has it."

Of course he had it. Severus knew that Lily couldn´t do nonverbal spells. She couldn´t have helped Myra without giving away the countercurse and she obviously couldn´t leave her friend in midair.

"Is Lily OK?"

Myra nodded. "She´s worried about you. That Black will hit you with your own curse and that you´ll be angry with her."

"Tell her it´s OK. I understand she had to help you. I´ll try to come up with a shield against the curse. We´ll have to find out how Black learned about the curse in the first place. You both take care."

"Black won´t use that curse on girls?" Myra asked anxiously.

Severus raised a brow and looked at the girl meaningfully.

"Oh!" Myra blushed. "He already did. We´ll be careful."

-x-

Slytherin students were to be found hanging in midair all morning. The teachers had a hard time getting them down.

After lunch Severus decided to adjust the odds by using the Levicorpus in a loud voice on an innocent Gryffindor first year boy within hearing range of some of his house-mates.

In the afternoon the teachers were seen saving Gryffindors from midair, too.

-x-

Monday was spent in a stage of war. Slytherins and Gryffindors hexed each other where they met. Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws tried to stay out of the conflict, but failed.

The Halloween Feast in the evening started late as the teachers had to rescue a group of Ravenclaws.

Dumbledore was furious. Never had Severus seen the kind, old man that upset.

Despite Dumbledore´s harsh words the evening before, Tuesday was spent the same as Monday. Students came late to lessons, because they were hit by Levicorpus.

After the Halloween Feast somebody with a tiny handwriting had informed the headmaster of the countercourse to Levicorpus, so the teachers could rescue the curse-victims easier than before, but many were injured when they fell and had to go to the school nurse to heal sprained wrists.

On Wednesday, the nurse refused to heal the victims of Levicorpus any longer.

Severus was no part of the Tuesday battles. He spent his free time in the library, trying to develop a shield against the spell. He thought he was successful in the late afternoon, but couldn´t be sure as he had nobody to test it with.

-x-

"I´m so sorry about the counter-spell!" Lily whispered to Severus as soon as he had taken the chair beside her at the Runes classroom.

"Don´t be silly, you couldn´t have left Myra hanging around in the boys´ dormitory." Severus grinned.

Myra was scandalized. "I wasn´t hanging around there!"

Lily giggled. "You were! Don´t forget I saw you!"

"Stop teasing me!" Myra hissed. "This wasn´t funny!" Her grin contradicted her words.

Lily changed topic. "Please tell me you found a way to shield this spell!"

"I think I have," said Severus and started leafing through his dictionary as the professor was watching them. He slipped Lily a piece of parchment. "I had nobody to try it out. I thought maybe you two could do it and tell me at supper, if it worked."

The girls agreed to test the shield charm. They fixed signs for ´It works´ and ´It doesn´t work´.

Some hours later, Severus was relieved to get the ´It works´-sign at supper.

-x-

The war diminished over the next few days, but escalated when Morgana Hopkins from Slytherin house was found by a furious professor McGonagall near the hospital wing.

Morgana herself wouldn't have mentioned the incident as it was too shameful, but Joseph Greenspoon, who had a crush on the girl, witnessed McGonagall's fit and was eager for revenge on the assault at his chosen.

When asked in the crowded common room why McGonagall had been so furious, Morgana had to admit that she had worn a wide skirt under her robes and that the teacher had found her with her panties exposed. The girl blushed vigorously and all present Slytherin boys howled for revenge, Greenspoon in the lead.

Morgana begged them not to make any girl relive her humiliation and it was agreed to punish the boys, all boys as Morgana hadn´t recognized her attackers.

Most interestingly, Joseph Greenspoon wasn´t part of the attack force, but stayed behind to comfort Morgana.

-x-

The war went on until Christmas where it was ended by a furious headmaster, who threatened to punish any use of Levicorpus on a fellow student severely.

Nevertheless, never had Severus been so relieved to go home for the holidays.

-x-

The first evening back was not too pleasant. Petunia was nasty as ever, she even suggested Lily and Severus had better stayed at school for Christmas. Severus found this was a particular cruel thing to say after Lily had spent her last Christmas in France.

The only highlight of the evening was a quick kiss he and Lily shared when the girl accompanied him to his house.

-x-

They went for a long walk in the forest the next afternoon. Lily brought her unavoidable plastic bags to collect potion ingredients. Severus thought he´d never be able to walk through a wood without thinking about her and her plastic bags. They chatted happily all the way and kept an eye open for potion ingredients, though there were few to be found in the snow. They collected some mistletoe and frozen hips.

"You know," Lily said as she put the bag of hips back into her bag, "I thought we would be kissing more, once we´re back home."

Severus looked uncertain. "We can kiss, if you want to," he offered. He hadn´t brought up the topic himself because he feared Lily´d think he was too greedy.

Lily laughed. "No, it´s OK, I mean, don´t misunderstand me. I like kissing you. I´m only surprised that talking is more important for both of us."

"We couldn´t talk openly for nearly four months. No wonder we have much to say." Somehow he was disappointed that Lily found it OK they weren´t kissing.

"We really have to find a way to talk. These past months were horrible. I don´t think I can stand this much longer."

"I can´t see how to solve that problem."

"I may have an idea. It came to me only yesterday when I was walking home."

"What is it?" Severus was curious. He´d been thinking about their problem quite a lot but hadn´t been able to come up with a solution.

"I won´t tell you. That way you won´t be disappointed, if it doesn´t work."

"You know, neglecting kissing could be a mistake."

Lily giggled. "We don´t want to make a mistake, do we?"

-x-

When they approached the town in the late afternoon, Severus looked at Lily earnestly. "You get that grin off your face, girl," he advised. "Or your father will kill us both."

"He´d go after you first, this would buy me time to escape." Lily laughed.

"You want me killed by your revengeful father?"

"No, dear. I don´t. I´ll try to look less happy."

"Don't exaggerate, or he'll go after me for mistreating you."

They giggled.

-x-

They spent a lot of time at Severus´ house to avoid Petunia´s nasty comments. This came in handy for Severus as he enjoyed being alone with Lily and being able to kiss her whenever he felt like it, which happened a lot.

The only disadvantage was that they needed wood to heat the house and it was Severus who had to chop it.

"I knew knowing how to chop wood would come in handy one day," Severus pointed out as he cleaved a large chunk. The memory of the holiday he had spent alone with his father was still bitter.

Lily watched him from a seat beside the empty chicken-coop.

"You know," she said, "I´ve been wondering, how they managed to find and listen in on us back in October. And I´ve been trying to remember, what we talked about besides the spell."

"Had they guessed we were more than friends, we´d know by now." Severus reassured her.

"We can bet on that." Lily sighed. "Can you imagine, Potter asked me out! Several times!"

"Maybe we could use that," Severus said pensively. "You could try to sound him out."

Lily was scandalized. "You can´t be serious. You don´t want me to go out with that idiot! I never would!"

Severus put the ax aside and went over to Lily. "Sorry," he said and kissed her cheek, "I didn´t mean to upset you. I just thought..."

"You thought what?" Lily frowned. "You thought you´d use me as a spy? You´d send me to your enemy to investigate? And while I´m there, I can allow him to kiss me. It may make him chatty!" Lily fumed.

Severus could have slapped himself. He really had to be more careful. Lily was the best thing to ever happen to him, he couldn´t lose her by being thoughtless! "I didn´t think at all, it seems. No, you can´t go out with Potter."

Lily calmed down and Severus resumed chopping.

-x-

To Severus amazement, it was Lily, who brought up the topic the very next day again.

"You know," she said, "maybe you were right yesterday. Sounding out Potter could be prudent."

Severus didn´t agree. He had had nightmares about Lily getting injured while trying to sound out Potter the last night. "I hadn´t thought it out. It´s far too dangerous. I don´t want you to go out with him."

"You suggested it yourself only yesterday. What changed your mind?"

"Your suggestion he might try to kiss you." He couldn´t worry her by telling her about the nightmares.

"I can handle that. And I don´t think I have to go out with him. Perhaps a short walk to the lake or a chat at the Common room would do."

"I don´t like that." Not at all, but he knew that Lily wasn´t going to change her mind once she had made it up.

"I´ll be cautious."

"You better be."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10: Communication

Christmas break was too short. Since he had become a member of the Evans family, Severus had prefered holidays over terms, while it had been the other way round as long as his father was alive. This break was especially pleasant, as it was spent mostly at Severus´ own house in Lily´s company studying potions and charms and transfiguration and – last but definitely not least – kissing. The boy found that holding his sister, the thought of her being considered his sister made him chuckle, in his arms felt great. In fact it seemed this had always been the very place Lily belonged to and sometimes he wondered how he could have failed to notice this for years.

He spent the evenings thinking of ways to solve their secrecy problem at Hogwarts and, as he found no means to help them, started working on a spell which should allow them to at least talk more openly when they met. It soon became clear that it couldn´t be done without experimenting, so he needed to wait until he was back at school, but he at least got an idea what to try.

-x-

The journey back reminded him of his ongoing war with the Gryffindor four. The boys cornered him in his compartement.

"So, Snivellus, not even my little brother here to keep you company?" Black sneered at him.

Severus glared at the other boy. "What would I need him here for?" he asked coolly.

Black chuckled and the other boys followed his lead. "Let´s finish him off quickly, pals," he said, "Prongs wants to meet Evans and we don´t want to hold him off." He raised his wand.

The mention of Potter meeting Lily had been the wrong thing to say but Black couldn´t know that. Severus didn´t even move as he slammed all four boys into the compartment door. He quickly rummaged for his wand while they tried to recover from the blow.

"Out," he raged at them, "out of here at once!"

The four boys rose to their feet and left at a run as he pointed his wand at them threateningly.

"He´s so quick! How´s he doing this?" was the last thing Severus heard Lupin say before the door was closed.

-x-

The first evening back was ideal for trying out his new spell. As the students held ´Hurray, we´re back´-parties in all common rooms, the library was empty save Severus. He cast his new spell and started talking to the book in front of him. (It felt awkward to talk to a book, but he had to talk to try the spell out.)

"Now, now, Master Snape," Madame Pince was heard from her desk, "the fact that you´re the only student using the library at the moment does not annul the rules."

"Sorry!" Severus said and started altering his spell.

He had to apologize four times more before he managed to change the spell satisfyingly. After having talked to his book for several minutes, at last telling it that the librarian was an old hag – to make sure the spell worked and the woman hadn´t simply given up telling him off – he was satisfied. He´d have to try the spell on several different people to make sure, but he was confident he had something to improve their situation.

-x-

It wasn´t before their second Runes lesson that Severus thought the spell was good enough to show to Lily. He went to Professor Stonecarver´s classroom in anticipation what the girl´d say to his latest accomplishment.

He performed the new spell as soon as they had taken their seats. "Done," he stated, not caring to whisper. Lily and Myra looked at him as if they expected him to grow an extra head. He grinned and let them wonder for a minute before he explained.

"I invented another spell," Severus said, not trying to hide his pleased expression. "The incantation is ´Muffliato´. It prevents people from listening in on you."

"That´s great!" Lily beamed.

"Is there a special wand movement?" asked Myra.

Severus showed them. Professor Stonecarver scowled at him. The spell didn´t prevent people from watching you. He reminded the girls of that and both nodded.

They started their assignments, but chatted happily all lesson under the protection of the new spell. Severus could hardly wait to talk to Lily without Myra listening.

-x-

On Friday Severus learned that he wasn´t the only one to work on their problem. He cast ´Muffliato´ – his new spell – as soon as they had started their work on another assignment for the hospital wing. They were really lucky that Myra readily borrowed them her notes on the regular assignments or both of them were going to fail spectacularly in their OWLs. Severus was well aware that he, other than Lily, had the additional problem of explaining where he got the notes from as he could hardly admit he borrowed them from Myra. No use in getting another Gryffindor girl into trouble.

"How was your week?" he asked while he measured the right amount of sheep´s fat.

"Good," Lily answered and pretended to concentrate on chopping cocoa beans. She looked so beautiful when she concentrated on her work. "You remember the idea I mentioned at your house? It worked. You get something out of your bag later and leave it open so I can put something in it for you without beings seen rummaging in your things."

When the end of the lesson was approaching, Severus did as he had been told and Lily slipped a parcel into his bag while she was pretending to pack her own book away.

The boy could hardly wait to find out what it was.

-x-

Severus wondered where to open Lily´s parcel. He couldn´t risk being caught, so maybe his bed was a good idea, but closing the hangings in the afternoon´d arouse suspicion. So this wasn´t really an option unless he was ready to wait for hours to learn what his girlfriend had given him.

After weighing all possibilities, the boy took the parcel to a toilet and opened it there. In it was a small mirror. Severus felt a jolt of relief that he had chosen to look at his gift in absolute privacy. He had considered opening the parcel in a quiet corner of the common room. He shuddered to imagine what had happened if one of his house-mates spotted per chance that he had unwrapped a mirror. He! A mirror! After years of being smirked at for neglecting his appearance! Well, true, he didn´t spend much time in the bathrooms to optimize his looks. Not that he didn´t care, he was a teenager after all. But he knew that his hair´d always look stringy, no matter what he tried, due to its natural thickness and weight. He had no problems with spots and pimples unlike most of his peers and the most prominent part of his face was his large nose, which couldn´t be changed by pampering it in front of a bathroom mirror. So why fuss with it.

Severus shook his head to get rid of the thoughts concerning his appearance. He was handsome enough for Lily to want to kiss him. That was all he needed. He looked for a message to explain what the mirror was for and found it on the inner side of the paper Lily had used to wrap the mirror.

"Sweetheart, take this item to a private place at ten in the evening, cast the spell I learned earlier this week and look at it." The message said. Instead of signing it, Lily had drawn a small heart under it. How very clever that girl was. She didn´t mention names, the mirror or the spell. The message was completely useless for anybody but him. He smiled. Sweetheart was a nice alias.

-x-

Severus pocketed the mirror and went to the Great Hall for supper. Lily was there, too, but he wasn´t able to signal her as Regulus chose this evening to socialize with him. As was to be expected, Sirius Black shot them both furious glares from the Gryffindor table.

After the meal Severus and Regulus went to the library, chatting happily. Once in the quiet of Madam Pince´s realm, they parted as none of the marauders was nearby to tell Sirius about their meeting.

Regulus disappeared behind a shelf full of potions books, while Severus decided to look up some advanced healing charms.

The boy returned to his dormitory a bit earlier than usual. After getting ready for bed, he wished his dorm mates a good night, closed the hangings of his four poster, cast ´Muffliato´ and ´Lumos´ and waited.

At ten he took the mirror in his hand and looked at it.

He nearly dropped it in shock. The eyes, which looked back at him, weren´t black but green. The most startling green eyes he had ever seen.

"Did you cast a Muffliato?" Lily whispered.

"Yes," the boy replied. "This is awesome. How did you make them?"

"The images are exchanged due to a slightly changed Protean charm, the sound is exchanged in a similar way."

"That´s sly." Oh, how clever his girl was! He could hardly believe that this beautiful, intelligent and powerful witch had chosen him of all boys to be her boyfriend.

"Thank you." Lily smiled her enchanting smile.

They chatted happily for an hour.

Life was perfect.

-x-

January changed into February. It was cold outside and the lake was covered with ice, where those, who had been taught it, enjoyed skating in the afternoons.

Severus had a perfect term. He studied, talked to his girlfriend every evening and survived several encounters with his archenemy´s unharmed due to fellow Slytherins, who needed guinea-pigs for new jinxes, and his study of advanced healing charms. The marauders spent quite an amount of evenings in detentions and on an overall view things could hardly get better.

They got worse, when the next Hogsmeade weekend was announced.

Severus invited Lily to meet him on their clearing near the village – an invitation she gladly accepted – and had to learn that the girl had already made an appointment with Potter – Severus decided to try the nose-bleed jinx he had found in the library on the Gryffindor – for a walk in the morning.

"You take care," he said to Lily, not mentioning his plans to punish the other boy for inviting his girl. "Potter is a rat. Do you want me to be nearby in case you need help?"

"No, really, I can handle this. We don´t want a battle when he sees you. I won´t get any information from him while you´re around."

"Probably you´re right. I don´t like this." He hated to admit she was right and he hated letting her meet Potter alone even more. Somewhere in his mind an idea for an anti-Potter curse began to form.

"As if I was enjoying it. It has to be done."

Severus sighed. "You take care."

After wishing Lily good night, he took a piece of parchment and noted down the idea he had had. Wasting a spell´d be wrong, wouldn´t it?

-x-

The Hogsmeade weekend was icy cold. Severus hoped that the cold´d make Lily cancel her walk with Potter, but to be truthful he knew that Lily´d never cancel a plan she wanted to carry out because of the weather. She´d go for a walk in a blizzard if she had to to achieve her goal.

Severus sat in the library, trying to distract himself from thinking about Lily and Potter walking arm in arm to the lake. Arm in arm? Unconsciously Severus started refining his anti-Potter curse.

Half an hour later he gave up and went for his cloak. He stepped out of the castle and tried to see from the entrance where Lily and Potter where. They were nowhere to be seen.

The boy remembered that Lily had mentioned going to the lake, so he strolled towards the shore, looking out for his girlfriend´s vivid red hair.

At last he spotted her from the distance. Was it really necessary that Potter stood so close?

Lily seemed to have seen him, too, for she took Potter´s arm and turned them both so that the other boy turned his back on Severus.

Reluctantly Severus returned to the castle. He could hardly wait to meet Lily in the afternoon.

-x-

In the afternoon they met near the clearing they had chosen the last time and Severus could tell that Lily was upset from a distance.

The girl cast ´Muffliato´ as soon as she joined him and spilt the news immediately. "An invisibility cloak!" she spat. "Potter has one."

Severus was more concerned about Lily than about cloaks. "Are you OK? He didn´t try anything?" He´d break his nose if he did.

Lily appeased her boyfriend. "I´m OK. Nothing happened to me. Look!" She turned on the spot. "I´m as good as new."

Severus sighed. "I love it, when your hair is flying like a veil." How could a girl look so – breathtaking, without being aware.

"Don´t change topic, dear. We were discussing invisibility cloaks. I was at the library and I found a charm. I know how to look through that bloody cloak. The incantation is ´per invisibilitas ad corum´. You have to point your wand at your eyes with a little flick. It´s fairly easy."

Severus did his best, but ´fairly easy´ wasn´t easy enough. "You´re better at Charms than I am," he lamented. "This may be too advanced for me."

"Then I´ll be your eyes," Lily smiled. "I see them!" she cried. "They are over there, beside the oak. Don´t look at them," Lily suggested. "It might be an advantage, if they´re not aware I see them. Black was holding a parchment. I had the impression, it was leading them here. I wonder what it is."

"We have no possibility to find out now. What are we going to do?" He hated the thought that Potter – he surely WAS going to break his nose – might spoil their date.

"Nothing. You teach me another spell for duelling. We have to wait for a good opportunity to get them."

Severus chose a tripping charm to floor an opponent. He advised Lily to try it non-verbally, explaining why this was an advantage in duel. The girl mastered the spell easily and they practiced for a while. They enjoyed helping each other to their feet, holding their hands the fraction of a second longer than necessary.

Severus felt great. Here he was, touching Lily in plain view of Potter, while the other boy had nothing. Well, an invisibility cloak, but who cared for that.

"Now, let´s see how you´re doing in battle," Severus suggested after a while. "Don´t hesitate to hit me with any spell you know. I´ve looked up some more healing charms."

Lily laughed. "I won't damage what is mine!"

"You have to or you won't learn," the boy pointed out.

"OK, I'll damage you, if I can," the girl gave in. Even smirking, she looked charming!

They battled for a while and Severus was very content with what they had achieved in only two lessons. Lily did great.

"You have to aim more carefully!" cried Severus when the girl missed him with a stinging hex.

"I was aiming perfectly!" Lily answered and dodged her boyfriend's jinx. "I hit Black!"

"You're a sly lady, my dear!" Severus answered and cast a shield charm to repulse Lily´s next attack.

After some more minutes they announced a truce. They sat side by side on a rock and chatted a while. Lily described Black´s stiffled howl of pain when he was hit by her hex in detail and they had a good laugh. Too soon they had to go back. Lily went to meet Myra and Severus set out for the castle.

-x-

They didn´t forego their evening chat via mirror although they had spent the afternoon together. Lily had important news despite the short time it had been.

"Black wanted ´Muffliato´, but Potter stopped him," she told a shocked Severus. "He stepped between Black and me, I was kind of relieved," she admitted.

"Perhaps there´s a trace of decency in him," Severus admitted. "I don´t like him nevertheless. He´s after my girlfriend."

Lily giggled happily. "Let him be. I´m yours," she reassured Severus.

They started making plans concerning Potter´s invisibility cloak and the enigmatic piece of parchment. They needed a plan for neither of them was going to stand Black and his friends slink after them for two more years.

-x-

The school year was nearing its end, when Severus had to go to the hospital wing. Black had hexed the tentacles of a giant flesh eating plant in the green-house to grab the Slytherin when he was heading towards the door after the lesson. Severus had managed to get away from the hungry plant, but gotten a bad bite on his left arm.

The boy swore under his breath as he made his way towards the castle. None of the healing spells he knew was apt to use on a plant bite. There was no help, he had to see the nurse.

Severus approached the hospital wing slowly and carefully, always watching out for his enemies. It wouldn´t do to let them catch him when he was injured. He just hoped they weren´t waiting for him under Potter´s bloody cloak.

They must have been, though, because when he approached the doors to Mme. Pomfrey´s realm, one of the suits of armour collapsed with a loud clatter. With predictable speed, Argus Filch appeared at the end of the corridor.

"You!" the caretaker roared and closed in on Severus. "Inflicting damage on the school property is a severe crime!" Severus looked for a way out, but couldn't find one.

The Slytherin was prepared to follow the caretaker to his doom, when the caretaker suddenly uttered another cry of triumph.

Two pairs of feet had appeared in the corridor and Filch removed the invisibility cloak from two very shocked Gryffindors, Potter and Black.

After confiscating the cloak and a piece of parchment Potter had been holding (was it THE piece of parchment?) Filch drove all three boys to the headmaster´s office.

Severus was relieved. He hadn´t done anything wrong, the headmaster´d know.

-x-

They walked to the headmaster´s office in silence. Filch overtook the boys when they reached to moving staircase that led up to Dumbledore´s rooms and Severus was able to get a glimpse at the parchment the caretaker had confiscated. It was a map and – Severus couldn´t be sure – there were moving dots on it. Where those people? Had Potter a map showing people?

Severus shuddered. If that was true, he could never ever meet Lily without Potter knowing!

Potter and Black must have communicated silently, for Potter stepped forward to Filch and started pleading to let them go.

Filch grinned at the boy maliciously. "Too late for remorse, Potter."

Potter started arguing and while Filch was concentrating on him, Black extended his wand and touched the parchment. It went blank. As soon as this was done, Potter fell behind to Black. The taller boy gave a small nod and Potter smiled.

Filch knocked at the headmaster´s door and they were asked to come in.

"These boys, headmaster," said Filch, "damaged the suit of armour of Ermenrich the Elusive on the first floor."

"Can the damage be repaired?" the headmaster asked solemnly.

"I don´t know," said Filch. "Not without magic. I confiscated these objects." He presented the cloak and now blank map.

"Whose are they?" Dumbledore asked.

"Mine, Sir," said Potter.

Dumbledore stepped to the Gryffindor and gently held his chin with his left hand. He looked the boy in the eye as if trying to see the truth there.

"Thank you, Mr. Filch," the headmaster said. "Leave the cloak here. I´ll handle the culprits. Master Snape here has nothing to do with this case of vandalism. You may go Master Snape."

Severus had hoped that the headmaster´d believe him, but being declared innocent without having to defend himself was more than he had hoped for. He followed Filch out of the office and pretended to go back to the hospital wing.

When he didn´t hear the caretaker any longer, he returned to the gargoyle and hid behind a near statue. He didn´t have to wait long.

Potter and Black left the office only minutes after them.

"Damn Snivellus!" Black swore. "Map lost, cloak lost!"

"I'll get the cloak back at Easter," Potter soothed him. "You heard Dumbledore. He´ll give it to my father. And then it´s only a question of minutes before I have it." He made puppy eyes and Black laughed.

"But the map´s lost," Severus heard Black say when the two Gryffindors disappeared behind the next corner.

-x-

The Gryffindors blamed – no surprise there – Severus for the loss of the cloak and map and tried to pay him back on several occasions. The map seemed to have helped them a lot in the past for their attempts were rather feeble compared with what they had done .

They actually managed only once to corner the Slytherin and then Severus only needed to picture Potter trying to date Lily to get access to his wandless magic. The four boys didn´t look good, when Severus was finished. Potter´s nose was broken.

Severus smiled. His own nose was broken, too, for Black had hit him by surprise from a niche and the fact that his face hurt so much had let him drop his usual caution. Normally, the boy fought only defensive battles; he never injured his opponents seriously. But Black had crossed the line first and so he had struck back. The fact that the four Gryffindors must be in equal pain was satisfying.

The Slytherin went to the nearest boys´ lavatory and started a healing charm on his nose. With a critical look into the mirror he tried to straighten it. Yes, that was better. All he needed was being questioned for his nose looking different.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11: Hell

As the end of June, and with it OWLs, neared, the marauders dedicated more of their time to studying and less to cornering Severus. As a result the boy decided that he liked OWLs. His days were spent with studying and practicing. Regulus had agreed to assist him where he needed a partner in exchange for the promise to do the same for him when he took his OWLs. The evenings belonged to Lily and their mirror-chats.

On an overall view June was pleasant.

One evening the examiners – witches and wizards too old to be true – arrived and the next morning the exams started.

Severus was very calm. Not only was he a very talented wizard, he had also worked hard and knew his stuff. The only critical subject was Transfiguration, but that was the last to come and he hoped to have established a positive halo by then.

-x-

[Most of the following scene is not my work, but J. ´s]

Everything was going smoothly, when desaster struck.

Severus had retired in the shadows of some bushes on the lawn near the lake with his transfiguration books and notes.

The weather was fine and the lawn was filled with students, most were relaxing but many of the fifth and seventh years had their study notes with them.

Suddenly Severus was hit by a spell. He blinked and saw Potter and Black move in on him. He could have slapped himself. What had he thought to be so careless! Hadn´t he known them long enough to know that a crowd of students wasn´t going to stop them?

He was not scared. He just needed to get angry enough and his wandless magic was going to free him. He tried to picture Potter with Lily. That always did the trick.

"Leave him ALONE!" Where had Lily suddenly come from? The anger that had been building in his chest disappeared to make room for fear.

Potter turned and looked at her. "All right, Evans?" he purred and rumpled his hair. How dared he! That scum flirted with his girlfriend. Severus felt new anger building in him.

"Leave him alone," Lily repeated. "What´s he done to you?"

Potter gave a loutish answer.

Lily was furious. "You think you´re funny, but you´re just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone." Severus wished she´d shut up and go. Didn´t she know that Potter wouldn´t hesitate to curse her? And Severus wasn´t in a position to help her!

Potter pushed it. "You go out with me, and I´ll never touch him again."

"I´d rather go out with the giant squid."

"Bad luck, Prongs," Black said briskly.

Severus – now aware that he was not going to be able to use wandless magic – crawled for his wand while the other boys talked with Lily. Furious, he shot the anti-Potter spell at the Gryffindor and a gash appeared on the detested face. It had been a mistake to choose this spell for it didn´t disable the opponent. Potter turned and cursed him. Severus was drawn upside down into midair. His robes fell over his head to show his legs and underpants.

The onwatchers cheered. The humiliation of it!

"Let him down!"

"Certainly," Potter replied and Severus fell to the ground. It was not over, though. As soon as the boy had gotten up, Black cast a Petrificus totalus on him.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Lily shouted. She drew her own wand. Severus heart missed a beat. What was she doing! She couldn´t think of duelling the two boys! He had to stop her!

"Evans, don´t make me hex you," Potter said.

"Take the curse off him, then!"

"There you go," Potter sneered. "You´re lucky Evans was here, Snivellus..."

"I don´t need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!" Severus held his breath. He just hoped that Lily remembered their emergency break.

Lily blinked.

"Fine," she said as coolly as she could. "I won´t bother in future. And I´d wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus."

"Apologise to Evans!" Potter roared at Severus.

The Slytherin didn´t care. Lily had understood and played along. Though, calling him Snivellus was a bit of an exaggeration in acting.

"I don´t want you to make him apologise," Lily shouted at Potter. "You´re as bad as he is."

"What? I´d never call you a – you know what." And if he did, he´d have to face him, Severus!

"Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you´ve just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can – I´m surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK!" Lily turned on her heel and left the scene.

Severus hoped she had gone for help.

-x-

It wasn´t over.

When Lily had left, Potter and Black decided to make use of the situation to entertain the onlookers.

After a short exchange with Black, Potter cast ´Levicorpus´ on him again and finally asked the surrounding crowd whether they wanted him to take Severus´ pants off!

Severus struggled for dear life. He couldn´t allow that to happen! If only he had his wand! If only he were able to strike back wandlessly! If only . . .!

"What´s that, Snivelly?"

Potter bent down to pick up the small shiny object that had fallen from Severus´ pocket.

"A mirror!" Potter roared with laughter. "What do you need a mirror for, Snape? It´s a miracle it doesn´t crack when you look into it."

The crowd roared with glee.

"Here, Padfoot, you´ll have more use for it." Potter threw the mirror at his friend and Black stalked around Severus, admiring his own reflection in the stolen mirror. Luckily the other boy had no idea what he really held in his hands.

"So back to the pant question," Potter went on when the crowd grew tired of Black´s grimaces.

Severus struggled again and Potter laughed. Black stepped back to give his friend more room – or the onlookers a better view, Severus wasn´t sure. Pettigrew glared at him in anticipation and Lupin – a prefect! – shut his book and scrambled to his feet.

"Wands down! All of you!" a most welcome voice boomed all of a sudden.

Hagrid, the gameskeeper, arrived just in time to spare Severus further humiliation. He collected Potter and Black´s wands as well as Severus´, which lay on the lawn, useless.

He didn´t bother to use magic to lift the levicorpus spell but collected the Slytherin with his bare hands from midair. He put him on the lawn gently and helped him straighten his robes, holding him around his waist all the time. "Are you OK?" he whispered gently.

Severus couldn´t answer. Tears of relief streamed down his cheeks.

The gameskeeper scrutinized him and then unceremoniously lifted him up in his arms like a child.

"You two, follow me," he ordered harshly and stalked towards the castle with Potter and Black in tow.

Severus burried his face in the man´s moleskin jacket and let his tears flow. He was close to hysteria. Never, never, in all his life had he been humiliated like this. He didn´t dare picture what had happened if Hagrid hadn´t arrived in time.

The gameskeeper patted the boy´s back and spoke in a soothing voice all the way up to the castle, promising that everything was fine and nobody´d do anything bad to him. On the first floor he ordered Potter and Black to wait for him while he delivered the Slytherin to the hospital wing.

-x-

"They played a nasty prank on this one," the gameskeeper said and set Severus down on one of the hospital beds. "The headmaster will want to talk to him. You keep him safe until Dumbledore has seen him, though I don´t think he´s physically injured."

"Leave him to me Hagrid," the matron said and hurried to Severus´ side.

"I have to deliver the culprits to Dumbledore," the huge man said gently. "Try to calm down, boy. I´ll see you later."

The school nurse handed Severus a handkerchief when the gameskeeper had left. "Here, dry your face and blow your nose and then tell me what happened."

Severus wiped his eyes and blew his nose but refused to tell the woman one word of what had happened to him. The memory of it was too humiliating.

"Perhaps later, dear," the nurse said at last and disappeared from view.

A little later she returned with a large cup of tea and a plate of biscuits. She placed them on the bedside table with a small smile.

"It seems you´ll spend the night here," she said, "I´ll bring you a night shirt."

Ten minutes later Severus found himself tucked into the hospital bed in a striped school night shirt in the middle of the afternoon. He nibbled at a biscuit and drank small sips of tea. It was awkward, but he couldn´t help silent sobs from time to time.

After a while Mme. Pomfrey had pity on him and fed him a spoonful of a mild calming potion. "Try to sleep a bit," she advised.

Severus didn´t think he´d be able to sleep in broad daylight, but soon he was lost in dreams.

-x-

It was dark outside, when the boy awoke. First he was close to panic. Where was he? Severus calmed down a bit when he recognized the characteristic big windows of the hospital wing. The feeling of panic returned when he remembered, why he was there. Agitated, he reached for the glass of water on his bedside table.

The boy started when a person, he had not realised before, took the glass and handed it to him.

Albus Dumbledore, wearing a gaudy blue robe with silver stars and half moons, sat on the edge of his bed. His kind face was worried and unusually grave. A gentle smile appeared on the headmaster´s face as he watched the boy drain the glass thirstily. With a wave of his hand he refilled it.

Severus wished he could go on drinking forever, for as long as his lips were occupied with that, they couldn´t be used to talk about what had happened.

Dumbledore seemed to guess his intentions.

"I do not need a testimony to find out the truth, Master Snape," he said kindly. "I know what happened, you won´t need to repeat it for me, unless you wish to."

Severus shook his head energetically. Speak about what happened? Never! It was too shameful!

Dumbledore watched the boy for a while in silence before he went on . "Mr. Potter will be severely punished. His parents are seriously considering taking him out of school."

"He won´t be expelled?" Severus asked. The prospect of having to face his tormentor day after day wasn´t tempting.

"Heavens, no!" Dumbledore said gently.

Tears welled up in Severus´ eyes before he could stop them.

"I do understand your wish to never see Mr. Potter again," the headmaster said kindly, "but I don´t think it´d do good to expel him. Firstly, if he was expelled, his friends´d blame you for it."

Severus gasped.

"And secondly, Mr. Potter has humiliated, but not injured you. The punishment has to fit the crime."

Severus stared at the headmaster in disbelief. Then he gave in to the tears that had been burning in his eyes.

The headmaster patted the boys head and bent closer. "I know what Mr. Potter threatened to do to you and I´m aware that he´d have executed his threat without hesitation hadn´t it been for Hagrid. Unfortunately there are no school rules against cruelty, Master Snape. But do believe me, I wish there were. I wish there were." He waited for the boy to calm down before he went on. "You can stay at the hospital wing for as long as you wish to. Take your time until you´re ready to face the school. You´re excused from tomorrow´s exam."

Severus was startled. Not take an OWL in transfiguration? Transfiguration was one of the most important subjects taught at Hogwarts! You needed it for nearly every job in the wizarding world!

"Please, Sir!" he addressed the old wizard, who was already heading for the door. "I want to sit the exam!"

"Are you sure?" Dumbledore asked from the doorway.

"Yes, Sir!"

Dumbledore nodded acknowledging. Then he left.

-x-

As much as he tried, Severus couldn´t go back to sleep that night. He had too much to think about. So Potter wasn´t expelled. He´d have to face him day for day for another two years. And each time he´d see the boy, he´d remember.

Each time the Slytherin closed his eyes and tried to rest, he was back by the lake. He heard the laughter and Potter´s threat. He saw Black´s smirk and Lupin´s indifference. And when he thought things couldn´t get worse, he heard the headmaster´s voice.

"I know what Mr. Potter threatened to do to you and I´m aware that he´d have executed his threat without hesitation hadn´t it been for Hagrid."

The certitude of what would have happened hadn´t the gameskeeper arrived in time to save him, was more than Severus could take. After reliving the scene several times, he gave in to desperation and cried. He thought of how comforting Lily´s voice´d be at that moment. Then he remembered he had lost his mirror and there´d be no more night time chats with the girl and he cried even harder.

-x-

Mme. Pomfrey offered to have him served breakfast at the hospital wing, but Severus refused. He only asked her to allow him to stay for a while longer. The prospect of facing the Great Hall full of students wasn´t very enticing. The boy´d rather wait for most of the others to have finished breakfast. The woman agreed to his request without hesitation.

"How are you this morning?" Hagrid dropped by just when Severus was going to leave the hospital wing. "Everything looks better after a good night´s sleep, doesn´t it?"

Severus smiled. A wave of gratitude washed over him at the sight of the gameskeeper.

"Look at you," the huge man went on, "you didn´t sleep much, did you?"

The boy shook his head.

"Are you going down to breakfast?"

A nod.

"Mind if I accompany you? I was going to check on you, but don´t wish to keep you from your morning meal. We can talk a bit on our way downstairs."

Severus didn´t feel like talking, but he didn´t need to as Hagrid gladly did the talking for them both.

"It´s very clever of you to face them right now," the man said, "you can´t avoid it forever, so better get done with it. It´s the same with hippogriffs. Once you get thrown off, you have to remount right away or you´ll never dare. Did you see the hippogriff foal which was born only last week?" Hagrid droned on about the young hippogriff all the way to the entrance hall.

"Well, good luck then, boy," the gameskeeper said there and smiled encouragingly.

"Thank you," Severus whispered and turned to the Great Hall. He hoped Hagrid knew he wasn´t thanking him only for today´s company.

-x-

Several students giggled as Severus entered the hall. The boy straightened his shoulders and walked over to the Slytherin table. For a moment he considered taking a seat facing the wall, but then he´d not be able to communicate with Lily. And they were back to sign language after all.

Summoning all his courage, Severus sat facing the hall. He looked over to the Gryffindor table. There sat Lily and stired her coffee. Two times clockwise, one counter-clockwise. I kiss you. Severus dipped his spoon into his cup.

-x-

The Transfiguration exam went worse than it could have, but Severus was confident he had passed. At least he didn´t fall asleep over the paper or freak out when the examiner asked him to transfigure a mirror (A mirror! Did the man know?) into a hairbrush.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12: Back to the moors

Severus was glad to get away from Hogwarts castle, piercing eyes and giggling students. On the other hand he dreaded the journey on the express. What if Potter and Black attacked him again? Hagrid wasn´t on the train. As far as Severus was aware of, the only adult on the train – at least the only one he´d ever seen – was the food trolley witch. He wasn´t sure whether the elderly woman would be of much help against his arch-enemies.

His fears turned out to be unbased. The headmaster must have done a brilliant job on Potter. He saw the boy only when he went to the toilet (wand clasped in his hand, hidden in a fold of his robes) from afar. The boy was speaking to Lily and Severus´ heart sank. Before he could gather the courage to interfere though, Lily had handled the situation on her own and Potter retreated to the compartement he shared with his friends.

The first short conversation with Mrs. Evans brought the unexpected information that Petunia intended to present her boyfriend to the family that very evening. Severus was not pleased. Probably it´d be a long evening and he´d rather have spent some time with Lily than with Petunia and the fat boy he had spied at from behind the curtains the summer before. Severus and Lily helped Mrs. Evans prepare the meal in order to have a bit of time for exchanging news with her.

-x-

Petunia came to the kitchen ten minutes before her friend was supposed to arrive. She eyed Lily and Severus critically. "Not one word about your... abnormity," she hissed. "And don´t you have a decent shirt?" She examined Severus´s shirt dissaprovingly. Its sleeves were some centimeters too short for him and a button was loose. Of course he owned better shirts, Mrs. Evans saw to that, but it was one of his father´s and he liked the thought of having something, which didn´t cost Mr. and Mrs. Evans´ money.

"Petunia is right, dear," said. "We have to get you a different shirt. Come, my husband will lend you one." She took the boy upstairs.

When they came back five minutes later, Severus was wearing one of shirts. Its sleeves were long enough and the dark red suited him well, but he was a bit too slim for it.

Petunia sighed. "That´s better. I only wish we could do something about your long hair."

"I´m not going to cut my hair!"

"I was afraid you were going to say that. Can´t you at least bind it together?"

"No!"

-x-

Petunia´s boyfriend – it was indeed the fat boy from last summer – called at exactly 6pm. Petunia introduced him to her parents, but made no move to introduce Lily and Severus.

Mrs. Evans stepped in. "Vernon," she said, "meet our younger daughter Lily and our son Severus. They came home from boarding school only today."

Vernon shook hands with the two and Severus couldn´t help but feel pleased by being introduced as a son. Petunia destroyed the feeling by pointing out that he was only a foster-brother and not really a relative of hers. Mr. Evans brought most of the good feeling back by glaring at his daughter angrily. Though Severus had refused to call the Evans Mum and Dad, he was happy they felt they were his parents.

The conversation was boring. Mostly it was about Vernon and his career plans. There was one awkward moment when the young man asked about Lily and Severus´ school, but they managed not to mention magic.

Severus was glad when Petunia and Vernon finally took their leave for a nightly stroll, and he wasn´t the only one. Mr. and Mrs. Evans expressed their relief when Vernon had left the house without discovering what Lily and Severus were.

The boy was tired and got ready to walk over to his house. Lily asked for permission to walk with him and her father granted it. Severus held the door open for the girl and they walked down the path to the garden fence in silence. As soon as they were on the pavement, Severus took Lily´s hand in his with a content sigh.

"Finally," he whispered and Lily beamed at him.

-x-

They went to the Snape house in silence. Severus kissed Lily as soon as the door had closed behind them. "I longed to do this so much!" he whispered when he led the way to the living room sofa.

Lily sighed and sat beside him. "So did I, love." She rested her head against his shoulder. "I´m so sorry about last week."

"It´s over, let´s not talk about it."

"We have to! There are things you have to know!"

"Not today. Please!"

"OK. Not today." They kissed again.

-x-

This night Severus slept better than any time since the incident by the lake. In the back of his mind he had feared that Lily´d be repulsed by what had happened, that she´d be ashamed for him but the last evening had proved him wrong. Lily was furious at Potter and the others, but by no way was she ashamed of him; sorry and worried but not ashamed. She'd sought his company like before and she'd clearly enjoyed the closeness they had shared when kissing. Life was good after all.

The boy woke well rested to his bedroom already bathed in bright sunlight. He got up quickly and hurried to the Evans´ house for breakfast.

"Finally!" cried Mrs. Evans cheerfully and put a plate of his favourite breakfast dishes in front of him. "You didn´t stay up all night reading again, did you?"

"No, Mrs. Evans," said Severus between two forkfuls of scrambled egg. "I was quite tired and sleeping in my own bed was very relaxing."

"I need to go to the market garden. What about it? Do you want to come?" Mr. Evans joined the conversation as he entered the kitchen.

"That would be great, dad. We could get some seeds for the herb patch." Lily beamed at her father.

"I thought you´d like that."

They finished breakfast quickly and went shopping. Mr. Evans got a new hose and Lily and Severus chose some seeds from the market´s rich supply.

"What about an ice-cream?" Mr. Evans asked when they left the shop. Lily and Severus agreed. They carried their purchases to the car and went back to the shopping center where they found themselves a quiet table in an ice-cream parlour.

While they waited for their ice-creams, Mr. Evans told the story how he ruined his old hose. "So I ended up stepping on the rake, ruining the hose and I hit myself with the rakestick. I always thought things like that happened only in slapstick movies."

They laughed.

"Yesterday evening I happened to look out of the window when you left," Mr. Evans touched the heart of matters when the waiter had brought their ice-creams.

Lily took a spoonful of strawberry ice-cream.

"You certainly know, what I saw." continued.

Severus understood at once. How could he be so careless! Had he waited only two minutes longer, their secret´d been safe but, no, he had spoiled everything. After a whole year of waiting he had been too stupid to wait two more minutes. "You saw me hold Lily´s hand," he said into the awkward silence.

"I did." was very earnest. "How long have you been... holding hands?"

"Since Lily returned from France." Severus was earnest, too.

"You are aware that she´s only fifteen."

"Yes, Sir." Of course! He wasn´t but eight months older!

"You have been holding hands and ...?" Mr. Evans looked at the boy questioningly.

"Dad!" Lily finally joined the discussion.

"Lily?"

"That´s embarassing! You´re talking about me as if I wasn´t here!"

"Sorry! So you want to answer my question?"

Lily blushed.

Severus put down his spoon. He had to save the girl from this awkwardness. As Mr. Evans seemed determined not to drop the matter, it seemed better to get done with it. "Sir," he said solemnly, "we have been holding hands and sometimes kissing, but nothing more."

"Nothing more?"

"No. Nothing more. You don´t need to be worried." What did the man think of him? Part of Severus was hurt by the suggestion his foster-father´s words implied.

"There will be nothing more."

"Dad, stop this!" Lily looked hurt, too.

was not easily stopped. "You remember that conversation we had some years ago, Severus?"

"The one about where I was to stay at night? I do, Sir. I never broke the word I gave you then, and I don´t intend to." Please, please, believe me and drop the topic! How am I supposed to ever look into Lily´s eyes again after this!

"Lily, I want your word, too."

"What do you think of me? By the way, did you have this conversation with Petunia and Vernon, too?" Why wasn´t Lily in Slytherin? He hadn´t thought of changing the topic. This move was elegant and at the same time cunning. Oh, what a wonderful girl!

was taken aback. "No, but don´t change topic. There will be no more afternoons at the Snape house unless I get your word that nothing, uhm, will happen there, which your mother and I will not approve of."

Lily was furious now. "This is not fair. You´re treating us like criminals. It´s not criminal to like each other."

"It´s not. But both of you are very young and there are certain forms of ´liking each other´, which are not fit for your age. I want your word, that nothing inappropriate is going to happen."

"You have my word, dad. We´re going to behave well." Lily gave in.

Mr. Evans started eating what was left of his ice-cream.

Severus tried some of the ice-cream, but somehow it wasn´t as delicious as before.

-x-

Severus feared the moment he´d have to face Mrs. Evans. Somehow the thought of having this discussion with the gentle woman was even more awkward than having it with her husband. He sighed with relief when Mr. Evans promised not to tell her anything as long as Severus´d sleep on the living room sofa in case he stayed overnight at the Evans´ house. The boy thought it was a fair prize for avoiding that conversation with his foster-mother.

-x-

The holidays became better after that day.

Severus and Lily spent as much time as Mr. Evans would let them at their lab. They worked diligently on their potions, but also got their share of kissing.

Vernon visited the family frequently and Severus found he wasn´t so bad, once you knew him a bit better. Of course Petunia was still nasty and Vernon sided with her, but Severus thought this was OK. He´d side with Lily, too, if need be.

They were nearly discovered at the beginning of August, when their OWL results arrived. The post owls delivering them crashed right into Vernon and Petunia made matters worse with throwing a tantrum.

Vernon tried to hit the birds. The owls hooted and flapped their wings. Mrs. Evans tried to save her coffee-pot. Lily and Severus tried to catch the owls. Unfortunately the two birds insisted on giving their letters to the right student.

"You try the other owl!" cried Severus and hurried around the table. Finally he managed to get hold of the bird, which had refused to give the letter it was carrying to Lily. He removed the letter from its leg and gave it a piece of toast. Immediately the owl left through the open window. Lily caught the other bird, freed it of its delivery and sent it off with a piece of cheese.

They went upstairs to Lily´s room, leaving it to Mrs. Evans to sort out things with Vernon. As soon as the door had closed on them, they opened their letters eagerly. Severus hoped that he had passed Transfiguration.

He got his wish. He´d only got an A, but it was a pass grade and that was all he had dared hope for. He also had an A in History of Magic, but all his other subjects were Os.

Lily had one O less, but only one A and two Es instead. On an overall view, they both had reason to be happy with their results. They started making plans for their NEWT studies immediately while they waited for Mrs. Evans to tell them whether the coast was clear.

The woman came upstairs a while later and they had a celebration with hugs and ice-cream. Later, Severus felt he should have known that things weren´t going to stay that good.

-x-

"How come your worst subject is Transfiguration?" Mrs. Evans asked as she put two large bowls of chocolate ice-cream on the table. "I understand that History of Magic is boring. You told me so, but I thought you liked Transfiguration!"

Severus´ face had gone blank. How could he explain? How could he tell about his humiliation?

"The questions were very difficult, mum. Maybe we didn´t work hard enough." Lily stepped in.

"Well, maybe. You must have been exhausted after all the hard work for your other subjects. Oh, I´m so proud of both of you." Mrs. Evans beamed.

"Thanks, mum." – "Thank you, ." Severus was relieved that the woman had dropped the subject so easily.

"About those owls, dears. They caused quite some trouble. Vernon asks questions. I managed getting rid of him for the moment, but I´m afraid, he´ll resume asking when he meets you again."

"What shall we do?"

"I´d like to get you out of the house for some days, to be honest. Until the worst excitement is over."

"Where are we to go?"

"I thought you could go on a hiking trip again. If you don´t mind, that is."

Lily and Severus exchanged glances. "We´d like that. It´s the right time to pick arnica. But will dad allow it?" Severus thought rather not.

"I called him. He´ll be home early."

-x-

Severus hadn´t much hope for Mr. Evans to let him and Lily spend some days in the moors. After their conversation at the ice-cream parlour, he was sure the man´d picture him molesting his precious daughter the moment a bush was between the youths and Mr. Evans. Although the boy´d loved to spend some time alone with his girlfriend, he couldn´t resent Mr. Evans his worry. He´d be worried too if he had a stunning daughter like Lily and found out she was kissing her foster-brother. And he´d certainly not trust said foster-brother to stay away from her not matter how many promises the boy made.

came up to Severus´ expectations completely.

"I´d rather not have them in the moors unsupervised," the man said as his wife informed him of her plans. "It´s far too dangerous."

"Dad," said Lily with a brilliant smile, "it wasn´t too dangerous last time and we were younger then, remember?"

Mr. Evans glared at his daughter.

"She´s right, dear," consented Mrs. Evans. "You weren´t here. The situation was desastrous. All those feathers and shrieks. I don´t know who was louder, the birds or Petunia. Anyway, Vernon´s suspicious. We can´t have him know about Lily and Severus´ being magical. It really is the best to get the two away for some days."

"I still think it´s too dangerous," insisted Mr. Evans.

Severus felt very grateful that his foster-father stuck to that argument and didn´t tell his wife the real reason for his objections. He´d really not like the woman to find out. The conversation with her husband had been embarrassing enough to last for a lifetime.

"If you´re uncomfortable with the moors, then maybe they could stay at Severus´ house for some days." Mrs. Evans mused.

Severus smiled. There was no way Mr. Evans was going to let them stay alone in a house. In a house like ´in a building with a bedroom´.

"The moors it is," growled Mr. Evans and shot Severus a stern look.

The boy hurried to hide his smile but Mr. Evans had seen it and Severus lowered his eyes guiltily.

-x-

The preparations were short and not many. As Mr. and Mrs. Evans helped them pack and details like ´How to pitch up a tent´ weren´t discussed again, they were ready to leave within an hour. Mr. Evans drove them to the moors and he and Severus spent the journey discussing (a) where they´d go to, a discussion which Severus thought was necessary and (b) what Severus was not to do, a discussion which Severus found highly embarrassing, especially seeing that Lily was sitting beside him and blushing vigorously.

Mrs. Evans had insisted on them staying away for several days, so their luggage was quite heavy. Severus remembered that Lily had been exhausted at their last hiking trip from carrying her things and he decided not to repeat his mistake.

"We´ll find a nice place for our tent today and start collecting herbs tomorrow," Severus suggested. "This way you won´t get too exhausted."

"Are you afraid I´m going to be a pest?" Lily grinned.

"A bit."

"Which direction?" Lily looked around.

"We´ll start south. I fixed our route with your dad."

"He´s mistrusting us."

Severus agreed on that, but he was not ready to discuss it. Undoubtedly it was he and not Lily who was not really trusted. "Nonsense. He cares for us and he wants to know where to find us. That´s OK." Severus started south. He carried the tent and the food bag in addition to his private rucksack. Lily had the sleeping bags.

Severus looked out for a place to pitch the tent. On one hand he didn´t want to stay too close to the road, on the other hand he wanted to find their lair quickly – for Lily´s sake.

It was after lunch when he found a suitable place. By then he was glad they could finally settle down. Carrying nearly all the luggage to relieve his girlfriend had seemed a good idea in the beginning, but now his back said different.

-x-

After pitching up the tent they had supper (tin of soup) and after this they enjoyed the evening. When it grew dark, they lay down and observed the stars for a while. They looked for constellations like they had done when they were younger. It was less of an adventure now, because they found them too easily after five years of astronomy lessons. Nevertheless Severus thought it was a great thing to do. Lily had accepted his offer to use his shoulder as a pillow and he could smell her hair while they watched the nightly sky.

The evening wasn´t going to stay this pleasant though.

"We have to talk about what happened at Hogwarts," Lily said after having listed the moons of Jupiter.

"I don´t want to." Had she to spoil the moment with that? Severus sighed inwardly. He had been so happy moments ago and now he was reminded of the worst experience of his life – which was to say something.

"Nor do I, but it´s necessary. We might as well do it now and have it done."

"Mmh." Have it done? Was there a chance that she wouldn´t bring it up again?

"I´m sorry. I made things worse."

"It was not your fault. I was careless and they got me."

There was a short silence. "There was no need to call me Snivellus." This had been nagging at him for a while.

"That was for adding ´filthy´." Lily turned and kissed her friend. "Forgiven?"

"Weeks ago."

The girl settled back on Severus´s shoulder.

"I lost my mirror that day," the boy said. They were never going to be able to communicate at school again, at least not as carelessly as they had been doing.

"I know."

"How come? Who told you? It happened after you left."

"Black."

Severus sat bolt upright. "Ouch!" Lily rubbed her head.

"Black told you?" Severus felt the blood go cold in his veins. Black? Had he attacked Lily, too, and the girl hadn´t told him?

Lily explained how she had tried to check on Severus and Black had found out about the true nature of their relationship. The boy was beside himself. The knowledge about their relationship was a weapon in Black´s hand. A very dangerous one. "Is he blackmailing you?" Never had he feared an answer like this.

"We got a deal."

"A deal? Tell me!" A deal? What had Lily done? Who made a deal with an evil monster like Sirius Black?

"My mirror for his silence."

"Nothing more?" Severus could hardly believe that.

"Nothing more. I threatened him I´d give you to the vultures if he pushed me too far. He took the mirror. Feared to get nothing instead."

"Give ME to the vultures? What about you?"

"He pointed out before that you´d get in bigger trouble in Slytherin than I in Gryffindor." Lily hesitated for a moment. "He said life wouldn´t be easy for a mudblood-snogger in Slytherin house. He hinted you were bullied for being a halfblood."

Severus closed his eyes and tried to calm down. He´d known it. Black had destroyed the respect Lily had for him, Severus, with one sentence. How could a girl like Lily – beautiful, clever, popular, wonderful – want to be with a boy, who was at the receiving end of regular bullying? Who would love the school scape-goat?

"Severus, are you being bullied for being a halfblood?" Lily´s voice startled him from his thoughts. He refused to answer. Admitting it, saying it out loud, would make it more real. Worse. The minutes stretched in silence. "You are, aren´t you? Why didn´t you tell me?"

"How could I?" Severus was aware how bitter he sounded, but he couldn´t help it. "Life is light-hearted and easy while I´m with you. You can´t expect me to ruin this by complaining how bad it is when you´re not around. You couldn´t have done anything about it, anyway."

"Poor you!" Lily hugged her friend and silent tears wetted her cheeks.

Severus couldn´t believe it. He had done it. He had admitted what his life at Hogwarts, what his whole life was like and she still was there. She still clung to him as if her life depended upon him. He returned the hug and enjoyed the sweet smell of Lily´s hair.

Some minutes later, Severus suggested to go to sleep. He felt exhausted, both physically and emotionally, and Lily agreed.

-x-

With a sigh Severus arranged his sleeping bag beside the tent. As much as the boy´d love to share the tent with his girlfriend, to enjoy her comforting presence after the evening´s emotionally draining revelations, it was not possible. Too well he remembered his foster-father´s expression in the rear-view mirror. No, the man had made it perfectly clear that he wasn´t prepared to tolerate Severus´ presence in his daughter´s bedroom.

The boy was a bit hurt, because he wasn´t trusted to treat Lily with respect. Anyway, he was not going to jeopardize his position with the Evans family. Confessing to himself that living with the Evans was the only spark of happiness left in his live, was sad, too. No, he was not going to give Mr. Evans a reason to send him away.

"Severus, where are you?" Lily sounded worried.

"Out here!"

"What are you doing there?"

"Sleeping!"

"Outside?"

"Your dad doesn´t want me to sleep in your room. I assume he wouldn´t like me in your tent either." Severus was sure he blushed, but luckily nobody was near to see it. Not that it would be well seen in the darkness.

"You´re being ridiculous." Sweet, innocent Lily. A part of Severus thought that the girl wasn´t even aware why exactly her father was suspicious of his foster-son.

"I´m keeping my word."

"You´re going to freeze."

"Nonsense. It´s warm out here." At least warmer than at an orphanage in winter, Severus imagined.

-x-

The next few days were delightful. It was as if the embarrassing conversation of their first evening had never happened. Severus had feared to find pity in Lily´s beautiful green eyes, but there was none. There were happiness and joy and love. Severus decided he definitely liked the way his girl was looking at him when she didn´t have to hide her feelings.

They spent the days collecting herbs, chatting, hiking, kissing. Yes, life was happy when Lily was around.

"Is that a hipbush over there?" Lily craned her neck to get a better view.

"I think so," Severus agreed, "but it´s too early for hips."

"I found a recipe for a truth serum, which requires hip leaves and green hips."

"A truth serum? Whatever are you going to do with a truth serum, girl?"

"Feed it to you and find out whether you love me," Lily teased, her eyes twinkling. Severus thought that while the twinkling eyes looked kind on Dumbledore, they made Lily simply – kissable.

"You want to know? Come here and find out!" he teased back.

Lily giggled. "I´ll rather go for the hips." She started towards the bush.

"Come here, you!" growled Severus and went after her.

Lily laughed and sped up. She was almost running now and her long hair dangled with every step.

The boy persued her, not really running either. He caught her right by the bush and wrapped his left arm around her waist. With his right hand he picked a green hip and presented it to the girl. "You´d rather believe this than that?" he asked and pecked Lily on the mouth.

"Your arguments are not bad," Lily admitted.

Laughing and kissing at the same moment was possible.

-x-

They spent the next days with picking herbs and chatting and, although the topic of what had happened back at school hung over Severus´ head like sword of Damocles, he found that it were the best days of his life. He trusted Lily to not bring the topic up again if she could avoid it and he was confident she´d be able to do just that.

So their days were filled with light-hearted chatter and laughter. They made plans what to do with the herbs they collected, realistic as well as absurd. They developed phantasies about concocting brews, which gave the drinker all kinds of deseases, took off limbs and caused loss of hair. It was perfectly clear for both, whom they would like those brews to use on, but it was never said aloud.

And then there were their evenings by the tent. Evenings spent cuddling and kissing. Although Severus would – true to his word – send Lily into the tent every evening before wrapping up in his own sleeping bag beside it, he had never spent so much time with his girlfriend. The boy was quite sure that his foster-father wouldn´t like the thought of him snogging his foster-sister too much either, but wasn´t that what all teenage couples did? And they never went too far after all.

It was their fifth night in the moors, when Severus was hit by some heavy raindrops. The boy snuggled deeper into the sleeping bag. For a moment he thought about fleeing into the tent, but then it´d take more than a bit of water to make him break his word. had asked him to promise to stay out of Lily´s bed and he, Severus, was not going to break his word by means of a technicality like the fact that there was no bed in that tent.

The rain wasn´t too heavy, but cold and after a while it became too much for the sleeping bag. Severus felt the water soak his clothes. Shortly after midnight the rain became a downpour. Not that it made any difference, as the boy was soaked to the skin by then.

"Severus?" Lily must have heard the rain.

"Yes?" The boy tried to keep his teeth from chattering.

"Is this rain I hear? Come in! You´re going to catch a cold!"

"It´s only a few drops." He hadn´t suffered for hours to give up now.

"By the sound of it, it´s pouring. Come in!"

"I´m warm in my sleeping bag." Why couldn´t that girl just give up?

"You come in or I´ll come out. You don´t want me to get wet, do you?"

"Extortionist."

"What will it be? Both inside or both outside?"

"I´m coming!" Severus knew when he had lost. He crawled into the tent, dragging his soaked sleeping bag behind him. He just hoped that was going to understand.

Severus´ torture had all but ended when he agreed to spend the night in the tent. Lily made him take off his wet clothes and although the girl swore she´d never touch him while he was wet and cold, Severus was sure that ´d kill him right there and then if he caught them. Or throw him out of the house, which was just as bad.

Lily insisted on Severus to put on something warm. She refused to give him one of his shirts, but forced a ridiculous pink sweater, which had once belonged to Petunia, on him. First Severus tried to escape his fluffy, pink fate, but the girl wouldn´t give in and at last the boy put it on. He couldn´t be humiliated more than last June in front of his girlfriend, could he? And when Lily hadn´t left him after his pants being exposed to the entire school, she wasn´t likely to do so for him allowing her to dress him in a pink sweater. At least there was no bunny on it. Thanks god for small mercies.

-x-

The rain didn´t stop. It poured all night and the next day. For a few hours it was fun to sit so close and chat and giggle and occasionally perform a mock hunt in the tent, which always ended the same way – Severus being victorious, Lily giggling like mad and the boy snatching a kiss from his girlfriend. But soon it became boring. There´s only so much to do for a teenage couple in such a small space that would not send their parents on the war-path. In addition the air in the tent soon became moist due to Severus´ wet sleeping bag and clothes.

The next day made it clear that the boy had caught a cold. He sneezed, occasionally first but within hours it changed to regularly. They had neighter magical nor muggle medicine with them and so both teenagers were glad that was going to pick them up the next day.

The walk back to the meeting point wasn´t fun either. It rained and despite their attempts to keep themselves dry – they used the tent as a portable roof – they were soaked to the skin when they reached ´ car.

Severus was glad that his foster-father was already waiting for them. He was wet and cold and he felt he was developing a fever. Lily didn´t look much better and the boy was concerned he might have shared not only a few kisses but also his germs with the girl.

"Come into the car, quickly," cried and took their bags to pack them into the boot. "There are towels and dry clothes in that bag on the back seat," he explained when he sat on the driver´s seat. "And your mother made you a Thermos of hot tea."

"Thank you, Sir," Severus sneezed and started drying his hair with a towel.

"Turn round," Lily ordered. "I want to get out of my wet clothes or I´ll catch a cold, too."

Severus obeyed. Beside him Lily changed into a dry track-suit.

"You get out of those wet things, too, boy. What is that you´re wearing, by the way?" turned in the driver´s seat after his daughter had changed. He scrutinized Severus with a twinkle of amusement in his eyes.

"I had to borrow a pullover from Lily, Sir."

"Pink is not your color, you know."

"Yes, Sir." Severus sneezed again. Lily looked out of the opposite window and the boy changed into dry clothes, too.

"Have some hot tea now, both of you!" was concerned. "Severus, you seem ill, already. Will you need a doctor?"

"No, Sir, just a cold."

-x-

´Just a cold´ turned out to come with fever and chill. The Evans´ decided that Severus was too ill to sleep in his house and Lily gave up her room for him. The girl went to sleep on the sofa.

When the boy showed no sign of improvement after a night´s sleep, called a doctor.

"Take a deep breath," the doctor ordered. "Good, again please. – Cough now!" He examined the boy carefully. "I´m afraid, , we have a pneumonia here." He finally said. "Let him stay in bed, give him hot tea and this." He handed a prescription.

"Is it contagious? My daughter will want to entertain him. Can I allow this?"

"As you told me, he cought it due to cold, I see no problem. But she should not sleep in the same room."

"She won´t. Thank you, doctor."

went to get Severus´s medicine at once.

"Poor you," Lily sat on the bed. "You´ll feel better once you got your medication."

"I´m sure I will."

"Can I get you something?"

"No, thank you. I don´t need anything." At least nothing I can have with your parents next door.

-x-

"I don´t understand this. It says, the fever should go down within hours." Mrs. Evans consulted the instructions for use what must have been for the hundredth time. "You have been taking this for two days now."

Severus was still lying in Lily´s bed. He looked paler than ever and coughed and sneezed all the time.

"How did you catch that anyway. Lily´s not ill," continued.

"He slept outside, Mum," Lily explained. "In the rain. At least for a while. I told you you were being stupid," she scolded the boy.

Severus sneezed. What was he to say? He wasn´t sure he´d be up to telling the background story behind this when he was at his best, he definitely wasn´t going to while he had a fever.

"Why would he do a thing like that?"

"Dad gave a little ´Don´t crawl into my daughter´s bed´-speech on our way to the moors."

"What?"

Severus sneezed again.

"We have been, well, kissing and dad knows." Severus was sure he blushed. Obviously Lily was a lot more courageous than he was. Well, she was a Gryffindor, wasn't she?

"And he made the boy sleep in the rain?" There was concern in Mrs. Evans´ voice. Now, that was a surprise. Severus´d have wagered she was going to tear his head off.

"No, he didn´t say he had to sleep outside. Severus exaggerated in keeping his word to stay away from me."

"Poor boy. A pneumonia is a high price for that. Try to sleep a little, dear. We´ll make you some fresh tea."

-x-

A little later Lily returned with the promised pot of tea and a cup of coffee for herself.

"I wrote to Dumbledore," she informed the boy as she poured a cup of tea for him. "I really don´t see why you should suffer when a healer could restore your health within hours." She added some honey to the tea.

After helping Severus sit up, she handed him his cup.

"I hate tea with honey in it," the boy complained.

"Rubbish! It is good for you!"

"I´d rather have coffee!"

"Coffee? I´d rather think not! You are ill!"

"Oh, come on! Just one sip! When Dumbledore sends a healer, I´ll be up and about by this evening."

"Right! And then you can have a whole pot of coffee, if you want it."

"Lily!" the boy whined. "You´re torturing me!"

"Drink that tea!"

"Blah!"

"Drink it!"

Severus gave in and took a big sip. "That´s disgusting!"

"If you empty that cup, I´ll read to you and I´ll kiss you. I taste of coffee." Lily all but smirked.

Five minutes and some complaints later, Severus fell back on his pillow with a faint taste of coffee on his lips and listened to Lily reading his favorite muggle story about the Canterville ghost.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13: Spilling a secret

Some hours later, Lily had stopped reading a while ago, Madam Pomfrey, the school nurse, arrived at Severus´ bedside. She wore what one would have considered apropriate muggle clothes had she gone to a dinner party, a navy blue cocktail dress. Her hair was matchingly adorned with a silver hair-slide sporting white and blue stones.

"What have you done to this boy?" she asked sternly after examining the patient. "He´s very ill."

"You will be able to help him, won´t you?" Lily asked anxiously and her mother nodded.

"I will, but I need to brew him some fresh healing draught. And he will not be well in one day. You should have called me earlier." She made room on Lily´s desk and set up a cauldron. "Oh no, I´m short of decoction of hips!"

"I can get you some from our lab," offered Lily.

The nurse eyed the girl critically. "You are the one, who brewed the supplies for the hospital wing last year, aren´t you? I´ll need the decoction in twenty minutes. Can you get it that quickly?"

Lily didn´t need telling twice. She rushed out of the room and Severus was sure she´d make it in fifteen minutes, just to be sure.

"Can I watch you brew?" he asked the nurse.

"You´re ill." The woman said sternly.

"Then tell me what you´re doing. These are daisy roots you´re cutting, aren´t they?"

"Yes."

"Why don´t you squash them? Wouldn´t it be quicker?"

"The contents of the skin and the inner part of the root would mingle too fast. The juice has to react with the cockchafers´ antennae first."

"What are you doing with the cockchafers?"

"Oh, really, boy. I can´t brew and entertain you at the same time."

"Then let me watch!"

"Mrs. Evans, kindly help that nuisance sit up." The nurse sounded irritated.

Mrs. Evans chuckled and helped Severus sit up. Knowing him, she handed him a notebook and a pencil.

Severus watched the nurse closely. From time to time he noted down a question he wanted to ask her when she had finished her task. True to Severus´ belief Lily returned after fifteen minutes.

Madam Pomfrey praised them for the quality of their decoction of hips. She gently pushed Severus away from the cauldron as the boy had taken the chance to have a closer look when she was distracted by Lily.

After leaving instructions how to feed her patient the potion, the nurse left, not before ordering Severus to be fed chicken soup, a thing which he hated and had so far avoided successfully.

-x-

The potion did Severus a world of good. He improved within hours, but to his utmost horror he started producing green sparkles every time he sneezed. The idea that Petunia might see it and the way she´d react to this reminder of her foster-brother´s magic made Severus feel more than uncomfortable. Then again how likely was it that Petunia was going to enter his bedroom?

Nevertheless the boy tried to hide the sparkles from his foster-family. Lily was the only one who spent enough time with him to notice and she was going to keep this little secret.

Madam Pomfrey returned the next day to check on her patient and she was quite satisfied. She looked somewhat astonished when Severus sneezed and was surrounded by green sparkles.

The boy watched the nurse carefully. Were the sparkles symptoms of some serious magical desease?

The woman noticed Severus´ worried looks. "No reason to be upset," she said soothingly.

Mrs. Evans chose that moment to enter the room and ask about Severus´ wellbeing. Madam Pomfrey reassured her that the boy was doing well.

Then Severus sneezed.

He was relieved when Mrs. Evans showed nothing but concern.

"This is perfectly normal, if you take this potion," the nurse explained. "At least for a powerful wizard. I wouldn´t have expected it to occur with a kid. Are you doing wandless magic, dear?"

"Only if I´m very angry," Severus replied.

"It always starts with strong emotions. You´ll see, it will become easier soon." The nurse smiled. "You take extra care for secrecy, ," the nurse pointed out. "There´s no way to controll that spark thingy. It will only last two or three days, though."

Mrs. Evans nodded, but Severus couldn´t help but feel disquietened.

-x-

On Sunday Lily brought Severus´ lunch early.

"Vernon´s coming," she explained. "I have to eat downstairs. Mum says you´re to be careful about the sparkles, don´t let him see them."

"As if I would," Severus snorted.

"I´ll bring you dessert later," Lily went on, ignoring her boyfriends remark. "Petunia won´t let me cut the cake before Vernon´s here."

Lily stayed with the boy until they heard Vernon arrive. After a quick kiss Lily hurried downstairs.

-x-

After his meal Severus took one of Lily´s muggle books and read. The story was quite gripping and he had covered more than sixty pages when the door to his room was opened.

It was Lily with Vernon right behind her. Severus looked up from his book. "What´s going on," he asked. "Vernon?"

"Severus," Vernon beamed. "We´ve come upstairs to bring you good news. I just got permission to marry your sister."

"Congratulations, Vernon and Petunia," Severus said. Then he sneezed.

-x-

Pandemonium broke loose. Petunia shrieked and Vernon cried "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!" as if these were the only words he was capable of. Mrs. and Mr. Evans came to the room just in time to see the last green sparks dissolve.

"Calm down, Petunia!" said . "Vernon, son, I´d have prefered a different way to tell you but you just discovered our family secret. Severus is a wizard. We expect you to keep this secret."

Severus thought his foster-father had quite some nerve to sound that calm after having seen the sparks for the first time, but then Mrs. Evans probably had told him about it.

"Oh my god!" Vernon was still struggling for words. "Are you... is Petunia...?"

"No," reassured him, "Petunia is not a witch. Only Lily is."

Vernon was relieved. "I´m glad you´re no witch," he said and kissed Petunia´s cheek.

"Let´s go back to the living room," suggested . "Lily you stay with Severus." She shooed her husband, Petunia and Vernon out of the room.

"I´m sorry," Severus said in a small voice.

"It´s not your fault, dear." Mrs. Evans hugged the boy. "Don´t be worried." She followed her husband and the young couple downstairs.

Lily sat at the edge of the bed and patted Severus´ hand soothingly.

-x-

Mrs. Evans came upstairs with a tray of sandwiches hours later. "I´ve brought you supper," she sighed. "This is so difficult. Everytime when your father and I think we have convinced him you´re not dangerous, Petunia becomes hysterical and we have to start it all over."

"Can I help in any way?" asked Lily. Severus was glad she spoke to her mother. He felt so ashamed that he had caused so much trouble, that he couldn´t muster the strenght to speak.

"I´m afraid you can´t," answered Mrs. Evans. "We explained to him about your letter and about the wizarding world and how Severus became a member of our family and how you don´t use magic at home out of consideration for Petunia, but Petunia´s not helpful. Vernon is siding with her."

"He should!" said Lily. "He´s going to marry her!"

"That´s right, but it makes things difficult."

"I´m really sorry, Mrs. Evans," Severus joined the conversation at last. "I didn´t intend to cause trouble."

"I know. There´s nothing you could have done. The doctor said there´s no cure for the sparks. We have to wait until it stops."

The discussion in the living room went on until past midnight. At last Vernon agreed to keep the secret, but only after had pointed out that nobody was going to believe him anyway and all he´d gain was the ruin of his reputation.

Severus felt worse than ever before in his life.

-x-

The rest of the summer holidays passed quickly. One day they were sitting in Lily´s room and discussing subject, then they went to Diagon Alley to purchase their books.

As August neared its end, Severus surprised Lily with a present for the anniversary of their first kiss and then they were back on the Hogwarts Express.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14: Another Year

Severus didn´t look forward to his sixth year at Hogwarts school for witchcraft and wizardry. He dreaded the comments of the other students. Not for one moment did he believe that the events from June had been forgotten.

It started with giggles from girls on the train. Severus looked for an empty compartement where he´d hide away from the rest of the school. It worked for five minutes, then he was joined by Regulus. Mere minutes later, the gang of Gryffindors showed up, Black in the lead.

For the first time Severus was truely afraid. Was the other boy going to tell his secret? The one involving himself and Lily?

Black seemed to smell the Slytherin´s fear, for although he said nothing about Lily, he was especially cold and cruel. He enjoyed frightening Severus. His whole attitude said ´Fight back and I´ll make Lily pay´. Severus gritted his teeth.

The older Black´s triumph didn´t last long for his younger brother hit him with a particularly nasty spell and sent the whole gang flying to their own seats.

Severus was grateful to have at least one ally in Slytherin house.

-x-

Their timetable was a relief. Having lost his mirror, Severus had feared he´d see nothing of Lily all year, but they had Potions, Ancient Runes, Herbology and Charms together, which was more than ever before.

The first lesson was Ancient Runes. Severus looked forward to it. Professor Stonecarver had had them teamed up in groups of three so far and he and Lily had been in a group with Myra. So the boy went to the lesson in anticipation of talking to his girlfriend.

It was not meant to be. There were fewer students in the class than before and the professor had a dictionary for each of them. It was, the old witch pointed out, of utmost importance that they practiced working alone, so there´d be no more working in groups in her class.

Severus was disappointed. He was in the same room as his girlfriend, but were he on the surface of the moon, it´d been the same. They couldn´t talk. The fact that Lily showed a corresponding expression of disappointment was a bit of comfort.

-x-

It didn´t get any better. Professor Slughorn was the only one who´d let them work together. That wasn´t going to help much, as he was to be expected to put them through their paces concerning brewing speed. You can´t chat very much when you try to restock the infirmary´s potion supplies.

Life between classes wasn´t any better. With concern Severus witnessed the Gryffindor gang acting strange around Lily and Myra. The four boys smiled a lot, which was untypical for them. They were polite and friendly and Severus wondered what they were up to.

What was even more odd, was the fact that Severus wasn´t attacked once. He could hardly wait to ask Lily whether she knew what all this was about.

-x-

They met on the first Hogsmeade weekend. There was no need to communicate about the time or place as they had everything appointed but the date while they were still at home.

Severus was one of the first to slip past the caretaker and before any other student could spy on him he disappeared from the path and into the woods.

He didn´t have to wait for long. Lily had hurried with her breakfast just as he had and came soon.

"Nobody´s here," Lily said and smiled at Severus brightly. "At least nobody under a certain cloak."

"Speaking about those not present," the boy smiled, "they´re behaving a bit odd lately."

"Black came to talk to me." Lily reported as they sat by the trunk of an oak. "Potter wants to prove to me that he´s a decent guy and though Black is aware that Potter´s efforts are completely useless, because I´m with you" – Severus wished he could kiss her, but he didn´t dare, it was too risky – "he won´t deny his friend. They want a truce."

"A truce? That sounds good, but they can´t be trusted!"

"I know, but I think we should enjoy the peace as long as it lasts."

Severus nodded. "But we have to be vigilant." Lily agreed.

They practiced duelling for a while and Severus was grateful he could touch Lily at least when he was helping her get up. They held each other´s hand for a moment longer than necessary each time they touched and the boy found these moments were very precious.

All too soon they had to part and Severus returned to the castle.

-x-

"Where were you? I thought I´d meet you at Hogsmeade," Regulus chewed happily on a bit of chocolate. He held out the Honeyduke´s bag to Severus.

"No thanks," Severus declined. Meeting Lily was all the sweets he needed for the day.

"My brother was in Hogsmeade." The other Slytherin stated as they walked up the lawn towards the castle. "It´s the first time I ever met him there. But he must have gone to the village before. I know that father signed his permission form back in his third year and I can´t see Sirius stay at the library when he was allowed to go shopping."

Severus said nothing. What was he to say? That Sirius Black had spent his Hogsmeade visits in the forest, spying on him, Severus? Regulus´d ask what Severus did at the forest on a Hogsmeade weekend and the boy was not prepared to tell him. Lily was his secret, his alone.

"Were you only at Honeyduke´s or did you visit more shops?" A change of topic seemed in order. Not that he really cared where Regulus rid himself of his – rather vast amount of – pocket money.

"Zonko´s!" Regulus giggled. "I can´t tell you here, don´t want to be overheard. Let´s go to my dorm!"

-x-

"What is this?" Despite himself, Severus had to admit that he was curious.

"A trick quill!"

"What trick?"

"Whatever you write with this quill, it will change within the next two days."

Severus looked bewildered. A two day trick?

Regulus grinned broadly. "Just imagine, my dear brother writes his homework with this. He hands it in and when McGonagall reads it the next weekend, the homework will be nonsense or insult her or whatever. Oh, Sirius will get into so much trouble."

As would Severus, if Black guessed that he had anything to do with the prank. Not that the boy feared the Gryffindor, but a certain red-haired girl was going to have his head if he broke the truce.

"Now, what do you say, Sev? Will you help me slip Sirius that quill?"

Severus sighed.

-x-

Regulus was determined to do this right. He wanted to get his brother into trouble and Severus wondered what had happened to change the Blacks´ relationship from rivalry to enmity. For enmity it was, at least from Regulus. This was not about a brother´s prank, this was about getting Sirius Black into trouble.

They spent several evenings at the Slytherin Common Room, planning and scheming. At some point Regulus´ dorm mate Avery joined them and the three boys had fun picturing several scenarios, which all had a very humiliated Sirius Black as a common star.

First Severus had felt bad about betraying the truce. Lily´d be so disappointed in him when she heard, but the longer they planned the more he allowed himself to believe he could get away with this without Sirius or Lily ever learning he had his hand in it. And getting back at one of the marauders – what a silly name! – was more than tempting.

They agreed that it had to be Avery who actually slipped Sirius Black the quill. Black´d be warned if he saw his brother or Severus near his school things.

After a week of careful planning and another week of waiting for the right opportunity, they put their plan in action.

Regulus insulted his brother in an empty corridor – empty save for James Potter, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew and Regulus' hidden brothers in arms. Severus was hidden in a niche as he wasn´t to make an appearance in the battle. It was his job to make sure that Regulus wasn´t hurt when he let the four Gryffindors chase him away. Avery was hidden, too. He was to exchange quills when Sirius Black left his school things in order to go after his brother.

"Sirius," drawled Regulus, "long time no see. Where did you spend your holidays? At a muggle orphanage?"

"That´s none of your business!"

"I never had an opportunity to thank you! Father removed the wall and now my room is twice the size it was. Thank you, brother!"

"You don´t think I care!"

"I had to burn some of your stuff. It wouldn´t be removed without destroying it, but mum was happy to help me."

"I´m sure of that."

"She always loved me more than you. She removed your picture from the family tree."

This was more than the older Black could take. "She didn´t!" he cried and threw a hex at his brother, who countered it with a shield charm lazily. Regulus had only waited for his brother to make the first move and retaliated with a jelly leg jinx.

Of course the other Gryffindors wouldn´t let their friend face the battle alone. Soon five boys were immersed in a vicious battle. Severus watched from his hiding place and threw in a nonverbal spell from time too time when things got too bad for Regulus. The Slytherin fought bravely, but let the four others drive him back step by step.

As soon as the combatants disappeared around a corner, Avery left his hiding place and rummaged in Sirius Black´s forgotten satchel. He removed one of the quills and replaced it with Regulus´. Then he gave the thumbs up to Severus who sent a faint signal of sparks around the corner. It was done. Regulus could end the fight and flee.

"We´ll see how you´re doing when you don´t have your little friends with you!" they heard Regulus cry and then footsteps told that the boy had turned and run. Severus and Avery made sure they were gone before the Gryffindors returned to get their things.

-x-

The days passed without anyone hearing anything unusual about the older Black brother. As days turned into weeks, Regulus grew impatient and started accusing Avery of being unable to replace a quill successfully.

"Really," he snarled as the small group of conspirators sat in the Slytherin Common Room, "one would think that a Slytherin was capable of carrying out a simple plan like this. Remind me, Avery, what year are you in? First?"

Avery looked hurt, but said nothing.

"Regulus," sighed Severus, "you should be grateful that it takes a while until your brother gets into trouble. He won´t know what hit him and he won´t even suspect us."

"I don´t care about you two," growled Regulus, "but he better knew that it was I who caused his misery."

Avery, who had brothers himself, nodded in understanding. "I´m sorry, Reg," he said, "but your brother is carrying a load of quills in his bag. It might be months until he uses yours."

Regulus snorted, but didn´t accuse Avery any longer. His parents always made sure that their sons had everything they needed in abundance. Although Sirius had left the family last summer, he wasn´t likely to have changed his habits. The Potters – rumous had it that they had taken Sirius in – were as rich as the Blacks. So his brother certainly wasn´t starving.

-x-

It was two weeks later, when James Potter was given detention by his head of house. Severus himself was present, as the Slytherins had Transfiguration with the Gryffindors due to a bout of illness among the teachers, when it happened, though he didn´t understand completely what had happened.

The professor burst into the classroom, her nostrils flaring, an image of fury. She started the lesson like always, with giving back their homework, but unlike all the previous lesson she said not a single word. She just threw their rolls of parchment on the desks wordlessly. The last was Potter, and he was the only one to get a comment.

"Detention, Potter, with Mr. Filch. Tonight at six and every night until the end of the month."

Potter looked puzzled, but when he unrolled his homework he paled. After the lesson the boy stayed behind and the last thing Severus saw before leaving the classroom was Potter blushing crimson as he approached the professor.

-x-

"Potter handed in a letter instead of his homework," grinned Regulus, "a very, very, VERY, naughty letter. Cousin Bella says that McGonagall is still fuming and that she actually hexed him when he tried to apologize after the lesson."

Severus grinned. Obviously Potter had borrowed a quill from Black. Regulus was delighted at how the quill worked, but a bit disappointed that it wasn´t his brother, who had to pay for it. As far as Severus was concerned, this outcome of their prank was even better. Sirius Black might be an evil git, but Potter, Potter was after his Lily and that was even worse. By far.

-x-

Regulus soon forgot about the quill. For some days he seemed disappointed that the prank hadn´t worked out as intended – he hadn´t taken on all four Marauders to get at Potter – but then he put his mind to other things. Severus didn´t see much of the other boy up to Christmas as the younger Black spent vast amounts of time with his cousin Bellatrix.

Severus didn´t like Bella Black too much. She always gave herself an air of superiority whenever she was around Severus and sometimes she even asked her cousin why he "befriended a halfblood" – Bella had a way of making "halfblood" sound like a swearword – when she knew that Severus was in hearing distance.

The quill came back to their mind shortly before the Christmas holidays started. Seemingly Potter and Black hadn´t made the connection between Potter´s troubles and the quill, so the instrument had stayed in Black´s satchel, waiting for its use.

The trouble Potter had gotten into with McGonagall was nothing compared to professor Kettleburn´s reaction to Sirius Black´s homework. Severus would have liked to know what exactly the quill had written, but he could only tell that it must have been quite offensive, or the professor wouldn´t have sent his everpresent bloodhound after Black.

It had been quite a sight when Black tried to escape the dog – magically enlarged teeth – and neither of his friends had dared hex their teacher´s pet. Instead they had tried to advise Black how to escape. Severus and his fellow Slytherins had watched Black run from the lawn. The boy had never been so grateful for a free period. Black running at top speed with Potter yelling "more to the left, Padfoot, more to the left!" after him was priceless.

The professor called the dog back only when it had had a good go at Black. He led the dog back to the gameskeeper´s hut. On the way he had to pass the group of Slytherins and Severus was sure he heard the teacher whisper "good boy, well done, good boy" to the beast.

Later Severus had to describe the scene in detail to Regulus thrice.

"He let the dog bite him? Actually bite him?" Regulus asked with glee and rubbed his hands together when Severus nodded. "Remind me to get Kettleburn a Christmas present!"

Rumour had it that professor Kettleburn had a nasty quarrel with the headmaster in the evening, but the older Black´s injuries weren´t too bad, as he was back to lessons the next day. For the first time in his life Severus wished that he had brewed a potion wrong, for there was no doubt that Black owed his quick recovery to a potion made by Severus and Lily. With a sigh Severus reminded himself that there was no way to tell in advance which jar of potion would be used on Black and there was no point in making anyone else suffer.

Two days later professor Slughorn gave one of his Christmas parties. Being one of the man´s star brewers, Severus was invited. He spent the evening making small-talk with Regulus, which was rather pointless seeing that they spent so much time together every day, and watching out for Lily.

The girl sticked close to her friend Myra, Potter and Black came to talk to them and Severus could tell that Lily hated it. Myra seemingly tried to keep the two boys away from Lily, but they were rather persistent. Lily and her friend left the party rather early. So did Severus, but his hopes to meet the two girls in the corridor and have a quick word weren´t fulfilled.

Well, the next day they were going home. And then he´d have Lily all to himself for two glorious weeks.

-x-

The journey home was boring. Regulus was still on about how his brother had run from Kettleburn´s dog, but Severus thought that the story had outlived its entertaining abilities. You could only laugh so often at the image of Black struggling to escape the irate bloodhound.

Things got loads better as soon as they were in the Evans´ car. Mr. Evans had come to pick them up as always and as soon as they were on the road home Lily´s hand found its way into Severus´ as if this was the place it was meant to be. Which it was.

had – like always – made them a welcome back dinner with all their favourites. They had a happy chat with their family over the meal, which was even more delightful than usually as Petunia had chosen to go out with Vernon instead of welcoming her sister and foster-brother home.

After dinner Severus and Lily took a walk over to the boy´s house. Mrs. Evans had prepared his room there for him. She wouldn´t have him sleep in Lily´s room, not even on the floor, but she wouldn´t force him to stay on the sofa, which was too short for him. And, Severus found that the thought made him very content, she trusted him and Lily enough to let her daughter spend some time with her boyfriend alone at the Snape house.

-x-

The two sat on their usual spot on Severus´ sofa, Lily snuggled up to him. The girl produced a small box form her coat pocket and unwrapped it.

"Ah," Lily purred, "marzipan and nugat. Can you take the nugat ones?"

Severus obeyed and took a candy. He wouldn´t have touched the marzipan ones anyway, for one he knew that Lily loved marzipan and two he didn´t like it too much himself.

"That´s delicious," the boy said when the chocolate melted on his tongue.

"Mmh," answered Lily and helped herself to another piece of chocolate. Severus liked how she snuggled even closer.

"It was wrapped in gift paper. Who gave it to you?"

"Potter," Lily licked chocolate off her fingertips. Severus wanted to be the one to do that, but that would feel like betraying the Evans´ trust, so he didn´t suggest it.

It took a moment for the information to sink in, but when Severus had finally caught up, his reaction was rather intense. "Potter!" he cried. "How dare he!" Had Potter been there, he would have strangled him on the spot.

"Come on, dear! Don´t make a big deal of it. He gave me a box of chocolates for Christmas and I´m sharing it with you. Come, enjoy!" She offered the box to her friend.

"I won´t eat anything Potter gave you."

"Don´t be stupid. You already did. And what´s better: me eating Potter´s chocolates alone or you and me sharing Potter´s chocolates?"

Severus gave it a thought. His eyes darted to and fro between Lily´s green eyes and the offending box of sweets. "Pass the box!" he snarled at last. He was going to make sure that as few of Potter´s chocolates as possible found their way to Lily. Picturing Potter´s face when he learned that he had bought sweets for Severus, made the chocolates even sweeter. Not that Potter could ever learn. But the thought alone was . . . intriguing.

-x-

When Severus returned to the Evans´ house for breakfast the next day, Petunia was there. As was Vernon. Severus wondered what that was about. True, Vernon had visited a lot during the summer, but only for lunch or dinner, never breakfast.

"Ah, Severus! Do come in my boy," Mrs. Evans greeted him cheerfully. "Petunia and Vernon have named a day for the wedding and we´re right in the middle of planning. We´re discussing flower colours. What do you think? White? Pink?"

Severus bit back laughter as he saw the Evans sisters´ faces. Lily was obviously annoyed by the topic of flower colours – a point of view, which Severus´d share fulhearedly – while Petunia´s expression made it clear what she thought of Severus´ advice on the question. The boy was quite sure that, whatever he´d suggest, would be the thing not to be done.

"Red," he said with a nasty smile. "It will go nicely with Petunia´s complexion when I´m near her."

Petunia put on the colour in question immediately, as did Vernon. Severus thought that two people who went the same shade of crimson when angry at him were likely to be destined to be together.

"Severus!" cried Mrs. Evans. She sounded angry, but when she saw the young couple's faces she said nothing, and Severus was sure she had to bite back a laugh herself.

Lily smacked Severus arm playfully as he sat beside her and her eyes twinkled wickedly. She grinned from ear to ear, matching Severus´ expression. The boy grinned even wider, when he remembered what he had thought about people with matching facial expressions only moments ago.

"White," he said earnestly, when he had calmed down. "It will go well with Petunia´s light hair and complexion."

Petunia just opened her mouth, but Vernon was quicker. "You know, dear," he said, "he might have a point. You´d look lovely in a sea of white flowers."

-x-

The flower question was followed by important matters like "when will we send out the invitations?", "do we really have to invite aunt Maud and her nasty new husband?" (Severus had never before heard of an aunt Maud. Nasty husband?) and "plain table cloths or with laces on the hems?".

Severus and Lily tried to spend as much time as possible away from the house. They worked on their brewing a bit and went on long walks in the woods, collecting potions ingredients.

"We have to watch the marauders even if they don´t make trouble at the moment," said Lily as they searched for frozen hips in the forrest one day.

"We have to," Severus agreed. "Did you realise that Lupin´s ill quite a lot? I never noticed before because I had only Potions with Gryffindor but he´s missing loads of classes."

Lily tried to remember the previous years. "He´s always been ill a lot," she said.

"I wonder what this is about," Severus said pensively. Investigating might be in order.

-x-

For the rest of the holidays Severus spent his evenings trying to remember when exactly Lupin had missed lessons. He drew up a small calendar and filled in the occasions he remembered. Lupin had missed the lesson on salves to cure acne and sunburns (who would have guessed that the same salve worked on both) back in October. Severus tried to come up with the exact date. Hmmmm, the Hogsmeade weekend. Had the lesson been before or afterwards? Lupin wasn´t there when Potter got into trouble with his head of house. Severus remembered that date easily.

The boy tried to see a pattern in the other boy´s absences, but couldn´t find one. Maybe he hadn´t gotten all dates right, or he hadn´t remembered all absences, or Lupin´s illness followed no pattern at all. Or at least none that Severus would recognize. What if the Gryffindor was cursed to have his health follow the Tokyo market prices? Or the water level of some river? It could be anything.

Back at Hogwarts Severus noted down Lupin´s every absence. He also brought the topic up with his fellow Slytherins and though nobody was thrilled by the topic, there was some chitchat and at last Severus could fill in two more dates back in autumn into his calendar.

Perhaps this wasn´t about the Tokyo stock exchange. More likely it was about the moon.

-x-

The first Hogsmeade weekend was scheduled in February and Severus thought it couldn´t come soon enough.

He met Lily on their clearing. They sat under a tree. Severus cast a muffliato, better be safe than sorry.

"Black is watching us from over there," Lily pointed out.

Severus was somewhat disappointed that Potter wasn´t there. He´d have prefered the arrogant git to break his word to Lily. "Who cares?" he said aloud, forcing his thoughts back to Black. "He can´t hear us and there´s nothing he could see he doesn´t already know."

Lily beamed. "You´re right, you know." She moved closer and kissed the boy.

Severus struggled free from the girl´s embrace without second thought. "Are you crazy?" he asked. "Black is watching us!"

"As you yourself said there´s nothing he could see he doesn´t already know."

Severus smiled. "So you´re thinking of giving him a little show?" He hoped Lily would kiss him again. He certainly wasn´t going to push her away again.

Lily was scandalized. "I was thinking of doing what I couldn´t for more than a month. Who cares about Black!" The girl looked furious.

"Will you forgive this idiot?" Severus asked and put his arm around her shoulders.

"I´ll think about it," Lily said and rested her head against her boyfriend. As much as Severus loved her snuggling up to him like that, he´d have prefered another kiss, but seemingly Lily wasn´t in kissing mood any longer. As he had angered her only moments earlier, Severus didn´t dare initiate a kiss. "I´m not sure, but I may have noticed a pattern in Lupin´s absences," he said after a while.

"Which?"

"I told you I´m not sure. I need some more time to check." He knew Lily well enough to know that she wouldn´t stand aside when Severus did something about Lupin. So better not tell her anything until he was sure there was no danger.

They sat under their tree for a while. Then Lily left to meet Myra and Severus returned to the castle.

-x-

On Valentine´s day Potter had the cheek to give Lily a card. Severus had to supress an urge to strangle the boy at the breakfast table. How dare he! Lily was Severus´ alone! Severus glared at Potter all through the meal from his seat at the Slytherin table. He watched his every move. Every nervous glance the Gryffindor sent at his (his!) Lily. Every drop of sweat on Potter´s forehead. Every time Potter bit his lip.

Lily was oblivious of her boyfriend´s scrutiny of her unwanted admirer. She chatted happily with her friends, she laughed. Oh, she looked so beautiful when she did that!

What a pity Valentine´s day was a school day. What would Severus have given to be at home and able to spend the day with Lily. Hold her hand, steal a kiss.

When Lily finally left the table, she left Potter´s card there. Severus felt like cheering, for in Lily´s long hair rested the little white flower he had conjured beside her plate from afar. The only token of his love he dared give her. Anything bigger wouldn´t have gone unnoticed and he would do nothing to endanger Lily.

The girl wore her flower all day like a crown. Severus was proud and content. Lily loved him back and she was not ashamed to show it. Nobody knew what the flower meant actually, but Severus couldn´t have cared less.

-x-

As February wore on, difficulties arose from an unexpected place.

Potions.

Professor Slughorn started to teach them the difficult art of analyzing potions and developing antidotes. Severus had entertained himself with the first chapters on the topic in his mother´s books when Lily had spent her year in France, so he had an idea what the whole matter was about and how it worked. But as this required a wand, he had no practical experience at all, only knowledge from books.

To make matters worse, the professor had him and Lily brew potions for the hospital wing during the first two lessons on the topic. Lily cursed under her breath while they were brewing. They tried to be quick in order to be able to follow at least parts of the lesson, but you could only speed up brewing so much. When the recipe said ´stir for twenty minutes´ it was twenty minutes, not ten. Severus only hoped that Lily´d be able to borrow Myra´s notes.

At the start of the third lesson Lily and Severus sat at their usual worktable, awaiting Slughorn´s request for the hospital wing, but it never came.

"No special assignment for you two today, we make this a little contest and I won´t take my champs out of the race!" the professor boomed and handed each of them a vial of poison to analyze and find an antidote for.

Severus had to concentrate hard. He had read about a spell only the other night. He leafed through his book until he found it. Yes, here it was. It didn´t work at once, he had to try several times, but then he got it.

While he worked, he glanced over to Lily´s cauldron whenever he could spare a second. The girl was nearly hysteric. She had no idea what to do. Seemingly she had tried to copy Severus´ actions, but as Severus was learning through trial and error himself while he proceeded, this was not very helpful. The poison in Lily´s cauldron slowly gained a tarlike consistency.

Severus tried to come up with a way to help Lily. He simply had to. If they failed in this assignment, the professor wouldn´t likely let them ever brew for the hospital wing again. But this was the only time Severus had a chance to talk to Lily at all. He couldn´t lose that!

Desperate times asked for desperate messures. "Just shove a bezoar down their throats!" Severus scribbled the sentence across the page in his mother´s book and shoved it nearer to Lily´s cauldron. He cleared his throat.

Shortly later they met at the store cupboard, where Lily was looking for a bezoar.

"Thanks," Lily whispered. Her eyes were still moist. Severus hadn´t been aware that she had been so close to tears. He wanted to hug her, but all they dared was a short brush of their hands as they rumaged in the cupboard.

-x-

Professor Slughorn was not pleased with the lesson´s result. Not one student had finished his antidote so far and he had nearly finished his round through the classroom.

"So here we finally have a decent antidote!" he cried happily when he examined Severus´s cauldron. "Well, this doesn´t come as a surprise. Take ten points for Slytherin, Severus!"

He moved on to Lily´s cauldron where the poison he had given her was now as tarlike as a potion could get. It also stank and black fumes came from the cauldron.

"What´s that?" Slughorn turned up his nose. "You were supposed to find an antidote for that!"

Nervously Lily showed the bezoar in her palm.

Slughorn hesitated. "Take twenty points for Gryffindor, Lily!" he roared at last. "You are so right, girl. We could have saved the work as a bezoar would act as an antidote for all of these poisons!" He laughed. "Kids! We have a winner!" He handed Lily a small box of crystallised pineapples.

Lily opened it and offered it to Severus. "You have some," she said aloud. "You were the only one to finish the assignment as it was supposed to be."

Severus wasn´t really fond of crystallised pineapples, but as they came from Lily, he took one and wallowed in the sweetness of the candy. That Lily had given him the sweets right under the marauders´ noses added to the joy of the treat considerably.

-x-

Severus scrutinized his Lupin calendar. The Gryffindor´s last illness seemed to strenghten his thesis that the boy´s health was linked with the moon. Whenever Lupin had missed lessons the moon had been full, but one occasion in October. So there had been at least one illness without a full moon, but none the other way round. No full moon without illness. Perhaps Lupin had suffered a different kind of disorder in October. Perhaps a cold or the flu? Severus tried to remember whether there had been a bout of flu at the castle back then, but he couldn´t. He hadn´t payed attention then as it was of no importance to him at the time.

The Slytherin sighed. He´d have to wait for the next full moon and see whether Lupin fell ill again. Perhaps it might also be useful to watch him a bit closer as the full moon approached. He might show first signs of his illness.

Severus only hoped that – whatever it was – Lupin´s condition could be used against the marauders. Black knew about him and Lily and Severus wouldn´t feel well until he had something to use against Black to bargain.

-x-

March brought apparition lessons. Severus signed up as soon as the note appeared at the Slytherin common room. Apparition certainly was a highly useful ability; travelling by means of only a wand, which any wizard carried around all the time anyway.

The lessons took place on the lawn in front of the castle. A Ministry witch instructed them and the heads of house helped proctor the practicing students.

They had to apparate into a hoop, which lay only some feet in front of them. Not a very tempting target. For a quarter hour Severus thought that apparition was difficult, but once he pictured how he and Lily could travel together as soon as the girl became of age, too, (he had been since January, not that anyone acknowledged his birthday) it came to him easily.

He apparated in and out of his ring several times, content that he was the first to manage. Potter and Black succeeded shortly after him. Severus had bested them only by some minutes, which was really nothing, for by then it was clear that some of the students would need months to learn and others wouldn´t ever, but the boy knew that it made no difference for the two boys, if he beat them by weeks. Those two wanted to win. Being second and third in a contest wouldn´t make them content. No, second, third, last, that was all the same for them. Only winning counted.

Severus smirked.

His good mood was destroyed by Pettigrew howling with pain. The plump boy had splinched awfully. The teachers declared the lesson over and helped the boy to the hospital wing. Professor Flitwick cast some charms on the lawn to make sure that none of Pettigrew´s bodyparts stayed there.

The sight of the small professor looking for Pettigrew´s eyebrows and toes helped restore Severus good mood a bit.

-x-

Severus lay in his four-poster and thought. He had several things on his mind. Firstly Lily had managed to apparate during their last lesson. With a pang of guilt Severus admitted to himself that he was disappointed. He had pictured taking the girl side by side, if she wasn´t able to apparate herself and the prospect had been tempting, very tempting. Not that he had really believed that a powerful witch like Lily wouldn´t learn to apparate, nevertheless, a boy was allowed to dream, wasn´t he?

Secondly, he had watched Lupin over the past few days as the full moon approached and hadn´t spotted one single trace of illness. Nevertheless the boy had missed today´s lessons.

And last but not least, they were going home for Easter tomorrow. As Severus was of age now, these were his first holidays he´d be allowed to do magic at home. He wanted to make his first spell outside school something special, something he´d remember fondly when he was older, maybe tell his grandchildren (he pictured them all with red hair and green eyes, though he´d be content with anything as long as they didn´t inherit his nose). As Lily starred in his imaginations of the future (sitting by his side on a sofa, looking no day older than twenty), he decided he wanted to use this first spell on the girl. But what to do? It had to be romantic, Lily would like that. Girls liked romance. But it couldn´t be too awkward. Severus didn´t want to blush when he told his grandsons.

When Severus finally fell asleep, he still had no idea about Lupin, but he had a plan for his first spell.

-x-

He put his plan in action the very first evening of their holidays. They strolled to Severus´ house after a delicious dinner at Lily´s. And then, just after letting Lily into the hall, he did it. He flicked his wand, grateful that nonverbal spells came to him so easily for an incantation would have ruined the mood, and a rain of little white flowers showered down on the girl.

"What´s that?" Lily gasped.

"My first act of magic outside school." Severus smiled. "I´ve been seventeen in January. I´m of age."

"I forgot! I´m so used to thinking you have to be eighteen. And you saved your first spell for me!" Lily beamed. This smile definitely was worth all the planning.

"Wanted it to be something special," the boy murmured.

"It was, dear, it was." The girl twined her arms around Severus´s neck and kissed him. The boy picked some flowers out of Lily´s hair. Lily reached for one and sniffed. "They smell wonderful! You´re very romantic."

The boy blushed. "You better go back," he sighed. Keeping his promise to Lily´s parents was even more difficult than usual when the girl had flowers in her hair, the flowers´ scent surrounding her like a cloud, and – best of all – was pressing herself closer to Severus than was wise.

The boy stood in the hall for a while after Lily had closed the door behind her. He still held some of the tiny blooms in his hand and – he was sure of that – grinned like an idiot.

-x-

The next morning started disappointing. Severus had looked forward to spending time with Lily, but apparently it was not meant to be. Mr. Evans asked the boy to help him fix the garden fence. It needed renovation before the wedding and now seemed a good time to do it. Severus wondered why Vernon wasn´t asked to do it, as it was him getting married in this garden after all. He didn´t dare ask though, not after everything had done for him. The man had welcomed him in his family, spared him a life at the orphanage, so a morning´s work on the fence certainly wasn´t asked too much to show his gratitude.

They started with examining the fence for loose boards and fixing them. Mr. Evans had the hammer and Severus held the boards and handed him the nails.

"Severus," Mr. Evans started after a while, "your foster-mother asked me to have a little talk with you."

Severus was taken aback. Had he done anything to anger ? Possibly not during the Easter holidays, they had come home only yesterday. He tried to remember what he might have done at Christmas that required talking.

"It´s about you and Lily," continued . He extended his hand, demanding another nail.

Lily? Not again. Severus had thought that everything was alright as long as he kept things to holding hands and occasional kissing. Was going to ask this to stop? Severus´d rather go to the orphanage than give up Lily. Then he remembered that he was of age. So he could just go back and live at his house alone.

"The two of you didn´t do anything inappropriate?" Mr. Evans scrutinized his foster-son.

Severus shook his head.

"No touching? No fumbling?"

Severus shook his head again. He was not going to comment on these questions. This was so awkward!

"I´m quite aware," continued , unaware of the boy´s discomfort, "that a boy of your age might wish to" he hesitated "do certain things with his girlfriend. But this is out of question." He stopped working and looked at Severus sternly.

The boy blushed. " ," he said, trying to keep his voice calm, "I gave you my word that nothing inappropriate would happen. You should know me well enough to know I´ll keep it."

Mr. Evans smiled feebly. "I didn´t mean to doubt your word, Severus. It´s only... Lily is my little girl. It´s not easy to see her grow up. It was only yesterday that I was the most important man in her life, but this changes and soon you will be. That is if you aren´t already. Lily´s mother is concerned about Lily. She asked me to talk to you and as I understand her concern I just had to."

Severus felt his blush deepen as called him a man. "I assure you that we´re not toying around. I love Lily and she´s my best friend, too. I won´t do anything to hurt her. Ever."

nodded and shook the next board to see whether it needed fixing.

-x-

In the afternoon Severus and Lily went to the Snape house to practice potion analysis. As Severus was of age, he was allowed to use magic and they could actually practice. Merlin knew they needed it.

"You speak the spells," Lily ordered as she poured an old potion they had found in the pantry into the cauldron. "I want to know what you´re doing. No nonverbals in this kitchen."

"Of course." Severus cast his spell and the potion started to bubble and sever. They devided its components into separate vials and started analysing each.

Some were easy. They were decoctions of plants which Lily and Severus had already made themselves and thus recognized them by their smell and color. Others were more difficult. They had to consult their textbooks. At last they identified newts´ eyes, dragon bile and a dissolving of human hair.

"What potion is this?" Lily asked.

"I´ve no idea," Severus sighed. "We have to look through the books."

"We may not find it at all. We may not even have gotten the ingredients right."

"I´d really like to know what mum was brewing."

"Let´s have a break and then see whether we find the potion in one of the books."

"OK. Would you like some coffee?"

"Yes, please. I wish we had thought of bringing some cookies or something."

"Let´s see what we can do about it." The boy waved his wand and magicked a plate full of cookies and muffins out of thin air.

"Don´t tell me you´ve studied household charms." Lily took a bite of a cookie.

"No, I haven´t. Not really, at least." Severus answered. "I just looked up how to get me something to eat and one or two cleaning charms. Evanesco, for example, is great for cleaning cauldrons." He poured coffee into two cups. "We might as well sit comfortably." He led the way to the living room.

Lily took the plate and followed.

-x-

The teenagers sat on the sofa and sipped their coffee in quiet companionship for a while. Severus tried to decide whether he should tell Lily about the conversation he´d had with her father. The girl would want to know, but the topic was a bit awkward. At last the boy decided to tell.

Lily, it turned out, had had a similar conversation with her mother.

Severus felt relieved. He actually managed to make a joke about the whole thing by calling the conversation interesting and hinting that had given him ideas.

"Severus!" Lily was scandalized. "You haven´t been turning inappropriate thoughts about me over in your mind!"

"No! Of course not!"

They both took a sip of coffee.

"Well, perhaps one or two." Severus confessed. He blushed.

"I´d have been disappointed if you hadn´t." Lily giggled.

They kissed.

Severus got up abruptly. "I´m a good boy!" He rushed to the kitchen and returned with some potions books. "Let´s look for mum´s potion!"

Lily giggled.

-x-

The search throught their potions books was useless, they just didn´t find a potion, which used the ingredients they thought to have identified. Severus was desperate. They had to practice, Lily even more than he, but how could they without proper samples?

It was Lily who saved them. She wrote to Myra and the other girl sent her everything she could get from her mother´s potions storage.

Now that they knew what they were analyzing, things were easier and soon they didn´t need much time to think about how to proceed. Analyzing potions came nearly as easy as brewing.

As they were busy, the Easter holidays seemed too short and all too soon they were back on the train and then at the castle.

-x-

As Easter had been late this year the summer term was to be short and the teachers put their students through their paces. The amount of homeworks was larger than ever before. Due to the fact that he didn´t have many friends to spend his time with, Severus had no problem with completing all his assignments in time. He even had time for his occasional chat with Regulus Black and for keeping track of Lupin´s illness.

As May approached its end, Severus thought he had finally found his pattern in Lupin´s absences. The Gryffindor had again missed his lessons at the last full moon and Severus was sure that it was indeed the earth satellite, which triggered Lupin´s condition. The Slytherin decided to test his theory.

"Well, well, well," he sneered as he saw Lupin and his friends approaching the dungeons for potions. "Does Lupin seem a bit paler than usual? The moonlight´s said to do that to your complexion."

Severus was sure he had hit the nail on its head. All four marauders paled and as the boy slowly strolled towards the classroom, he heard them whisper urgently.

He was content. How difficult could it be to actually find out what made Lupin ill after figuring out when the illness struck? All he had to do is work through some books on magical deseases.

-x-

Black caught Severus after supper that day.

"What were you talking about, Snivellus?" Black sneered.

"You know." Severus glared at Black unblinkingly.

"You know nothing."

"Don´t I?" Severus hoped he could learn something from the other boy, if he played his cards well.

"You know nothing," Black continued, "and if you did, you wouldn´t dare use it. You don´t want something to happen to Evans."

"Leave Lily out of this!" Severus fought down an urge to hit Black. How dare he threaten Lily!

"I see you understand," said Black, unimpressed. "You leave Remus alone or someone might send your little friend to the Whomping Willow at the full moon."

Severus paled.

"It would be a pity if she got . . . contaminated after she was pushed into the tunnel beneath the roots. If someone pressed that knot for her, that is." Black grinned maliciously and licked his upper lip in anticipation.

Severus turned on the spot and fled. It wouldn´t do to start a fistfight and get into trouble with the teachers. He had to remove the danger for Lily. It was the only way to keep her safe.

-x-

The first thing to do in order to remove the danger was to investigate what it was. Luckily Black was so full of himself that he had given away quite a lot of information.

In the evening Severus tiptoed out of the castle and approached the Whomping Willow. So far he only knew the tree from afar as students had been warned to go near it ever since it had been planted. Now, he cautiously made his way towards the tree. The willow´s branches hung still, only moved occasionally by the light spring breeze.

Severus wasn´t fooled. He knew what the tree could do. They had cover whomping willows in herbology after all.

As he looked for the knot Black had talked about, he saw a stick lying in the grass. Severus took it and started prodding the trunk and the roots, especially spots that looked like ´knots´. The willow didn´t like the prodding at all. It started whipping its branches and twice Severus avoided being hit only by millimetres.

At last he found the right knot. The tree froze as soon as he had touched it. Carefully the boy approached further and investigated for a tunnel. Once the tree didn´t distract him, it was easy to find. Severus lit his wand and slipped inside the dark passage.

He had to stoop to be able to walk. The tunnel smelled of earth and moisture. Severus hurried along the way as quickly as he could manage. He couldn´t know how much time he had until he was caught by the marauders.

The tunnel seemed endless and Severus' back ached but at last it went around a bend and then up to a wooden trapdoor.

Severus opened the trapdoor a crack and spied up. All he saw was a dark room. Carefully the boy opened the door and climbed up. He examined the room in his wandtip´s light.

It looked abandoned and dusty. Nobody lived here, Severus was sure of that. At the far end of the room there was a staircase. Severus tiptoed there to investigate further. What had this room to do with Lupin´s illness? And where was a danger?

-x-

Severus got the answer to the second question first as something heavy made its way down the stairs. The boy froze as he heard the sound of claws on wood and saw two eyes gleaming in the dark.

The next sound made his blood freeze. He´d never forget it in his life, though he wasn´t likely to have time to forget it anyway. How many had heard the howl of a werewolf at short distance and lived to tell the tale?

Suddenly Severus heard the trapdoor behind him be jerked open. Somebody grabbed him from behind and dragged him towards the door.

"Move!" a voice from behind him hissed.

Severus obeyed. He approached the trapdoor, but seemingly not quickly enough. He was pushed roughly and fell.

Somebody landed beside him with an outcry of pain.

The sound of the trapdoor falling shut and the howl of the werewolf echoed in the narrow tunnel.

Severus panted as if he had run a mile, not four steps. The other person beside him did so, too.

"We can rest here. He can´t open the door when he´s in his wolf form," whispered a strangely familiar voice beside him.

"Lumos!"

In the light of Severus´ wand sat James Potter.

-x-

Both boys stared at each other silently for a while, each trying to catch his breath. Severus tried to fight back the pain from his ankle, which was probable sprained.

Potter´s hair was wet with sweat. Had the boy run in order to catch Severus before he met . . . whatever it was he had just met?

"Hang on!" Severus cried at last. "His wolf form? Do you mean this is Lupin up there? They let a bloody werewolf attend a school?"

"He´s completely harmless in his human form," Potter spat. "And he´s locked away safely on his wolf days. Unless some stupid idiot sends Slytherins after him."

"You mean Black wanted me to . . .?" Severus was dumbfounded.

"Of course he wanted you to . . ." Neither Severus nor Potter were able to word the unbelievable. "I don´t know what gave him that stupid idea."

Severus scrambled to his feet. "Wait till everybody hears!" He spat.

"Snape," Potter cried and got up, too. An outcry of pain indicated that he, too, was hurt. "You can´t give away Remus´ secret!"

"Why not?" Severus pressed through clenched teeth. "He´s dangerous."

"He´s not. Sirius´ prank was dangerous. Not Remus."

"Prank?" Severus screamed. "Are you mental? He´d have killed me!"

"If I hadn´t saved you," Potter agreed. "I saved you and I ask you to keep Remus´ secret in return."

"It´s rude to ask payback!"

"I have to in order to protect my friend. You are a threat to him. This is not the time for politeness."

Severus turned his back on the other boy and started his way back to the castle. He had to give up after only some steps. His ankle hurt too much.

Potter followed him, but it was clear that he wasn´t in a better position than the Slytherin.

"Look," said Potter at last. "We´re both hurt and can´t walk. I suggest we support each other and return to the castle together. There you can talk to the headmaster. Promise me you´ll talk to Dumbledore before you tell anybody about Remus."

Severus thought about it. Talking to Dumbledore seemed like a good idea. The old wizard was wise and kind. He´d know what to do.

Reluctantly he accepted Potter´s proffered arm. The two boys made their way back to the school in an awkward embrace, supporting each other. Severus wondered how they were going to get upstairs to the headmaster´s office with their hurt legs.

They were awaited by professor McGonagall at the entrance.

-x-

The witch took in the fact that a Slytherin and a Gryffindor were supporting each other as well as the dirt in their faces and their muddy robes.

"Mister Potter, Mister Snape!" she cried and conjured a stretcher out of thin air. She coaxed the boys on the floating litter. "What happened?"

Potter opened his mouth to say something, but she stopped him with a raised hand.

"There will be time to talk when you´ve been healed. I´ll take you to the hospital wing first."

"No!"

Severus jumped off the now moving stretcher. He nearly fell, but he managed to hold onto the stretcher, when his injured leg gave way.

"The headmaster! I have to talk to the headmaster!"

"Mister Snape," McGonagall said kindly, "you don´t know what you´re saying. You have to see the nurse first."

"I have a sprained ankle, that´s not really life-threatening. But other things are. The headmaster has to know!"

McGonagall hesitated, scrutinizing the agitated boy.

"Well, if you´re sure," she said at last.

Severus nodded eagerly and Potter showed his agreement with a sigh and a small nod.

The professor helped Severus to sit back down and then hoovered her precious load upstairs to the gargoyle, which guarded the entrance to the headmaster´s realm. She gave the password (caramel treat) and took the two boys up the spiral staircase.

-x-

Dumbledore listened to Severus´ report calmly. When the young Slytherin had finished his tale, he sent professor McGonagall to get Sirius Black.

"Master Snape," the old wizard said when the door had closed at the Head of Gryffindor, "I assure you that no student was ever endangered by Master Lupin´s presence in this castle."

Severus stared in disbelief. "You knew!" he cried.

"Of course I knew," Dumbledore said patiently. "Master Lupin has to deal with a difficult fate. He was bitten when he was five and for a long time his parents thought the boy would never have a chance for a normal life. I can´t change for him what happened, but I can grant him an education. It is a small step towards normality but it is a step."

"He´s a werewolf!" Severus was beside himself. Little by little he understood what had happened. Black had tried to kill him. Severus was in Black´s way. Black didn´t approve of his relationship with Lily and then Severus had come too close to guessing Lupin´s secret. The Gryffindor bully was even more dangerous than he had thought. Who´d use a friend as a weapon? Severus had to find a way to protect Lily from Black.

"Master Snape, be reasonable. You know from experience that I watch out for my students. How could I do less for Master Lupin than for anyone else?" _Than for you._ Dumbledore didn´t say it, but Severus heard it nevertheless. "I need you to keep his secret."

Potter, who had sat silently in his chair so far, broke his silence. "Please, Snape. I swear Remus is no danger. You´d never even known what he is, hadn´t Sirius been a fool. – You!" He jumped to his feet when the door opened and professor McGonagall ushered Sirius Black in. "How could you! You awkward excuse for a wizard!"

Potter attacked Black with his bare hands. Black, who was pale as chalk, took the blows without trying to defend himself. Professor McGonagall tried to separate the two boys, but she only succeeded, when Potter´s leg gave way and he nearly fell to the floor. Black grabbed his friend´s arm to support him, but Potter shook him away with an air of disgust.

Professor McGonagall coaxed the two Gryffindors to the fireplace.

"Do I have your word, Master Snape?" Dumbledore observed Severus over the rims of his halfmoon spectacles. _He´s as important to me as are you._

Severus couldn´t but nod.

"Thank you," the headmaster said sincerely. "I´ll be back in a minute, Minerva." He offered his arm to Severus to hold onto and helped him to the hospital wing, where the school nurse took care of his leg.

-x-

Severus was up and about the next morning. Healing the ankle hadn´t taken more than five minutes. The nurse, however, insisted on keeping Severus at the hospital wing overnight. The boy thought it might be the headmaster´s doing, but there was no way to prove it.

The nurse put up privacy curtains around his bed and after a while – Severus had changed into a hospital night shirt – he heard Potter come to the ward and the nurse tend to his ankle.

Severus was glad about the curtains. He was in no mood to speak to anybody. Little by little his mind caught up with what had happened to him. He had been the victim of attempted murder. His nerves sent a tingling feeling up and down his spine whenever he thought about it. No, speaking was not on the Slytherin´s agenda at the moment.

It took Severus several hours and a dose of Dreamless Sleep Draught to find some rest. When he woke the next day, he felt considerably better. The sun shone in throught the high windows and Potter was gone.

-x-

The nurse asked whether Severus wanted to go to the Great Hall for breakfast.

First the boy thought that a private breakfast would be fine, but then he decided it would be better not to worry Lily and to go to the Great Hall.

"That´s the right attitude," smiled the nurse. "Go and face the world. Don´t hide away, it wouldn´t do you any good."

Breakfast brought a bad surprise.

Sirius Black entered the Hall and took his seat at the Gryffindor table.

Severus was shocked. Black attempted murder and got away with it? Dumbledore had nearly expelled Potter and Black for their invisibility cloak prank and also after the lake incident only last year. And now Sirius Black tried to kill Severus and was not removed from the school? The boy was dangerous!

What was even worse, Lupin and Potter entered the Hall shortly later. They took seats away from Black and his faithful sidekick Pettigrew. But who cared whether the Gryffindor gang was divided?

Black was a murderer! And he had breakfast only five seats away from Lily!

-x-

Severus was deep in thought on his way down to professor Slughorn´s dungeon classroom. He had to make sure that Lily was safe from Sirius Black. And from Lupin. But how to achieve that? What was he to do? Should he warn her? If he did, he´d have to tell her what happened.

Telling Lily about Black´s attempt to murder him was out of question. Severus knew his girlfriend well enough to know that she´d confront Black on what he had done. No, no way he was going to risk this. Lily couldn´t ever know what had happened last night.

Keeping a secret from her didn´t feel right, but Severus decided it had to be done for her own sake.

-x-

Keeping the secret turned out difficult as Lily confronted Severus as soon as the potions lesson started.

"What happened?" Lily whispered.

"Nothing!" Severus chopped nettles for the hay fever draught they were to brew.

"Nothing? So why are you pulverizing these nettles that way? Why are the marauders not talking to each other? And why does Lupin ask me to pass on messages to you?"

"What message?" A message? Lupin had come near enough to Lily to talk to her? Severus was going to kill him.

"I don´t understand it."

"Tell!"

"He was not in on it. He´s sorry. What does it mean?"

"Nothing!" Not in on it. Who was the filthy werewolf kidding? Not in on it. But then, Lupin had avoided Black at breakfast. Was he angry with Black because the other boy had used him? Lupin wasn´t what Severus would call a decent person – he had overlooked his friends´ assaults too often for a prefect – but he never seemed malicious, just weak.

"Don´t lie to me!" Lily startled Severus out of his thoughts. She knew that he was hiding something and it annoyed her. She stared daggers at the boy.

"Nothing. OUCH!" Severus had cut his finger. Lily began to use a healing charm without thinking. The wound was closed by the time professor Slughorn had hurried over to see what was wrong. The nettles were spilled with blood and couldn´t be used any more. Slughorn vanished them with a wave of his wand, went to the cupboard to get new ones and settled down at their table to cut them.

"I´ll help you," he smiled, "or you won´t be able to finish the draught. That was bad luck with your finger, Severus!"

Severus nodded and thanked the professor for his help. He´d never have guessed he would see a day when he was glad Slughorn was near him.

-x-

Severus caught Potter after class. Potter didn´t care about the Slytherin, so much was clear, but he cared for Lupin. So maybe the Gryffindor could be manipulated into keeping the werewolf away from Lily.

"Potter," Severus said cooly, "a quick word."

"You´d have done the same for me." Potter smiled weakly.

Severus froze. What was Potter talking about. Done the same? Did the other boy think that he had come to THANK him? Why would he? Potter had saved Severus to protect his friends. The fact that this task included saving a Slytherin life was pure coincidence.

"We need to talk about Lupin."

"You won´t tell." Potter eyed Severus mistrustingly.

"I promised Dumbledore," Severus said through clenched teeth. "But your idiot friend is not making this easy. He can´t expect me to keep his secret when he´s stupid enough to involve Evans! You know her. She´s nosy. She won´t give up until she knows the truth!" There. Hopefully Potter would keep the werewolf in charge in order to protect him. Severus thought that making it sound as if Lily was the danger not Lupin was quite smart.

"Whom do you call nosy, Snape?" Potter fumed. "I thought you and Lily were friends! Why can´t you just accept Remus´ apology?"

"Our friendship is none of your business." Severus hissed back. "Tell Lupin I acknowledge he wasn´t in and tell him to stay away from Evans. If I ever see him near her I shall forget to stay quiet."

"He can´t stay away from her. They are in the same house."

"But some are close inside houses and some aren´t. You pass on my message."

That said, Severus set out for lunch. He had said what needed to be said. The boy felt a little bit better.

-x-

Severus observed the marauders from afar over the next few days. It seemed that Potter and Lupin were going to meet Severus´ request of Lupin staying away from Lily. They better had or the Slyhterin wouldn´t hesitate to spread word of Lupin´s condition.

Severus dreaded his next meeting with Lily. What if she asked about Lupin? He knew that he couldn´t lie to her. The girl always knew whether Severus was telling the truth. It was as if those green eyes were able to look into his very soul and find any tiny trace of dishonesty.

The next potions lesson came and went by without any questions from Lily. Severus had no idea how or why he had escaped inquisition, but he was not going to question his good luck.

June went by rather quickly with studying. Everybody was extremely busy, especially Severus, who not only had to work for his own exams, but also help Regulus, who was going to sit his OWLs at the end of the school year.

Severus had barely any free time at all. And then it was summer and he was on the train home.

-x-

He sat with Regulus and some other fellow Slytherins. It had taken Severus nearly six years to make some friends in Slytherin house, but he had finally managed. Their common enemy, Sirius Black, had united them. Had anybody told Severus only last year that he´d ever have to thank Black for something, he´d have laughed to their face.

Then again, Black had tried to kill him, so maybe Severus didn´t need to be thankful. His gain of friends could be regarded as a small payback on Black´s endangering the boy´s life.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15: Petunia´s Wedding

Severus was surprised to be picked up at King´s Cross by none other than Vernon, who made no secret of how annoyed he was to pick up his bride´s siblings. The only good thing was that he had no objections to the two sitting in the back of the car and conversing in low whispers.

Lily had bad news. "Myra is moving to France," she said as soon as Vernon had started the engine.

"Oh no, you´ll really miss her, won´t you," Severus was commiserating. He, who had been entirely friendless for so long could understand how hard it must be for Lily to lose her best friend. He was just going to offer some more words of comfort, when Vernon made himself heard.

"Your mother will need your help with cleaning the house."

"Yes. I thought so. It´s less than a week to the wedding. You must be very nervous, Vernon." Lily smiled and tried to catch Vernon´s eye in the rear-view mirror.

"Everything is well prepared," the groom informed them. "There can´t go anything wrong, unless you two..."

"Unless we two what?" asked Severus. He frowned.

"Spoil it." Vernon glanced into the rear-view mirror.

"Why would we do such a thing?" asked Lily. She looked hurt and Severus wanted to hex Vernon for putting this look on the beloved face.

"Don´t know what your kind does and doesn´t."

Severus frowned again. They spent the rest of the ride in silence.

-x-

Things weren´t much better at the Evans´. Petunia had decided that her sister and foster-brother, though their presence couldn´t be helped, should have as little to do with the wedding as possible. As Mr. and wouldn´t allow her to send them away – not that Severus would have objected to spending some time with Lily at his house – she used them as house elves.

The two magical youngsters were ordered to clean the house while the rest of the family prepared the garden for the event.

This was fine with Severus. He cleaned the living room with a wave of his wand and started talking Lily into sneaking off to her room. Not that it needed much talking.

"We could read," Severus suggested as they made their way upstairs.

"Read? This is our first day back from school!" Lily protested.

"Not a textbook, one of your muggle stories perhaps."

"The Canterville Ghost?"

"Why not, there are some interesting recollections going with this..." Severus smirked good-naturedly and winked at his girlfriend.

"There are no recollections going with this. You were snoring beside me. I couldn´t sleep." Lily smacked his arm playfully and grinned. Severus liked the fact that she hadn´t forgotten the one night they had shared a bed either.

"Did you? Poor girl!" Severus started looking for the book. "Got it!" he cried happily.

Lily sat on her bed. The boy shook his head. "No, I want to sit with you. And your dad will kill me. Come to the floor." He sat down and rested his back against the cupboard.

Lily joined her friend and moaned. "That´s not comfortable, you know."

"You can use me as a pillow," Severus offered. He extended his arm to make room for Lily. The girl rested herself against his chest. "This has to be uncomfortable for you now," she said. "I´m heavy."

"Not really," the boy answered. Who cared about heavy anyway when he had this wonderful girl in his arm, her head close enough to smell her shampoo and her mouth close enough to steal a kiss with barely having to move. "But I have only one hand for the book now. You have to help."

Lily giggled. "Turning over the leaves seems to be my longtime job."

"Holding you is much more pleasant than holding the torch in the dark."

"I hope so. Now start reading."

Severus read for more than two hours. Lily made him read the characters in changed voices and Severus was happy to oblige. They had a good laugh when the boy insisted the ghost was a soprano. Severus loved Lily´s giggles. He hadn´t heard many of them over the school year and he did his best to get as many as possible this very afternoon.

-x-

Mrs. Evans, on the other hand, wasn´t delighted at all when she caught them. She accused them of not being helpful and Severus of amusing himself selfishly while the family needed him. Severus knew that Mrs. Evans never intended to hint that he was supposed to pay back after being accepted into the family, but he couldn´t help a pang of guilt. He HAD been accepted into the family when nobody could expect it of the Evans and they HAD kept him for years despite the fact that he meant nothing but trouble. And here he was, lusting after their daughter, when they needed him. When all they asked was a little cleaning. He was a monster and he certainly didn´t deserve his foster-parents' kindness.

Without complaint he and Lily left the room and followed downstairs, where they were given rags, buckets and orders to clean the windows.

"I really wish you could do that by magic." Lily sighed when she started the third window.

"So do I," answered Severus. He was standing on a ladder and cleaning the upper part of the window while Lily cleaned the lower part.

"Don´t chat, clean!" frowned Mrs. Evans who tried to fix a garland on a bush outside the window. "And please, don´t let Petunia hear you talk about... you know."

Severus bit his lip and magic wasn´t mentioned again.

-x-

Later Severus was asked to help in the garden, which he did in order to please Mrs. Evans. It didn´t work out well though. Vernon slipped on the ladder and Severus, too far away to stop him from falling the muggle way, caught him with a spell.

Petunia was beside herself. She shrieked like a banshee and wouldn´t let Severus use his wand to let Vernon down.

The only good thing was that Severus was sent to help Lily prepare supper after the incident.

-x-

The next day took Lily and Severus to London to buy clothes for the wedding. Severus didn´t like shopping. He had no money and he didn´t want the Evans to spend theirs on him. Usually he tried to use his father´s old shirts and trousers as he luckily was of equal height and as slim as Tobias had been, but there was nothing fit for a wedding in his father´s old cupboard.

Mrs. Evans took them to a big shop where she hoped to get everything they needed and quickly.

Severus was the first to get his wedding outfit. They went to the men´s departement, but no suit would fit the boy. He was tall enough, yes, but too slim. The shop assistant cheekily suggested the kid's department. Severus wished he could hex the idiot but as payed attention, it was out of question.

The woman was rather annoyed with the assistants attitude herself and ordered him to try better.

"I really can magic a suit a bit smaller at home, Mrs. Evans," whispered Severus when the assistant had left to find something better for him.

"This is possibly the biggest store in London. They must have a suit that fits."

At last they found a black suit which was not too loose. "This looks nice," said Mrs. Evans with a pleased smile. "Let´s go to the women´s department now. What color would you like, dear?"

Lily settled for green, which was – in Severus´ opinion – an excellent choice.

Lily and her mother scanned the clothes racks for green dresses. At last they took some to the dressing room and Lily started to try them on. The first one was too loose and the second one had too many laces. Mrs. Evans liked the third but Lily refused to get it because Severus shook his head.

The fourth dress was perfect. It had exactly the color of Lily´s eyes and its style reminded of witches' robes. Mrs. Evans liked it and Severus beamed at the girl. Lily turned in front of the mirror to view herself from all sides and finally agreed to take this dress.

Mrs. Evans was pleased as they would be back early enough to help with the preparations at home. Severus wished he had taken more time to choose a suit.

-x-

Petunia´s wedding day was sunny, but not too hot. Severus and were sent to the Snape house to dress as the ladies needed all bedrooms to get ready.

The two used Severus´ parents bedroom to dress. Mr. Evans helped Severus with his tie.

"It should be your father, who shows you how to fix a tie," he said sadly as he adjusted the knot and brushed some imaginary dust from Severus´ shoulder.

"I´m glad it´s you who shows me," said Severus. He couldn´t remember ever seeing his father wearing a tie.

looked startled and a bit scared.

"No," Severus hurried to explain, "I´m not glad my parents are dead. But I´m glad you are my foster-father."

Mr. Evans nodded in understanding and lay his hand on the boy´s shoulder heavily for a moment. "Come," he smiled, "let´s go to the madhouse and marry off your big sister."

They made their way back to the Evans´ house chatting idly. Of course they were ready much earlier than the ladies.

-x-

Mr. Evans and Severus came home just in time to greet Vernon and his family. Mr. Evans took Mr. and Mrs. Dursley outside to the garden to show them the decorations. Vernon, who had worked hard there, went with them and Severus was left in the living room with Vernon´s sister Marge.

Marge seemed to be several years older than Vernon. She had his eyes and nose and ballshaped build. Her hair was blonde, like his, and she wore it in a knot, which made her look older than she was.

"So," she said, scrutinizing Severus from head to toe, "you are Petunia´s foster-brother?"

"Yes, I´m Severus." The boy answered politely, for he didn´t want to ruin anything for Petunia and – more importantly – her parents.

"Vernon tells me you´ll move to your own house as soon as you're of age?"

Severus gritted his teeth and clenched his fists. He was spared an answer, luckily, by Lily´s arrival.

The girl looked stunning in the green dress they had bought. It was exactly the colour of her eyes and also emphasized the brilliant red of her hair.

"You look fabulous!" Severus whispered in Lily´s ear. "Did you meet Vernon´s sister Marge?" he added aloud.

"Not yet," Lily replied, "hello, Marge!" She shook hands with the older girl.

"You must be Petunia´s sister," said Marge and nearly crushed Lily´s hand. "Vernon mentioned you were a red head. These are my parents." She pointed at the Dursleys, who came back into the house absorbed in a conversation with their son and Mr. Evans. Severus heard words like ´loan´, ´extra bedroom´ and ´favorably situated´. "They are talking about houses again, Vernon has it down to two houses but it´s difficult to choose. Each has its advantages."

"I didn´t know they haven´t found a house yet. They started looking last year!" Lily replied.

"They will be living here for the first few months," said Marge. "Mum and Dad offered them our summer-house for a start but your sister is afraid of the dogs."

"Dogs?"

"We have two bulldogs."

-x-

"Did you know that Vernon will move in after the wedding?" Lily asked Severus in a low voice later in the kitchen.

"You can´t be serious!" Severus played along, knowing very well that Lily knew that he knew. He stood beside her when she heard after all.

"Marge told me. They will live here until they decided which house to buy."

"This will spoil our whole summer!"

"Maybe not! Mum may allow us to visit Myra just to get us out of the way." Lily´s eyes glistened with anticipation.

Severus hated to crush her hopes. "They won´t let us go on holiday together. They want to supervise us." How could Lily forget!

"They let us go to the moors alone when Petunia made too much of a fuss last year. We just have to choose the right moment to ask!" Lily smirked slyly.

Maybe there was hope.

-x-

The rest of the wedding Lily and Severus spent in the background. For some minutes Severus daydreamed about him and Lily exchanging vows instead of Vernon and Petunia, it would make Lily his and nobody could ever part them again. He was startled out of his dream just when he reached the ´You may kiss the bride´-part.

Lily dragged him to the living room where they played party games with the younger guests. As they had been introduced as brother and sister, they couldn´t even hold hands.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16: France

Vernon moved in the day after the wedding. Soon the atmosphere in the Evans household was tense. So far Vernon and Petunia had avoided Lily and Severus whenever they could, but now they were present all the time. Why would they go out, when they lived in the same house?

Severus felt he couldn´t even have breakfast without being suspected of using magic.

Lily started mentioning Myra´s invitation to her mother, but as Severus had foreseen, Mrs. Evans was not going to let her sixteen years old daughter go on vacation with her boyfriend unsupervised. Not when it was known that the two had been kissing.

Severus thought about talking to and offering to take a vow to stick to kissing and not more, but as was a muggle and didn´t know about magical contracts, it seemed rather pointless.

It was Petunia, who got them their permission to go in the end. The young Mrs. Dursley made a habit of shrieking like mad whenever she saw her foster-brother, which wore out ´ patience.

At last the Evans agreed to Lily and Severus staying with Myra´s family for a while, just to get a bit of rest.

Mr. Evans had serious talks with Lily and Severus about the behaviour he expected from them. Lily provided a letter from Mrs. Dupont telling her parents not to worry (Severus thought involving the woman was ingenious.) and at last permission to go was granted.

-x-

Myra was to pick them up in the evening.

Petunia and Vernon had decided to go out for dinner for once. Nobody complained about that. At least they were going to be able to say good-bye without Petunia shrieking in the background.

The Evans spent the waiting time with giving advice and pointing out again what was acceptable and what not. Severus was nervous. What if Myra didn´t turn up? They had put so much effort into getting permission to go!

It was after ten when somebody knocked at the front door. Lily went to open it and greeted her friend with a hug. "Hello, what a pleasant surprise!" she cried. Behind Myra stood Pierre, whom Severus had never met personally, but recognized at once. He looked exactly like Lily had described him.

Lily ushered them to the living room where Myra and Pierre were warmly welcomed by her parents.

"We know Myra, of course," said Mr. Evans, "and you are...?" He looked questioningly at Pierre.

"Oh, pardonnez-moi, Monsieur. I´m awfully sorry, Sir. I´m Pierre de Bergerac, a friend of the Dupont family and a friend of Myra. Mrs. Dupont asked me to come. She doesn´t want to have an inexperienced apparator take Lily to France."

"Is this dangerous?" asked Mr. Evans. He looked at his daughter with concern.

"No, it´s not," Pierre reassured him. "But side by side apparition is more difficult than apparating alone and Mrs. Dupont doesn´t want to take any risk with her young guest." Pierre smiled.

"Where exactly will you be going?" asked Mrs. Evans.

"The Dupont summer residence. Lily spent some time there when she spent her year in France."

"How long will they be able to stay there?"

"Aunt Rose says we can stay all summer if we like," Myra informed the Evans. "As there are some difficulties with Lily´s sister and her husband, I thought they could stay until the end of August and be back at the 28th or 29th to buy their school things. I´d love to spend the summer with my best friend. Losing Lily is the only thing which made me hesitate to go to Beauxbatons."

"The end of August? That´s a month!" cried Mr. Evans. "Are you sure your aunt will agree?"

"Of course. She´s looking forward to having us there. And we won´t disturb her much. We can make trips to see some of France and only return to the house in the evening."

At last Mr. and Mrs. Evans hugged Lily and Severus good bye. "We see you on the 28th of August!" said Mrs. Evans and kissed her daughters cheek.

"You are responsible for Lily," said Mr. Evans and placed his hand on Severus´ shoulder. "Look after her! And remember our conversation!"

"I will, Sir." Severus said solemnly.

-x-

They went to the garden and Severus watched Pierre with a pang of jealousy embrace Lily to apparate. "See you at the house!" the French cried and disapparated with Lily in his arms. Severus, who didn´t know where they went exactly, had to let Myra take him side by side. He smiled one last time at Mr. and Mrs. Evans, who watched in awe, and then they were in France.

The air was hotter than at home and it was heavily perfumed with lavender. The fields glowed violett even in the moonlight. Severus was impressed. Although it was too dark to really see, he knew he was going to like the landscape. The hills were soft, the air was not fresh, but scented with flowers, which made it agreeable despite the heat. Crickets were chirping loudly and the sky was cloudless and full of stars.

"I thought far distance side by side apparition was not for the unexperienced?" Lily made herself heared.

Myra giggled. "We just thought your parents would have less against our trip if they knew we took extra care of their little girl. Thanks for your help, dear." She kissed Pierre´s cheek.

"It was my pleasure," Pierre reassured her. "Shall we go?" He led the way down the hill to the house. Severus and Lily walked behind Myra and Pierre and exchanged happy smiles in the moonlight. Having reached the door Pierre rummaged in his pocket and finally produced a key.

"Are the Duponts not here to let us in?" asked Lily.

"Nope," grinned Myra. "They are in Turkey. Uncle Aureus has to negotiate whatever he is negotiating with the Turkish ministry. Aunt Rose and the girls want to see an old Greek city. Don´t remember which. Anyway, they won´t be back before the 20th. So we have this house for us four for three wonderful weeks."

"Myra, you´re a genius!" beamed Lily.

"You know that your dad will kill us if he ever finds out," interjected Severus. He felt like betraying the Evans although he had not done anything wrong, nor planned to.

"So we won´t tell him, love," grinned Lily and followed Pierre into the house. "Come!"

Severus stepped into the house behind Lily but Myra caught his arm. "Love? Have I missed something?" She looked excited.

"Maybe one or two things." Severus grinned happily and followed Lily.

-x-

Myra went after Lily at a run. "Love? And you have been keeping this secret from me? For how long?"

"Sorry, we couldn´t tell you. If anyone had guessed you´d have been in trouble, too."

"I´m supposed to be your best friend!"

"You are! I meant to protect you!"

"Protect me? Don´t be ridiculous!"

Severus watched the girls argue helplessly. It was Pierre, who interrupted them."Girls! Why don´t we sit down and have a nice glass of wine and a civilized conversation?"

He led the way to the patio where he magicked glasses and a jug of red wine out of thin air. He started to pour the glasses but then hesitated. "This will be better," he said and waved his wand. The wine had become orange juice in all but his own glasses.

"I started thinking you wanted to make me drunk," said Myra and accepted a glass with a sly grin. "Now, tell me. I want to know everything!" She looked at Lily demandingly.

Everything? Severus felt no urge to share ´everything´ with Myra, not that it was much to be shared.

"There´s not much to tell," said Lily, who seemed to feel like her boyfriend. "We have been an item for two years now. Our relationship is not much different from yours and Pierre´s except that we have to keep it secret. You know, the whole Gryffindor and Slytherin thing."

"Two years!" Myra cried. "And you didn´t say one word. Who knows?" She looked hurt.

"Nobody. Well, my family."

"That´s why her dad´s going to kill us when he finds out we are alone here," said Severus. "I´m afraid he thinks I´m the most dangerous thing to happen to his daughter."

Myra giggled. "That´s about the thing my dad thinks about Pierre. He wouldn´t want to let us come in the beginning. But he complied when I told him Lily and her brother would come, too."

Lily laughed. "So my dad isn´t the only one who might get into a murderous mood!"

Pierre took a sip of his wine. "It seems we may have to flee together, Severus," he sighed, "though it will be easier on your part. You have to run from a muggle. He can´t apparate."

They laughed. As it was quite late they finished their drinks rather quickly and Pierre got up to show them their rooms.

"We can use the children´s rooms," he explained. "Myra and I took the ones on the front side of the house. You get those which have a view of the garden."

Lily´s room belonged to Angelique and Severus got the room beside hers. It was Augustine´s and had fairy wallpapers. "Why do I always get the pink things?" he complained.

"It´s pink, but you´ll love the view." Pierre winked.

-x-

Severus woke early in the morning to a breeze of lavender and the twittering of birds. The bit of sky he could see from his bed was not yet blue, but showed the soft colours of dawn, pinkish orange and a bit of yellow, and the remainder of nightly grey.

He struggled out of bed and stepped on the balcony. It came as a more than pleasant surprise that what he had taken for a common balcony at night was big enough to be shared by several rooms. Lily´s was obviously one of them as the girl stood by the balustrade in her nightdress and enjoyed the morning air.

"Pierre was right," Severus said softly, "I love the view."

The girl smiled. "Did you ever see something that beautiful?" she asked and pointed at the lavender fields.

"Are we talking about the landscape?" Severus smiled.

"What did you think I was talking about?"

"Nothing particular," Severus smiled.

They stood on the balcony and enjoyed the morning. They watched the sky´s colour change from pinkish to yellowish to blue until Myra waved at them from the garden. "Come down," Lily´s friend cried. "I´ve breakfast ready!"

-x-

Breakfast was taken in the patio.

"So, what shall we do today," Myra asked between two bites of croissant.

"What about a walk through the fields?" suggested Pierre. "Lily and Severus need to get used to the heat."

"Then I suggest the beach," said Myra. "They can cool down in the water. That´s better than the fields."

Severus cleared his throat. "I´d really like to see the perfume factories Lily told me about."

"Ah, bien sure," cried Pierre, "but not on your first day!"

"So the decision rests with you, Lily," said Myra.

Lily gave it a thought. "I´m for the beach," she said finally. "I really want to see the factories, too, but not on our first day here. Sorry, dear!"

Severus shrugged. Everything that pleased Lily was okay with him.

-x-

After packing their bags, the group apparated to the beach of the mediterranean sea. Pierre found a place with no muggle tourists and put a spell on it to show stones and washed ashore rubbish to those who might turn up.

Having the beach to themselves was wonderful. They played games for hours and Severus admired Lily in her green swimsuit.

After a quick lunch – sandwiches and orange juice – Myra and Pierre retreated behind some rocks and Severus got to spend some time alone with Lily. He wondered what the other two were doing behind the rocks. He had some ideas what "taking a rest" might involve, but suggesting any of it to Lily was out of question.

"I brought a book," the boy said. "Would you like to read it with me?"

Lily nodded. The lay side by side on their bellies and started reading. It was a story about a vampire. "Do you think there is any real background for this story?" the girl asked.

"I don´t know," said Severus. "But you don´t need to be afraid, I´ll protect you." He giggled.

"That´s an easy promiss, dear," Lily replied, "vampires are not likely to turn up here in the sunshine."

"But just in case, I promiss to protect you!"

"That´s really kind of you!"

They spent hours reading and teasing each other. Once or twice they kissed, but Severus felt he wasn´t the only one with a guilty conscience. Their kisses at home, on Severus´ sofa were more enthusiastic than these out of the Evans´ reach.

-x-

"Now look at you!" cried Myra when she finally left her hiding place behind the rocks closely followed by Pierre. "What do you bring your boyfriend for if he doesn´t put sun lotion on your back. You look like a tomato!"

Indeed, Lily´s back was very red, while her dark haired companions had gained a light brown color.

"This looks bad!" said Pierre, "we´d better brew you some cooling salve when we´re back! Why didn´t you cream her back?" he asked Severus. "Are you afraid to touch her?"

Severus blushed. He certainly wasn´t afraid. He simply wasn´t allowed!

"Seemingly not," grinned Pierre. He winked and started packing their things. "Lets go home!"

-x-

When they returned to the house, Severus followed Myra to the kitchen. Lily really needed a salve for her burnt back and he was not going to let anybody else brew it for his girlfriend. Myra showed him where to find a cauldron and the ingredients he needed before she started to prepare dinner.

For a while they stood side by side, chopping in silence.

"So, you and Lily," Myra said as she arranged the vegetables she had chopped on a platter. "For two years. It must be quite difficult to keep a thing like this secret."

Severus nodded, never taking his eyes off the lavender root he was chopping (he never had worked with a fresh on before). "You understand, why it had to remain secret, don´t you? You´re not cross with Lily?"

"No."

"It has to remain secret," Severus said urgently. "If one of those Gryffindor idiots ever finds out, Lily will be a target!"

"You little secret is safe with us," Myra said firmly. She unpacked several slices of cheese and put them on another plater. "I´d never do anything to hurt Lily. Or you."

"Thanks." Severus extinguished the fire under his cauldron and continued stiring to make the salve cool down faster.

"Don´t tell me you´re ready!" cried Myra. "You can´t prepare a cooling salve in twenty minutes."

"In fact, I can," Severus informed her with a lopsided grin.

"But how?" Myra came closer to look into the cauldron. "It says stir for twenty minutes in the recipe!"

"The ingredients merge quicker if you add a counterclockwise stir from time to time," Severus explained patiently never stopping to stir. "And I also chopped the lavender root in smaller pieces than the recipe suggests."

"You changed the recipe?"

"I improved it."

Myra looked at the boy admiringly. "I´d never be able to do that and still get something usable."

"I guess potions is my special talent. As it is Lily´s." Severus hoped he didn´t sound arrogant.

"Lily can change recipes, too? I never knew! I thought you two were only especially quick when it came to brewing."

"That´s what we did in Slughorn´s classes," Severus explained. "But we both know how to experiment with potions without blowing up anything. – This is ready. I´ll bring it to Lily. She needs it rather urgently."

He laddled some salve into a jar and left the kitchen.

-x-

Lily sat on the living room sofa when Severus returned to her side. She beamed up at him and Pierre, who seemed to have questioned her about their relationship judging by the remark he was just making when Severus entered the room, gave up his seat beside her to go and help Myra in the kitchen.

Severus sat beside Lily. "Show me your back," the boy commanded gently and Lily obeyed. After a quick warning that the salve might feel cold, Severus started massaging Lily´s back. After the first two strokes the girl purred like a cat. Severus felt glad that she enjoyed her treatment. The condition of her back was his fault after all, he should have thought about applying sun lotion.

Touching Lily´s back was pure bliss. It felt good under Severus´ palms. He decided he had to distract himself a little.

"We can repeat that later if you need it," the boy offered and kissed Lily´s neck. Merlin, had he really done that? Mr. Evans was going to kill him.

"If that´s part of the treatment, I´ll probably need more than one repetition!" Lily giggled. Severus found that her soft laughter was not helpful at all.

"In that case I´ll have to make more salve. Which I will do with great pleasure as it´s for you." Yes, brewing was going to be very distracting, it was only the applying that was going to give him trouble.

Myra coughed at the door. Severus thought she had excellent timing. "Shall we have supper outside?"

"Gladly! I´m as good as new!" Was she so much better at self control or was she so innocent that she wasn´t affected at all? Lily took her friend´s hand and led him to the patio.

-x-

Myra had prepared a delicious assortment of French cheeses and fresh baguette. Pierre had a glass of beaujolais, the others had orange juice again.

"You know these cheeses are really best if you enjoy them with a glass of this excellent red wine," Pierre pointed out.

"Can I try it?" asked Myra. Pierre offered her his glass. She took a sip. "That´s good," she agreed, "but I´m not used to alcohol. So I stick with orange juice."

Lily and Severus tried the wine as well. Lily grimaced and washed the wine down with a gulp of orange juice. Severus thought that it tasted delicious, but he thought he´d rather not drink alcohol when he had to apply more salve on Lily´s back later. Knowing the girl, she was not going to forget about his promise.

"We can go and have a look at those factories you were interested in tomorrow," suggested Pierre. "Lily´d better stay out of sunshine."

The girls and Severus agreed. Pierre fetched some folders. "Have a look at those and decide what you want to see first," he said.

They made some plans for the next day and had fun discussing their waterpolo games. When they finally went upstairs it was well past midnight. Halfway up Lily rushed back down and fetched the salve jar.

"You promised me another treatment, doctor," she laughed.

Severus got prepared for another round of torture.

-x-

Lily led the way to her room. She sat on her bed first, but Severus insisted – true to his word he gave – that they sit on the floor.

After a short massage, Lily purred like a cat, Severus bid the girl good night and fled to his room.

"Don´t I even get a goodnight kiss?" Lily cried after him as he stepped out on the balcony to go to his own room.

Severus pretended he hadn´t heard her.

-x-

The group went to Manosque, a small town in the Luberon region, the next day. There were several perfume factories and Severus insisted on guided tours in each one of them. He kept pestering the guides with questions about the destillation of essential oils, which were answered gladly. The guides were impressed with the boy´s understanding of the matter, as were Myra and Pierre.

The best was the perfume museum. The old muggle tools were closer to what was used in potion brewing than the modern machines at the factories. Severus made notes and drew sketches of some tools.

After lunch they took a walk through the lavender fields in the vicinity of the town. Severus thought it was wonderful. The lavender smelled so intense, even more than he had anticipated after Lily´s parcels of freshly dried lavender back in fourth year. The colour was magnificent and the girl he walked with was unique and beloved. Life couldn´t be better.

-x-

Time passed quickly with days at the beach, walks in the fields and some sight-seeing. Pierre showed them how to cook some French dishes though he was no expert, but cooking together was fun and that was all that counted.

Sleeping arrangments had to be changed when the Dupont family arrived. Severus and Lily gave up their rooms for the Dupont girls. Severus moved in with Pierre, Lily with Myra.

Mrs. Dupont insisted on taking her guests to Paris. They visited muggle sights as well as Ruelle des Secrets where Mrs. Dupont spent quite an amount of her husband´s money (´He has no time to spend it anyway.´) on presents for the young folks. Among these were advanced Latin books and dark green silk robes for Lily and some very old leather bound second-hand potions books for Severus.

-x-

In the evening Pierre and Severus retired to their room, whilst the girls gathered in Myra´s.

"You are aware," grinned the French, "that they are gossiping about you."

Severus nodded. He had known the moment Angelique had set eye on him, that Lily would have to retell the whole story of their relationship. The boy wasn´t sure he liked that. Their relationship was none of anybody´s business although he hadn´t resented telling Myra.

Myra was Lily´s best friend and Lily had used her as a cover or to help her frequently. Myra was more involved in the whole matter than she had been aware of. But Angelique? No.

After what seemed like ages, Severus was just about to go to bed, Myra came into the room throught the balcony door.

"Why don´t you go and see Lily?" she smiled. "I´d like to have a private word with Pierre."

Severus padded to the other room.

"It seems I´ve lost my room," he said self-consciously when he entered.

"Come in! I´ll grant you sanctuary," Lily smiled.

The boy sat on the chair by the desk. "You had fun over here," he stated. "We heard you giggle."

"I haven´t seen Angelique in two years. We had much to tell."

"I see."

"A pity you can´t sit on my bed. You could kiss me."

"Yes, a pity. I made a promise."

"You have to keep it."

"I have to. Care to meet me on the carpet?"

"You know, this is stupid. I can´t imagine dad prefer us kissing on the floor."

"Nor can I, but I never promissed to stay away from your carpet." The boy smiled.

Lily sighed. "I hope you do appreciate me putting up with this lack of comfort." She threw a pillow to the floor and sat on it.

-x-

The last week in France passed even quicker than the first three. Too soon Lily and Severus had to pack their bags and Severus took Lily back to England side by side. They apparated to the garden of his house in the early evening hours. Appearing out of thin air near Petunia or Vernon would not be helpful. They left their bags at the living room and took only the souvenirs they brought for the family to the Evans house.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17: Desaster

The house was dark but for a little light in the living room. This was strange. The day of their return had been appointed in advance, so Severus expected the Evans to be up and wait for them. would most likely cook them a welcome dinner and after weeks of French food, Severus hoped she had chosen something traditional. Shepherd´s pie would be wonderful.

The boy knew that something was terribly wrong, the moment Petunia opened the front door.

"Where have you been?" the blonde, even paler than usual, hissed at her sister, "Mum and dad died in that car crash two weeks ago and I had no idea how to contact you! I had to take care of the funeral and all, and if it wasn´t for Vernon I´d had no help at all!"

Lily turned pale. "What did you say?" she whispered and tears filled her eyes. Severus´ heart missed a beat. The Evans dead? Could it be? He had lost his parents again? At least he was of age this time. But Lily wasn´t. Sweet, devastated Lily.

"Mum and dad died. Two weeks ago. While you were amusing God knows where," Petunia went on mercilessly.

"No!" Lily cried. She lost control completely. The bulbs of the lamps burst, a vase crashed on the floor and the newspapers, which had been lying behind the door, went flying.

Petunia started to shriek and Vernon came from the living room to see what was wrong. "You! Stop that!" he shouted at Lily. "Stop that and get out of this house! Don´t you dare frighten my wife!" He pushed Lily, who was now sobbing. How dare he! How dare he touch Lily when she had just received such bad news. Couldn´t he understand she was upset?

Severus had his wand out in a second. "Don´t touch her!" he hissed. "I´ll repair everything when she calmed down!"

"We don´t need you to repair anything! You'll leave this house! You´re no longer welcome here!" Vernon shouted. He pushed Severus and then Lily.

Severus tried to think of a way to get rid of his foster brother in law without hurting him. At last he cast a spell and Vernon had to fight his own jacket which left the hall-stand and attacked him fiercly. Petunia now shrieked at the top of her lungs.

"Get your things, Lily," said Severus. Getting Lily out of this havoc was the best thing the boy could think girl obeyed and rushed upstairs, still sobbing.

"You two go to the living room." Severus pointed his wand at the door. "And shut up, Petunia."

Petunia shut her mouth and hurried to oblige. She took Vernon´s arm and pulled him towards the living room. The jacket stayed behind and resumed its place on the hall-stand as soon as the door had closed on Vernon.

Severus sighed and went upstairs, where he found Lily throwing things into her Hogwarts trunk. Severus helped her and finally apparated the trunk to his house. Then he came back to get Lily.

"Is there anything left you want to take?" he asked. "Coming back might be unpleasant."

"I think I have everything, she can have the rest. Oh, wait! Not this." Lily took the book with the Canterville ghost story.

"Come downstairs. We have to say good-bye."

Lily nodded. "You better put your wand away or nothing we say will be heard."

Severus obeyed and they went to the living room. The boy waited for Lily to say something, but the girl started sobbing again at the sight of her sister, who was sitting beside her husband, her face rigid and her back straight as a statue´s.

"We are at my house in case you want to talk," Severus said at last. "Come, Lily." He led the girl out of the living room, out of her parent´s house to the street.

They walked to his house in silence.

-x-

Severus feared Lily was going to break down with grief any moment, but the girl did better than he´d have guessed. True, she held onto his arm heavily, but she walked all the way to Severus´ house.

The boy wrapped an arm around the softly sobbing girl´s waist as he fumbled for the key. He led her inside the house gently, through the hall, where their luggage was still waiting for them. Had it really been but half an hour when they had returned from their happy time in France? It seemed like ages ago.

At the sight of their bags Lily´s legs gave way and she collapsed. Severus caught her before she hit the floor and helped her back up. With a loud wail Lily wrapped her arms around her friend´s neck and cried uncontrolledly. Severus barely managed leading her to the living room, but at last he got her seated on the sofa, where Lily slumped against him like a puppet whose strings had been cut.

Severus started stroking Lily´s hair and bit back his own tears. He had to be strong for his girlfriend. As he sat there, supporting the girl gently, his mind let him relive moments with Mr. and Mrs. Evans, who had been so kind to him.

He remembered, how Mr. Evans hadn´t hesitated to give the orphaned twelve year old Dumbledore had brought to his house a home, speaking the words that made a magical contract without second thought in order to keep the ministry from taking the boy.

He remembered Mrs. Evans putting up with his and Lily´s experiments, coping with the stench in her kitchen without complaint.

He remembered Mr. Evans introducing Severus as his son.

He remembered Mrs. Evans cooking his favourite dishes when he was ill.

He remembered the last words Mr. Evans had said to him. "You are responsible for Lily. Look after her and remember our conversation!"

Silently Severus repeated his promise to his dead foster-father to look after his daughter.

-x-

Lily cried until she was exhausted. At last she disentangled from Severus´s embrace and wiped her face. Her eyes were red and her cheeks wet with tears.

"Are you better?" the boy asked.

"A bit, thank you."

"Are you hungry?"

"No. Only tired."

"I´ll prepare a room for you."

-x-

Severus went upstairs. Lily needed to get some sleep and quickly. The only room in the house kept tidy all the time, was Severus´ old room, which he still used when he slept at his parents´ house. So his room it was. It was the quickest solution. Severus could find a place for himself to sleep later.

He made sure the room was usable. He stuffed some clothes that were lying on the bed into the cupboard unceremoniously and went back downstairs to Lily.

"You can have my room," he said. "It´s more comfortable. I´ll take my parents´. Are you sure you don´t want a bite?"

"I just want to go to bed. Perhaps this was a bad dream and we are still in France when I wake up." Lily sniffed. She followed her friend upstairs with heavy steps and disappeared into her new room.

-x-

Back down in the kitchen, Severus made himself a cup of tea. He searched the pantry, but there was no food. At last he opened a packet of French biscuits they had brought as a souvenir. After his simple meal he went upstairs, to his parents´ room.

He hadn´t been in it very often, mostly to get old clothes from his father´s cupboard. For a moment he wondered whether these were still the sheets his father had put on the bed before he died, but then he remembered Mrs. Evans helping him clean the house. She surely had changed the sheets.

Severus rummaged in the cupboards until he found fresh bed-linen and magicked them on. When the bed was ready he remembered that he had forgotten to take fresh pyjamas from his room. With a sigh he crawled under the blanket in his clothes.

-x-

Time crawled by. Severus couldn´t sleep. Whenever he closed his eyes, he saw the Evans or his parents and the feel of loss became overwhelming.

After a while – Severus wasn´t sure whether it was minutes or hours – he heard the bedroom door creek.

"Lily?"

"Can I stay here? I´m so alone over there."

"Come."

Lily padded to the bed with small steps in the dark. Severus lifted the duvet to allow her in and she curled beside him like a kitten. The boy put his arm around Lily´s shoulders and gathered her close. The girl sighed contently and soon she was snoring softly.

For the first time since the start of summer, Severus felt brotherly about Lily.

-x-

Severus couldn´t sleep for hours. First he felt pity for Lily, then he was nearly overwhelmed by his own grief and later he was haunted by scary images of Ministry workers storming the house to bring the underage girl to an orphanage. Lily´s seventeenth birthday was but days away. Nobody in their right minds would want to put her under muggle custody for such a short span of time. She would be left in her sister´s care, wouldn´t she? Even if this sister couldn´t care less about Lily.

How were they supposed to cope? There was so much Severus and Lily never had been bothered with, the Evans had always taken care of things. Where were they going to get clothes? Or books? They had no money. And now he thought about books, Severus realized they hadn´t got any booklists either. Their letters must have arrived weeks ago, but he couldn´t remember seeing Lily throw them into her trunk. He had to check that first thing in the morning.

The letters weren´t there. So Petunia must have them. Severus decided to let Lily sleep and deal with the dragon on his own. He whiped up a simple breakfast of muffins and coffee and scribbled a short message to Lily.

-x-

It was strange to go to the Evans house knowing that it wouldn´t be Mrs. Evans who greeted him. And that there wasn´t going to be any breakfast for him prepared. Severus caught himself slowing down as he approached the house. With a soft sigh the boy forced himself to walk up to the front door and knock.

"What do you want?"

Petunia looked at Severus the way people looked at vermin they discovered under their door-mat.

"Our Hogwarts letters and money to buy our books."

Petunia closed the door into Severus face.

The boy knocked. Softly first, but when Petunia didn´t reappear, more insistingly.

"The letters are ours!"

Severus knocked once more before he used a silent ´Alohomora´. Petunia shrieked when she saw him enter the Hall.

"Shut up," Severus said coldly. He had planned this conversation in his mind for hours while he lay awake. "First I want our letters. They are ours and you have neither right nor reason to keep them."

Petunia looked at her foster-brother with fear in her eyes. She pointed at the living room door and Severus entered the room. Their letters lay on the coffee table. Severus opened them both and tried to estimate the sum they were going to need.

"We should be able to get our books with two-hundred pounds," he stated.

"Two-hundred pounds? Why would I give you such a sum?" Petunia managed to sound furious and frightened at the same time.

"Think of it this way," said Severus, "we´re both underage by muggle law. If we don´t go to Hogwarts, we´ll stay with you. And we can´t go to Hogwarts without books."

"Two-hundred pounds to get rid of you?" Petunia sounded tempted.

"Once and for all, at least in my case. I can´t speak for Lily."

"Deal," said Petunia. "You get the money and you never come back. And tell Lily that she´s not welcome here. This house is no longer a freak asylum." Petunia rummaged in her handbag and produced the money.

Severus took it with a court nod and left without another word. It was the only thing he could do not to use an Unforgivable on the cruel woman. Or at least try to. Severus wasn´t sure he´d actually be able to.

-x-

Lily sat at the kitchen table when he returned. Severus told her about the money he had gotten from Petunia and they decided to go to Diagon Alley after breakfast. The boy thought it was a good idea, for it was going to get Lily´s thoughts away from her loss for some hours.

He apparated them to a quiet cul-de-sac near the Leaky Cauldron and led the way to the shopping street. Lily offered to go seperately, to avoid troubles if they met any other students, but Severus refused. There was no way he was going to let his girl go anywhere alone in her present state of mind.

The shopping was done quickly and without much ado as neither of them felt like searching the shops for special things. Not that they had the money to buy any special things anyway.

They were on their way back to the Leaky Cauldron when they ran into Potter and Black.

"Hello, Lily," said Potter. "Snape." Black smiled at Lily and frowned at Severus but said nothing. "How was your summer?"

"Nice," said Lily. "I´m sorry but we´re really in a hurry." She tried to pass Potter and Black.

"Why don´t we have an ice-cream together?" Black suggested.

"Sorry, my parents are waiting," Lily lied.

"It won´t take long," said Potter. "You can tell them the bookshop was crowded."

"You heard Lily, we are in a hurry." Severus said coldly. "We are already late."

Reluctantly Potter and Black stepped aside and let them pass.

-x-

When they returned home, they had a quick meal. Severus promised to take Lily to the graveyard the next day. Then each of them sat in silence, reading and thinking.

Lily went to bed early.

When Severus turned on the light in his bedroom an hour later, he found Lily there. She moaned and watched him sleepily.

"Sorry," Severus said. "I didn´t mean to wake you. I´ll take the other room." He turned to leave.

"No, please," the girl said softly. "I don´t want to stay alone. That´s, if you don´t mind having me here."

"It´s OK. Move over."

Lily rested her head against her friend. Severus waved his wand to turn off the light.

"Are you aware that you´re my only family now?" Lily asked in the dark.

"I´m not. You have your sister." Severus was gladly going to accept being Lily´s family, but he was not going to let her forget that there were more people, who were her family. He knew what it was like to be all alone. Even a bad family was better than none at all.

"She won´t see me, she won´t talk to me," Lily protested, "It´s like she´s not there."

"She´ll calm down. She´s as exhausted as you are. And Vernon isn´t really helpful. He´s joining her fears instead of backing her up." Severus hoped he sounded reassuring. Lily needed all the support she could get and even the prospect of reconciliation with Petunia at a later time might help.

-x-

True to his word, Severus apparated them to the graveyard the next morning. Lily started to cry on the way from the old, nearly abandoned part where they had materialised unseen to the part were the new graves were.

They passed the Snape family grave and Severus inclined his head in a silent greeting to his parents in passing. There was no time to linger, Lily became more desperate by the second. When they finally reached the fresh grave were the Evans rested, the girl nearly collapsed. Severus managed to catch her just in time.

There was no stone yet, only a simple wooden cross with a sheet of paper attached to it, saying that this grave held the bodies of H. and E. Evans, beloved parents. The soil was fresh and moist and there were flowers on the grave, which had only started to wither.

Lily shook with sobs.

"Ssshh, it´s okay, love," Severus tried to soothe the girl. But it wasn´t okay. Not at all, and Lily shook even more violently in reaction to Severus´ brainless comment. Never had the boy felt so helpless in all his life. There was absolutely nothing he could do. Nothing to ease Lily´s pain and grief.

The helplessness numbed the feeling of grief he felt himself. The Evans had been his parents, too. Not for as long as Lily´s, but despite the fact that he had refused to call them that, he had considered them a mother and a father. Not knowing what else to do, the boy burried his nose in Lily´s hair and held her tight. He waited for the girl to calm down before he spoke again.

"There´s nothing we can do here, let´s go home, Lily."

The girl turned as if to go, but as soon as she caught a glimpse of the grave, she hid her face against Severus´ chest again and sobbed worse than ever. The boy stroked her hair and waited patiently for her to calm down enough to try again.

The game was repeated five times. Lily wasn´t able to move. She was on the edge of hysteria now and Severus became desperate. At last he glanced around and when he saw no muggles, he apparated them to the backyard of his house.

He led the sobbing girl to the couch and helped her sit down. Lily stayed there and cried all day. Severus eventually went to the kitchen and made some sandwiches and tea, but the girl wouldn´t eat. She didn´t even react to his presence and he wasn´t sure she even knew he was there.

As the evening drew nearer, Severus grew anxious. What if Lily didn´t recover? He hated the idea of having to go to Petunia for help. But what else was he to do? At last Lily fell asleep on the sofa. Severus carried her upstairs and put her in bed in her clothes. He snuggled up behind her and held his sleeping girlfriend all night.

-x-

Severus woke when Lily moved beside him. He sat up quickly and looked at her with concern. Was he going to need Petunia?

Lily stretched and – smiled!

"Happy birthday!" Severus sighed with relief and pecked the girl on the cheek. Then he started a series of distractive tactics.

He promised her cake and pointed out that she was of age and therefore entitled to do magic if she wished so.

It worked.

Lily was at least partly her cheerful self again. Especially the prospect of her first spell as an adult had her beside herself. Severus decided to enjoy the break as long as it lasted. He had Lily muse about what to use her first spell for over breakfast. Suddenly D´Artagnan zoomed in through the open window, sending dishes flying.

"Stupid bird! That was my cake!" Lily raged. She took the letter the owl was carrying and sent the bird off with a treat of birthday cake. "Look at that mess!" she started collecting the pieces of her cup.

Severus hurried to help her. "Ouch!" he cried. Blood was dripping from a deep cut in his finger.

Lily started a healing charm at once. "Oh no," the boy cried. "You wasted your first charm!"

"Shut up," Lily grinned. "I wanted to use it for you anyway. I may as well repair your finger."

Severus enjoyed the tickling of the charm like nothing before in his life. Lily had used her very first spell for him. Well, he had done the same for her and he had waited three months to be able to do it. Nevertheless, Lily´s gesture was priceless.

The letter was a birthday message from Myra.

-x-

They spent the rest of the day packing for their departure to Hogwarts.

"Are you aware," said Severus when they were having a break, "that, as we are both of age, we could elope and get married right away?"

"What a splendid idea!" Lily giggled. "We get married and I spend my honeymoon at Gryffindor tower missing my husband. No, no, dear. I want a wedding party in the garden with my friends to celebrate with me. And I want to wear a breathtaking dress for you."

"Can´t wait to see you in that dress." The boy blushed. He hadn´t thought about a honeymoon or a wedding night at all. – Well, maybe a bit.

Lily kissed his cheek. "Can´t wait to wear it." The girl blushed too.

Severus made a silent vow to see Lily in that dress as soon as possible.

-x-

The distraction Lily´s coming of age had provided lasted only one day. When the girl woke on September 1st, she resembled the grief-striken creature from the graveyard much more than the girl doing her first spell at home from the day before. Severus prepared breakfast for her and left her sitting at the kitchen table, absorbed in her thoughts, while he took her trunk to King´s Cross station.

It was a pity he couldn´t take Lily to Hogwarts side-along, but if he did, it would give away their secret. It had been agreed in France – Was that only a week ago? It seemed like years – that Lily was going to take the train while Severus apparated. They thought it was a good idea then, to avoid Severus meeting the Gryffindor four.

In the light of recent events, the idea didn´t seem so good any more and Severus seriously considered going by train with Lily and holding her hand all the way up to Scotland and Sirius Black be damned. But Lily was never going to allow it; not because she feared for her own safety, but Severus´.

The boy put Lily´s trunk into one of the luggage lockers and returned home to find Lily in the very spot he had left her. It seemed she hadn´t moved at all.

"Lily, love," Severus said softly, "you have to eat some breakfast. Don´t you like your muffins? I can make something different. Scrambled eggs? Toast? Whatever you like."

Lily was startled out of her brooding. She smiled at the boy weakly as if she had only then realised he was there. "No, it´s okay," she whispered feebly and took a sip of her coffee.

After the girl had finished her breakfast, Severus took her to the backside of King´s Cross station. Lily looked like she was going to cry any moment.

"Will you be OK on the train?" the boy asked when they entered the station. "I really don´t mind taking the train, too."

"No, dear. I´ll be OK. You apparate to Hogsmeade. We can´t be seen together on the train anyway."

"I can sit with you." Severus couldn´t stand the thought of Lily sitting the whole journey brooding on her own. If only Myra was there to take care of her!

"No!" Lily cried. Some muggles craned their necks to see what was going on. "No," Lily repeated softer. "I´d spend my time at Hogwarts picturing who was giving you a hard time at Slytherin house. You apparate."

"Are you sure?"

"I´m very sure. I love you. Go now!"

"I love you, too. Have a pleasant journey!" Severus left the station to apparate back home while Lily fetched her trunk and set out for platform 9 ¾ .

After Severus had cleaned up the kitchen and made sure the house was safe until Christmas – he used the best locking charms he knew, now that the Evans were no longer there to keep an eye on it – he apparated to Hogsmeade and walked up the path to the school.

-x-

Being back at school this early was a bit strange. There were only seventh years and a handful of younger students, who had been brought by their parents. Severus spent the morning settling in.

Lunch was a simple meal of sandwiches and pumpkin juice. It seemed that the house elves were busy preparing the feast and had no time for lunch.

Severus put the afternoon to good use. He went to the library and enjoyed the fact that he was for once able to choose from the entirety of Hogwarts´ books. Being the first one to borrow books meant getting less battered copies as well as getting copies of rare books. Severus thought it was bliss. Unfortunately the librarian refused to let him take out more than fifteen books, but fifteen he took.

He returned to his dormitory in time to put the books away and be back at the entrance to see the horseless coaches arrive.

Severus was in for a shock. Lily was helped out of a coach by James Potter! What had happened? He had known it! He should have thrown caution in the wind and go with her! The boy tried to get a good look of his girlfriend. Did she look hurt? If yes, he was going to make Potter pay!

Luckily, Lily looked alright. She left Potter´s side as soon as she could and went to sit with two Gryffindor seventh year girls. Eloise and Kassandra? Severus wasn´t sure he remembered their names, but as long as they shielded Lily from Potter and Black, their names weren´t important.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18: Betrayal

The next weeks were hard for Severus. He wanted to be with Lily, offer her comfort, but he couldn´t. Potions was the only class during which they were able to talk and those conversations were short and pressed as Slughorn put them through their paces brewing for the hospital wing in addition to their normal assignments.

"Well, you two," said the fat head of Slytherin house, "as it´s your NEWT year I can´t release you from the class assignments. Luckily our lessons are longer this year and knowing your skills, I don´t expect any problems for you dividing your time between assignments and medical brewing. You can handle two cauldrons, can´t you?"

"Yes, Sir," Severus and Lily affirmed in unison for they feared Slughorn was going to split their team if he thought he couldn´t get any more healing draughts out of their work. They were the only inter-house team in class, so the thought seemed reasonable.

´Handling two cauldrons´ turned out to be exhausting. The NEWT brews were complicated and required several components to be made seperately and be mixed carefully at the end of brewing and the oinments, salves and draughts for the hospital wings were rarely made in one cauldron either. Some days they had barely time for a quick ´how are you´.

What was worse than not being able to be with Lily all the time, though, was the fact that James Potter was.

"You remember that little mudblood from Gryffindor?" Regulus dropped onto the sofa in the common room. Severus was absorbed in a tome about the keeping of hippogriffs.

"Headgirl Evans?" Severus grinned in what he hoped was a scornful manner.

"Her. There are rumours James Potter is doing more than carry her bookbags." Regulus smirked.

"He´s carrying her bookbags?" Severus hadn´t noticed and Lily hadn´t mentioned anything.

"Where are you living? Lala-land? Severus, they have been inseparable ever since the Express pulled out of King´s Cross. Merlin, we were having fun about her making a fool of him again for hours in our compartement. I mean, he´s been drooling over her for nearly a year and she made a fool of him all the time but the idiot doesn´t seem to mind. Well," Regulus added bitterly, "that´s the kind of people Sirius associates with nowadays. – Anyway, we thought he´d had enough last year, but no! He went for her the second he saw her. We waited for her to toss him out. Well, she´s a mudblood but she certainly has the temper worthy of a pureblood witch."

Severus chuckled as Regulus looked at him expectantly. What was this about Potter and Lily?

"She seems to have changed her mind. He´s been like her shadow ever since the start of term. Ursula Daisythorn from Hufflepuff says she´s seen them in the shadows near the library." Regulus licked his lips. "And she says they were not talking."

Severus snorted. "Reg, Ursula Daisythorn started rumours that you had a thing with your own cousin Bella two years ago. How can you believe anything she says?"

"Because Bella is a pureblood with proper decorum and Evans is a mudblood who finally recognised her chance to associate with old blood? I mean, the Potters are rich, an ancient wizarding family, their line goes back as far as my own. And Potter is a foolish Gryffindor. He wouldn´t abandon his mudblood toy if she . . . well, you know. All she has to do is get knocked up and she´ll be part of the wizarding crème de la crème."

Severus held onto his book so hard that his knuckles turned white. He was going to break Regulus´ nose for saying this! Not now. That would be unwise. On graduation day, he vowed to himself, he was going to break Regulus Black´s nose, take Lily and marry her on the spot. Stupid pureblood jerks be damned!

-x-

The next potions lesson brought a bad surprise. Lily put up a muffliato to give them some privacy.

"Severus, love," she began as she sat by their desk and crushed garlic, "I think I did something foolish."

"What could you have done?" He just hoped she wasn´t going to tell him about the shadows near the library.

"I told James that you´re my brother."

At first ´James´ was the only word Severus took in. When had Potter become James? But then the full message sank in.

"You did what? Are you crazy?" Severus all but shouted.

"I told him you are my brother."

"Great. What else did you inform him about? Our hiking tours? Our kissing? Our sleeping in the same bed? Where did you stop?" Merlin, he could as well have broken Regulus´ nose there and then. It wouldn´t have made any difference!

Lily´s eyes swam with tears. "Stop that! You don´t know what it feels to be all on your own with noone to talk to."

"Yes, I have no idea. I'm the penniless halfblood in Slytherin. How could I understand what it´s like to be isolated." Severus sounded bitter. He had worked so hard to keep their relationsship secret and Lily, whom this all was for, went and told Potter! Never had the boy felt so betrayed in his life.

Lily added the garlic to the cauldron. She wiped a tear from her face with her sleeve.

"Stop crying, girl, you´ll spoil the potion!" Severus caught a tear with his hand just before it touched the potion´s surface.

"I have been an idiot," Lily sobbed. "Can you forgive me?"

"Of course I forgive you. If we weren't in plain view of a crowded classroom I'd kiss you to proof it." What else could he do than forgive her? He´d do anything to stop those tears from falling. "And you were no idiot. You´re vulnerable and Potter took advantage. Please stop crying now. Slughorn will think I´m mistreating you."

Lily smiled. "We´ll tell him it´s the garlic."

"He won´t believe a word!" Severus pointed out. With a conspiring smile he wiped Lily´s tear from his hand with his robes. "I have something of you with me now. It´s a bit like being with you." He wanted to hug her so much, it hurt. But they couldn´t.

"I can´t persuade you to cry a little so that I can take a tear with me, too?" Lily smiled sweetly. Yes, he could see it in her eyes, James Potter was no threat.

"Slytherins don´t cry. It´s not compatible with our image. Sorry, love."

Lily giggled and it was the most beautiful sound Severus had ever heard.

-x-

At last the note Severus had been waiting for was put up! The first Hogsmeade weekend of the year was scheduled for the last Saturday before Halloween, like every year. Severus didn´t put his name on the list, but sat near the board until professor Slughorn came to collect the list. Only then he got up and cried "Just a moment, Sir!" before scribbling his name on the sheet of parchment.

He hoped none of his housemates paid enough attention to him to notice that he was going to leave the castle, especially not Regulus. The younger Black would want to meet with him in the village or – even worse – go there with him! And how was he supposed to meet Lily when he had Regulus Black in tow?

Severus was lucky. Nobody realised that he was making use of the outing and he was able to slip into the forest on the way down to the village. He sat in the clearing they had appointed months ago for their meeting and waited for Lily. It was funny, he mused, how he had been leaving Hogwarts castle since his third year but never seen the village. But then, he had no money to spend in the shops, so why would he want to go?

He got up from his seat when he heard someone approach. Was it Lily already? This would mean they had hours to spend with each other! Severus never bothered with a verbal greeting. Instead he pulled his girl into a tight hug and kissed her. Oh, how much he had longed for this!

"I´m also pleased to see you," laughed Lily. "Come, let´s sit down by that tree." She led the way back to the trunk where Severus had been sitting while waiting for her. Somehow the moss seemed not soft enough for Lily and Severus transfigured it into something softer, which earned him one of Lily´s breathtaking smiles. The girl leaned against him with a soft sigh.

"I haven´t felt this good in weeks," she purred.

"Nor have I," Severus smiled. "How are you doing at Gryffindor tower? Is Potter still after you?"

"I really don´t want to talk about Potter now. I´d rather be kissed."

Severus obliged. He hadn´t wanted to talk about Potter either, but it was good to have Lily refuse to talk about the other boy. This alone made bringing up the topic worth it.

Lily told about the messages she got from Myra while Severus stroked her wonderful, long hair. Lily sounded so sad when she talked about her best friend who lived in France now.

"You know," said Lily finally bringing up the topic that had really been on her mind, "I was feeling really bad because we´d lied to them. We spent our holiday without a chaperone against their wish. We made them think we were obeying but we weren´t."

"I was feeling bad about that, too," admitted Severus. "They admitted me into their family. They trusted me and I lied to them."

"It´s comforting we didn´t do anything we wouldn´t have done with a chaperone."

Severus agreed. "So we obeyed after all."

They sat for a while in silence. Finally Lily stretched and kissed Severus. "I have to go, love. Thanks for this wonderful afternoon!"

Severus sat bolt upright. Now? She couldn´t be serious! "That early? We don´t have to be back at the castle before six o´clock!"

"We can´t go back together!" Lily helped her boyfriend up. "We never could!"

"I know! But there´s no need to go that early. You met Myra the last years but she´s not here." They had at least one and a half hour left!

Then Lily dropped the bombshell.

"I know you won´t like that. I have to meet James. Potter."

Severus pulled away his hand from Lily´s. Never before had he been hurt so badly by a person he trusted. His parents constant quarrels, Petunia´s nastiness, the Gryffindors´ insults and attacks, nothing had ever hurt so much as those words. James. His Lily called the most despicable boy at Hogwarts James! "He´s James now, is he?"

"Let me explain!"

"What is there to explain?" Severus voice was cool all of a sudden. He tried to breathe calmly, to not show his anger. Severus felt so furious! He had to be careful, or he would do something he´d regret later. "My girlfriend leaves our first meeting in two months early to date another guy. James."

"I´m not dating him!"

"What do you call it when a boy and a girl meet at an appointed place at an appointed time?"

"I had no choice! Please let me explain!"

"Will you be kissing him?" Severus felt he knew the answer. How could she not, when she was leaving him to meet Potter. He tried to remember whether Lily had seemed reluctant to kiss him, some minutes ago, when he had been a trusting, unsuspecting fool.

"Will I...?" Lily struggled for words. Then she exploded. "How dare you! What are you suggesting? Am I that kind of girl? Leaving your arms to run to his? You are a toad! This is the worst thing anyone ever said to me!" She turned on the spot and stomped off to Hogsmeade.

Now that had been clear. She was angry and offended by the suggestion. She wasn´t going to kiss James Potter. Lily loved him, Severus Snape. Merlin! What had he done! He had to apologize or it would be months before they could talk properly! Idiot! How could he let her go with his words of jealousy as the last thing to remember! He had meant to send her back to the castle with a kiss! A kiss, which would have been their anchor and reminder until the next Hogsmeade weekend!.

"Lily!" Severus cried. "I didn´t mean to offend you. I´m sorry!"

Lily did neither listen nor come back.

-x-

Severus went back to their spot under the oak, where the moss was still unnaturally thick and soft. He could still see where Lily had sat. Merlin, what had he done! Why did he offend her, hurt her, when he loved her so much it hurt? When he missed her every moment he had to spend apart from her? Severus hugged his knees and placed his forehead on them. He was so stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Why had he let jealousy get into his way?

After nearly an hour of brooding and blaming himself he dragged himself up and went back to the castle. Lily, he told himself, had probably gotten rid of Potter as quickly as possible. Perhaps he could repeat his apology when she returned to the castle? The kiss he had meant to give her was, of course, too risky to give close to the school, but it would feel good to make up eye to eye.

How long had he sat under that tree? Was he too late? Was Lily already back? Severus fell into a run and returned to the castle about half an hour before he had to. Now he had to wait. There was no way to know whether he had already missed his girlfriend. He´d have to wait and see whether she came by.

She did.

Lily came back to the castle with Potter and his friends. They were all wearing silly noses and Potter was holding Lily´s hand. Lily giggled foolishly. So much for unjust accusations.

Severus waited until the Gryffindors had moved through the entrance hall and gone up the marble staircase to Gryffindor tower before he returned to the dungeons. He rubbed his hands to warm his fingers. How stupid he had been! He´d nearly frozen his fingers for that ... that ... mudblood!

By the time he reached Slytherin house, Severus was in a very bad mood.

"Sev!" cried Regulus, "we´ve been waiting for you!" He sat with some of Severus´ dorm mates. "We have some problems with that potion!" The younger Black pointed at the potions text on the coffee table.

"Strange," hissed Severus, "every single one of you ignored me for years and suddenly, when you can´t brew" – he glanced over their heads into the book – "a simple sleeping draught, you remember I´m here."

"Sev," protested Regulus, "the Draught of the Living Dead is hardly a sleeping draught!" but Severus was already out of the common room and up to his dormitory.

The boy slumped on the bed and hid his face in the crook of his arm. How could he ever trust Lily! The cheek of her! When he had finally found out the truth, she had lied to his face! She dared to play the offended! What a snake! What a lying, cheating snake! He should have known. With a sister like Petunia! Severus had no idea how long he had been lying there, brooding, when he was startled out of his thoughts. "I brought you some food." Regulus stood by the door with a napkin in his hand. "You weren´t at dinner," he continued when Severus didn´t answer.

Severus wanted to tell the other boy to leave. But he knew Regulus well enough to know that that would only make him want to stay. So he bit his lip and remained silent. If he stayed silent long enough, Regulus was going to leave.

"That was an unjust thing to say, back in the common room." Regulus must have come closer. "I never ignored you. We always talked."

Severus made a non-committal noise. Of course, Regulus was right. The younger Black was the closest person to a friend he had within Slytherin house.

"I have roast chicken."

Severus gave up. "Thanks," he mumbled and showed his face. He was glad he hadn´t been angry enough to cry.

"You look dreadful," Regulus pointed out matter-of-factly. He sat on the edge of Severus´ bed and handed him the napkin with chicken and two fresh rolls. "What happened?" He produced a small jug of pumpkin juice from a pocket of his robes when Severus had taken the napkin. He canceled the charm which had prevented the juice from being spilt.

Severus transfigured a goblet from a piece of spare parchment and bit into the chicken. It was cold, but good.

"Nothing special, just the usual."

"My dear brother?"

"Mmh," Severus hummed in agreement around another bite. It wasn´t even a lie. Sirius Black had been there when that unfaithful witch had held Potter´s hand in plain view.

-x-

Severus listened to the other boys in his dormitory rising and dressing. He ignored their chatting and pretended to be still asleep. Nobody cared. At last they left for breakfast.

"Get up at once!"

His blanket was ripped from him. Severus curled in a tight ball.

"I won´t let my brother reduce you to a crying piece of crap."

"I´m not crying!" Severus sat bolt upright.

"But that´s what he will think when you don´t turn up for breakfast." Regulus glared at Severus defiantly. "Move!"

Severus hated the idea of anybody thinking he didn´t dare to face Sirius Black of all people, but he had no idea how he should stand seeing Lily with Potter. Was she going to laugh to his face? To mock him about what a gullible fool he had been? Or was she going to ignore him? He wasn´t sure which he prefered.

With a groan Severus rose.

"You slept in your robes." Regulus turned up his nose. "Let me help you." Several charms later Severus was presentable again and they went to the Great Hall. On the way Regulus tried to get his fellow Slytherin to tell him what had upset him so much, but – of course – Severus kept his silence. He wasn´t sure why as there was no more reason to protect Lily. Was it habit? Or was he too much ashamed of how she had fooled him, pushed his buttons for years?

When they arrived at the Slytherin table, he chose a seat faced to the wall. That way he didn´t have to look at his traiterous former friend. The plan was as simple as it was ingenious. By ignoring her he avoided being ignored by her. Why hadn´t he thought of it before?

Severus felt uncomfortable all during the meal. Could you actually feel a person´s eyes on you? He was sure Lily was staring at him. It cost all his willpower to not turn around and look at her, especially when Regulus left to arrange an impromptu potions tutoring session with some of their fellow Slytherins. Explaining the Draught of the Living Dead seemed a good alternative to brooding.

-x-

Lily tried to corner Severus all week, but he wouldn´t allow her to mock him. Sweet irony, by forcing him into a secret friendship she had taught him how to avoid people.

-x-

It was of course in Potions that Severus was no longer able to escape the girl. Lily cast a muffliato as soon as they were both at their usual table and Severus didn´t object. If anybody learned how she had dumped him, he was going to be the laughing stock of the whole school. A muffliato seemed quite desirable.

"Why aren´t you talking to me?" Lily glared at him.

How dare she! First she betrayed his trust and then she tried to make him think that he was in the wrong and not her! "What is there to say? You made your choice."

"I did what? He wants us to do what?" Lily looked at the blackboard. "A plague potion?" First Severus was bewildered, but then he understood that Lily was talking about the lesson´s assignment. The whole class was to brew a plague healing potion. That was strange. Normally, Slughorn made Lily and Severus brew his potions for the hospital wing, not the entire class.

"I want you to work carefully. We have the headmaster´s permission to take as much time for this as we need. The dark side is using deseases lately. The healers at St. Mungo´s can´t brew healing draughts as fast as they are needed!" The professor was very serious.

Severus opened his potion book for the recipe. Lily leaned closer to have a look. "I get the herbs, you the creature parts," she suggested.

"OK."

They worked fast. Like always. Each knew in advance what the other would be doing next. Slughorn smiled at them when he passed their table. The dream team was at work.

"Will you talk to me now?" asked Lily when the potion bubbled merrily in their cauldron. "I´ve been trying to signal you for days."

"There´s nothing to say." Signal? Ha!

"Will you please explain to me what you´re talking about?"

"I saw you. You were holding hands with," he hesitated, "James!" There it was said. The topic was on the plate. What was she going to say about that?

"I was never holding hands with anyone but you."

The girl´s cheek was amazing. Severus could hardly believe it. "Don´t lie to me. I saw you!"

"So you have vision problems. I swear I didn´t do a thing like that. I love you!"

"You have odd ways to show." Severus was so angry! He could have throttled the little snake there and then.

"You want me to kiss you? Here and now?"

"How very convenient for you to make our little secret public now," said Severus coolly. "I´d be occupied with fighting off half of Slytherin house and you could go on undisturbed with your little thing with James." What a manipulating little witch she was, but not with him. No more.

"I never knew you were so mean! How dare you!" Lily´s eyes were swimming with tears.

"Ah yes, the crying stunt. I thought this would be next."

Lily jumped to her feet. "How dare you! Take that back!"

"Can´t stand the truth?" The more agitated Lily became, the calmer Severus felt. He dodged the jar that came flying at him and it shattered on the wall behind the boy.

"What has become of ´mind your body language´?" he sneered.

"Why are you doing this to me? You´re cruel!"

"Hear who´s talking!" Cruel? Served her right to get a bit of her own potion.

Lily grabbed another jar in cold fury. "No, no, girl!" Suddenly professor Slughorn was there. "What a row! We´d better seperate you two fighting cocks! What a pity, though!" He took a look at the cauldron where a perfect healing draught was boiling down to the required consistency. "Lily you join your fellow Gryffindors, Severus you can finish this potion alone."

Lily frowned at Severus and packed her bag. Potter welcomed her with a hug and Severus smirked knowingly at his former friend. Then he concentrated on the potion.

-x-

Severus watched Lily speak with Potter out of the corner of his eye. This woman knew no modesty! She even smiled! Severus finished his potion as quickly as possible and left the classroom at the first sound of the bell. He was the only one to have finished the healing draught within the lesson. Lily had to work with what Potter and Black had produced earlier and it seemed that they hadn´t got everything perfect. At least Severus saw Lily fetch lavender from the store cupboard and this ingredient was not in the original recipe. Severus guessed that the two Gryffindors had used too much powdered moonstone or too much dragon saliva.

"I heard there was quite a scene during potions," Regulus asked curiously when Severus sat beside him at dinner, still with his back to the hall at large and Lily in particular.

"The reports are exaggerated. It was nothing."

"They say Evans tried to hit you with a jar."

"Mmh," Severus made a non-committal noise. "Was too slow for me though." He put an especially big piece of steak into his mouth to excuse himself from elaborating.

"They say you were lucky to dodge it," Regulus chimed happily. "It must have been quite a sight. I wish I had been there to witness. I´ve been wondering how you stand working with a mudblood. It must have been fun to show her the superiority of wizarding blood at last. You were burdened with her for what, six years?"

"I don´t even remember not working with her," Severus replied, trying to hide the hurt in his voice. "Slughorn teamed us up early and you can say a lot about muggleborns, but she´s good at potions. We always got top marks without much of an effort."

"Certainly not thanks to the mudblood," Regulus rammed his fork into another baked potatoe and pulled it from the platter to his plate. "She merely profited from your talent, undoubtedly."

"You may have a point," Severus smirked. He certainly wasn´t in a mood to defend Lily´s talents.

-x-

Lily tried to contact Severus several times during the next week, but he ignored all her attempts. It was easy when she tried to signal him in the corridors or the library or at mealtimes (Severus found that the wall behind the Slytherin table was fascinating. There was a crack running from the ceiling to the floor and Severus had to be very much mistaken if it wasn´t the exact shape of the River Thames.) but when Lily tried to corner him on their way to a class, it was a bit more complicated. It wasn´t as if he could not go to class, was it?

For the first time since he had arrived at Hogwarts more than six years ago, Severus tried to fraternize with his dormmates and as he was willing to help them with their homework, he was welcome.

Lily was walked by and ignored more than once and Severus found he was content to see tears of fury in her eyes. Served her right, he was no longer her puppet!

Of course she got him at last. At potions she had the cheek to not return to her place with Potter, but to sit with him. She even cast muffliato! As if there was anything left to say. Severus suppressed a snort.

"We have to sort this out!" she whispered.

Severus didn´t answer. He stared at the blackboard as if his life depended on it. He was not going to be manipulated again.

"We haven´t come this far to lose each other because of something that stupid! Talk to me! Look at me!" Lily sounded desperate and – Severus heart missed a beat – sincere. Had he misjudged her? Was there still hope? Was this really only a stupid quarrel ? Severus turned to face the girl . "So it´s..."

"No, kids, that´s not a good idea," said professor Slughorn beside them. "We are working with dragon blood today. I won´t risk you throwing a vial of this, Lily. I suggest an exchange of partners." He looked around the classroom.

"Please, Sir," Black raised his hand at the marauders´ table. "May I work with Snape? I could do with some help."

"You really could," said Slughorn. "Lily, dear, change place with Sirius."

Lily packed her bag and went over to Potter´s desk. Severus glared after her. What a clever little plot to get to work with Potter. This witch was even more manipulating than he had anticipated.

Black strode over to Severus´ table with a smug grin. He dropped his bag and collapsed on the chair beside the Slytherin with a theatratical sigh. Still ignoring Severus, he took his potions text out of the bag and opened it to the required page.

"Now, Snape," he smirked at last, "what do you know about dragon blood?"

"More than you, obviously," Severus sneered.

"So, tell me," Black demanded.

"Certainly not," Severus closed his textbook and set with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

"We need to brew this potion," Black pointed out.

"Allow me to correct you," it was Severus´ turn to smirk. "YOU need to brew this potion. I know how it is done and I really don´t need to convince my head of house of my brewing abilities. As you need the practice and the marks, go ahead." He motioned at Black´s textbook. "I won´t disturb you."

"But you won´t help either," Black stated matter of factly.

"Nope."

"Do as you please. You won´t believe it, but actually I CAN brew this potion. I won´t need you. I may be a bit slower than those who work in pairs," Black looked at the table where Potter and Lily were working meaningfully, "but I´ll manage."

Severus watched Black work for the whole lesson. The Gryffindor wasn´t all useless at potions, but he wasn´t really good either. By the end of the lesson he had an acceptable, but nowhere near perfect potion bubbling in his cauldron.

Professor Slughorn looked disappointed when he inspected their work. "I had expected better of you two," he said solemnly. "Severus, you aren´t letting house rivalry ruin your work, are you? But then you worked with Miss Evans for years... Hmmm."

"You´d better improve our performance next week," grinned Black, "or old Slughorn will guess what was going on between you and Evans. And we all know his idea of discretion." He smirked and packed his bag. "They´re cute together, aren´t they?" he pointed at Lily and Potter.

Severus didn´t look, but left the potions classroom as quickly as possible.

-x-

The next morning Severus found himself face to face with one of the school owls at breakfast. The bird held out a small roll of parchment to him indignantly. Severus cursed under his breath and took the letter from the bird, which left with a loud hoot as soon as the little bow around its leg was loosened. Regulus and several of Severus´ new friends – or should he say students? – looked at him curiously, but he shoved the letter into his pocket without even looking at it.

Why would he. It was crystal clear who it was from. How could the girl be so stupid to use a school owl! The other Slytherins would be idiots not to guess that the letter was from somebody from an other house. And as Slytherin held no friendship to Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw, but neither open hostility, a member of one of those houses could come to the Slytherin table openly. Everybody had to know the letter was from Gryffindor! Was this another plot against him? Severus wondered. What was the purpose of said letter? Mock him? Humiliate him in front of his house? Make him even more an outcast within the proud house of the snakes? By giving away that he had been lead on by a Gryffindor (!) mudblood (!)? He wasn´t sure which of the two was worse. By Slytherin standards only an affair with either a muggle or a nonhuman magical being of nearly no powers at all could be more despicable.

Severus fled the Slytherin table as quickly as possible and burned the letter in a toilet. It was quite a piece of magic to accomplish that. Who´d have guessed that the Hogwarts toilets were spelled against being set on fire?

The next weeks were quite peaceful, if one didn´t count the turmoil Severus was in. He studied harder than ever, because studying left no time to think about his unfaithful, cruel, despicable, cruel, muggleborn, cruel, betraying, cruel, wonderful former girlfriend. The boy´d never thought it possible that he could miss a person so much.

His former favourite lessons, potions, became dreaded to him. He not only had to work with Black, who made a habit of informing him in loving detail about the development of Lily and Potter´s blooming relationship, he also had to watch the young couple.

Several times he thought Lily looked at him longingly – was that despair in her beautiful eyes? – but the moment never lasted. Potter served her hand and foot, with an everpresent smile plastered to his face. According to Black – and judging by the way Potter kept fawning upon Lily Severus had no doubt that every word was true – the two lovebirds had been witnessed kissing in the Gryffindor Common Room and the Gryffindor even hinted that he and his friends had to stay at the library until curfew to give Potter and Lily some privacy in the dorms at least twice a week.

"You know," grinned Black, "I don´t think they did any more than kissing yet, but you understand that a Common Room is not the ideal place to spend some quality time together."

Severus glared at the other boy defiantly. "You can say a lot about Lily, but she´s not that kind of girl." Actually, Severus remembered with a jolt of guilt, this had been the exact accusation that had started their row, but there was a difference between him calling Lily names and Black doing it.

"Oh," Black smirked with an air of superiority. "She didn´t get as cosy with you as with James? Well, it was a childhood friendship after all."

Severus had to supress the urge to hit Black. Professor Slughorn liked him, true, but certainly not enough to let him get away with brawling in his classroom.

"I never noticed she was especially cosy with Potter," he hissed through gritted teeth.

"Oh, she is," Black reassured him. "We actually had to send the younger years out of the Common Room last weekend. And about you noticing... Really, Snape, you never seize to amaze me. I mean you were snogging her for what, two years? And did anybody notice?" Black smiled at Severus in a "I told you so" way.

-x-

Soon after November had changed into a cold and wet December the holiday list was put up in the Common Room. Severus´ first thought was to sign up to stay at Hogwarts, for where was he to go? He certainly was far from welcome at Petunia´s and why would he spend Christmas alone in his parents´ house?

Thinking of his parents´ house stopped him from putting his name on the list. He could give the house its very first proper Christmas. His mother hadn´t used magic, because Dad didn´t like it. The Snapes´ Christmas had always been poor, with a tiny tree and only some muggle sweets to decorate the tree and practically no presents at all. His father never wanted them to have a Christmas he wasn´t able to provide.

Now Severus was able to use magic. It would be nice, he guessed, to see the house in garlands of mistletoe and holly for once; and with a decent tree.

On second thought, there might be even more advantages of spending Christmas there. If Lily really cared, if those tiny moments of dispair weren´t a product of his broken heart´s phantasy, she was going to know where to find him and if – his stupid hopeful heart missed a beat – everything was just one big misunderstanding, they could spend a whole fortnight in each other´s company and teach Potter what a good snog was. Severus nearly regretted that Potter wasn´t going to be there and watch whose Lily really was.

With a merry whistle Severus stepped away from the list. No, he wasn´t going to sign up.

-x-

Horace Slughorn wouldn´t have been Horace Slughorn hadn´t he arranged a Christmas party for his little band of favoured students. The Slug Club was legend after all. It was where connections were made, acquaintances and friendships started. It wasn´t a Slytherin Club, but a Hogwarts Club for the rich and the gifted. Here money met talent and Severus was there for his talents obviously.

Of all of Slughorn´s parties, the Christmas party was the most important. It was when the professor not only invited the current members of his little network-forming club, but also the past in order to introduce this year´s graduates to potential employers, to give them a good start after leaving school by providing them with a network of wealthy, influencal former slugs.

This year wasn´t different.

Being a seventh year himself now, Severus donned his best robes – the better pair of two – and brushed his hair. He wasn´t handsome and that wasn´t going to change ever, but at least he wasn´t going to look neglected.

He went to the party with Regulus. The younger boy was one of the rare cases who were invited for wealth as well as talent. The youngest Black brother wasn´t very good at potions, but charms and transfiguration were a different thing. Regulus was – there was no way to deny it – an extraordinary spell caster.

The two boys went to the storeroom Slughorn had chosen for this year's party. Regulus chatted merrily all the way down.

"The professor came to me this afternoon and asked me to help with the decorations," the boy´s cheeks were rosy with excitement. "He wanted icicles, but had difficulties with them. His preservation spells always dulled the twinkling. At last he came to ask me! I think I did a good job."

Severus stopped dead in the doorway. The storeroom looked like taken from a fairy tale. "You did a marvellous job!" he grinned and pinched his friend´s shoulder. "Look at that! It´s even better than what Flitwick does with the Great Hall!"

"I thought so, too," boomed professor Slughorn as he came to greet them. "But I could hardly belittle a colleague´s work, could I?" He shook the boys´ hands and beamed at them broadly. "The bar is over there, help yourselves. But be careful about the mistletoe." He pointed at a huge specimen hanging from the ceiling in the middle of the room. "I don´t want to have two of my snakes being the first ones caught under the thing."

Severus and Regulus made faces of disgust at each other and went to the bar, carefully avoiding the offending mistletoe.

The room started to fill with people. Out of the corner of his eye Severus observed Lily arriving with Potter and Black. And suddenly she was standing beside him, with a glass of juice in her hand. Oh! He was at the bar. Right.

"We have to talk." Lily looked at him with those big green eyes over the rim of her glass. Severus turned away. He knew those eyes would make him a helpless fool if he kept staring into them.

"Have we?"

"Did you get my letter?"

Ah, the letter. "Yes."

"Did you read it?"

Severus wasn´t going to admit he hadn´t. If he did, it would mean spoil the tiny little chance that Lily still wanted to have something to do with him. "Yes."

"So?"

Severus turned to face the girl. "What do you mean by ´so?´?" he asked coolly. "So maybe you were forced to accept the invitation, but why didn´t you tell me at once? And why did I see you hold hands with him later? And why is he whispering into your ear?" He held his breath. Had he guessed right what was in the letter? Or would he be exposed as the liar he was in the next moment.

It seemed Severus was good at guessing Lily´s words, because if he hadn´t, she didn´t say so. And knowing Lily she wouldn´t keep that a secret. "Because I missed you and didn´t want to waste a minute I had with you? I didn´t. He wants to keep a certain secret."

"You still deny it? I saw you!" It hurt so much to have her lying to his face! Why couldn´t she just admit it and apologize!

"I don´t deny anything! There´s nothing to be denied!"

"Your lie doesn´t become credible if you repeat it." Severus´s voice was as cold as ice.

"What do you want me to do? Confess a crime I never commited? Would it make you feel better if you could act generous and forgive me?" Lily hissed in a low voice. "If that´s required to get you back I will."

"I want you to be honest!" I want you to confess, because only then I can forgive! Was it so hard to understand?

"Honesty seems to drive us apart," Lily spat stubbornly.

They kept their voices low but their body language must have given them away. "Now, now, children!" Professor Slughorn droned. "This is a Christmas party! We don´t want to quarrel here! Did any of you meet Lucius Malfoy?" He introduced a pale man with long blonde hair in his midtwenties. He wore fine silk robes and his hands were immaculate as if he had never worked. The man was the epitome of wizarding nobility. He inclined his head in salute. "Lucius, meet my two top potion brewers, Severus Snape of Slytherin and Lily Evans of Gryffindor."

Severus and Lily greeted the young man politely. Lucius Malfoy must be one of those potential employers the professor used to invite to his Christmas parties or Slughorn wouldn´t have gone on about their extraordinary abilities – "very rarely found, especially in a muggle-born." The professor nodded at Lily.

"Indeed," Lucius Malfoy agreed. "Potion brewing is a complex art. Only few coming from nonmagical families understand it." He turned up his nose and as the conversation continued, he ignored the girl more and more openly.

"So you´re in Slytherin, Mr. Snape," Lucius smiled. "It was my house, too. So many good memories are connected to Slytherin." He looked lost in thoughts dreamily for only a moment and a fond smile played around his elegant lips. "Is there still the portrait of Uriah the Unwashed in the corridor in front of the showers?"

Severus confirmed the knights presence near the bathroom.

"Does he still insult anybody passing by with a bar of soap?" Lucius smiled some more. He seemed to enjoy that Lily couldn´t partake in the conversation.

"You excuse me," the girl said politely. "Severus." She nodded at him and signalled to meet her at the trophy room.

Severus made a mental note to go there. Lily had been so insisting that she had done nothing wrong. Perhaps there was a bit of truth in her pledges? Severus so wanted to believe her! But first he had to speak to Mr. Malfoy.

Their conversation was interrupted by the older Black´s cheerful cry. "Whoop! Finally someone under that mistletoe!"

Severus looked to the middle of the room and his heart turned cold. Under the mistletoe stood Lily and Potter. Lily had the decency to look desperate, but Potter seemed to enjoy himself. He kissed Lily passionately when he was teased about it by Black. Lily left the room at a run. Severus would have believed her little show of unwilling participation hadn´t she handed Potter her glass before she ran off.

That snake! That lying, betraying little snake!

Severus did not go to the trophy room.

-x-

Severus must have been the very first person to leave the castle the next morning. He didn´t bother with breakfast in the Great Hall. Instead he took a small bag (some underwear and socks, a potions book) upstairs, walked up to the head table and asked his breakfasting head of house if it were okay for him to leave right now.

The professor froze in midchew and scrutinized the boy in front of him. Then he resumed chewing, swallowed and nodded. He reminded Severus when lesson started and when he was expected back at the latest. He wished the boy a merry Christmas and with that Severus was dismissed and free for a whole fortnight.

He arrived at the backyard of the house, well hidden from the neighbours´ curious eyes, and made his way inside. Everything was where they had left it. He even found the dishes they had used for breakfast on September, first. Lily had washed them and put them on the counter to dry.

He put Lily´s cup and plate into the cupboard and made himself a cup of tea. There was nothing to eat in the house and Severus fought with himself for a half hour whether he should go to Petunia for some money for food. It felt wrong to ask Lily´s sister when Lily wasn´t there. And Petunia wasn´t his sister. He hadn´t been adopted, only fostered after all.

At last need won over pride and he went over to Petunia´s house. It was empty and a "For sale" sign was up in the garden. That was bad. Petunia and Vernon had talked about moving to Surrey, but Severus hadn´t thought they would move without telling them. But then, perhaps Petunia had told Lily. It wasn´t as if he would have been informed.

"Severus?" Mrs. Parker, a neighbour, looked out of her window. "Is that you?"

"Yes, Mrs. Parker."

"Mrs. Dursley, Petunia, said that you and Lily would come eventually. She said she lost your address. She left something for you. Please wait. I´ll get it."

Severus stood on the lawn for nearly ten minutes, his hands in his muggle jeans´ pockets, his jacket far too thin, but protected by a warming charm.

"Here." Mrs. Parker held out an envelope.

"Thank you." Severus pocketed the letter and returned to his house. The envelope held a short letter explaining that Petunia had no idea how to send a letter to "that school", her new address and, most importantly, enough money for two peope to get there the muggle way or to feed them both over the Christmas holidays.

Severus apparated near one of the bigger supermarkets, where the Evans hadn´t been personally known. He didn´t want nosy neighbours to come and seek them out. The boy bought enough food for two for a week hidden in the anonymity of the huge shop. He stored the goods away in the kitchen cupboard and the fridge. There was no electricity and Severus seriously doubted that the old machine would work if there was, but a simple charm did the trick.

Severus waited with lunch until past nightfall.

Lily didn´t show up.

-x-

Lily didn´t show up the first evening, nor the second or the third. Severus spent three days waiting for her. First he sat in the living room, but the second day he just decided to stay in bed. He had slept in his robes – When had he put on his robes? He didn´t remember. – and there was nothing to do than wait, so he thought he might as well wait in his bed.

Of course, it was a bit boring, but then he realized that he had to get rid of the flies, which had chosen the empty house as winter quarters, anyway. He shot them down one by one with his wand. The flies were, Severus mused, exceptionally stupid. They didn´t realize there was any danger. They crawled across the ceiling undisturbed by the fact that at least a dozen of their brothers and sisters had already fallen victim to the wizard on the bed.

How utterly stupid. Completely brainless, not to see the obvious. Not to see how she had toyed with him. She must have had a good laugh. Here everybody thought wizards were superior to muggles as they saw more than met the muggle eye, as they manipulated nature itself by a mere wish formulated in their mind and focussed by their wands and then a little mudblood came and fooled one of those wizards for all she was worth. And he saw nothing. Nothing at all. Was blind to her manipulation, lost in her sweet words, drowned in those green eyes.

He had been lost, Severus realized the first time she talked to him. Even as a child Lily Evans had captured his heart with disgusting ease. What a fool he had been! It must be the muggle blood his mother had bestowed on him by chosing one of those muggles as her husband.

Actually, Severus thought as he aimed at another fly, he was lucky. The mudblood had grown tired of him before it was too late. Before she had taken his magic from him like his father had with his mother. He still had his wand and he still used it (another fly dropped to the floor). His magic was still strong, he still was a proud wizard.

He should deem himself lucky. He had escaped. Narrowly.

Why did escaping hurt so much?

-x-

It was hunger that drove Severus downstairs to the kitchen the fourth day. He made himself another cup of tea and some sandwiches before he started cooking a vegetable soup. Cutting the carrots and potatoes was relaxing, almost like brewing.

The boy spent the whole day in the kitchen. When he realized that it was dark outside and he needed to turn on the light – another spell for the bulbs – he had a total of eight dishes prepared.

Severus chose roast pork and mashed potatoes for dinner and charmed the rest to stay fresh. Good. He had dealt with all the holiday´s cooking, this gave him time to do things he liked.

...

Studying. He liked studying. Then he remembered that he had taken only one potions textbook in an irrational bout of hope that Lily might not be the evil little cockroach she was. Severus considered returning to Hogwarts early, but that, he had to admit, would make him the laughing stock of the school. Hogwarts holidays were meant to be spent at home OR at the castle. Splitting the time between the two was simply not an option.

Then he remembered the box of books his mother had left him. There were plenty of magical texts in the house. Severus went to the living room to contemplate the shelves.

´Secretive Magic through the Centuries´

´Dealing with the Dark´

´Healing Draughts from the Carribean´

´The Wisdom of the Ancient´

´50 Uses of Muggle Blood´

Some of those tomes seemed quite dark. Severus chose a book and went upstairs to read in bed. He read until he fell asleep on the book. The boy tried to put the book away and sleep several times, but whenever he did, the hurt was back. Reading seemed so much more desirable.

Severus read a total of seven books until the holidays were over. When it was time to return to Hogwarts, he shrank some of his mother´s books, charmed what was left of the food to stay fresh until Easter and apparated back to school.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19: Pureblood circles

It was time for dinner when Severus returned to the castle. The train had obviously arrived already and when he passed the Great Hall on his way down to the dungeons, there was already happy chattering to be heard. The evening back after Christmas was always a merry one. Students who had spent the holidays at home had usually much to tell.

There were Christmas presents and family reunions to be talked about and sometimes journeys. Muggleborns – mudbloods! – often told about muggle holidays such as going to the mountains for a sport called skiing. Severus had seen in on TV once or twice and it looked pretty dangerous. He had no idea why anybody not capable of a proper cushioning charm would want to attempt it.

He met Regulus in the Common Room.

"Hi, Sev," the other boy greeted him happily. "Guess what! My Dad took me to the apparition test yesterday! I passed on first attempt!"

"Congratulations!" Severus smiled. Regulus had been quite nervous whether his father was going to allow him to take the test so soon after his seventeenth birthday. A pureblood, Severus had been informed back in November, got of age, but that never meant that they hadn´t to obey their father. _"My father," Regulus had informed him proudly some months ago, "is the head to the ancient house of Black, as he´s the eldest son of the eldest son. What he decides is binding for not only his wife and children, but for the whole house. Neither of his younger brothers would dare defy him. Sweet irony, it would have been dear Sirius to follow in his footsteps, but my dear brother prefered to run off last year." Regulus laughed. "When my father dies – may the fates give him long years to live in happiness – it will be me who takes this position of honour. My word will be Sirius´ law or he´ll have the whole clan against him."_

"_I thought he ran away," Severus had asked, puzzled._

"_He may have run away, but he can´t survive forever without his family´s support. He has uncle Alphard´s money, but that won´t last forever. Then he´ll need the house and we´ll graciously welcome him back. Not as our head obviously. That position is lost to him." Regulus had looked very happy about that._

"I said, are you coming to dinner!" Severus was startled out of his thoughts by the young head of Black to be. "Of course," he shook his head to get a better focus. They went upstairs with a group of younger years.

"They say," whispered one of the girls loud enough to be overheard, "that Evans and Potter have a thing going."

"I ask you, Morticia," cried her friend happily. "When were the head boy and girl not known to end up together."

"Two years ago," Morticia pointed out.

The friend laughed. "As if Bella Black would ever get involved with a Gryffindor!" The girls laughed. "They say he introduced her to his parents already."

"Mmh, he´s quite a catch," admitted another of Morticia´s friends. "A Gryffindor," she made the word sound like the insult it was, "but quite a catch. The Potters roll in gold and he´s not outright ugly if you like those plain mugglish looks."

This time Regulus joined into the laughter. "You know, Elenor," he snickered, "I seem to sense the proper attitude in you. Want to talk a little bit more about it after dinner?"

Elenor blushed and walked the rest of the way beside Regulus, who was – by Slytherin and any proper wizarding standards – THE catch to make at Hogwarts.

Severus made sure to fall behind the group of girls. He really wasn´t in a mood to stand them all through dinner and as he was – by any standards – not a catch at all, nobody objected.

-x-

Severus stood rooted to the spot right at the entrance of the hall. Lily was already there. And she was snogging Potter in public! Did that girl not have any decency at all? She leaned into Potter´s touch shamelessly, Severus thought she might actually end up in his lap! When Potter finally withdrew and said something, that despicable little mudblood even looked around proudly to watch the result of their display! It was disgusting!

It hurt even more than Severus had thought possible.

The boy turned on the spot and fled the hall. All of a sudden, he wasn´t hungry at all.

Regulus brought him a tray with soup and some roast chicken and salad some time later.

"Where were you?" he asked as he put the tray down on Severus´ bedside table. "The girls and I saved you a seat. You don´t mind if I bring Elenor to our next potions session? She hinted she´d be very grateful if I introduced you to her. Potions´ not her best subject, poor dear."

Regulus bustled about with the making room for the tray between Severus books. "You really could help a bit, you know," he continued light-heartedly. "You missed quite a show. Evans and Potter were snogging in plain view, so I guess it´s official. Hogwarts has this year´s dream couple. Mulciber started a betting pool. The odds are 1:3 that they´re married by Christmas, 1:5 that they announce their engagement before graduation. But," Regulus paused and smirked, "you could make quite an amount of money by betting that he´ll dump her as soon as he´s got his way."

"What if she grows tired of him and dumps him?" Severus asked tiredly.

"Ah," Regulus beamed, "she was your potions partner. You must know her a bit better than most outside of Gryffindor." Severus barely stiffled a sigh. "Come on, Sev. Give me some insider information. Is she that sort of girl? To use him? Come, I provide the stakes and you the information. We can share our winnings."

"Piss off," Severus turned his back on Regulus, but the younger boy wasn´t finished with his juicy news.

"Anyway," he brushed the idea of placing a bet aside, "my dear brother left right after their snog and Evans went right after him. They say," – Severus wondered who ´they´ were exactly – "that she beat him up! – Of course there are others who say she went after him to snog him in secret, but I prefer the beating Sirius up scenario by far."

So did Severus, but he said nothing. Regulus left a little later as Severus was bad company. He returned a half hour later, however.

"It is confirmed. She beat him up." He beamed. "My dear brother was seen on his way to the hospital wing and he was limping." Regulus grinned as if Easter had come early. Severus returned the smile weakly and finally tried his soup.

-x-

Severus would have liked to know why Lily had hexed – he refused to use the term beat up – Sirius Black, but she seemed to have lost any interest in talking to him. The boy was half convinced that it was for his own good that they never said so much as hello. Even the thought of Lily and her betrayal seemed to rip his heart in two anew whenever he dared think about it. He dreaded to even picture what a personal confrontation might do to him.

When the list for the Easter holidays was put up, he signed up to stay at school immediately. It wasnt´t as if he had anything in particular to do at home. He might as well stay behind, be fed by the Hogwarts elves and study for his NEWTS comfortably.

"Tut, tut," Regulus crossed out Severus´ name as soon as he had written it down. "You´re not going to stay here."

"Am I not?"

"I got two Os for my potions essays within a month. My father wants to know who achieved that." Regulus laughed. "He asked me to bring my miracle tutor for the holidays. I hope you haven´t made other plans, but I guess not." He motioned at the list.

-x-

The Black residence was in London, an inconspicuous house in a muggle square, surrounded by inconspicuous muggle houses. The outside looked as if the house had seen its best times in centuries long gone, but the inside was a different matter. The house had several stories and the rooms were larger than Severus would have guessed from the outside.

The two boys were greeted by a house elf whom Regulus wrapped in a hearty hug as soon as he had put down his bag.

"Kreacher!" the boy squealed with delight. "It´s a pleasure to see you, old boy!"

"Kreacher is pleased to see Master, too," the small creature sounded embarrassed but his eyes shone with honest delight as he patted the boy´s back awkwardly.

"Regulus!" was a slim, elderly woman with her hair tied in a tight bun. She wore a dark blue high-necked dress, her collar adorned with a silver brooch and Severus thought she was elegant enough to go to a ball right away. "Don´t let your father see you hug the servants." She opened her arms and Regulus let go of the elf obediently and instead hugged his mother. "Take the bags upstairs, Kreacher," the witch ordered kindly and the elf hurried to obey.

"Mother," Regulus said solemnly when his mother had let go of him, "may I introduce Severus Snape, the friend who helps me with potions."

Severus felt an urge to bow to the witch as she offered her hand graciously, but he didn´t. It wouldn´t have been appropriate.

"Snape, Snape..." Mrs. Black mused, "do help me, young man. I don´t remember the house of Snape. It´s one of the smaller houses from the islands, I assume?"

"No," Severus blushed. "Snape was the name of my muggle father. My mother was a Prince."

"A halfblood," Mrs. Black looked taken aback, but only for a moment. "Well, we won´t blame you for the mistakes of your mother. A fine house, the Princes. A pity they lost their fortune back in the forties. A long line of fine potioneers, too." Mrs. Black smiled benignly.

Severus felt the woman knew more about his family than he himself. His mother had rarely mentioned his magical family. "I wouldn´t know," he admitted. "My father didn´t like Mother mention magic in the house."

"You don´t know about your own house? It´s an outrage!" looked scandalized and Severus had to fight down an urge to apologize for his ignorance. "Now, here is something we can do for you in return for your help with potions. Regulus, why don´t you show Mr. Snape the genealogical atlas in the library while he stays here?"

"I´ll do that, Mother," Regulus promised. "I´ve been wondering what I can do to return the favours he´s granting me. But first I shall show him his chambers."

Severus followed Regulus upstairs where he was shown Regulus room first and then, on the same landing, his room for the break. It was a small guest bedroom with a small bathroom attached.

"It´s not much," said Regulus apologetically. "I wish you could use Sirius´ room, but as I said, he´ll be back when he runs out of money and Mum wants to keep his room as it was. She even refuses to break the spells he used to lock the door. She only had Kreacher look whether something dangerous was inside."

The boys had lunch with Mrs. Black, a small feast of all of Regulus´ favourite dishes. "Kreacher insisted," Mrs. Black smiled. Severus wasn´t sure whose eyes held more love and admiration for his friend, the witch´s or the elf´s.

The boys went to the Black library in the afternoon and Regulus showed Severus the atlas his mother had mentioned earlier.

-x-

It was amazing. Regulus searched for the house of Prince in the index and leafed through the book. They had put it on the carpet and sat left and right of it. It certainly was the biggest book Severus had ever seen.

"Here," Regulus cried proudly at last. "The House of Prince." They looked at the Prince coat of arms first. It was beautiful, all done in black and white but a bit of green. Slytherin colours, Severus mused. There was a bubbling cauldron on a chequered background. Behind the caudron a wand and silver dagger were crossed. A long, thin snake wound around the feet of the cauldron.

"Wow!" breathed Regulus. "You have the snake and the green in your family arms!" He pulled the book closer and read out. "The House of Prince goes back to Innocence Prince, whose mother, Meduse, was said to be the youngest daughter of Salazar Slytherin. Throughout the centuries the Princes were known for their outstanding performance when it came to potioneering. Wizards of nobility and power went to great effort to be able to pride themselves with a Prince house potioneer.

While the House of Prince never sought power for themselves, they were always close to the powerful and some held even more power and influence than their masters (see Germanius Prince, Epiphanius Prince and Alfonso "Wolfbanger" Prince).

The daughters of the house were sought brides and therefore hardly a house can be found that is not linked to the House of Prince by kinship.

In the fourties of our century the house lost most of its influence after the defeat of Grindelwald. Perseus Prince died impoverished without a male heir. His only daughter, Eileen, was raised by a distant relative, who died when she was fourteen."

Regulus stared at Severus in awe. "Wow," he said reverently, "if that girl Meduse had been a boy, you´d be a Slytherin and we´d all bow to you."

"You forget that my grandfather had no male heir." Severus pointed out. "I´d be a Snape nevertheless."

Regulus laughed. "Do you really think your mother would have been raised by a distant relative," – he made it sound like something disgusting – "if she had been a descendant of Salazar Slytherin himself? No, the most noble and wealthy wizarding families would have queued up to take her as a ward. She´d have married the heir of the best bloodline to be found, not a muggle."

"But she did not," Severus said matter of factly. It felt a bit useless to discuss whether Severus would still be Severus if a different man had fathered him. The boy couldn´t fight a feeling that Regulus wasn´t going to understand the concept at all. "Let me see what Princes are in here."

They spent the next two hours reading about Severus´ ancestors. Regulus liked Ignatius Prince, who had lived in the Middle Ages and had been the royal sorcerer for two kings of England, whom he held under Imperius both.

Severus prefered Nero Prince, who had made a habit of poisoning his opponents in the late 18th century.

Their impromptu history lesson was interrupted by the arrival of Regulus´ father. Orion Black was tall and of heavy build, unlike his two sons. He wore his hair long and his robes traditionally; a wooden cane with an elegant serpent handle completed the picture of a noble wizard.

"Regulus, son," he opened his arms in welcome and hugged his son who rose from the floor obediently. Severus got up, too.

"Father! I hope I find you in good health," Regulus said politely. "May I present you Severus Snape, my friend and tutor?"

Orion Black scrutinized Severus from head to toe. "Snape? From the Shetland Islands Snapes?" he asked. "You don´t look like one of them."

"I have no relations on the islands," Severus admitted. "Snape was the name of my muggle father."

withdrew his hand as if he was burnt.

"Father," Regulus continued, "we just looked up Severus´ ancestors. He´s a descendant of Innocence Prince, grandson of Salazar Slytherin."

"A Prince?" scrutinized Severus again. "Yes, I see. There´s definitely something of the old Perseus Prince in you. So you are little Eileen´s boy?"

Severus nodded as continued. "A shame she was orphaned so soon. The noble families lost interest when she was sorted into Hufflepuff. Didn´t have the talent of the Princes, the girl. So she married a muggle, the poor thing? And seeing what you achieved with my dunderhead of a son" – he rumpled up Regulus´ hair affectionally – "the talent wasn´t lost, but skipped a generation. Pity. Pity. She could have married much better if anybody had guessed it was still in her blood."

Later that evening Severus lay in his bed and pondered what he had learned. So he came from a long line of potioneers. Why hadn´t Mum ever told him? Why had she married a muggle, when she was a pureblood witch from an ancient family? A well respected family. Perhaps she wouldn´t have fit in with one of the more noble families seeing that the Princes had lost their fortune, but many pureblood families were not rich. Why not marry into one of those?

The boy pondered about how his life would have been if he had been a pureblood. Easier, he decided. It would have been definitely easier.

-x-

Regulus and Severus spent a pleasant week with the Black family. Mr. Black was rarely at home – away on business, Regulus explained – and Mrs. Black left the boys to their own devices most of the time, but they were never bored. Regulus needed to study for the end of the year exams and Severus for his NEWTs. Kreacher, who was very fond of the youngest family member, spoiled them with biscuits, cakes and all kinds of little delicacies. When they didn´t study, they dug up more information about the Prince family.

On Easter, the Blacks hosted a party. , Regulus explained again, was the head of the house of Black and therefore expected to call his family together on occasions. Severus was introduced to Mr. Black´s cousins Lucretia and Cygnus, who both brought their families. Cynus´ held two surprises. He came with his three daughters, Narcissa, Andromeda and Bellatrix, who had been Severus´ housemate until her graduation some years earlier, and Narcissa´s fiancé, Mr. Lucius Malfoy.

Bellatrix sneered at Severus, but became more friendly when pointed out that their houseguest was a descendant of the Princes. Lucius Malfoy shook Severus´ hand with a polite "Pleased to meet you again." and a brilliant smile.

Everybody was especially friendly with Lucius. It seemed that the Black family considered the young man quite a catch. Lucius – who was too wealthy to be allowed according to Regulus – accepted their friendliness with grace, but without returning it in any special way. The only person he seemed to be genuinely interested in was his bride, Narcissa.

Narcissa was blond, like her future husband. She was, Severus had to admit, easily the most beautiful woman he had ever seen and she moved with a natural elegance and grace he had never thought possible.

" ," Lucius stood beside Severus, who had spent the last half hour alone in a corner, watching the Blacks reunite. "Severus," the blond continued in a warmer tone, "I was quite surprised to meet you here. You don´t fit into dear Orion´s pattern."

Severus stared at the young man wide-eyed. The sarcasm in his voice certainly didn´t fit in with what Regulus had told Severus about the position and power of a pureblood clan eldest.

snickered. "I´m not a Black, Severus. I may be as respectless as I like to. In fact, I´m the head of my own house. The house of Malfoy isn´t as ancient as that of Black, but certainly doesn´t lack nobility. Narcissa will become a member of my house when we get married. Orion will never have me under his boot. – So tell me, how did the fates lead you to the house of Black."

"I´m Regulus´ friend and I help him with potions."

"I see. You´ve done them a favour. So, you teach potions? Is that your plan for the future? By what old Slughorn said, I´d have guessed your ambition went further than teaching. You seem to be overqualified for teaching."

"To be honest, I have no plans for the future yet," Severus had to admit.

"What does your eldest say?"

"I have no clan," Severus thought that somehow it felt not as awkward as it should to confess one shortcoming after the other to the friendly blond. "My mother was the last of her house and she married a muggle."

For a moment Severus thought he saw disgust in the blond wizard´s eyes, but is was gone so quickly, it probably was a trick of the light.

"So you´re responsible for yourself? That´s a hard thing to do, to give your life a purpose without the advice of a father or at least a fatherly friend. A young wizard shouldn´t have to make those decisions on his own." sipped his champagne. "You´ll excuse me," he continued with a winning smile, "I can´t leave my bride for too long." He returned to Narcissa, who was chatting with her aunt Lucretia. The girl leaned back a bit when her fiancé stepped behind her, so that her long hair brushed his shoulder for a tiny moment. They exchanged a brilliant smile before they both listened solemnly to what Lucretia Black had to say.

"Guess what," cried Regulus when the guests had left (it was nearly midnight), "Lucius invited us to his manor!"

Severus wondered why this was a reason to be beside oneself.

"Malfoy Manor is legend!" Regulus continued. "Nobody in the family has been there yet, not even uncle Cygnus and he gave him Narcissa! It´s tradition among the old families to show the new home only on the wedding day. It´s a sign of trust."

"So why will he show us? Isn´t it a break with tradition?"

Regulus laughed. "I guess he´ll make us take an oath to not tell a word. It has been done in the past."

-x-

A house elf delivered a portkey the next day. Severus was surprised by that. had been at the Black residence only hours before. Why hadn´t he given the portkey to Regulus then?

"Are you crazy?" Regulus cried looking at the small roll of parchment, which was portkey and instruction at the same time in awe. "Lucius could hardly make a portkey at my parents´ house!"

"Why not? It´s a simple spell!"

Regulus stared at his friend. "You truly are muggle-raised. You know nothing!" The younger boy shook his head. "It´s a simple, but powerful spell. It would have been considered rude to cast it in a house that wasn´t his. Merlin, it´s considered rude to draw a wand if you´re not asked to by the host! In addition, a portkey spell might have triggered the house's defensive spells. No, believe me, there was no way Lucius could have made that portkey here."

The Blacks were quite proud that their son was granted a visit to Narcissa´s future home before the wedding. It was, Severus learned, an honour rarely granted. It was decided that they should go the day they had to return to Hogwarts.

"That makes sense," Regulus pointed out. "Malfoy Manor is closer to Hogwarts than London. We can go to see Lucius after breakfast and continue to school in the evening."

-x-

The portkey took them just inside the iron gates of Lucius´ manor house. The boys had to walk up all the gravel drive, which was a walk of nearly ten minutes. They could see the manor all the time. It was, in Severus´ opinion, rather a little castle than a house. The drive was surrounded by a park. The lawn was neatly mown, here and there flowerbeds added a bit of colour. In the distance they saw fountains.

The air was heavy with the scent of lilies of the valley and violets, and the silence of the park was broken by the pleasant sound of young leaves moving in a light breeze and the occasional cry of a peacock.

Regulus looked to and fro. "Merlin!" he cried. "Cousin Narcissa is going to be a queen!"

Lucius awaited them at the entrance. "Welcome!" he cried merrily as the boys approached. "Cousin, dear friend." He hugged them both before he ushered them inside. "Dobby, the cloaks."

A young elf bowed to his master before he took the boys´ cloaks. The three wizards went to the Malfoy library which rivaled Hogwarts´ concerning the number of books. There was a cosy corner meant for reading near the door, with cushioned armchairs arranged around a small coffee table.

Lucius waved his hand towards the fireplace and a fire roared into existence. "I take it that you had breakfast at home?" he asked with a smug smile. "So we´ll go for something more sophisticated than tea?"

The boys nodded and Lucius clapped his hands. The young elf reappeared out of thin air with a tray. There were three large brandy glasses and a beautifully carved crystal bottle holding amber liquid. Lucius poured three generous glasses and handed one to each boy.

They sat and each took a sip. Severus found that he didn´t like the alcohol very much. He remembered his father´s behaviour when he had had too much only too well, so the thought of consuming alcohol himself didn´t seem too tempting. He put the glass on the coffee table after only one sip.

"Doesn´t the liquor meet your standards?" Lucius asked, all concerned host.

"It´s good," Severus lied, "but I´m not used to it. I didn´t mean to offend you." He reached for the glass.

"Ah, I like an honest man," smiled Lucius and raised his hand to stop Severus from taking the glass. He clapped again and the elf reappeared, bowing low. "Coffee," the blond wizard ordered imperiously, "for my young friend." He looked at Severus questioningly, who nodded, glad that he didn´t have to drink the cognac.

"Coffee?" Regulus took another sip of his brandy. "Severus, you never seize to amaze me."

"You said that before," Severus smiled and accepted the cup from the house elf, who had returned with his coffee already. "Thank you." He smiled at the small creature. The elf looked surprised, but hid it in an instant.

"Don´t thank him for doing his duty," Lucius advised. "It will only confuse him."

"We always thank Kreacher and he´s not confused," Regulus pointed out.

"Well, there are different ways in different houses. I´m not very fond of letting my servants forget their place." Lucius smiled. "So, tell me, Severus," the blond continued after a short silence, "what are your plans after graduation? You must have made some, it´s only a question of weeks until you´ll leave Hogwarts."

"I had plans," Severus admitted reluctantly, "but they didn´t turn out as I had hoped to." He hoped with all his heart that their host wasn´t going to ask him to elaborate. "I haven´t come up with any other plans yet. I guess I´ll return to the house my parents left me and try to find a job."

"Your parents left you a house? In a muggle area, I guess, knowing your background."

Severus couldn´t but nod.

"How do you expect to find a proper job in a muggle area, Severus? You´re a gifted wizard, a potioneer from a line of potioneers who served their kings. With the right contacts, you could make a fortune easily. The line of Prince ended with your mother, but," the blond wizard scrutinized Severus calculatingly, "where there´s an end, there is a beginning. Why not find a nice pureblood witch and be the progenitor of the line of Snape?"

"Lucius," Regulus interrupted, "it takes centuries to establish a house."

"Not if said house is the rightful successor of one of the oldest houses known to wizardkind," Lucius´ smile took on a hint of greed. "Severus, why don´t you let me lend you a hand? If we do this right, the houses of Malfoy and Snape could both gain through our allegiance. You have the old blood, older than the Malfoys´ and I have the means to further your carreer. Money, contacts."

"Your offer is very tempting," admitted Severus, "but I ask myself what you will gain from this."

"Influence," Lucius beamed. "Another contact to a pureblood house. A house the others abandoned. If you and your house will remember that it was the Malfoys who lent you a hand when it was needed, my gain will be enough. I am the head of my house, I don´t think in weeks or months. I have to plan for generations to come." He sipped his cognac. "We should consider a link by marriage for our houses. My heir and one of your daughters, Severus. It would be a good match."

"Daughters?" Severus laughed. "I don´t even have a girlfriend." Merlin, the thought hurt so much!

"A girlfriend?" Lucius snickered. "Severus, you are the head of Snape house. You don´t get involved with a girlfriend. You consider the daughters of the ancient houses and choose your bride among them. Any wizard of consideration will be glad to marry one of his girls off to the eldest of a clan."

"Is this how you chose Narcissa?" Severus asked. A moment later he was horrified by his bluntness. "Sorry, it was not my place to ask."

"No offence taken," Lucius smiled. "Of course this was how I chose Narcissa. I negotiated with her father to give me one of his daughters. I was invited to meet them and I made my choice. Andromeda seemed a little," he bowed to Regulus, "forgive me cousin, common. Bellatrix would have been a good catch, but she´s a bit young and she seems to be taken with Rodolfus Lestrange, a school friend. Cygnus hinted that he negotiates with the Lestranges about her. Narcissa, however, offers everything I could want in a wife. She´s beautiful, intelligent and a true pureblood witch. She knows her place." The blond smiled fondly and sighed. "All that, and I fell madly in love with her the moment we first talked. You´re too young to understand that, of course."

Regulus nodded and Severus mimicked the gesture although he understood only too well how this could happen. He swallowed dry.

Lucius sat, smiling absentmindedly, for a while. Severus couldn´t help a feeling that this was the first genuine smile they had seen from the blond all day.

"Well," the older wizard started out of his thoughts at last, "what kind of host am I, going all sentimental on you. Let me give you the grand tour." He got up and the two younger wizards followed his lead.

Lucius showed them around with ill hidden pride. There were salons, a ballroom, several dining rooms of various sizes, the upper floors held several guest quarters, each with a bathroom attached to the bedroom, the best of the house though – in Severus´ opinion – was the huge library, which occupied the better part of three floors in the north wing of the house. The parks were even vaster than they had seemed on their arrival. The front lawn – which was big enough to hold most of Severus´ home town – was just a minor part of the estate. Behind the house were more flowerbeds, a big fountain with gold fish and even a small maze.

"A maze, cousin?" Regulus giggled. "What have you planned for Narcissa?" Seeing Severus bewildered gaze, he whispered, "it must be new, look at the bushes closely." When pointed at it, Severus saw it, too. Those bushes had been recently planted.

Lucius blushed. "Narcissa confided in me she has a phantasy of being persued in a maze," he grinned awkwardly. "You are aware that I will have to kill you if word of this ever leaves this estate."

Regulus grinned back and lay his hand on his heart. "Our lips are sealed," he promised solemnly, "I just hope I´ll be capable of equally romantic display when time comes for me to get married. You wouldn´t consider keeping me posted how it worked?"

Lucius slapped the younger wizard playfully and accepted their word for secrecy.

In the very back corner of the park, separated from the rest of the estate by a hedge, was a herb and vegetable garden. A house elf was weeding the beds when they arrived. She bowed to her master before she returned to her task. Lucius explained about his mother´s love for potioneering and how neither his father nor he had dared to abandon her garden after her death.

The last station of their tour was the small graveyard in another corner of the park. Several sumptuous tombs indicated where Lucius´ ancestors rested.

"We wouldn´t have our kin resting in a muggle graveyard," the blond explained. "Just imagine the proud heirs to the name of Malfoy lying beside any Tom, Dick and Harry." He made a face. "Unthinkable." He conjured a white rose and placed it in front of the tomb carrying his mother´s name carefully, then he bowed to his father.

Regulus and Severus stood in silence while Lucius paid his respect to his parents.

-x-

Lunch was served by the young elf in one of the smaller dining rooms. It consisted of roast beef and an assortment of young vegetables. They had delicious white wine – even Severus had a small glass – and water from France.

"The Malfoys," Lucius explained, "originated from France. We still own our ancestral castle there. Nothing special, oldfashioned and uncomfortable, but we keep it for the well. No waters taste sweeter than those from the well of Chateau de Malfoy."

"How do you get it here?" Regulus asked curiously.

Lucius took a big gulp before he answered. "Magic. A house elf stays at the Chateau and fills a magical bottle every day. The bottle is a portkey. Its twin is at our kitchens."

"That´s powerful magic," Regulus pointed out.

"You see," Lucius smiled, "each house has its own specialized branch of magic. The Malfoys are a line of excellent spell casters. Speaking of lines. Severus, did you contemplate what I said earlier? Will you accept my help in getting your career started?"

"I could do with some help," Severus answered, not sure whether it would be polite to accept such a generous offer.

"Then it´s done," Lucius beamed. "You´ll come here to be my guest after your graduation. I´ll make sure you meet the right people and when the time comes for my heir to choose his bride, you´ll grant him the hand of one of your daughters. – Dobby!" He clapped his hands.

"Master," the elf bowed deeply.

"I need a list of available brides. Pureblood. Age," he contemplated Severus for a moment, "let´s say fifteen to twenty. I´ll have a look into it tonight."

Severus blushed. "I don´t think I´m ready to get married yet."

Lucius laughed. "I wasn´t going to announce an engagement yet. First you have to check who´s available, then you have an inconspicious look at the candidates. Pure blood will only outweigh a certain amount of ugliness. This takes long and thorough planning, my friend."


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20: Mr Riddle

The rest of the school year passed in a blur. Severus was even too busy to think about Lily. His time was occupied with revising for his NEWTs and helping Regulus. Then the examiners arrived, he sat his exams, made sure he wasn´t caught unaware by any Gryffindor in between (not that he expected them to try, once Potter had Lily they seemed to have lost any interest in him, but the memory of his OWLs was still painful and caution couldn´t hurt, could it?) and suddenly he was having ice-cream for dessert at his leaving feast.

He packed his few belongings after the meal and in the morning left Hogwarts without a backward glance.

Severus went to Malfoy Manor without a detour to Spinner´s End. He thought that perhaps he should take care of the food he had left there at Christmas, but then he was his own master now, he could do that any day he wished.

The door was answered by Dobby. The elf bowed to Severus, who had to fight an urge to tell the creature not to.

"Master ordered Dobby to let Master Severus in," the small creature piped as he took Severus´ cloak. "Master is in a meeting and asked Master Severus to join them when he came. Dobby will show the way."

The elf bowed again and walked down the corridor in front of Severus. At last it stopped in front of a door, motioned at it indicatingly and disappeared with a soft crack.

Severus knocked and entered.

"Ah, Severus!" Lucius got up from the armchair he had sat in. "I´ve been hoping you could make it before my guest took his leave. Come and meet Mr. Riddle."

Severus stepped closer with a polite greeting and accepted the extended hand of a wizard of some fifty years. Mr. Riddle must once have been a handsome man, but age hadn´t been too kind to him. His hair was so thin that he wore it short and his fingers were long and spidery. The shortcomings of his appearance however lost importance next to his intense eyes. Severus thought that those eyes could look right into people´s souls.

He had only once before met a person whose eyes had an equal effect on him and thinking about this person was the most painful experience in Severus´ life. He quickly focused on again.

" ," the wizard smiled. "My friend Lucius here tells me that you are an exceptional potions master."

"I´m not sure I deserve the title master yet," Severus answered modestly. "There´s still so much I have to learn."

´s smile broadened. "You´re right, Lucius," he cried, still holding Severus´ hand in his, "he´s of refreshing modesty. As a matter of fact," he continued more businesslike and let finally go of Severus´ hand, "I´m looking for a potions master. I never thought that one as young as yourself could have the knowledge I seek, but Lucius speaks highly about you. What about it, I assign you some brews on a commission basis and if I´m satisfied with your work, we´ll talk about a contract."

"I´d like that, ," Severus smiled. He hadn´t dared hope he´d find a job so quickly. "But I have no laboratory to brew in."

"Nonsense, Severus," Lucius smiled. "I told you my mother liked to experiment with potions. You as a house guest can of course use her laboratory."

"Thank you, Lucius," Severus replied sincerely. "So I guess, we have a deal if you want to give me a chance, Sir."

nodded in satisfaction. "This trip has been even more profitable than I had hoped. Well, I have to take my leave, Lucius. My best wishes for your upcoming nuptials. May you and your bride find happiness."

Lucius motioned Severus to sit and wait for him while he showed out.

-x-

Lucius returned barely two minutes later. He beamed at Severus.

"Now, that went really well. I thought he´d take some time to decide whether to try and work with you. You are young for a potions master, after all. But you must have impressed him. Well done, my friend!"

Severus asked himself what exactly he could have done to impress Mr. Riddle, for he had barely done more than wish the man a good day, but then he wasn´t going to question his luck. His life had so far held so many bad surprises for him, maybe it was just his turn for a good one at last.

Severus and Lucius had lunch in one of the smaller salons before the blond showed his guest his quarters – a guest room with a nice view of the park and, Severus supressed a smirk, the maze. Severus had barely time to drop his bag before Lucius urged him to follow him down to the basement of the house.

"Mother thought that the coolness of the basement was good for her potions," explained the blond. "The lab is yours for as long as you need it." He ushered Severus inside. "Neither me nor my father ever used it. Mother died nearly ten years ago, so most of the stocks won´t be useful any more. Why don´t you have a look and give me a list of what you need replaced? Mr. Riddle left a list of potions he´d like." The blond handed Severus a piece of parchment.

"I´ll start right away," said Severus, looking around in awe. The lab was nearly as big as the potions classroom at Hogwarts. There were several work stations, four store cupboards and numerous shelves on the wall. Light was provided by magical torches. "This will take several days."

"Take your time," smiled Lucius. "But don´t make plans for next Saturday. It´s my wedding day, and you are my guest." He turned on the spot and left. The door fell closed behind him with a thud.

-x-

Severus put all his effort in sorting through Mrs. Malfoy´s lab. ´s offer seemed a good opportunity to get his hands on employment – there was no use denying it, Severus needed a job badly as he had no money at all – and the boy wasn´t sure Lucius would provide another chance to meet possible employers if he messed up with this one.

Many of the ingredients in the store cupboards had become useless a long time ago, but from time to time Severus found hidden treasures like thoroughly sealed bottles of dragon blood, bat bile or a box of mermaid hair. The list of what he needed for the lab to be workable in grew longer and longer but whenever Severus mentioned it to his host, the blond smiled and pointed out that the sum they were talking about was less than what he spent on his wardrobe.

"Speaking of wardrobe, Severus," Lucius said on Thursday evening, "forgive me my bluntness, but what are you intending to wear on Saturday?"

So far Severus had worked in his old muggle clothes with his school robes worn over them. The young wizard may have been muggle raised, but even he realised that this was not the right outfit for a upper class wizarding wedding. He blushed.

"I thought so," smiled Lucius kindly. "I´m going to Paris tomorrow to get my wedding clothes. You will come with me and we´re going to chose some nice robes for you. Pity the time is too short to have something tailored for you, we´ll have to buy from the rack, but you´re slim. Anything will look good on you."

Severus felt bad about being further indebted to the blond but it couldn´t be helped.

-x-

"I will apparate us to Paris, as you never were there before," Lucius announced in the morning.

"Are we going to Ruelle des Secrets?" Severus asked. It felt good to know something about life for a change. "We can meet at the entrance."

Lucius looked surprised, but nodded. "I´ll see you there in five minutes."

"So, when did you go shopping in Paris?" the blond asked when they had entered the French wizarding shopping street. "No offence, but I didn´t take you for the luxury shopping type."

Severus blushed. "I was here as a tourist."

Lucius laughed. "I didn´t take you for the type to go on vacation to Paris either. Who did you go with?"

Severus tried to keep the wave of hurt that rushed over him from his face, but seemingly he did a poor job.

"I take it it had to do with those plans that didn´t turn out right?" Lucius asked with a trace of compassion in his voice. "Those plans are the reason you have no bride – or as you put it, girlfriend? Who was she?"

"I´d rather not talk about that," said Severus, praying that Lucius would drop the topic. "It´s of no importance at all. It´s past and over."

"I see," the blond looked at his younger companion calculatingly. "Well then, let´s get some robes."

They went to a small shop, which Pierre had pointed out to Severus as the finest tailor in Paris, back then in a different life.

"Monsieur Aiguille," Lucius greeted the wizard who came to meet them at the door as soon as they had set foot into the shop with a court nod.

"Meester Malfoy," the tailor bowed. "What a pleasure, what a pleasure. Please follow me."

They were led into a private parlour in the back of the shop and a young employee brought a tray with cups and a steaming teapot. Lucius accepted a cup gracefully and gave the young witch one of his brilliant smiles before he turned to her master.

"Are my wedding robes ready?"

"Of course, of course. They were our top priority. It´s not every day that you´re allowed to clothe a wizard of your importance on his most important day, even if you have a certain reputation in your business." The tailor clapped his hand and another witch hurried in, carrying the most magnificent robes Severus had ever seen.

The girl, a blonde beauty with grey eyes like Lucius´, arranged the robes on a headless dummy that hadn´t been there a moment ago. She stood behind the robes and Severus was sure she had been chosen on purpose to give Lucius a first idea how the robes were going to go with his complexion.

The robes were a very dark blue and embroidered with dragons all over in the same colour as the fabric was. Only near the hems the embroidery was silver.

"Wonderful," Lucius got up from his seat and walked around the dummy (the girl managed to step away to give him room just in time). "Exactly what I wanted. The cloak?"

Monsieur Aiguille clapped again and the girl who had served the tea brought a festive cloak in a matching colour, but a heavier cloth and with no embroidery at all. Instead it had heavy silver buttons to close it with. Each button had the form of a curled snake.

Lucius tried his wedding outfit on and Severus had to admit that the blond looked very handsome in it. The tailor was enthusiastic and the blond himself looked quite smug while he looked into the mirror.

"Very well done, Monsieur Aiguille," Lucius praised. "Now, I have my young friend here, who was invited to the wedding last minute. I trust you can come up with appropriate robes for him on short notice?"

"We have of course a number of prefabricated robes on stock," the tailor went around Severus while he talked. "Hmmm, a bit slim. Pale complexion, dark hair. Hmmmm." He clapped his hands again. "Mireille!"

The blonde girl returned to the room. The tailor gave directions in quick french and she hurried away to return with an armful of robes a moment later. She arranged them on several dummies and stepped behind the first. The second she stepped behind it, her hair changed to black and her eyes to nearly black. Her skin lightened until it was as pale as Severus´.

Monsieur Aiguille looked at his surprised customers smugly. "It wasn´t easy to get a metamorphmagus," he smiled, "but the girl´s worth her money."

"Indeed," drawled Lucius.

They looked at the robes – black, dark grey, dark green, dark blue – as Mireille stepped from dummy to dummy.

"I suggest you take black," Lucius said at last. "It´s appropriate for a wedding guest and you can use it for business meetings later."

Severus agreed and black robes it was.

-x-

Lucius´ wedding day dawned bright and sunny. Severus was woken at an ungodly hour by the sounds of servants bustling about the house. He got up, dressed in his simple muggle clothes and went downstairs to see whether he could make himself useful.

Lucius stood in the hall and directed elves as well as wizards in liveries about the house.

"Ah, Severus!" he cried merrily when he saw his guest. "Just the man I was hoping to see! Can you please supervise the people preparing the dance floor on the back lawn? Make sure they use peach coloured roses! They´re Narcissa´s favourite flowers!"

Severus nodded quietly and went to the garden. He spoke to one of the wizards working on garlands of flowers and the man promised to use more of the bride´s favourite roses. Severus suggested to combine them with white lilies.

"You´re right," admitted the florist. "They look great together."

Severus smiled weakly – the memories of him and Lily helping to prepare Petunia´s wedding hurt like hell – and accepted a cup of coffee from Lucius´ own house elf, Dobby.

"Wonderful work, Severus," praised Lucius a quarter hour later as he joined the younger wizard on the lawn. He had two wizards Severus had never seen before with him. "Meet my friends, Montgomery Crabbe and Euphemius Goyle."

They shook hands politely, but and turned up their noses on Severus for wearing muggle clothes. Severus couldn´t help a feeling that the two men – both older than Lucius – were only polite to him to do the blond a favour. They disappeared to the house a little later and Severus felt not a bit sorry about not having them around any longer.

The boy – technically he was a young man, of age, but he felt so young and inexperienced among the wizards working to prepare the wedding – spent the morning helping here and there. Around lunch-time Dobby reappeared. "Master, Dobby prepared lunch for Master in Master´s rooms. Master Lucius says you is to eat and then change into robes. The first guests will arrive soon."

Severus followed the small creature back to the house and after a quick meal dressed in his new robes. He mused whether to bind back his hair, like he had done for Petunia´s wedding, but then long open hair was the traditional hairstyle for a wizard and Petunia´s wedding – that had been a different life, a life which was now out of reach. Nothing, Severus decided, was to remind him of that life. He left his hair open.

-x-

Narcissa had been beautiful when Severus saw her at Easter, but on her wedding day she was simply stunning. She wore robes of the lightest blue Severus had ever seen and her long hair fell down her back like a shiny golden veil. In her hair she wore a wreath of flowers, peach coloured roses prominent among them.

Severus had never attended a wizarding wedding before and found that it wasn´t so much different from a muggle one. Lucius awaited his bride under a roof of silk and flowers. Narcissa was led down the isle by her father and her uncle, the head of the noble house of Black. Bride and groom never took their eyes off each other; Severus remembered with a pang of pain when he had been looked at like this. He was glad for Lucius and he hoped the kind blond was going to be more lucky than he and never lose this look on his bride´s face.

After the ceremony food was served. The elves who had worked so hard all morning were gone and only the livereed wizards carried trays with delicacies through the crowd.

The dance was opened shortly before sundown. Lucius and Narcissa looked great together, Severus thought. As if they had been made for each other. The witch fitted into the blond´s arms as if this was the place she had been meant to end up in from the very day of her birth.

Severus observed the niceties and asked for a dance with the bride only after the older or nobler wizards had had theirs, but Narcissa seemed to be undefatigable and beamed at him as if she had been waiting for his request all evening.

"Lucius tells me you are our guest?" the bride asked casually as they waltzed.

"I am," confirmed Severus. "But I won´t disturb you. I´m in the potions lab most of the time."

"Of course a guest of Lucius won´t disturb me," Narcissa´s smile was truely stunning. "He says he´s helping you to start your career and house. I´d be a fool to feel disturbed by his work to establish friendly relationships to a new house."

Severus smiled.

"There is," Narcissa continued, "one favour I have to ask from you." The girl smiled suddenly shyly. "Stay away from the maze."

Severus´ glanced to the back of the garden where the hedges of the maze could be seen. "I´m not into that kind of entertainment," he said solemnly. "The maze is all yours, Lady Narcissa."

-x-

Severus didn´t see Lucius or his young wife all weekend. He hid away in the lab most of the time. The thought to walk in on the lovebirds alone was more than embarrassing. The young wizard developed a habit of walking rather loudly, in order to give Lucius and Narcissa a warning should he inadvertently come closer than was appropriate.

While he hid in the laboratory, Severus drew up a list of things – tools as well as ingredients – he was going to need to brew the potions required.

Lucius ordered what Severus needed when he reappeared from his hiding place and within a week Severus was able to have the potions ready.

visited on Friday evening. He kissed Narcissa´s fingers courteously when they were introduced.

"I wish you happiness, Lady Narcissa," he said with a boyish grin, which must have been charming in his youth. "It is so good to see young couples joined to bring forth the next generation of pureblood wizards. Tradition can not be estimated high enough. The knowledge and culture that comes with old blood must be preserved and you, my dear Lady, will contribute to that noble cause. By chosing a wizard of breeding as your husband you became a a shining example for all wizardkind."

The young witch blushed and gazed at her husband for support.

"My Lord," the blond hinted a bow, "your words of blessing and approval honour us." He turned to Narcissa. "You mentioned a letter you want to write to your mother, wife. Why don´t you go and take care of that while we talk about business."

Narcissa bowed to their guest graciously. "With your permission," she muttered before she fled the room.

"What a beauty," looked at the door through which the witch had disappeared in thought. "You are a very lucky man, Lucius. – Now, Severus, what about those potions I asked you for? Were you able to have a look at them?"

Severus fetched a tray he had prepared on a side-board earlier. It held four vials of potions, the result of more than a week of hard work.

"Don´t say you have them all ready?" cried and scrutinized Severus, in awe. He got up from the armchair he had occupied and met Severus half-way to the place the tray had waited at. The man looked at the vials and for a moment the younger man thought he saw a glint of greed in his eyes, but it must have been a trick of the light.

"May I?" ´s hand hung above the tray.

"I made them for you," Severus pointed out.

chose one of the vials and removed the stopper. He smelled the brew carefully. "The flu potion?" he asked reverently. Severus nodded. The older man let a drop of the liquid fall on the back of his hand. He tolted his hand and watched the drop run down slowly. "A viscous brew. You are an artist, Severus!" He touched the drop with the tip of his finger and touched the latter to the very tip of his tongue. "It doesn´t taste as vile as it does most time. How did you get rid of the bitterness of the oak bark?"

"I added juice of blackberries," Severus explained. "It doesn´t interact with the other ingredients when added at the right moment and temperature and it sweetens the brew. Most people don´t like bitter medicine when they´re ill."

"You changed the recipe?" asked curiously.

"I like experimenting."

spent the next hour examining the other potions. He asked Severus several questions which the young potions master – Mr. Riddle insisted he was one – answered patiently.

"Severus," the older wizard smiled at last, "I dare predict that we´re about to start a very long and profitable relationship."

Later that evening, in bed, Severus dared for the first time in months to hope that the future might be bright for him.

-x-

ordered more potions via owl only two days later. Along with the order came a generous amount of money for what Severus had brewed before. The young man felt bad about accepting the payment. They had agreed on him providing free samples and Lucius had provided all the ingredients. So Severus felt he didn´t deserve payment at all.

"Don´t be stupid, Severus," said Lucius and laid his hand on the younger wizard´s shoulder heavily. "Anybody could have bought the ingredients but it took YOU to brew the potions. I couldn´t have done it, nor could , and let alone in the short time you did it! As a potions master you must get used to being paid for knowledge!"

"But it was less than a week´s work," Severus looked at the small heap of gold galleons in front of him. "Nobody earns that much in a week."

Lucius laughed good-naturedly. "My friend, once you are established in your field, people will pay twice this sum for an hour of your time! Stop thinking working class!"

Severus sighed. He had never seen that much money and even less owned that much. It was more than what the Evans had ever spent on his and Lily´s books and robes. He stopped the painful thoughts of Lily and her parents with an effort.

"I will need more ingredients for those," he pointed at the list of potions wanted. "I can pay for the ingredients myself this time and I will need to go out to pick some wild herbs, which are most effective when fresh."

" wants his potions fast. I´ll send servants to pick your herbs," offered Lucius.

Severus nodded. "If it isn´t asked too much."

" is very important for me. I want to keep him satisfied," smiled Lucius. "If you feel uncomfortable with accepting my help just think I´m doing it for ."

"He´s an important contact for your house?" asked Severus.

"The most important."

-x-

Later that day two men came to Severus´ lab with a basket full of herbs. The young wizard looked through their harvest. He fought down an urge to shout at them.

"Did you attend Hogwarts?" he asked casually instead.

Both nodded.

"Then why do you bring herbs of inferior quality? You must have learned how to do this properly in herbology."

The two men glared at the potions master. "Forgive us, it´s been a long time since any of us picked flowers."

"I didn´t send you to pick flowers, but to get potions ingredients! Look at the camomile! I can't use damaged flowers." Severus rummaged through the basket and dropped flower after flower to the floor. "There! Four usable flowers and I need fifteen! How hard can it be to pick camomile! I shudder to think what you did to the bark of willow and the rosebuds."

"Watch your mouth, boy!" hissed one of the men. "We´re not your servants!"

"You were assigned to get my ingredients!" Severus hissed back. "I lost a whole day of brewing due to your inaptitude! will not be pleased."

The two men stiffened at the mention of . Severus smirked. Lucius must have drubbed the importance of ´s wishes into the men. "We´ll get what you need immediately," said the taller of the two. "There´s still some daylight left. Just tell us in what respect those," – he pointed at the basket – ", are not satisfying."

Severus lectured the men on what they had done wrong and they hurried away. Two hours later Severus started his brewing.

-x-

came to Malfoy Manor regularly as a guest at mealtimes or just to see how Severus´ work was going. As July neared its end, the older wizard started to bring friends with him and more than once Severus was invited to join their conversations over a cup of coffee or a tumbler of fine whisky in the evening.

and his friends, it turned out, were either purebloods or people who had been treated very badly by muggles, mudbloods or muggle-loving purebloods. They emphasized in their statements how important it was to preserve tradition and continue the old bloodlines.

"Severus here," said Lucius one evening, "is a typical case. The rightful heir of an ancient line, but betrayed by fate. His mislead mother married a muggle." The present men looked at the young wizard disgustedly, Severus felt himself blush. "But," continued Lucius, ignoring his guests´ reaction to the revelation of Severus´ blood-status, "he can serve as a shining example. Does Severus give up? Does he let the shame of muggle origin stop him? No, my friends! Our Severus is a fighter! He´s determined to build his own house on the debris of what his mother has left of past glory."

clapped and the others followed his lead politely.

"To the house of Snape," said . "May it prosper!"

"The house of Snape," echoed the present wizards.

-x-

"You seem to have impressed a lot," said Lucius as he sat on one of Severus´ worktables. The blond watched the potions master slice ginger root. "He asks about you frequently."

Severus made a non-committal noise and continued with his task.

"You know, is the head of a secret organisation for the enhancement of wizarding traditions. He thinks you were the right man to join."

"What does the organisation do?" Severus asked. He abandoned his ginger root at last in favour of looking at the blond.

"We form a network throughout society," said Lucius casually. "We make sure that there are people of true wizarding attitude in the right positions. From time to time we make mudbloods and blood-traitors see the wrong of their ways."

"Why is it secret?"

"We wouldn´t want those without the right ancestry to antagonize us out of sheer envy. This organisation isn´t one where you can buy or worm your way in. Your membership is a question of attitude and ability. And even blood status."

"I´m a halfblood," Severus pointed out.

"Technically yes," said Lucius. "But look at the Prince line! Your magical half holds more magic and tradition than the blood of some proud purebloods. And then look at your potions skills! As I said, it´s also a matter of ability, and that you have in abundance."

"Do I need to decide now?" Severus asked cautiously. He couldn´t put a finger on it, but something about ´s organisation didn´t sound right.

"No, no, just think about it. Not too long, but think about it." Lucius jumped off the table. "I think I heard Narcissa call. Maybe she wants a walk to the maze." He grinned in anticipation.

-x-

ordered more and more potions. Severus now had an astonishing – for him – amount of money for his use but rarely time to go and spend any of it. He was very busy and Lucius, in his haste to assist him, relieved him of all tasks which included an outing. The two men, who had gone picking herbs for the young potions master earlier that summer, were given rooms at Malfoy Manor and Severus sent them for more herbs on a nearly daily basis.

The meetings of ´s secret society became more frequent. Severus was never allowed there as he was no member. He had tea or a drink with the men frequently, but whenever they wanted to discuss DE matters – Severus understood DE was the name of the secret society – they sent the young wizard away.

Severus didn´t mind very much. The men mostly discussed matters of blood status and that was one topic the young man didn´t care very much about. He had grown up among muggles and truth to be told he had been treated by purebloods much worse than by any muggles or muggleborns during his years at Slytherin house.

At the beginning of August Regulus came to the house. Severus was surprised to learn that his friend intended to join ´s society despite he hadn´t even graduated from Hogwarts.

"Usually we don´t accept students," smiled , "but as the Blacks are one of the most honourable wizarding line and as a favour to Lucius I´ll make an exception for young Regulus." The boy beamed with pride.

In the evening of that day Severus was sent away after only some sips of firewhisky.

"It was great," Regulus informed him the next morning. "to be treated as an equal by all those powerful and learned wizards. I had feared that the application of the mark might hurt, but it was more than bearable."

"The mark?" Severus asked curiously.

Regulus rolled up his left sleeve. "Cool,isn´t it?" he showed off a tattoo of a skull and a serpent. "It´s a bit swollen, but that´s because it´s new."

"Did you apply any healing potion?" Severus was more interested in the first traces of inflammation near the head of the snake on his friend´s forearm than in the tattoo itself.

"No, do you have one for me?"

Severus nodded and took Regulus downstairs to the lab.

"You know," said the young Black while Severus rummaged in his stocks for a vial of salve, "it´s a pity you weren´t there. They talked about business a lot. said he knew a potions master who made better healing salves than you. – I defended you, of course. But as I´m by no means a potions expert, you could have done better yourself."

"Lucius asked me to join," Severus muttered.

"Then why don´t you?" asked Regulus. "It´d do your business a world of good."

Severus had a feeling this could be true.

-x-

Two weeks later Severus got an owl. The bird – a beautiful brown barn owl – was strangely familiar, but the young man couldn´t put a finger on where he had seen it before. He gave the owl a piece of bacon and it took off immediately after he had taken the small scroll of parchment from its foot.

"Severus," the letter said, "I know you´re holding a grudge against me and I gave you every reason to, but Lily suffers cruelly from your difference. So, for her sake, I ask you to forget the past and accept my hand in friendship, the more as we´re going to be family soon. Yes, your sister and I decided to get married on the 31st of August. We´d be honoured and delighted to see you at our wedding. Maybe once you´re convinced that I wasn´t toying around with Lily, you can forget your quarrel and allow the family to become whole again. Hoping to see you soon, James Potter"

Severus crumpled the parchment in his fist. How dare Potter! First he stole Severus´ girl and then he mocked him! Severus had to sit down, his heart raced and breathing seemed so difficult all of a sudden. ´A girl who can be stolen isn´t worth to be cried for´ Severus muttered in his thoughts over and over again. Slowly his breath evened out and he calmed down. That was it. Lily wasn´t worth it. He had more important things to think about. More important things to do. He had to work on his future.

Later that day Severus informed Lucius that he had decided to join ´s society.

-x-

Severus´ initiation was scheduled for the 31st of August. How very fitting, thought the wizard, that he was starting his future the very day when Lily started hers.

There was a meeting in the evening and this time Severus wasn´t sent away. Instead he was asked to come to and kneel to get the mark that identified the members of the brotherhood to each other. The assembled men smiled when Severus extended his arm and touched it with the tip of his wand.

"Welcome in this illustrious brotherhood of true wizards, Severus," said . "By accepting my mark you swear to further our cause, the protection of old blood and traditions against those who try to destroy it, be it from the outside or within. You promise to trust my judgment and obey my orders. As a sign of your obedience you will call me your Lord."

"Yes, my Lord," replied Severus and inclined his head.

muttered an incantation and the dark mark appeared on Severus´ skin.

-x-

Later that evening the young wizard lay awake in his bed. Sleep wouldn´t come, all he experienced was an endless line of tosses and turns. His arm ached. It hadn´t when had applied the mark, but a little later it had started to itch and burn. Severus had told Lucius. He thought he might be allergic to something.

Lucius had laughed. "It has to do that," he said, laying a hand on Severus´ shoulder. "The pain is intended to remind us of how serious our duties for the organization are. It will be over by morning."

Severus rose on his elbow and hit his pillow with a fist to force it into a more comfortable shape. It was useless. He was wide awake. The pain from the mark was no longer an itch. It was dull and the wizard felt like somebody was trying to cut off blood circulation from his left hand. He had, Severus decided, to think of something else than the pain.

He tried to picture his future. A potions master, wealthy, head of his own house. A nice pureblood witch by his side. His wife. Severus smiled. Lucius was going to help him look for a nice girl and negotiate with her family. He just had to tell the blond what he wanted.

He had no idea what he wanted, Severus realised. He had been so focused on one girl that he never even considered others. What hair colour did he prefer? Blonde? Narcissa was beautiful, but Severus just couldn´t imagine touch that blonde hair. It looked so . . . fragile. Black? He shuddered. It´d remind him of Bellatrix. Definitely not black.

Red. Red sounded good. It was a light and cheerful colour and caught the sunshine in a unique way. It was also soft and felt like velvet when he touched it. And it went so well with those startling green eyes.

Severus clenched his fists.

How had Lily Evans, unfaithful toad, wormed her way into his thoughts again?

Potter.

It was Lily Potter. Today was her wedding day. Suddenly an image of Lily in Potter´s arms formed in front of Severus´ inner eye. Lily in her bed and Potter beside her. Potter leaning over her, looking into her eyes, those green eyes that haunted Severus. Potter leaning down to kiss her and Lily allowing it. Lily wrapping her arms around Potter, pulling him down on her.

With a choked outcry Severus fled his bed and stalked to the bathroom. He washed his face with cold water and glared into the mirror.

"You have seen better times, dearie," said the mirror sleepily.

Severus ignored the impertinent piece of furniture. But the mirror was right. Severus looked dreadful. His eyes were bloodshot and red rimmed. He hadn´t been aware he was crying.

Slowly, the young wizard returned to his bed. He concentrated on the pain in his left forearm for the rest of the night.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21: The Lord

"Is the pain gone?" Lucius gestured to Severus´ usual chair at the breakfast table invitingly. Narcissa wasn´t present. Severus nodded. The pain had ceased when the first birds had greeted the morning in the gardens. "I told you so." Lucius smiled broadly and poured Severus a cup of coffee.

They ate in silence. After the meal Lucius asked Severus to the library, where his initiation had taken place. The room was tidy and clean and nothing gave away that a big group of wizards had been present last evening. Severus glanced at the heavy leather armchair had sat in. He had seen this chair dozens of times, but somehow it seemed no longer the same.

Lucius poured them small goblets of firewhisky. "Now that you´re part of the organisation, it is high time to give you some of our secrets."

The two wizards sat by the fireplace.

"Our work for pureblood rights and tradition has progressed further than we could tell you before you had joined our noble cause." Lucius sipped his whisky. "We had to find out whether you´re trustworthy first. Not that I ever doubted it." The blond smiled. "Our Lord is working on taking over the ministry. You do realize that it´s the ministry who encourages blood treason, who breaks with the noble rules given to us by our ancestors. Once the ministry is ours, order will be restored. The name our Lord uses when he deals with those deluded muggle lovers is Lord Voldemort. He chose this name to be the most respected among true wizards and witches and the most feared among the traitors. We do not use it until our Lord has reached his full glory out of respect. The traitors aren´t to use it out of fear. When we speak of him, we call him You Know Who."

"Isn´t that a bit unpractical?" Severus asked doubtfully.

"Never contradict his wishes!" hissed Lucius. A moment later he had found his happy smile again. "I´m to tell you that he wishes you to brew healing draughts and salves for his warriors of true wizarding blood. That´s his assignment for you." He smiled again and this time his face lit with delight. "You´ll excuse me now. I have to see Narcissa. She felt sick this morning and we think she may be with child. Her mother is here."

"Congratulations," Severus muttered absentmindedly. When Lucius reached the door, the younger wizard cried after him. "Lucius, what is your assignment for Him?"

Lucius hand stopped just above the door handle. The blond turned and smiled another of his brilliant smiles. "To find young witches and wizards who wish to join our cause."

-x-

Severus spent all day brewing. He used several cauldrons at the same time. With a little planning it was quite possible to brew more than one potion at the same time. All you had to do was make sure you didn´t need to stir more than one at once.

Dobby, the elf, brought Severus his lunch and dinner to the lab. The young potions master was glad about that for he wouldn´t have had time to go upstairs for the meals.

He saw Lucius at breakfast the next morning. The blond grinned like the cat who ate the cream.

"Narcissa is with child," he beamed. "Her mother applied several diagnostic spells. – I´m so glad she was here. I´m not good with medical spells and who´d have thought that I would ever need a pregnancy test spell. I wouldn´t want to cast my first attempt at a new spell at my wife."

"Congratulation!" Severus smiled. "That´s good news."

"Indeed," smiled Lucius. "A new generation is added to the house of Malfoy. And being the mother of the Malfoy heir severes the last ties Narcissa had with the house of Black. Giving me my heir makes her a true Malfoy. It ties her to me not only by love, but by the blood of our son. – Tonight will be a meeting, by the way. Rumour has it there will be a prisoner."

A prisoner? Severus was bewildered. What prisoner? He didn´t, however, dare to ask.

-x-

Severus returned to the lab after breakfast. He lit a fire under the biggest cauldron he had. If he was to brew salves, he needed a lot of the basic concoction, which was used for most healing salves. He spent all morning cutting up ingredients and most of the afternoon brewing.

The young wizard was lucky that the basic salve was a simple brew for he had troubles concentrating. A prisoner! He had become member of an organisation which not only tried to take over the ministry, but took prisoners! – the Lord – it seemed wasn´t very law-abiding.

The Lord. That was another issue. Severus had looked forward to being free after his graduation. Now, barely three months later, he wore the brand of a man who insisted on being called his Lord. What had he gotten himself into? Pureblood rights didn´t seem so important next to Severus´ personal freedom.

With a start the young wizard realised that he had stopped stiring. He resumed quickly. That´d be all that he needed; the salve to burn.

-x-

This day they didn´t meet in the library, but at the ballroom. The armchair liked so much had been moved there. It was the only piece of furniture if you didn´t count the big mirrors and magnificent chandeliers. Severus couldn´t help but think of a throne.

– the Lord – arrived when everybody was assembled. He appeared out of a cloud of smoke crackling with magic. Severus was impressed. Not by the entry, but by the fact that Lucius obviously had permitted Mr. Riddle – the Lord! Severus really had to get used to it – to apparate within the grounds.

"Good evening, my friends!" the Lord greeted them. "This glorious night we´ll remember for a long time, for tonight we´re going to take a big step towards our goal, the reinstallment of wizarding nobility. Tonight, we have a guest!"

The wizard signalled one of the crowd and the man stepped forward with a second man at his elbow. The first man was Euphemius Goyle, if Severus remembered right. The second man was unknown to the young wizard.

"Kneel!" hissed to his charge, a man of perhaps fourty or fourty-five. The second man was smaller than , he wore his blond hair short.

"Never!" the man´s voice sounded fearful but he stood his ground.

"Kneel, I say!" cried and he pushed the man hard.

The man stumbled but stayed on his feet.

had watched with a cold smile so far. Now he rose from his chair. "Allow me, my friend," he smiled at . "Imperio!"

Severus´ heart missed a beat when – the Lord! – used an unforgiveable. Using that spell would buy him a ticket to Azkaban, if that unknown man, who was kneeling in front of the Lord now, ever chose to tell about what had happened.

"Now, introduce us, Euphemius," the Lord smiled down at the kneeling man with something that could be mistaken for grace.

"This," stepped forward, "is Andrew Miller, a mudblood. He works at the ministry. He´s the head of the muggle relations department. As head of department he made sure that ninety percent of his staff are mudbloods."

"Ah," the Lord smiled. "Why´s that Andrew?"

The man – – looked at the Lord defiantly.

"Answer me!"

"Muggleborns blend better into a crowd of muggles. They know more about muggle dress codes."

"In the future, you´ll make sure that the number of purebloods in your department increases." The Lord glared down on .

"Yes."

"Well, then. We´ll be good friends in the future. Of course you realise that your sins of the past can´t go unpunished." The Lord drew his wand lazily.

screams as he was hit by cruciatus echoed in Severus´ mind all night.

-x-

"Did you know he used cruciatus on people?" Severus clasped his cup of coffee. The food Dobby had brought looked tempting as ever, but he didn´t think he´d be able to stomach one bite.

"Of course," Lucius bit into a salmon sandwich. "Don´t tell me you didn´t at least suspect it. You couldn´t possibly think he was trying to convince those mudbloods to give back what is rightfully ours with honey? No, pain is the only language those people understand and our Lord is the one ready to translate matters for them."

Severus felt sick. No, he had not suspected. How naive he had been!

"Are the draughts and salves ready?" Lucius changed topic.

"The draughts," Severus said absentmindedly. "The salves need more time."

"You better hurry." Lucius smiled, but somehow it wasn´t the same as before.

-x-

Severus spent the next two months brewing all kinds of medical supplies. He never went out. He planned going to Diagon Alley to buy ingredients several times, but any time he mentioned it, Lucius provided him with somebody to fetch things for him. At last Severus only handed the blond his shopping lists wordlessly.

He was a prisoner. A well-kept one, but a prisoner, the young man felt. The only good thing was that he was helping people. The potions, oinments and salves he brewed were used to heal.

-x-

At the end of October Lucius came to Severus´ lab.

"Can you brew a sleeping draught for me?" he asked without preamble.

"Of course. Why do you need it?"

"Why do you ask?" Lucius sounded suspicious and tired at the same time.

"If your insomnia is a symptom of an illness, I could perhaps provide another potion to cure it." Severus smiled.

"You can´t." Lucius sounded devastated for someone who had just said that he wasn´t ill.

Severus stired his cauldron and waited. If Lucius was ready to talk, he´d start of his own.

"The draught is not for me," the blond said after a little while. "It´s for Narcissa. She lost our child a week ago. She´s devastated. As am I. It was a son. She doesn´t sleep. I hear her weep for our child when she thinks I´m asleep."

Severus stepped beside Lucius and placed a hand on his arm. "I´m sorry, Lucius."

"Thank you. – Can you make a potion I can slip her with her food? I suggested taking one but she refused."

"Do you really think it´s the right thing to do?" Severus asked doubtfully.

"She suffers. She tortures herself in her grief. Of course it´s the right thing to do! Will you help me or do I have to go to Diagon Alley?"

"Of course I´ll help you." Severus fetched his potions book and opened the right chapter. "Can you specify into which kind of food you want to put it? There are no tasteless sleeping draughts, but we can try to find one which won´t be noticed in a certain dish."

"I´ll try to tempt her with a chocolate pudding. She likes chocolate."

"Then we´ll look for a sweet one." Severus started to read recipes. He wasn´t an expert on sleeping draughts. "Hmmm, that one sounds good. Oh, no. There´s dill in it. Too intense." He moved on to the next recipe. "Mustard seed. Too spicy." The next one. "Rose petals. No. That will ruin the colour of any dish."

Lucius sat on one of the stools and waited patiently.

At last Severus decided on one of the recipes. "I´m not sure it will work, but it´s the best I can give you on short notice."

"Can I help?"

Severus handed the blond a bowl of mushrooms. "Slice these for me."

Lucius nodded and started his task while Severus weighed out the other ingredients. When Severus started the actual brewing, he was provided with a bowl of perfectly cut mushrooms.

-x-

The favour Severus had granted Lucius increased his workload. At the beginning of their next meeting the Lord inquired how Narcissa was.

"Better, Lord, better," smiled Lucius.

"I´m pleased to hear that, Lucius. However, I was under the impression she was devastated only the day before yesterday. How come she recovered so quickly?"

Lucius indicated Severus. "My young friend here did the trick. He brewed a sleeping draught for me. And two nights of sleep did my wife a world of good. I really have to thank him for the work and time he put into it."

"A sleeping draught doesn´t seem like something you have to be especially grateful for," said the Lord. "Any second year could whip one up."

"Not this one, my Lord," explained the blond. "Narcissa refused to take any potions. She felt it was irreverent against our child to numb her pain. Severus made me a draught I could slip into her food without her noticing. She only told my this morning how happy she was that she had waited for sleep to come once she had mourned enough."

The Lord scrutinized Severus. "An undetectable sleeping draught? That´s a nice idea. We could use it to discredit our enemies. Just imagine an important meeting missed due to oversleeping. Hmmm. That sounds promising. Brew us a batch of that draught, Severus."

Severus spoke up hesitantly. "My Lord, the brew wasn´t undetectable. It was made especially for Lady Narcissa´s favourite food. In most other dishes it would have changed the taste and therefor be easily detected."

The Lord tipped his index against his lips in a gesture of thoughtfulness. "Then brew us a variety of sleeping draughts and give us a list in which dishes to use them."

"Yes, my Lord."

The rest of the meeting was about recruiting. Lucius was assigned the task to organize Regulus' initiation. Severus was happy there were no prisoners.

-x-

Some time in early November, two of Lucius´ errand-boys caused medium desaster in Severus´ lab when they delivered a batch of ingredients. First they knocked over a cauldron and then, in their hurry to repair the damage, they used a powerful cleaning spell. The spell didn´t go well with one of the other potions Severus was brewing and therefor caused an explosion. Two days worth of work were ruined, ingredients for more than hundred galleons were splattered in potions and therefor only good for the dustbin, Severus himself was hit in the face by hot potion and hadn´t it been for Lucius who rushed downstairs at the sound of the explosion, he might have lost an eye. The blond pushed the two men away and applied cleaning and healing charms on Severus´ face at once.

"I know it hurts," he hissed, "but if you want to keep that eye, don´t move! Watson, Miller, come here and hold him down!"

Watson, a huge man, held Severus´ shoulders, Miller took his head in a vicelike grip and Lucius resumed chanting his spell. Severus thought the blond was using a red-hot nail on his eye. He screamed at the top of his lungs, but kept motionless. A little later the pain ceased and the men released him.

"You´re a brave boy, Severus," praised Lucius. "Not many could have kept their eye open through this ordeal. They´d have lost it, obviously."

A healer was called, who praised Lucius´ handiwork and applied some more spells – none of them as painful as Lucius´s – to the eye and took care of the skin damage in Severus´ face. When he left, he gave Severus a recipe for a salve.

"Seeing that you´re a potions master yourself, I guess it´s easier to just tell you what to brew," the man smiled.

That evening Watson and Miller were severely punished for the chaos they had caused by the Lord. The man used cruciatus on them again and again. When he was finally done, he turned to Lucius and Severus.

"I think this incident teaches us that it´s time for Severus to work more independently. Severus, is there a place where you can live and work for us, or do you need help getting one."

"I still have my parents´ house. It´s in a muggle area, but the yard can´t be looked into by the neighbours, so it´s safe to apparate there at any time of the day."

"You will show me the house tomorrow."

"Yes, Lord."

-x-

Two days later Severus moved into his parents´ house. The Lord ordered Lucius to help him equip the kitchen to be a proper lab. Severus thought it would have been easiest to just move the things he had used at Malfoy manor, but Lucius refused to give away what his mother had chosen for her lab.

They went to Diagon and Knockturn Alleys and bought everything Severus needed new. In Knockturn Alley Lucius introduced Severus to several shop keepers as his "highly esteemed friend", which – according to the blond – was going to make it easier to get certain ingredients.

"As you live in a muggle area, you´ll have to get your ingredients yourself from now on. If you ever need help for a bigger purchase, let me know and I´ll send help. If you need money for ingredients, don´t hesitate to ask."

Then the blond was gone and Severus was back home.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22: Into the darkness

First of all Severus cleaned away the food he had left last Christmas but not before collecting a big jar of mould fungus. Food preserving charms could only get you so far when it came to keeping food for nearly a year.

His second task was to empty the pantry and make it a store cupboard for his ingredients. By the end of the day, the former kitchen was a potions lab. Severus had left only one small cupboard and a tiny workspace for food, the rest of the room was dedicated to cauldrons and potions.

The young wizard applied a charm to the window to show muggles, should they ever try to look inside, a standard muggle kitchen.

The next few months were busy and quiet at the same time. Severus spent most of his time brewing various sleeping and healing potions. From time to time Lucius came to fetch the potions. The blond was very interested in Severus´ work and asked various questions about ingredients and secondary effects.

Although Severus enjoyed his work in the lab and considered it rather a hobby than actual work, his days were very busy. He had to go shopping for ingredients or collecting fresh ones frequently and then there were the meetings!

There were at least two every week. Most of the time Lucius was the host but occasionally they met at different places, such as Mr. Goyle´s estate (which was considerably smaller than Lucius´) or an old castle which – according to the Lord – was full of old magic.

From time to time there were prisoners. Halfbloods, squibs and muggles who had – in the Lord´s oppinion – sullied wizardkind one way or the other. They were always punished with cruciatus and by December Severus managed to gain control over his impulse to close his eyes or, worse, help them. Now he was able to watch and listen indifferently. It made meetings much easier.

Shortly after Christmas (Severus had spent Christmas with the Malfoys) Regulus was introduced to the organization. He took his mark proudly and was assigned the task of recruiting members at Hogwarts for the time being. As it was his final year, he couldn´t persue the task longer than some months, but the Lord seemed to be content with this.

On New Years Severus got an owl.

Severus shuddered at the mere sight of the bird. D´Artagnan. Lily´s bird. What could she want?

-x-

"Lord," Severus said that evening, "I have news. My foster-sister sent me a letter asking for help concerning a potion." He was sitting in the Malfoy library with Lucius and their Lord, enjoying a glass of wine before the others arrived for the meeting. The Lord preferred to hear Severus's reports about his brewing in private over at the actual meetings since most members of their group were not apt at potioneering and quickly bored by it.

"You have a sister, Severus?" the Lord asked curiously.

"Lily Potter, Lord. A very gifted potioneer."

"She´s a mudblood. I remember her," said Lucius.

"You mentioned that the muggle-lover Dumbledore gave you to muggles after your parents died," mused the Lord. "Was Lily Potter their daughter?"

Severus nodded.

"Potter," continued the Lord. "Hmm. Are you sure she´s a mudblood? Potter is an old wizarding name. A decent pureblood family. Not as old as the Princes or the Goyles, but comparable to the Malfoys."

Lucius turned up his nose and the Lord chuckled.

"I meant the lenght of their blood-line, Lucius, not their wealth. – Severus?"

"She´s a Potter only by marriage. Her maiden name was Evans."

"I see. A gifted potioneer, you say? Powerful?"

Severus nodded again.

"Interesting." The Lord smiled. "Come closer, Severus."

The young wizard stood before his Lord and the latter looked into his eyes. Memories of Lily, oh so painful memories, surfaced. Severus and Lily sitting in the trophy room. Severus and Lily in the moors. Severus stealing his first kiss from Lily. Severus and Lily working in the kitchen at home, at Spinner´s End. Severus and Lily in France. Severus and Lily quarreling. Lily choosing James Potter over Severus. Severus waiting for her at home last Christmas. James Potter´s letter. Lily´s beautiful smile. Severus´ pain. Severus´ torture. Severus´ longing for Lily with every fibre of his being.

Severus felt tears on his cheeks when the Lord finally turned his eyes away from him.

"Very enlightening, my young friend," smiled the Lord. "So, what does she want?"

Severus, unable to speak, handed him the letter.

"It seems she works for Dumbledore," mused the Lord. "She wants your help concerning a potion. It seems they took a sample of what we used recently." He looked at the letter deep in thought before he addressed Severus again. "I want you to meet her. Find out how much they know. But don´t give away you work for us. Be co-operative. Make her talk."

"Yes, my Lord."

Severus would have preferred to stay away from Lily, but cruciatus seemed too high a prize.

-x-

Lily waited for him at Fortescue´s. She sat near a window with a cup of hot chocolate. At one of the back tables sat the werewolf. Lupin. Whom did she think she could fool?

"Why did you summon me here?" Severus asked coolly.

Lily looked up at him. She looked good. Like always.

"Please sit down," Lily said softly, her smile as brilliant as ever. Severus suppressed a shudder. She shouldn´t smile at him like that, after how she had dumped him.

"You brought a chaperone," Severus nodded in the werewolf´s direction. If he pointed out that he had seen the beast, it hopefully wasn´t going to attack. Cowards like Lupin needed the momentum of surprise.

"James wouldn´t let me come alone." Lily had the cheek to mention the scum. Severus prepared to leave.

"Please!" Lily´s touch burned like fire. The place where her hand touched his arm in a supposedly calming gesture became the center of his world for one moment. And for that moment the world consisted of only hurt and pain.

Severus tore away but sat back down. "He´s dangerous."

"Not today."

Severus was surprised. Seemingly she knew about the beast. As it was no use to talk about that topic, he repeated his first question:"Why did you summon me here?"

"I didn´t summon you. I asked your help, your expertise." Lily explained about having to analyse a potion but having some problems with it. She produced a piece of parchment from her pocket.

"Look," she said. "I think I know the ingredients and I have an idea how it may have been brewed." She slid the parchment over to Severus and observed him closely.

Oh, she knew him so well. His brewing techniques, what he liked to use and how he liked to proceed. It was as if she had stood beside him like so often before when he had made that potion.

"I don´t see where you need my help. You´ve figured everything out."

"No, look. The data don´t fit. It seems as if someone has tempered with the brew."

Severus checked the parchment again. She was – of course – right. Some details were amiss. This wasn´t his procedure. The temperature seemed too high, the number of stirs unfamiliar. "I see what you mean. But why so much effort to analyse a sleeping draught?"

Lily laughed. It was a bitter sound. "A sleeping draught? Severus, this poison has been used to kill a family. Mother, father and three kids."

Severus was taken aback. "Kill? Impossible. Look at the ingredients. You can´t brew a lethal poison of these. A sleeping draught, yes, though it wouldn´t be my first choice."

Lily frowned. "Why that?"

"The secondary effects. I can´t tell without testing but these herbs," he pointed at the ingredient list, "are not by chance rarely used together. This combination will cause severe secondary effects when combined with some other substances, some very common substances. Garlic is one, I guess." While he spoke, an uncomfortable feeling settled in Severus´ stomach. Could it be? No! He had made a sleeping draught. Nothing else.

"Or onion," added Lily. "What do you think: You take this sleeping draught and combine it with onion. Could this be lethal?"

Severus gave it some thinking. "No. Unless you boil the draught down to a very high concentration." Sweet Merlin! Had somebody done this with his innocent little sleeping draught? Had somebody made his draught a poison and therefore him, Severus, a murderer?

"I thought the potion had been tempered with." Lily beamed. "not one potions master, but two. One artist who made the original harmless draught and someone who changed it to kill. Thanks for your help!"

Severus smiled feebly. He was a murderer. Unintentional, but that didn´t make him less responsible. He had made the original brew. What had she said? A family? Parents and kids? How many kids? Was it important, how many kids? Was there a difference between murder and mass-murder?

"What have you been doing?" Lily asked, startling Severus out of his thoughts. "Did you find a job?"

Severus´s smile faded. He drained his goblet. He had to get out of here! If he said one word too much, if he said one wrong word, she was going to find out. She was going to hand him to the aurors. He was going to rot in Azkaban!

"Severus," Lily grabbed his hand. "Why can´t we be friends?"

Trapped by Lily´s grip, Severus sat back down. He hesitated. How dared she ask! "Maybe," the wizard said coldly, "because I have no reason to believe that your friendship is worth more than those words of love you whispered in my ear."

"What?" Lily was taken aback.

Yes, this was good! Distract her from the potion! Talk about something personal. He had to distract her long enough to be able to leave. "I waited for you at home at Christmas. But you preferred snogging Potter."

"You waited for me? You gave me no reason to think you´d even let me into the house!"

"What? Why wouldn´t I let you into the house?" What a manipulating little witch she was! What did she try to accomplish? Now everything was his fault! At last she was going to say that he had dumped her and not the other way round.

"You were mean to me! I tried to talk to you but you were stubborn." There! She really accused him of having caused the whole desaster!

"I was mean to you?" She couldn´t honestly believe to get away with those false accusations!

"Who said I ran from his arms to an other´s?" Lily hissed.

"And I was right, wasn´t I?" Severus´s voice was now as cold as ice. His voice held a calm he didn´t feel. Sometimes, he surprised himself. "You ran right from my arms to the rich boy´s. We have a word for women like you!"

"What do you mean by ´women like me´?"

Severus grabbed Lily´s hand with her wedding and engagement rings. Rings so valuable, he could never have bought her one like that. All Severus could have given her, was a simple gold band. He´d have given all his money for it happily, back then, when he hadn´t been a murderer yet. – He was a murderer! He had to stay focussed on what was really important and get away! "You must entertain him well, for I see he pays you well."

"How dare you!" Lily cried and freed her hand from Severus´s grip. People stared at them.

"Never summon me again." Severus got up. That had done the trick. He was free. Free to go.

"Not if my life depended on it."

Severus dropped some coins on the table and left without looking back. Why would he? The look of hurt on Lily´s face was going to haunt his nightmares forever.

-x-

The young potions master returned home to Spinner´s End in a hurry. Once in the house, he paced the kitchen. Normally, the gently simmering cauldrons there soothed him, but today it was different. He had believed he was brewing harmless potions. Sleeping draughts for the restless and healing potions for the wounded. How many of his brews had been altered to kill? How many men and women – and children! – muggle or wizard – had he killed unknowingly? How many deaths was he responsible for?

The faces of nameless men and women appeared before Severus´ inner eye. They glared at him accusingly. ´It wasn't me,´ Severus wanted to say, but they closed in on him until he felt like he was drowning. Severus struggled for air. He leaned heavily on the worktable, gasping for air.

It wasn´t him.

But then, who was it? Somebody had altered his potions. Ruined the benefical brews he had composed. Boiled the draught down until all that remained was poison. Somebody had violated Severus´ work. Somebody with a lab.

Lucius.

Without a second thought Severus apparated to Malfoy Manor.

He rushed past several of Lucius´ cronies.

"Severus! What a pleasant surprise!" Narcissa came down the main staircase. She looked radiant in a light blue dress. Her long blond hair fell down her frame like a water fall.

"Narcissa!" Severus inclined his head in a hint of greeting. Did she know what a monster she was married to? Had she any idea what her husband did behind closed doors? "Where is Lucius?"

"I don´t know! Would you like a cup of tea, Severus? I´m sure wherever he is, Lucius will be back shortly."

"It´s urgent!" Severus tried to see a trace of betrayal in the woman´s beautiful face, but all he saw was bewilderment and friendship. The young witch hadn´t been delighted at first to have a permanent house guest when she wanted to spend as much private time as possible with her new husband, but then Severus and the blonde had discovered that they shared an interest in muggle crime stories. Over several weeks a bond of friendship had developed.

"Allow me to search for him," Severus pleaded and Narcissa, though bewildered by his urgency, obliged. The potions master raced down to the laboratory he had used so often.

There were several cauldrons and Lucius was just filling a vial with a dark brown, nearly black liquid.

"Brewing your own now, Lucius?" Severus asked. "Don´t you trust your pet potions master any more?"

"Severus!" Lucius smiled his ever-present smile. "What a nice surprise. No, I don´t distrust you. In fact I felt your workload was so much, I whipped up some of the easier ones myself."

"What´s that you just filled in that vial?"

"A cough syrup."

"A cough syrup? Certainly you won´t mind trying it yourself?"

Lucius paled. "No, I can´t. It is needed. It´s for a little boy. Son to one of our Lord´s followers."

Severus had had enough. Not only had Lucius used his potions to kill people, now he used the innocent child of a friend to cover his deeds.

"Don´t you lie to me!" Severus shrieked. He pointed his wand at the blond. "Murderer!"

"Severus! You don´t understand!"

"I understand well enough!" A spell turned over one of the cauldrons. And then another. The two potions mixed on the floor. The reaction was spectacular. The brews changed to a vivid orange, and pink steam started filling the room. Lucius cast spells to contain the spilt potions and the steam, but he couldn´t work as fast as Severus turned the cauldrons over.

"Enough!"

Suddenly the Lord was there and he looked angry like never before.

"What´s the meaning of this?"

"Lucius altered my brews to use them to kill!" Severus cried in righteous anger. "You foul creature!" he spat at the blond.

"Of course he did," answered the Lord coldly. "He followed my orders. Do you doubt my authority, Severus? Will you call me a foul creature, too?"

He didn´t wait for an answer before he cast cruciatus.

Severus world ceased to exist. Instead there was only pain. There was no up or down, left or right. No now or then, no yesterday or tomorrow. There was only pain. The pain had always been and it was going to last forever and it was everywhere. Severus drifted through the pain and he screamed, but there was no sound either in the pain. As the pain was everything, Severus thought he had to become part of the pain. He had to stop being Severus. If he was pain, he was everything. Becoming pain was the only way to exist.

Suddenly the pain stopped.

"My Lord," he heard Lucius plead, "he´s useful! He will be useful! I´m sure he learned his lesson. Show mercy, my Lord."

"Are you ready to go bail for him?" asked the Lord.

"I am, my Lord. Punish me, if he fails you again."

"I´ll be lenient for once, but only once," Severus heard the Lord say. "I hope he won´t fail you. If he doesn´t cooperate, you´ll kill him yourself. And stop those games. I need you elsewhere than in a lab. He´s a potions master, and potions he will brew. Poisons, not kid´s stuff. Explain what we need when he wakes up."

Somebody nudged Severus with their boot, then he heard footsteps and next a cool hand was on Severus´ cheek.

"I´m sorry, my friend," said Lucius. "That was bad luck you found out the day he was here."

A vial was pressed to Severus´ lips. "Don´t be afraid, it´s a healing draught."

Severus drank the potion eagerly. He didn´t care what it was. In fact, he´d have welcomed poison.

-x-

"Lucius, I demand you tell me what happened to him!"

Severus tried to shake off unconsciousness, but his world remained dark. Words flooded into it, damped like through a cloud of cotton. They were welcome. They were not pain. Once Severus realized the absence of pain, he also realized the absence of feeling. He was drifting through nothingness. It was worse than the pain. Nothing existed, but him and those words. Severus tried to cling to those words, let them anchor him.

"I said it´s nothing, wife."

"Wife? When have I become ´wife´? What happened to ´beloved´? And don´t you lie to me! It isn´t nothing when you carry a boy I consider a friend to one of my guest rooms, rather dead than alive and refuse to call for a healer."

"It´s nothing. Leave it be, Narcissa."

"You will be welcome in my rooms when it is something."

There was a noise and it took Severus a minute – or forever, time still didn´t exist – to realize it had been the slam of a door.

-x-

Touch returned when coolness entered the world. Severus tried to adhere to the coolness. Perhaps it knew a way out of oblivion. It was nice for something to exist. The words had left his world after the noise. It would be nice if the coolness knew where the words were.

It knew. After a while of clinging to the coolness, words drifted closer.

"Oh, Severus, what have we gotten ourselves into?" Narcissa´s voice was soft and full of despair. "Lucius confessed everything to me! How he used your work to kill in the Dark Lord´s name. Kill!" There was a noise, which Severus recognized as a sob. "My Lucius! Good, kind, lovable Lucius! I´m so sorry, Severus! Had I known, I´d have warned you! But he had me fooled just like you! Believe me, I had no idea! Had I known, I´d never have let him near me. It may have broken my heart, but what is a heart next to a soul?"

Severus would have liked to answer, just to hear his own voice again; to see, whether it existed. But what was he to say? And how was he to speak, when he drifted in the darkness, bodyless?

"He says he´s really sorry. Not for the killing, but that you were hurt so badly. He truely considers you a friend, you know. He vouched for you. He put his life at stake to save yours. You have to cooperate when you wake up, Severus. Or Lucius will pay. Please, Severus, please! Don´t let Lucius die. He´s all I have! All I ever wanted. And he´s not so bad. He´s a loyal friend. And a good husband."

There were more sobs, but they grew fainter and fainter and then there was only oblivion.

-x-

"I´m afraid all our efforts were in vain, Narcissa, beloved. It has been weeks now. The curse was applied too long. Nobody survives Cruciatus for such a long time."

"But he did survive. He´s unconscious, but alive. It´s just a matter of time, you´ll see."

"Do you really believe he´s going to wake up? How can he be sane after what he suffered? No, I´m afraid he´s destroyed. Maybe it would have been merciful to let him die down in the lab back then."

"How can you say that about your friend, Lucius? You were ready to put your life in his hands to save him. And now you talk about letting him die?"

"I should have seen that he wasn´t tough enough to be a deatheater. He was bitter, because that mudblood dumped him, but he never truely hated them like I. He was supportive of the cause, but I should have seen that he wasn´t ready for those final steps our Lord requires his faithful to take."

"He´s a boy! Did it never cross your mind that a boy of eighteen is easily influenced?" Narcissa snorted. "But of course it did. You manipulated him into joining that bunch of murderers you brought to our house. Tell me, Lucius, when did you start to care about him?"

"Why would you want to know?"

"I want to know whether my husband betrayed a friend or befriended a betrayed."

Lucius sighed. "After he joined. He did me a favour. One I could only ask of a true friend. My friendship was the least I could give him in return."

"What favour?"

There was a silence before Narcissa repeated her question more urgently.

Lucius was reluctant to reveal the truth. "He brewed me a potion."

"What potion?"

"A sleeping draught." Once Lucius had accepted there was no escape he confessed everything. "He made me a sleeping draught I could slip into your food, when we lost our child."

"You drugged me? You monster!"

Severus felt he had to interfere. Narcissa didn´t sound ready to forgive. And if there was one thing of which the young wizard was certain, it was Lucius good intentions when he had given his wife that potion.

"Don´t," he croaked. His voice existed, but it brought back the pain. Severus thought his throat was going to explode.

"He´s awake!" Cool hands returned to Severus, stroked his forehead and cheeks. Stronger hands lifted his torso a bit and something cool touched his lips. "Only a small sip, Severus! A small sip!"

Severus groaned when the glass was removed from his lips.

"I promise, there will be more a little later. You have to get used to stomaching anything again."

The water, as little as it had been, had soothed the pain in his throat.

"Don´t blame Lucius," he whispered. "He was so scared for you." Speaking was exhausting beyond belief.

The strong hands lowered Severus´ body back to the pillow.

-x-

When Severus came to the next time, he managed to open his eyes. The room was only dimly lit by a candle. Severus couldn´t tell what time of the day – or night – it was as the curtains were closed. He groaned.

"Master Severus is awake! Dobby will fetch Master and Mistress!"

Lucius and Narcissa hurried into the room only a minute later.

"Thanks goodness, you´re awake, Severus!" cried Narcissa. "Help me lift him a little, Lucius."

The blond obeyed and Severus felt the strong hands on him again. Narcissa adjusted his pillow and Lucius lowered him to a half sitting, half lying position. Narcissa held a glass to his lips and this time he was allowed more of the delicious cool water.

"You were out for more than three weeks," explained Narcissa after putting the glass on the bedside table. "We had to feed you magically. Your stomach isn´t used to food or drink any longer. We have to train it up little by little. I want you to try broth. You may feel sick a little, but it´s normal."

The house elf brought a bowl a little later and Narcissa spoonfed Severus. Lucius stood by and watched. The soup tasted delicious, but swallowing it seemed like a Herculian task. After a couple of spoons Severus panted. He also felt slightly sick.

"Well done," praised Narcissa. "We´ll try more a little later. Sleep now."

-x-

Severus was woken a little later. Lucius was standing beside his bed.

"When he heard you regained consciousness, he insisted to see you. I´m sorry." The blond held a pair of robes. "I tried to convince him you´re too weak, but he..." Lucius stopped when Severus struggled out from under his blanket.

"I´ll need help," croaked the young wizard. "I don´t think I can walk on my own."

"I doubt you can get up on your own."

Lucius helped Severus sit up in bed and put on the fresh robes.

"Cleaning charm, please," whispered Severus.

"I´ll help you bathe when we´re back," promised Lucius. "I´d have before had I known you were to leave bed today." He applied a cleaning charm on the potions master. Then he helped Severus lay his arm on his, Lucius´, shoulders and put his own arm around the younger wizard´s waist. "Lean on me, I´ll hold you."

"Shoes."

"Dobby!" The elf appeared at once and followed Lucius orders to help Severus into his shoes.

Then they walked downstairs.

-x-

The Lord – the Dark Lord Narcissa had called him – held court in Lucius´ ballroom once again. The screams gave the presence of prisoners away from afar. It seemed that once Narcissa was informed of the Lord´s true colours nobody cared for silencing charms any longer. By the time they had reached the ballroom door Severus felt like drifting back into oblivion. He was so tired!

The members of the organisation – deatheaters – formed a half-circle around the Dark Lord´s throne. The man himself was playing with some unlucky man, who screamed on the top of his lungs.

Lucius stepped into an empty place in the circle, Severus held tightly in his arm. He signalled the man beside him, , and the other deatheater moved closer and supported Severus from the other side.

They stood there and watched the Dark Lord torture his victim what seemed like forever. Finally the screams grew fainter and decreased to whimpers. When the man was no longer able to make a sound but only shivered weakly when the curse hit him anew, the Dark Lord cast the final curse. Avada kedavra.

Silence ensued which was broken only by the Dark Lord himself.

"Ah, Severus, back among the living. Tell me, Severus, did you learn your lesson?"

"Yes," croaked the young wizard.

"Stand before me, when you speak to me," ordered the Dark Lord.

Lucius and moved forward with Severus, but the older wizard stopped them with a harsh gesture.

"I didn´t ask for your presence."

"My Lord," Lucius said humbly, "he only woke some hours ago. He´s too weak!"

"Is it true, Severus?" asked the Dark Lord. "Are you too weak to follow your Lord´s call?"

"No," whispered Severus. He shrugged Lucius and ´s arms off and stepped forward. The distance to the other side of the circle seemed endless. It took all of Severus´ willpower to take one step after the other.

"Good," sneered the Dark Lord, when Severus finally stood before him.

Severus sighed with relief. Then he collapsed.

Somebody seemingly tried to come to his aid, by the sound of footsteps, but was stopped by the Dark Lord.

"Stand, Severus!"

Severus tried to scramble to his feet, but they wouldn´t support his weight. Desperately he searched for something to hold on to. Robes. Severus clutched to the robes in front of him and managed to move into a standing position with an effort. He paled when he realized it had been the Dark Lord´s robes he had used as a life-line.

"Don´t be afraid, Severus," the Dark Lord said with a kindness Severus knew now wasn´t real. "Your Lord will support his loyal."

Severus should have felt disgusted about the man who had just killed a human being, but all he could feel was relief.

"Go, and heal, Severus," the Dark Lord continued. "And when you´re whole again, you will serve us the way you´re meant to." The man forced Severus chin up and looked into his eyes. Past his eyes, right into his soul. An image of Lily at Fortescue´s emerged from the depths of his memories. The look of hurt in her beautiful eyes. "If you don´t, I shall need another potions master."

The Dark Lord released Severus´ chin and gestured to somebody behind Severus´ back. Suddenly Lucius and were holding him again. They led Severus out of the room.

"Thank you, Montgomery," said Lucius when the door had closed on them. "I´ll take him from here." Without further ado he scooped Severus up in his arms and carried him back to his room like a little child.

"I´m sorry. I´d have liked to spare you that," Lucius said as he helped Severus back into bed. "Sleep now and when you wake I´ll help you bathe, if you feel up to it. I have to go back now."

"Thank you, Lucius," Severus sighed weakly.

The blond smiled sadly. "Of all people, you have to thank me least, Severus."

-x-

Severus stayed at Malfoy Manor for nearly two months. Starting from the day after he awoke, he spent some time in the lab every day. The first few Lucius had to support him and prepare the ingredients for him, but as Severus grew stronger, he became more independent of the blond.

When he was strong enough to move on his own, he went to the library and took a stack of books back upstairs to his room.

"Oh, you feel strong enough to read?" Narcissa smiled when she brought his dinner. "That´s good news. What are you reading?"

Severus didn´t answer, instead he stared at his blanket-covered knees. Narcissa put the tray with his meal on the bedside table. The mattress dipped when she sat on the edge of his bed.

"Oh Severus," the young woman gasped sadly when she had examined some of the titles spread on the bed. "I´m sorry."

"Don´t be," whispered Severus. "It was my own fault. I was blind. And you don´t want to lose Lucius, do you?" He put a bookmark between the pages and layed ´Killers in the flowerbed´ beside the tray. "That looks delicious."

"You know?" asked Narcissa.

"I know what?"

"That Lucius vouched for you."

Severus nodded once. He levitated the tray onto his knees. "Don´t be afraid. I won´t let anything happen to your husband."

"Even if you have to brew poisons, Severus?"

"_If you don´t, I shall need another potions master."_ Lily.

"Sometimes a heart is more important than a soul, Narcissa."


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23: Women

The next months were a time of study and experimenting for Severus. After returning to Spinner´s End he equipped his pantry with a variety of new, dangerous ingredients. He made sure to bring some vile concoction to every meeting he attended.

It was like being in a contest. Severus whipped up new poisons and the other side's potions master - undoubtedly Lily - tried to make them useless. Every time she succeeded, Severus was exposed to Cruciatus, though he was under the impression it was done for show purposes only. The Dark Lord punished all his servants – no longer did he speak of brothers or companions – if they failed, so Severus had to be punished, too. But the Dark Lord was careful not to hurt him so much he wouldn´t be able to work. The punishment left him in pain for the rest of the meeting, but once it was over, the young wizard cast a healing charm on himself and was done with it.

At Easter Regulus' first recruitee took the mark. Severus would have liked to warn the younger boy, but it would have put Lucius and Lily in danger, therefor he had to stand and watch as the boy – So young and naive! He even was still at school! – proudly extended his arm to be marked. Regulus stood by and watched, equally proud.

Two months later, Narcissa told Severus amid tears that her cousin had gone missing. Lucius had told her that Regulus had been proud to have gotten a special assignment by the Dark Lord. All they could assume was that Regulus had failed in his task, whatever it was, and not survived his punishment.

The Malfoys spent a lot of time and resources for the search for Regulus. Orion Black had no power over Lucius, but Narcissa, like the rest of the family, suffered cruelly from the loss and the proud blond would have gone to any lenght to ease his wife´s pain. In July he even threw himself at the Dark Lord´s feet and begged him to tell the whereabouts of the boy but the Dark Lord feigned ignorance.

After this the Blacks gave up.

-x-

Severus developed a habit of collecting ingredients himself over summer. It was, he decided, very relaxing. When he roamed the woods or moors, nobody could find him. During those precious hours he was safer and more content than ever. He was free to ponder his fate then, to think about what he had gotten himself into. How long was he going to be able to lead this kind of life, if you could call it a life at all. Brewing poisons, watching people being tortured and killed (the number of prisoners had increased recently) and worrying about Lily.

Yes, he was worrying about Lily. He was still bitter and hurt when he thought of her, but he certainly didn´t want her to end up like him, as the Dark Lord´s pet. Nobody deserved that, least of all Lily.

He had to be strong and stay in the Dark Lord´s service in order not to give him reason to recruit another potions master.

It was mid-September, autumn was already in the air, when Severus went to the moors near his own home. He was extremely busy brewing. The Dark Lord had ordered to increase the number of attacks on muggles, mudbloods and blood traitors. More poisons than ever where needed.

It was well after noon when Severus finally had seen a chance to get two or three hours of freedom. As his leisure time was only short, he decided not to go far. Then he had remembered that there were numerous sloe bushes in the moors and had decided to collect some of them.

He had just started to pick them, when he heard a sound behind him.

Albus Dumbledore came down the slope at a surprising speed for a man his age. "Ah, Master Snape!" he cried cheerfully. "What a pleasant surprise. Only minutes ago we´ve been talking about you!" He shook the younger wizard's hand. Some steps behind the old wizard Lily came closer.

"Hello, Severus," she said in a small voice. They shook hands, too. It was good to touch Lily again, after such a long time. To feel that her skin was warm and alive and that he wasn´t working in vain.

"Professor, Lily," Severus greeted them with a quick nod. "I´ll be finished here in a minute. There are enough sloes left for you and I will not disturb you longer than necessary." He had to leave quickly. Before it came to Dumbledore´s mind to take him prisoner.

Severus wasn´t afraid that the old wizard was going to torture or punish him like the Dark Lord did with his prisoners, but when he was captured, the Dark Lord was going to need a new potions master. He couldn´t be caught.

"I´d rather have a break before we start picking sloes," said Dumbledore. "I´m not as young as I used to be." He wiped his forehead, sighed and conjured an armchair, a sofa and a table laid for tea for three with a casual wave of his wand. He nearly collapsed into the armchair.

Severus had to hide a smile. The old man had just rushed down a slope at a speed Severus wasn´t sure he´d be able to reproduce. And now he acted the old man.

"Come join me, you two," Dumbledore panted, "don´t let an old man have his tea alone. The sloes won´t run away."

Lily sat on the sofa obediently.

"I´m not sure I have time." Severus was determined not to be lured to that sofa easily. What looked like a harmless piece of furniture could as well be a trap.

"Lily just told me you haven´t met for almost a year!" cried Dumbledore. "And I myself haven´t met one of my best students for even longer! You can´t withhold your company from us now that we luckily met you! I´m sure whatever you´re up to, it can wait a half hour!"

Reluctantly Severus sat beside Lily. He carefully placed his bag beside the sofa.

"Collecting ingredients, Severus?" Lily asked.

"Yes."

"You didn´t tell about your job last time we met. Are you working as a potions master?"

"A friend asked me to brew him some cough syrup."

"Cough syrup! Exactly what we´re intending to make!" Dumbledore beamed.

Severus didn´t believe a word. Whom did the old man think he could fool? But then, probably Dumbledore hadn´t believed him either. "May I ask," the young wizard said thoughtfully. "How come, Lily, that Albus Dumbledore goes picking sloes with you?"

"Actually she brought me for the chives." Dumbledore interjected.

Severus was irritated. "Chives? There are no chives in the moors."

"Just an insider joke," said Lily. "I´m having a safety problem at the moment. Albus is my bodyguard."

"A safety problem?" Severus was concerned. He took Lily´s hand in his. "Please tell me!" Tell me whether the monster I´m serving attacked you without me knowing. But he can´t, can he? If he had, Lily wouldn´t sit beside him.

"I met Voldemort some months ago. I escaped, but I´m no longer safe."

Goodness! He really had attacked Lily! And she had escaped! Thank God! Lily seemed to be more powerful than Severus remembered. "What does he want with you?"

"I´m the one who makes his poisons useless. I´m in his way." Of course, why hadn´t he thought about it. If he couldn´t outwit Lily, the Dark Lord was going to get rid of her. He had to try harder.

"I see. But you´re safe with Albus Dumbledore as a bodyguard." It was a relief. At least she wasn´t unprotected.

"That´s only for today. Albus has more important things to do."

Was the old man nuts? "What can be more important than your safety!"

"Lots of things. But I´m safe enough. James does his best..." At the mention of James Severus withdrew his hand. James. Potter. She had to rub it in, of course, that James Potter was better than he, Severus. That she had toyed with him and run to her beloved James when he´d take her. That she had only bid her time in Severus´ arms.

"It´s late. I have to go. Thank you for the tea, professor." Severus grabbed his bag and apparated back home. He thought about going somewhere else to distract Dumbledore from his track, but then Lily knew his home. She was going to tell him where to find Severus.

-x-

That very evening the Dark Lord himself came to Spinner´s End to strenghten the wards against Albus Dumbledore.

"It was wise to ask for my help, Severus. You finally understood that I will do anything in my power to protect those who are mine."

"Yes, my Lord. Thank you, my Lord."

When the Dark Lord had left, Severus went to bed and thought about holding Lily´s hand.

-x-

Severus was nervous for several days. What if Dumbledore suspected him of being the Dark Lord´s potions master? What if the headmaster came for him? He´d end up in Azkaban in no time at all! True, he had never killed anybody himself but he had provided the deatheaters with deathly poisons. How many had died by the means of Severus´ work?

Severus felt a jolt of guilt. Life had been good, thanks to Dumbledore, who hadn´t asked about the scared boy´s parentage when he had taken him to the Evans' to save him from the orphanage. The Evans had taken him in like their own son. They had been kind and loving and muggles. How could he ever have joined this murderous monster?

Severus told himself that he was paying them back by protecting their daughter. By being the obedient little potions master the Dark Lord wanted, he assured that Lily was left alone. So there was a tiny bit of good in all the evil he did. It wasn´t going to be enough to save his soul, but maybe, just maybe enough to earn a bit of mercy. A happy memory to cling to when the dementors came for his soul. An anchor to his sanity.

Little by little he calmed down and by October his life had settled back into his routine of brewing and going to Malfoy Manor for meetings.

The group, which met there at least thrice a week now, was growing constantly. In late November the first woman was admitted to the circle. Bellatrix Black, who was now Bellatrix Lestrange, stood proud when the Dark Lord marked her. Her husband stood by her side and was marked right after her, along with his brother.

The Lestranges had been talking about joining for months, Severus was told, but Rodolphus and his brother had refused to take the mark when Bellatrix wasn´t allowed to join. The Dark Lord had been reluctant to admit "a little girl". Only when Bellatrix had sent him the head of a ministry employee on a silver tray had he given permission for her to join.

The woman proved to be the Dark Lord´s most devoted over the next months. She used cruciatus as viciously as the Dark Lord himself and she never showed mercy for her victims. Rumor had it, she even tortured children, a thing that even the Dark Lord had never done. Kill children, yes, but not torture.

As a result of Bellatrix´ membership Severus was invited to dinner before each meeting at Malfoy Manor. It was never pleasant with the Lestranges around, but Narcissa pleaded with him to come one evening, when the potions master had cornered her in the library to decline the next invitation privately.

"Severus, you must come! Bellatrix keeps hinting I should join the Dark Lord´s ranks. But that´s not me! All I want is give Lucius the son he desires and raise our child to be a worthy heir to the Malfoy name and fortune. I don´t want to go fighting. Lucius is doing the fighting for me. Bella is reluctant to broach the subject when you are here." Her eyes were tearful.

"Instead she tells stories of her latest heroics." Severus grimaced.

"Can you imagine what he´ll do to me if I´m openly asked to join and openly refuse?" the blonde was frightened.

"I will come to dinner," Severus promised. "Don´t be afraid."

"You´re a true friend, Severus," Narcissa stood on tiptoe and pecked his cheek.

"My, my, does Lucius know, Cissy?" drawled Bellatrix from the library door. "A moneyless boy, an adulterator. And under his own roof, too."

Narcissa stepped away from Severus. "What are you suggesting, Bella?"

"Suggesting? – Nothing. I´m just stating a fact."

"How dare you accuse me under my roof!" cried Narcissa.

"Accuse you? Of what, my dear?" Lucius slid into the room past his sister-in-law. He wrapped an arm around his wife protectively.

"Nothing," Narcissa hissed.

"Nothing? It can´t be nothing when you´re so upset."

"I caught her with the potions boy," Bella said triumphantly. "I caught them kissing."

Lucius looked at the younger sister, bemused. "You caught my wife kissing Severus?" He laughed. "Very funny, Bellatrix, very funny indeed."

"You don´t believe me, but it´s true. She´s besmirching the name of Malfoy with this scum." Bella glared at Severus.

"At the moment," Lucius replied coolly, "you´re the only one besmirching the name of Malfoy by slandering my wife. I request you stop it now."

"I swear, they kissed."

"If you don´t know how a guest is expected to behave I ask you go to the meeting room and await our Lord there." Lucius glared at the woman.

Bellatrix huffed, but turned on the spot and left the library.

"Now, what have you two done," asked Lucius once the door was closed.

Narcissa told him honestly, without leaving out anything. Severus hung his head. "I´m sorry, Lucius."

Lucius lay his hand on the younger wizard´s shoulder. "My wife thanked you for a favour you were granting. Back when the wizarding world still followed ancient traditions it was very common for a woman to kiss her husband´s friends´ cheeks in a gesture of friendship or thanks. Although," he smirked, "it was customary for the husband to be present."

"You aren´t cross?" asked Narcissa.

Lucius took her hand in his and raised it to his lips. "No, but you better be careful in the future. We don´t need Bellatrix to spread rumours about you and Severus."

-x-

"How come the potions boy is around all the time," Bellatrix asked bluntly some weeks later. "It seems impossible to spend a meal with family only in this house."

Lucius glared at his sister in law angrily. "How dare you insult my guest? Severus is a very close friend."

"I told you how close he really is," snapped Bellatrix. "But you wouldn´t believe me, blind fool that you are."

"Bellatrix!" cried Narcissa in an attempt to save the situation, but in vain.

"I have no idea what my dear sister sees in him, you, Lucius, are of course superior in every aspect, but I assure you I cought them back then."

Lucius had had enough. "Rodolphus," he said through gritted teeth, "you should control your wife better. She´s an embarrassment. We´re lucky that Severus can be considered family or we´d be in serious trouble because of her. She´s unbearable at more formal occasions."

"Family, indeed," sneered Bellatrix, "if you´re not careful, he´ll be the father to your heir."

"Enough!" thundered Rodolphus but his interference came too late. Severus and Narcissa had both their wands out and the dark-haired witch smashed into the wall behind her chair.

"Impressive," said Rodolphus. "What did you use?"

"A voice stealing charm," said Severus. "She won´t be able to talk for a week."

"A stunner," grinned Narcissa.

Rodolphus grinned back. "I guess she deserved it. And Severus, thank you."

The rest of the meal was quite agreable. Nobody cared about Bellatrix lying on the floor, not even her husband, and table talks were for once light-hearted and amusing.

-x-

The Dark Lord, however, didn´t find his most devoted dizzy and voiceless funny. Bellatrix had woken in time for the meeting, but she wasn´t her usual self.

"I request to know what happened," the dark wizard bellowed. "Lucius, this is your house. Come here." He looked into the blond´s eyes unblinkingly for several minutes before he called Severus.

Severus found his memories examined. Every tiny moment he had spent with Narcissa was looked at.

"Bella, your accusations are baseless. You will stop framing up charges against your sister immediately."

-x-

Two days later, a new guest was seated beside Severus at the Malfoys' dinner table. Pluvia Goyle was ´s cousin and she had returned to England some days ago, the guests were informed. Her hair was dark red and her eyes brown. Her facial features were delicate and her whole frame small and slim.

"Thank you, ," said the young witch, "for inviting me."

"You´re very welcome, dear," said Narcissa. "It must be very difficult to return home and know nobody at all."

"Where exactly did you return from?" asked Bellatrix. The Dark Lord himself had countered Severus´ spell and given her her voice back. She eyed the young woman suspiciously.

"Switzerland. My parents sent me to live with my grandparents and attend the local wizarding school, which has an excellent reputation for their divination classes." She smiled. "I have the inner eye, but it´s no use without training."

"What kind of training can you need?" Snorted Rodolphus. "You see or you don´t."

"There are potions to clear the inner eye and exercises to seperate common forebodings from true seeing. Divination isn´t just a sack full of tea leaves." The witch looked from one diner to the next defiantly.

"Can you demonstrate?" asked Bellatrix with an air of amusement.

"Bellatrix, I don´t think..." said Lucius.

"Of course," replied Pluvia. "Give me your hand." She examined Bellatrix´ palm thoroughly. "You´re going to suffer a loss. Soon."

Bellatrix pulled her hand back and looked at the seer uncomfortably.

Lucius grimaced and signalled his elf to serve dessert.

-x-

Later that evening Bellatrix lost an earring. Severus had informed the Dark Lord that he needed powdered sugilite for a particular potion and the man had found him some by means of a simple Accio spell, tearing Bellatrix lobe in the course.

-x-

Pluvia became a frequent guest at the Malfoys´ dinner table over the next few weeks. That Bellatrix glared at the young witch uncomfortably all the time seemed to be a bonus to Lucius and his wife.

Pluvia was a pleasant guest. She was friendly and just the right amount of chatty without being annoying. She was of vast reading and therefor able to talk shop on minerals in potions with Severus (Bellatrix flinched when they discussed the benefits of sugilite) as well as on muggle stock market affairs with Lucius. Nevertheless she debated the question of dress robe colours with Narcissa, a delicate blush on her cheeks when Lucius pointed out that she must look stunning in green.

"What do you think, Severus," Lucius asked jovially, "green must be exactly Pluvia´s colour!"

"Probably," Severus said stiffly. He didn´t feel comfortable discussing the girl´s looks while she was present.

"I for one don´t see her in orange," Lucius pressed on.

Severus took a long gulp from his goblet, thus avoiding answering the question.

-x-

"What´s the matter with you?" asked Lucius a little later at the lab, where he had dragged Severus under the pretext of discussing a potion. "Don´t you find Pluvia attractive? Our Lord himself chose her for you."

"He did what?" spluttered Severus.

"He decided you should get a girlfriend in order to stop Bella´s accusations. He asked his inner circle to suggest suitable girls and finally chose Euphemius´ little cousin for you. He seems to think you have a thing with red hair. It seems he was wrong. You´re as cold towards the poor girl as a dog´s snout."

"Whether you like somebody or not doesn´t only depend on looks," Severus said weakly.

"I know that. I´d love Narcissa no matter how she looks. But you must realize it was thoughtful of him to look for a goodlooking girl. So, do you like red hair?"

"I don´t care what colour her hair is," growled Severus. "I´m not interested."

"Now, Severus. Just remember about your house! Pluvia comes from an ancient family. And her parents left her a small fortune. She´s a good catch. You should be very interested."

"But I´m not."

"Our Lord won´t be pleased."

"What can he do? Kill me?" Severus laughed. Somehow he just knew that the Dark Lord wasn´t going to kill his potions master for not taking his marriage advice.

-x-

The Dark Lord was, indeed, not pleased. But he didn´t blame Severus. Instead he seemed to think that it was ´s personal fault that his cousin hadn´t taken Severus´ heart by assault. As a result found himself on the receiving end of some rather nasty spells.

Pluvia wasn´t invited for dinner again.

-x-

Bellatrix seemed to enjoy herself grately after Pluvia was taken off the guest list at Malfoy Manor. She hinted, Narcissa informed Severus, often that she wanted to speak to her sister about making a greater commitment to their cause, but she didn´t when the potions master was present. As a result, the witch tried to get rid of Severus by making nasty remarks whenever possible. Lucius wouldn´t have it and so the atmosphere was tense most time at the Malfoy dinner table.

Things escalated when Lucius invited Severus for Christmas over dessert in the middle of December.

"He´s going to be here at Christmas? I was hoping the season would be strictly for the people closest to us," the witch spat, glaring daggers at the young wizard.

Lucius sneered at the witch arrogantly. "It will. Therefor I invited my personal friend and not my in-laws."

The message took a little time to sink in. Rodolphus stared at his mousse au chocolat as if his life depended on it.

"We are not invited?" Bellatrix screeched at last.

"Christmas is a time of peace and quiet. A time to enjoy with the people you feel comfortable around." Lucius smiled. "I suggest you ask your mother to invite you if you don´t want to spend the season with your husband alone." He took Narcissa´s hand in his and breathed a kiss on her fingers.

Rodolphus blushed.

Bellatrix glared at the blond wizard furiously. "I will enjoy having Rodolphus all to myself for some days. I have to point out though that I find it rather strange that you invite the potions master of all people. Did you forget the compromising situation he was caught with my dear sister in? What will people think? I tell you, dear Lucius, one of these days you´ll have an heir with that nose."

She pointed her dessert spoon at Severus.

The young wizard felt himself blush.

"Enough!" bellowed Lucius. "I will not have you insult my wife and my friend at my table. You are no longer welcome here before the start of meetings. I demand you arrive with the rest of the crowd! – I´m sorry, Rodolphus."

Rodolphus wiped his mouth and folded his napkin thoroughly. "I thank you for your kindness and patience, my dear brother," he took Bellatrix by her wrist and squeezed so hard that his knuckles turned white. "Had your wife insulted mine in such a rude manner and repeatedly, I´d have cursed her despite our kinship." He got up. "Come, wife, we´ll wait at the meeting room. I apologize for Bella, Lucius."

"You don´t have...," Bella screeched, but fell quiet, when her husband pulled at her wrist sharply.

Lucius waited until the door had closed on the Lestranges. "So, Severus," he said with false happiness then, "will you come for Christmas."

Severus smirked. "It will be my honour, Lucius. I can´t, after all, let you break up with Bella for nothing."

-x-

Severus was the only guest at Malfoy Manor for Christmas. Narcissa herself insisted he moved into the guest room he had occupied after leaving school for the season. The Dark Lord was informed of the arrangement as Severus wasn´t going to be able to brew much if he stayed at the Manor for several days, and he approved. It seemed the dark wizard was satisfied with Severus´ work for him as he laughed and assured Lucius he wouldn´t begrudge the potions master a short holiday. He himself, the man continued, was going to spend Christmas at the Lestranges´.

"Typically for Bella," mused Lucius when their Lord had left. "Anything to prove she is his most faithful."

Severus wasn´t sure it had been wise not to invite the Dark Lord to Malfoy Manor, but Lucius said he wanted to spend the festivities with his wife and friend.

-x-

"We have good news," said Narcissa after exchanging a glance with Lucius at Christmas dinner. "I´m with child again."

Severus smiled at his friends happily. "Congratulations! I know how dearly you wish for a child. I´m glad fate has granted your wish."

Narcissa looked at her husband shyly. "There´s something I wanted to ask you, Severus." She hesitated.

"Ask him, beloved," Lucius encouraged his wife.

"My healer says the pregnancy is risky. I – I lost a baby last year, after all. She says I should take a certain potion."

Severus beamed. "You want me to brew that potion for you? It would be my honour!"

Narcissa smiled happily and Lucius kissed her fingertips. "I told you to rely on Severus, my dearest." The blond wizard smiled.

-x-

Severus brought Narcissa´s potion before every deatheater meeting. The child, the witch informed him, was a strong and healthy boy. Lucius was going to have his heir.

-x-

"We bought a crib," Narcissa said happily as Severus handed her her vial at the beginning of March. "It´s beautiful and worthy of the Malfoy heir." She rubbed a loving circle on her stomach, where a small bump gave away the new life growing in her. "Would you like to see it?"

"Of course! I´d love to!" Severus smiled.

Narcissa led the way upstairs to one of the guest rooms. Only it was no longer a guest room. The furniture had been exchanged for a rocking chair, a baby blue cupboard and – most important – a beautifully carved crib with baby blue hangings. A mobile of golden snitches hung above it.

"Lucius wanted galleons," giggled Narcissa. "He says he wants his heir to get used to his legacy. I didn´t like it and we settled on the snitches at last. That way the child will get used to the colour of money but a little Quidditch obsession is quite acceptable for a little boy."

Severus admired the crib and the view from the window as well as the toys on the chest of drawers. "Your child will be a very happy baby," he reassured his friend.

Narcissa smiled happily. "He will. I think we should go back downstairs. We don´t want you to be late for your meeting."

"We don´t want that," confirmed the potions master. The Dark Lord didn´t appreciate tardyness and punished it mercylessly. He followed Narcissa out of the room and down the stairs.

"I knew!" screeched a voice from the hall when they had nearly reached the foot of the stairs. Bellatrix and her husband had just arrived for the meeting. Lucius´ elf was just putting away their cloaks. "I knew there was something between you and the potions boy behind Lucius´ back! You´re a disgrace to the family!"

"How dare you insult me in my house!" Narcissa shouted back. "How dare you, Bella!"

"Lucius is too lenient on you!" Bellatrix cried angrily. "You need to be taught a lesson!" She pointed her wand at her sister.

Narcissa had her own wand out instantly. "Don´t you dare draw your wand in my house! Lucius! Lucius!" The blonde witch was shaking with anger.

"What is it, dearest?" the Lord of the Manor asked from the library. "I´m coming!"

"I caught her with the potions boy again, Lucius!" cried Bellatrix.

Lucius´ footsteps changed from a quick walk to a run. "It´s nothing, Bellatrix, nothing. Calm down!"

The darker sister snorted in her brother in law´s direction scornfully before she threw a spell at her sister. Severus tried to step in front of Narcissa – which earned him another snort from Bellatrix – but he succeeded only partially. They were both hit and fell.

Maybe Severus would have been able to catch his fall had it been only for him, but as it was he tried to catch Narcissa, to no avail. They tumbled down the stairs and landed at Bella´s feet in a tangle of limbs. The witch smirked down at them.

"Do you need more proof, Lucius?" she addressed her brother in law, who had just arrived in a run. "He cared more for your wife than himself! He´s in love with her!" Bellatrix glared at the blond triumphantly.

"You twit! He tried to protect my wife and heir! Are you hurt, beloved?" Lucius elbowed Bellatrix aside. The elf put a binding spell on her at his master´s signal. The blond wizard kneeled beside his fallen wife and friend.

Severus assured Lucius that he wasn´t hurt with a nod and tried to disentangle himself from the moaning Narcissa cautiously.

"A healer, Rodolphus! Call a healer!" cried Lucius and the man rushed to the nearest fireplace.

Severus helped Lucius with Narcissa. He knelt by her head and lifted it onto his lap. Lucius held his wife´s hand, murmuring words of comfort.

The Dark Lord arrived a little later. He insisted the elf released Bellatrix and everybody but Lucius attended the meeting. Severus smiled at Lucius apologetically as he cast a spell to support Narcissa´s head.

-x-

Narcissa and Lucius were nowhere to be seen when the group left the meeting room. Everybody hurried to get away as the meeting had been especially unpleasant. The Dark Lord had tortured and killed a muggle-born ministry employee before he assigned one of his followers the task of getting the man´s job. Then he had punished for not having gotten a position at the department for magical transport. And at last he had cast the crutiatus curse on Severus because the light side´s potions master had found an antidote to one of his poisons too quickly.

As Severus´ punishment had been the last point on the evening´s agenda, the young wizard was still moving slowly and cautiously on his way out.

Lucius´ elf handed him his cloak.

"Dobby is to tell Master Snape that Master Lucius thanks him for trying to save the young master," piped the tiny creature.

"Thank you," replied the potions master as he took the cloak. "Please tell your master that I hope everything will be well. If he needs any potions for his wife and baby, I will be honoured to provide them."

Dobby hung his ears. "Dobby is most aggrieved , Master Snape, but the young master won´t need any potions." The big yellow eyes shone with tears.

Severus returned to Spinner´s End feeling like he had lost his own child. He had brewed potions for the Malfoy heir for more than two months. The child had been on his mind every single day since Christmas. It was difficult to understand it was gone.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24: A new assignment

Some weeks later Severus realised a change in what the Dark Lord ordered him to brew. There were fewer poisons on the list and – and that came as a complete surprise – fewer healing draughts and salves.

Severus knew by then that the deatheaters were attacking people. He had been naive to join the group, but once he had witnessed the Dark Lord – the man called himself Lord Voldemort, but didn´t want anybody to use the name – play with a victim, he no longer closed his eyes to the evil that was done in their Lord´s name.

The deatheaters were speaking about attacks in hushed voices when they came to the meetings. When an attack had been successful, the whispers grew louder and sometimes stories of their feats were told. Especially Bellatrix enjoyed boasting about what she had done.

The other side (due to the fact that their Lord insisted to be called the Dark Lord most refered to them as the light side) claimed to be good, but when it came to fighting, they were as vicious as the Dark Lord´s minions.

Usually healing remedies such as burn salves, skele-grow or healing draughts had priority on Severus´ to-do list. But not any more.

The young potions master tried to hear whether for some reason there were fewer attacks, but he got the impression that there were more. Strangely enough, the tales of successful assaults became more frequent and louder.

Severus asked Lucius what was the secret behind the sudden success.

"He says," Lucius sipped his wine, "that he found a dark soul among Dumbledore´s weaklings." The blond chewed his roast turkey thoroughly. "I guess it means we have a spy."

"A spy?" Severus asked in disbelief. He stared into his pumpkin juice. If the Dark Lord had a spy among Dumbledore´s associates, it was quite possible that he – Severus – had worked in vain to protect Lily.

-x-

It was June and Severus was punished for again having failed in brewing an irresistable poison. Lily had found an antidote again. The punishment wasn´t too bad, only a minute under cruciatus. As the Dark Lord wanted Severus to be able to work on his potions, his punishments had become more symbolic than anything.

"Don´t fail me again," the Dark Lord drawled when he was content with his potions master´s suffering.

"I won´t, my Lord," said Severus as he scrambled to his feet and went back to his place in the circle of deatheaters.

The next to be punished was Rodolphus Lestrange. He had led the attack on one of the aurors and lost three deatheaters in the fight. Alastor Moody was a difficult target. The unlucky Rodolphus was hit by the cruciatus curse again and again. The Dark Lord only lowered his wand when the man was reduced to a sobbing heap.

"My Lord!" cried Bellatrix as she hurried to her husband´s side to help him, "forgive my cheek, but I have to speak. My husband failed you the first time since he entered your service and you nearly killed him. Snape on the other hand fails you again and again and your wrath barely touches him. It´s unjust!"

The Dark Lord smiled at the witch. "You´re lucky, Bellatrix, that I hold the old ways in high esteem or I´d kill you. It is, however," he glared at each deatheater present, "appropriate for a wife to speak up for her husband. You vowed to share his burdens and I´m pleased to see that you take your vow seriously. Severus here fights a different battle than you or Rodolphus. Therefore it´s only just that there are different punishments for defeat."

Bellatrix snorted. "Fight? The potions boy doesn´t fight! All he does is rummage in his kitchen. I bet he doesn´t even know how to raise a wand."

The Dark Lord looked at the witch in amusement. "Severus," he drawled, "would you like to answer yourself?"

The potions master knew what was expected of him. Obediently he drew his wand. Bellatrix chuckled as she raised her own. Severus watched the witch for a sign of when she was going to attack. If there was one good thing coming from his enemities with Potter and Black at school, it was Severus´ fighting skills.

The young wizard saw the spell in Bellatrix´ eyes before she uttered it. He quickly cast a shield spell and reflected her attack upon herself. The witch was hit in the chest by whichever spell she had tried to use on Severus. She tumbled back and fell, losing her wand in the process.

Severus was by her side with two quick strolls. He picked up the witch´s wand and smirked down at her. "That I don´t accompany you on your ... excursions, doesn´t mean that I´m not able to perform the magic needed. It only means that our Lord has more warriors than potioneers. It´s easier to forego the service of my wand than my ladle." He held out Bellatrix´ wand to the witch. "Let´s not forget that we´re here to serve our Lord to the best of our abilities and it´s his to decide which of our abilities he deems more useful."

Bellatrix grabbed her wand from the potions master, glaring.

The Dark Lord clapped. "Well answered, Severus, well answered!" The wizard turned around and thereby dismissed his followers. Severus had just reached the door when he heard him call out for Lucius to stay behind.

-x-

"Uncle Orion is devastated," said Narcissa during dinner two weeks later. "And don´t even mention Auntie Walpurga. Nobody knows where cousin Regulus is. Lucius, can´t you ask your Lord again? He must know!"

"Narcissa, beloved," said Lucius. "it was a great favour he mentioned to me what he had heard. It's not his fault the trace was a false one. When I asked whether he had heard more, he said he hadn't. Asking him again – and thereby hinting I didn´t believe him – wouldn´t be wise."

"But somebody must know something!" insisted the young woman. She looked at Severus pleadingly. "You are his friend, Severus! He must have said something!"

Severus shook his head sadly. "I´m sorry. You know I consider Regulus family and I´d do anything in my power to find him. But when I intended to invite him just days before he disappeared, after a meeting, he was in a hurry. We didn´t talk and I haven´t heard from him ever since."

"The Lord wanted to borrow an elf when he asked us to stay behind," said Lucius. He had told the same story ever since Regulus had disappeared every time Narcissa asked. Which was very often, as far as Severus knew. "He knew that I and Regulus were the only ones to have elves among those present at the meeting. I offered to lend him Dobby, but also told him that the elf is still young and not very well trained yet. Regulus said his elf was old and experienced. So the Lord chose Regulus´ elf. Cousin Regulus was very proud. I haven´t heard from him ever since either."

"Uncle Orion says the elf is at home. Maybe Regulus didn´t bring the elf like the Lord ordered and...," Narcissa cast down her eyes.

Lucius forced her chin up with a gentle but firm hand. Tears were streaming down the young witch´s cheeks. "Don´t fear for Regulus, beloved," he said gently. "Our Lord isn´t one to kill secretly. If he wanted to punish Regulus, it would have happened at our ballroom."

"If you say so," Narcissa replied weakly. "It´s only..." She hesitated.

"I know, my love, I know. You have lost so much recently." Lucius wrapped his wife in his arms.

Severus felt like an intruder to watch the scene. "I grieve with thee," he muttered softly.

"We know, Severus," said Lucius. He extended his hand to the younger wizard and they shook hands for a short moment before Lucius wrapped his arm around Narcissa again.

-x-

Severus spent the summer – unsurprisingly – brewing. As the Dark Lord had need of fewer potions than before, he could afford to brew more complicated potions which could be useful but weren´t needed immediately. He concocted a cauldron of polyjuice potion (which earned him praise from the Lord and jealous glances from Bellatrix), but also more obscure draughts, like fame, euphoria and carelessness.

The last gained him admiring glances from the deatheaters going on attacks. Why had they ever bothered with poisons, if they could slip their enemies carelessness and then attack? It was so easy, especially in combination with their spy´s services.

Severus still had no idea who the spy was. He – if it was a ´he´ at all – never came to Malfoy Manor. The Dark Lord alone knew his identity and the Dark Lord alone met him.

The cheerful mood among the deatheaters was in sharp contrast to the quality of their meetings. More success in attacks meant more prisoners, more torture and more killing. The Dark Lord himself tired of playing with their victims. Instead he watched his faithful deatheaters torture and kill muggles, mudbloods and blood traitors.

So far Severus had escaped the "honour" of performing the killing course to amuse his Lord. Bellatrix, who was the only one who had ever volunteered for the task, teased him about it at every meeting. The Lord, she never tired to point out, didn´t consider Severus capable of a really advanced curse like the killing curse.

Severus was forced to duel against the woman twice more in order not to lose his face. He won every time, but it was tiring to always watch out for the witch. Lucius and Rodolphus tried to put oil on troubled waters whenever it was needed, but it was clear that Bellatrix and Severus were never going to be friends.

"Severus!" the Dark Lord called out at the end of a meeting in mid-August. "Stay behind."

"My Lord," Severus bowed submissively.

"Sit, Severus," the Dark Lord conjured a chair beside his own. "The situation between you and Bellatrix is tense and I find it quite disturbing."

Severus was just starting to vindicate his behaviour, when the Dark Lord gave a dismissive gesture. "I know it´s not your fault, Severus. Bella´s enthusiasm is only outdone by her pride. Her devotion and eagerness are most endearing. I have a solution in mind for the situation."

"My Lord, I will gladly accept whatever measure you see fit," Severus said humbly.

The man smiled. "Severus, why so pessimistic? It´s not as if I was going to kill you. – Though it is clear that one of you must go."

Severus gulped. What had the dark wizard in store for him?

"Of course I can´t forgo making good use of your abilities. Listen, my friend. You know that I found myself a spy in the Order of the Phoenix."

"Order of the Phoenix, my Lord?"

"The name Dumbledore uses for his little group of losers. My spy, however, isn´t as close to Dumbledore himself as I could wish for. So I decided to get myself another spy. One that I position where I want him. In the very center of Dumbledore´s life."

Severus gasped. "My Lord, I don´t understand!"

"Hogwarts, Severus, Hogwarts! You, my young friend are going to apply for the potions position at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry! That way you´re going to get all the juicy news on Dumbledore. You were once close to him."

"Not really, my Lord. He helped me when my parents died, but more than that..." Severus shrugged.

"He cared about you," replied the Lord. "Dumbledore is an old fool. He won´t send you away when you come to him looking for a job."

Severus was full of doubt. "My Lord," he said cautiously, "I´m not sure I´m an apt teacher."

"Do you, or do you not possess knowledge far beyond what is taught about potions at Hogwarts?"

"I do, but it wasn´t my knowledge I doubt."

"What is it then?"

"My Lord, most of the students at the school were my peers a little while ago. How can I return to be their potions master? They won´t take me serious!"

The Dark Lord laughed. "Severus, you seriously underestimate yourself. Look at my deatheaters! Most of them are older, wiser and richer than yourself, nevertheless you´re well respected and highly esteemed."

"The teenagers at Hogwarts will have different criteria than your deatheaters, my Lord," Severus piped.

"Enough, Severus," said the Dark Lord. "It is my wish that you apply for a job at Hogwarts. My spy says that Dumbledore has an appointment at the Hog´s Head in two weeks, with a woman who applies also. You will go there. Don´t fail me!"

"No, my Lord."

-x-

Never before had Severus experienced a feeling of apprehension so strong as on that sunny day in August. It started in the early morning when he pondered what to wear for a job interview, if Dumbledore granted him one, that was. It was then that he realised that he hadn´t bought any new clothes ever since he had been shopping with Lucius. The simple black robes he had bought then where all he owned but some old, outfashioned muggle garments, which had once belonged to his father.

Severus decided to wear the robes, though they were old and worn. Somehow they looked – poor. Well, perhaps Dumbledore was going to have pity with him.

The young potions master brushed his hair and teeth. He had breakfast, but couldn´t stomach more than a cup of coffee and a piece of toast. Then it was time to go. Dumbledore´s other interview – the one the headmaster already knew of – was scheduled for two in the afternoon according to the spy.

Severus arrived at the Hog´s Head at half past one. The barkeeper was cleaning a glass with a dirty rag. Severus bought a glass of mead and carried it to a table in the far corner of the room. He didn´t try the mead. If the glass the barkeeper was holding was anything to go by, drinking the beverage would come close to suicide. Severus decided to keep the mead for later. If he didn´t succeed, suicide might be the easy way out.

At the other side of the room sat a woman. Severus was surprised. The Hog´s Head certainly wasn´t the place for women. Ladies usually prefered the Three Broomsticks, Hogsmeade´s other, cleaner pub. And today two had to be here, for this strange creature could hardly be the person who had an interview with the headmaster of Hogwarts.

The woman wore huge glasses, which magnified her eyes to the size of saucers. Her clothes looked like rags, though on second sight it was possible that all that strange stuff was supposed to be laces and frills. The woman seemed to prefer a rather opulent style, for she wore more beads and pearls than Severus had ever seen in one place.

Severus ignored the strange lady, who sipped a cup of tea and watched out for the woman who was going to apply for a job at Hogwarts. That person, however, didn´t come. Severus didn´t mind. In fact, he thought he was going to have better chances of getting an interview with the headmaster, if his appointment didn´t come.

The strange woman meanwhile turned over her tea cup and stared at the leaves she had poured onto the saucer. "Good omens, a sun and what is this? A shamrock? Or a house elf? I certainly hope it´s a shamrock. A house elf would mean I will be working like a slave! A shamrock, it definitely is a shamrock," she muttered under her breath.

At 2pm sharp Albus Dumbledore entered the pub. The barkeeper pointed him at the strange woman with a slight movement of his chin without stopping to polish his glass.

"Madame Trelawney," said Dumbledore and hurried to the strange person.

"Headmaster Dumbledore! How very kind of you to come here. It wasn´t necessary to go to so much trouble. I´d have gladly come to your office."

The old wizard touched the proffered fingertips to his lips. "It was no trouble, it was my pleasure, madam. I booked a room for us to talk in private. If you please." He offered the woman his arm and she accepted it.

The barkeeper held up two fingers as Dumbledore walked by.

Severus waited until the barkeeper was cleaning his glass again before he slipped up the stairs and tiptoed to room 2. He leant close to the door and tried to understand what was said. The interview wasn´t going well. It seemed that lady Trelawney applied for the post of the devination teacher. Severus supressed a snort. He hadn´t chosen devination in third year. Nobody in their right mind had. Lady Notredame had had the reputation to be a peculiar old bat and it had always seemed that the other teachers shared the students´ point of view in the matter. It had been common knowledge that Lady Notredame´s retirement was going to mean the end of devination at Hogwarts.

Dumbledore sounded reserved, to say the least.

Suddenly Severus heard a third person. It seemed to be a woman, but she spoke in a deep, hoarse voice.

"The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches ... born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies ... and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not ... and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives ... the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies ..."

Severus shuddered. What was this about. Suddenly he was grabbed from behind.

"Listening at keyholes, are we?"

The barkeeper had Severus in a tight grip. The young wizard yelped and struggled, but the barkeeper only held on tighter.

"What is this comotion about?" The headmaster had opened the door and looked down at Severus.

"I caught this boy listening at your keyhole, Albus," cried the barkeeper.

The headmaster drew his wand and hit Severus with a spell. The young man felt his arms and legs go limp. "I´ll deal with him later." That said the headmaster closed the door again.

The barkeeper dragged Severus to one of the other rooms and took his wand. He drew his own and cast several spells on the room. "I´ll lift the binding spell now. If you try to run or destroy anything in the room, you´ll pay dearly."

-x-

Severus sat on the bed, his face buried in his palms. What had he gotten himself into! Dumbledore was never going to give him that job! The Dark Lord was going to kill him! He had failed his Lord and potions master or not, he was going to pay.

The young wizard had to wait until dusk before the headmaster returned.

"Professor!" Severus rose when the old wizard entered. The barkeeper came in after the headmaster and stood beside the door with his wand out.

"Master Snape," the old wizard eyed Severus suspiciously.

"I came to ask you for a job."

"He came to eavesdrop," grumbled the barkeeper.

"I made a mistake," pleaded Severus. "I wanted to hear what you asked that woman, to be able to prepare answers."

"Severus, you were always a bad liar," the headmaster said sadly.

"It is true!" Severus insisted.

Dumbledore stepped closer and grabbed Severus´ left arm before the young man could retreat. He forced Severus´ sleeve up.

"Oh, Severus!" the old man sounded sad, as if he was mourning for the whole world.

Severus panicked. "Please," he begged, "please don´t give me to the aurors! They will send me to Azkaban! I don´t want to go to Azkaban." He struggled to pull his arm from the headmaster´s grip. Dumbledore held on for a little while before he let go. Severus sank to his knees and sobbed. "Please!"

"We were suspecting you of being Voldemort´s potions master, but Lily insisted you aren´t."

Severus paled. Lily! What was she going to say when she learned!

"Please, don´t tell her! I couldn´t stand her disappointment! I´ll do anything, but please don´t tell her!"

"Anything, Severus?" Dumbledore asked earnestly.

"Anything," breathed Severus.

"You can´t seriously consider, Albus!" cried the barkeeper.

"Aberforth," the headmaster addressed the man, "can´t you see? We have the chance to get a spy. Can you imagine how many we´d be able to save with a warning at the right time?"

"Spy?" Severus asked anxiously.

"It is the price for your freedom," the headmaster said sternly. "Spy for me and I will let you go. Refuse and rot in Azkaban. You said you´d do anything."

"Yes, I did." Severus hung his head. "I can´t go to Azkaban. I have no happy thought left to cling to when the dementors come for me. But how can I spy for you? He´d know the first minute. He can – he can," Severus looked up at the headmaster from his still kneeling position, "look right into my soul!"

"Nonsense," said Dumbledore. "He´s a legilimens. Legilimency can be fought. I´ll teach you."

"He sent me to get a job at Hogwarts. He wants me to become your potions instructor. I´m supposed to spy on you."

"I see," the headmaster said earnestly. "You can, of course, under no circumstances become my potions instructor."

"But he will kill me if I fail! What good is a spy if he´s killed!"

Dumbledore shook his head. "You may be willing to cooperate, but you still have that mark. I won´t let you near my students. If he kills you, so be it."

Severus gasped.

"But," the old wizard continued, "we´ll try to prevent that. You will tell him that Horace Slughorn decided to stay for another year. The potions position isn´t free."

"He won´t accept that excuse."

"He will. You will also tell him that you eavesdropped on me."

"He´ll want to hear what I heard. What am I to tell him?"

"Give him a bit of what Trelawney said. He´ll be busy figuring out what it meant. Give him only the first line. It will make it harder."

"He won´t be happy when I come back with only a line."

"Say that Aberforth here caught you."

"That won´t work," Severus cried desperately. "I´m as good as dead!"

"It´s the only chance you have," Dumbledore said sadly.

"He´ll look into my eyes and know!" Severus had never been so scared in his life. And knowing that he had been nearly killed by a werewolf that was to say something.

"I will teach you how to fight his legilimency. Can we have the room for the night, Aberforth?"

The barkeeper growled in agreement. A little later the man brought a tray with a bowl of soup and Severus ate greedily. Then the lesson started.

-x-

"I can´t do it!" Severus howled. "It´s too difficult!"

"Stop whining," said the headmaster. "Of course you can do it. You just have to try! Push me out! – Again! Legilimens!"

Dumbledore cut into Severus´ mind with ease and viewed another memory. It must be the hundreth, or even the thousandth, for all Severus could tell. The lesson had lasted all night and the headmaster hadn´t allowed the younger wizard a break.

"This is about your life. If you can´t master the basics before you go back, I may as well kill you. At least it would be fast," said the old wizard when Severus begged him for a short break.

Dumbledore looked for memories of deatheater meetings. He was interested in torture and death. Sometimes he looked sad when he withdrew from a memory and once he murmured "So he didn´t go to America. His mother will be devastated."

"Why are you looking at all those deaths?" Severus sobbed when the first light of dawn showed in the east. "It´s painful for us both! Kill me already! I can´t do it!"

"I look at these memories to give families certainty. Nothing is more tantalizing than not knowing what became of a beloved. If nothing good comes from this night, at least this will. To give them ease of mind and let them grieve. Again! You have to push me out, Severus! – Legilimens!"

Severus cried out in pain and fainted.

When he came to, he lay on the bed.

"I´m sorry, my boy. I pushed you too hard," said the headmaster. "Come, have a cup of tea." He helped Severus up and handed him a cup.

Severus enjoyed the tea like never before. He reveled in the taste and smell. When he had finished his cup, he put it on the bedside table and looked up into the bright blue eyes of the old wizard watching him.

"I´m ready."

"Excuse me, my boy, but you´re ready for what?"

"To die. You promised to kill me fast."

"Oh Severus! I won´t give you up so easily," the old man said sadly. "Nor should you! Look me in the eyes."

Severus obeyed and as he did so, a memory surfaced. He was lying in his bed at Spinner´s end. Lily lay snuggled up to him. Her beautiful face was smeared with tears. Memory-Severus touched her hair lovingly and kissed her forehead. It was the night after she had learned her parents had been killed in an accident. Severus had grieved with her and when she had come to his room because she couldn´t stand to sleep alone he had let her in. He was ashamed as he remembered how he had found his girlfriend´s presence arousing despite her suffering. What kind of person was he!

The memory changed. Lily was younger. They were sitting on the sofa in Severus´ living room and they were kissing. Severus hadn´t thought of kissing Lily for a long time.

"Leave me alone!" he roared and suddenly the memory was gone and the headmaster was beaming at him.

"I knew you could do it, Severus. Now we can work on your technique."

They worked all morning. After a quick lunch, Severus pointed out that he had to go back or the Dark Lord would kill him for his tardiness alone.

"Good luck, Severus," said the headmaster. And the potions master knew that he was going to need it.

-x-

Totally against his habit, the Dark Lord waited for Severus already when he returned. And not at Malfoy Manor. No. The Dark Lord sat in the living room at Spinner´s End, awaiting his spy.

"My Lord!" Severus kneeled in front of his master. "What an honour! For how long have you been waiting? May I bring you some wine?"

"No, thank you. I had a look at your stocks and I´d rather not have any of those. You really should speak to Lucius about wines. He has an excellent taste. – How did it go?"

"My Lord," said Severus, trying to hide his nervousness. "It didn´t go as expected but I didn´t return empty-handed."

"Report."

Severus suppressed a shiver. He knew that tone. The Dark Lord wasn´t pleased.

"I went to the Hog´s Head at the time your spy suggested. I found a woman there, of the name of Trelawney, who applied for the post of devination instructor. Dumbledore came and took her to one of the rooms to speak in private. I followed, to listen."

"Good thinking, Severus. You will make a good spy," the Dark Lord interrupted.

"It was a good and a bad thing that I went. Good, because I heard something that may be of use and bad, because I was caught."

"You were caught? How come you´re here, traitor?" roared the Dark Lord.

Severus forced himself to look the man into his eyes unblinkingly, like the headmaster had taught him. "You were right, my Lord. Dumbledore is a trusting fool."

He allowed his Lord to view the memory of himself falling on his knees and begging Dumbledore for mercy.

"He let you go?"

"He looked into my mind," said Severus. "All night long. In the morning he sent me away." He showed a memory of Dumbledore laughing at him. ´I hope your master deems that little prophecy more valuable than what I got from you!´ the headmaster teased the young man as he stumbled out of the room he had been imprisoned in. They had staged the scene before Severus had left only half an hour earlier.

"Prophecy?" The Dark Lord asked.

Severus could have cheered aloud. The headmaster´s plan worked. The mention of a prophecy had distracted the monster from everything else.

"The Trelawney woman claims to be a seer, my Lord. She made a prophecy when I listened at Dumbledore´s keyhole," Severus said ardently. "Unfortunately I heard only part of it."

"Tell me."

"The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches ... born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies ...," Severus quoted what the woman had said. "At that point I was caught. I´m sorry my Lord. I failed you. Punish me as you see fit." Severus hung his head in submission, thereby avoiding eye contact.

"Vanquish me!" the Dark Lord jumped to his feet. "How dare she! You didn´t fail me, my servant. You brought me a warning. Stand, Severus. There´s much to do!"

-x-

There wasn´t much to be done, though. A child born as the seventh month died wasn´t even conceived at the time being. All the Dark Lord could do was order his followers to make a list of people who had thrice defied him.

Two weeks later it was agreed that hunting down that child was going to be a piece of cake. The list was short. Frank and Alice Longbottom. Two aurors.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25: The Malfoy heir

The Dark Lord ordered Severus to spy on Dumbledore from afar. It was, he pointed out, Severus own fault that the task had become harder due to his inability to get the potions job. Severus was glad about the assignment. That way he could meet the headmaster to pass on information and learn more occlumency (the art of fighting legilimency or even lie to a legilimens). Severus thought he hadn´t much to offer the old wizard. As he never was part of any attacks, he only could provide him with snatches of conversation overheard at meetings, but the old wizard was content with that.

"I was able to warn some of our people in time," he said in September. "You saved some lives, Severus. Emmiline Vance and her husband asked me to express their gratitude for them."

Severus paled. "You didn´t tell them about me!"

"Of course not, my boy. They know I have a spy, but they have no idea about your identity. They just want the unknown saviour to know they´re grateful."

Severus smiled weakly. It felt good to know that he had helped somebody. For the first time in what seemed like forever Severus felt useful.

-x-

In October, Lucius and Narcissa asked another favour from Severus.

"I feel strong enough to try again," said Narcissa, "to give my husband the heir he desires."

"Congratulations," smiled the potions master. They were having dinner before a meeting together, again. "Do you need that strenghtening draught I brewed last winter again? I´ll gladly provide it."

"I will," said Narcissa. "But it´s not as simple as that. I lost not only the baby," her voice fainted as she spoke about the painful events, "but also was seriously injured in my fall. It seems I have trouble to conceive." Her voice ebbed away.

"Narcissa´s healer gave us the name of a potion that could help. Can you...?" Lucius handed Severus a slip of parchment.

"I read about it. It´s not hard to brew, but it needs some very rare ingredients," said Severus.

"You name it, I will get it for you," Lucius said firmly.

"We´ll make a list of what is needed after the meeting," Severus suggested.

"Thank you," whispered Narcissa.

-x-

Lucius spent a small fortune on potions ingredients such as "hair from the tail of a female polar bear", "penguin feathers", "sea cucumbers picked by a virgin mermaid" and "royal blood". Not to mention the more common ones like phoenix tears, unicorn tail hair, doxy droppings, carrots and lemon juice.

Severus brought a bottle of potion for Narcissa two weeks after their conversation.

"You have to take one drop, and one only, before every meal. Don´t be disappointed when it doesn´t work at once. The text says that it may take some months. The bottle holds enough potion for nearly a year, and I´ll brew more if it´s needed. Once you are with child, you can´t stop taking it at once. You should exchange it for the strenghtening draught only after two months."

"Is there anything else I can do?" asked Narcissa. She held the bottle like a little treasure.

"No alcohol. It won´t react well with the potion."

"I will remember it," smiled Narcissa.

-x-

Time went by quickly with spying, brewing and practicing occlumency.

Once Severus had gotten a hang of the latter, he improved quickly. Dumbledore sung his praise at the rare opportunities they had more lessons. The headmaster had come up with the idea to tell Voldemort that he, Dumbledore, had gone on a trip and Severus had followed him to find out where he went and whom he met, while in reality they were at a room at the Hog´s Head, practicing mind magic.

The Dark Lord approved of Severus´ efforts. He listened patiently to tales of Dumbledore going to spas and enjoying massages.

-x-

It was another Christmas spent at the Malfoys´. It was like any Christmas at the Malfoys´. Until Lucius opened his present from Narcissa. It contained a pair of light blue baby shoes.

"Really?" Lucius cried and Narcissa nodded. The blond hurried to hug his wife, lift her and spin her around. The witch laughed and jubilated in turn.

"Sorry!" Lucius cried suddenly and lowered his wife on the sofa gently. "Did I hurt you?"

"No!" laughed Narcissa. "I´m well."

"I´m the happiest man on earth!" Lucius stated. He looked at Severus. "Thank you, my friend. Thank you so much."

-x-

The Malfoys, Severus was informed, invited all family – including Bellatrix and her husband – to share the good news for New Year´s Eve.

It was a clever move. Although Bellatrix never had apologized for cursing Narcissa, the loss of her nephew seemed to have gotten to her. She acted very protective of Narcissa and the baby ever since she learned of the new pregnancy.

As a result, she and Rodolphus were welcome at dinner again. Bellatrix behaved and never said a word against Severus. When Narcissa started to show in March, she even thanked him for providing the potion that helped Narcissa carry her child.

The Dark Lord became aware of the truce between his potions master and his most devoted by Easter.

"Tell me, Bellatrix, what did Severus do to convince you of his devotion?" the man asked in one of the rare meetings without any prisoners.

"I learned that he has nothing but friendship for my sister, my Lord," said the witch.

"How come?" The Dark Lord was bored and Bellatrix had a very entertaining way of telling stories.

"I learned he brews a strenghtening draught for her to help her with the baby."

"A baby? Lucius, you didn´t tell me!"

The blond wizard stepped forward. "I was afraid of sharing the news when it isn´t sure that my wife will be able to carry the child to term," he explained.

"So when are congratulation in order?"

"In late July, if everything goes well, my Lord."

The Dark Lord scrutinized the younger wizard. "A child as the seventh month dies, Lucius? Did you defy me? Thrice?"

"My Lord!" Lucius was scandalized. "If you suspect me of defying you, I failed to make my devotion to you known." He fell to his knees. "Everything I own and am is yours to use for your noble cause, my Lord."

The Dark Lord ordered Lucius to stand with a short gesture. From that day on, Lord Voldemort mistrusted his servant Lucius Malfoy.

-x-

As the weeks passed, the Dark Lord became suspicious of having a spy among his deatheaters. Too many targets escaped their attacks. Too many times they found homes deserted. Lucius was on top of the Dark Lord´s suspect list. He even used cruciatus to find out whether Lucius had given information to the enemy.

It was hard for Severus to see his friend suffer but it couldn´t be helped. The only thing he could do was make sure to give away information that Lucius didn´t have. That way, he hoped, the Dark Lord would leave the blond alone.

His hope was crushed, when the Dark Lord started asking Bellatrix whether Lucius had been asking her about things the Dark Lord hadn´t told him.

"Never, my Lord!" the woman assured her master. "He knows his place and never asks for information my Lord doesn´t share personally with him. Lucius is a loyal deatheater, Master!"

Despite Bellatrix´ reassurances, Lucius was sent out of the room several times at meetings. The blond set his teeth. Being excluded in his own house was humiliating. Severus told himself that he was making it up to his friend by helping Narcissa with the baby.

-x-

It was early in June, when a meeting was disturbed in the most unprobable way. Dobby, Lucius´ house elf, appeared out of thin air in the midst of the deatheaters.

"Master Lucius!" the little creature cried. "It´s the lady! She asks for Master Lucius to come quickly!"

"Oh my God! The baby!" Lucius turned on the spot and ran. "Forgive me, my Lord," he breathed before he disappeared.

"It seems I blamed him for nothing," said the Dark Lord. "Severus, you know about remedies. Go with him."

Severus bowed and followed his friend.

Narcissa was in pain. Her eyes were big and frightened. "It´s too early, he´s not ready!" she moaned as Lucius knelt by her bedside. "Lucius!"

"I´m here, beloved. I sent Dobby for the healer."

"What can I do to help?" Severus asked from the door.

"I don´t dare give her potions without consulting the healer. But I´d be grateful if you could prepare what can be used to save a premature baby. Use my lab."

"Send Dobby, if you need me." Severus started brewing several potions at once. A blood replenishing potion for Narcissa. Strenghtening draughts for children. A potion to help the child breathe.

Dobby appeared two hours later. "The healer asks Master Severus to come upstairs to tell him which potions she needs."

The potions master ordered the elf to stir one of the cauldrons while he confered with the healer.

Narcissa was still in pain and whimpering all the time. Lucius held her hand and was deadly pale.

"So you´re the resident potions master," said the healer, an elderly, very skinny woman. "When did you get away from Horace Slughorn, the old codger? Last year? – Anyway, I need these." She handed Severus a list. "And it would be fine if you could provide one for the pain without any belladonna in it."

Severus produced a vial from his pocket. "Your pain killer. It´s based on phoenix tears and should be harmless for the child." He read through the list and produced two more vials. "The blood replenishing potion and the strenghtening solution."

The healer took the vials. "They´re still warm. You brewed them today?"

"I started when Lucius asked me for help."

"Lucius, you didn´t call me immediately?" the healer asked sternly.

"Of course I called you as soon as I was notified there was a problem," said the pale wizard.

"Impossible! You can´t make these potions in two hours!"

"In fact I can, Madam. Better tend to your patient than tell me what I can and can not do. I´ll bring you the rest within the hour." That said, Severus returned to the lab.

Narcissa gave birth to a very weak little boy in the morning of June, 5th. Her mother and sister came to support her.

Severus found the three women sitting side by side in the bed when he brought another vial of potion for the baby. Narcissa was holding the small bundle.

"Mother," the blonde witch said, "he´s so small! I fear every breath could be his last. My dear little boy!"

touched her daughter´s cheek lightly. "Be brave, my child, as is he. He fights for his little life although it is hard. And don´t forget, never tell him his name!"

"I won´t, mother! I´d keep calling him boy until the day I die if I knew it kept him alive."

"I wish I could do something." Bellatrix looked at her tiny nephew and for the first time ever Severus thought he saw despair in her face.

The potions master cleared his throat. "I´m sorry to intrude, but I have another vial of strenghtening solution for your child, Lady Narcissa."

The blonde witch giggled. "Since when are we on formal terms, Severus? My sister knows you are a close friend, and my mother will be honoured to meet the man who made my small miracle possible. Mother, Severus brewed potions for me to help me with the pregnancy nearly every day. My little one wouldn´t be here if it weren´t for him." She took the vial from Severus.

Mrs. Black smiled at the young man. "Thank you, Master Snape. You are a true friend to my daughter and her husband. Speaking of your husband, my child. Where is he?"

"Trying to get hold of babel fish scales," explained the potions master. "The healer suggested a draught for the baby where they´re needed. Babel fish is extremely rare."

"Lucius´d do anything for his son," Narcissa pointed out.

"Narcissa," Severus asked, "may I ask you a question? I heard you say that you won´t use the baby´s name. Why´s that?"

"It´s an old wizarding belief," the witch explained, looking down at the tiny baby lovingly, "that a soul can´t leave when it doesn´t know what it´s gravestone will say. So by not telling him his name I make sure he has to stay here with me until he learns."

Severus smiled. "If Lucius can get hold of a babel fish, your little boy will soon be able to hear his name. It´s a very powerful potion the healer suggested." Wizarding belief or not, Severus just hoped that Lucius hurried. The child didn´t look as if he cared for his name.

-x-

Lucius came back with a tiny scale of babel fish. "It´s all I could get," he sighed. "Is it enough?"

Severus shook his head. "The recipe speaks of three scales. But I will try to prepare only a third of the draught. It may work. I don´t know. Assist me with the ingredients?"

The two men chopped and squeezed and sliced ingredients in silence. When Severus started the actual brew, Lucius sat and watched.

"If it worked, this should turn silver when I add the scale," Severus explained. He carefully dropped the last ingredient into the cauldron.

The men waited with bated breath. First the brew turned green and the two wizards looked at each other in despair. But then a small cloud of steam rose from the cauldron and the potion glittered silver.

"Green and silver," whispered Lucius.

"Slytherin colours," added Severus.

"A good omen! Let´s take the potion to my son!"

Severus filled the potion into a flask and the two men went upstairs.

-x-

They found Narcissa crying.

"He´s dying," she sobbed. "I can´t make him take his potion! He´s too weak!"

Her mother and sister looked devastated.

"We brought a better potion," Lucius cried.

"Don´t you understand?" screamed his wife. "Whatever it is, he won´t swallow it! He´s too weak!"

"Narcissa, beloved!" Lucius kneeled by the bedside and tried to hold his wife´s hand.

The witch withdrew her hand. "You should look for a more worthy wife! I´m too weak to give you your heir," sobbed Narcissa. "Leave me and find happiness elsewhere!"

"How can you say that! My happiness lies with you!" Lucius reassured her.

Severus watched his friends with sorrow. He handed Bellatrix the flask. "Unstopper that for me." Then he took the bundle from Narcissa´s lap. He dipped his finger in the warm potion and held it to the lips of the barely breathing child. Gently he forced his finger between the pale lips. He moved his finger a bit to wipe some of the potion on the tiny tongue. "More!" he ordered and Bellatrix held out the flask.

"What are you doing?" Mrs. Black asked anxiously.

"Trying to save the baby. – More!"

Severus was putting his finger into the tiny mouth for the fifth time when he felt a reaction. The child was trying to suck the finger.

"He reacts!" the young wizard cried. "More!" He added another drop of potion.

Lucius and Narcissa stopped their quarrel and watched in awe.

"I think we can risk a spoon," Severus ordered.

Carefully Bellatrix filled a tiny spoon with potion and handed it to Severus. The potions master administered the draught with equal care before he handed the baby back to Narcissa. The child´s cheeks had gained colour instantly and his breathing was stronger now.

"Lucius! Tell the healer!" Narcissa cried happily. "Quick!"

-x-

The healer congratulated Severus. "To be honest, I never thought he´d make it. He´s just too small and weak, but you saved him. Congratulations Lord and Lady Malfoy. Your child will live. I´ll give your friend here another list what to brew for him."

Malfoy Manor hadn´t seen so happy people in years. Lucius was beaming like a lunatic all the time. thanked Severus for saving her only grandchild repeatedly and even Bellatrix was in a good mood. She whispered to Severus that her other sister had started a blood traiterous liaison shortly after Severus had met her at her uncle´s house and that the Malfoy baby was her mother's second grandchild. Lady Druella wasn´t ready to acknowledge the other brat, though.

In the evening there was a small feast and Severus was the second guest of honour. The first one slept in his crib, which stood between Narcissa and Lucius´ chairs. After the meal Lucius tapped his glass with his spoon and the witches and wizards fell silent.

"Dear family and dear friend," the blond bowed to his guests, "I want to use this festive occasion to thank you, Severus, for saving my heir." There was a warm round of applause. "And to finally speak the name we chose for him. First, we wanted to name him after the Head of the most noble house of Black." Lucius rose his glass to Narcissa´s uncle, Orion. "But the circumstances of his birth showed us that an other name is fit for him." Lucius turned and picked up the sleeping baby. "Ladies and gentlemen, meet the Malfoy heir. Draco Malfoy!"

The guests clapped again.

Orion rose and lifted his glass. "Although I´d have considered it an honour to have this fine young man named for me, I must congratulate you to your choice. It´s a good, strong, wizarding name."

"He fought for his life like a dragon," beamed Narcissa lovingly and took the baby Lucius was handing her.

-x-

Barely two months later disaster struck. Lily gave birth to a little boy on the last day of July. The Dark Lord let his followers know that he considered this child the child of the prophecy. Several of his servants pointed out that the Longbottoms had gotten a boy only the day before, but the Dark Lord wasn´t interested in the aurors´ child.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26: Protecting Lily

Severus could hardly wait to meet the headmaster again. Lily had to be warned! But it wasn´t until late August that he managed to leave for Hogsmeade. He was busy with the Dark Lord searching for Lily and her child. Deatheaters were sent to get hold of order members quicker than in the last few months. Severus couldn´t give warnings and there were more fights.

The potions master was back to brewing healing draughts and burn salves. In addition he had to provide potions for little Draco Malfoy. Sometimes when Severus held the baby, he wondered what Lily´s baby looked like. Probably it had red hair instead of the nearly white tuft of hair Draco had on his head.

Narcissa´s son was a true Malfoy. His hair was even lighter than his mother´s and he had inherited Lucius´ grey eyes instead of his mother´s blue. The little face was a bit pointy and with a little good will it was easy to see that this little boy was going to be a younger version of Lucius. Narcissa couldn´t have been happier.

It was hurtful to think that he, Severus, endangered the happy little family by his closeness. If the Dark Lord ever found out about his treason, he was not only going to punish Severus but also those close to him had to fear his wrath. It would be reasonable, the potions master admitted to himself, to go more seperate ways from the Malfoys.

Severus was startled out of his brooding by Dumbledore arriving at their room at the Hog´s Head.

"I´m sorry I made you wait so long," said the old wizard. "School business."

"Headmaster!" Severus cried urgently. "You have to warn Lily! The Dark Lord is convinced that Lily´s child is the child of the prophecy. He has all his organisation looking for her! They have to hide!"

"Calm down, Severus," the headmaster said gently. "They are in hiding. We were taking no risks. Both families, the Longbottoms and the Potters are in hiding."

The Potters. Severus had nearly forgotten. She was Lily Potter. And her son was James Potter´s son. The thought hurt and for a moment, Severus´ guard slipped.

"Oh Severus!" Dumbledore said sadly. "She´s so much more than a sister or a teenage crush to you, isn´t she?"

"You saw in my memories," whispered Severus.

"I thought you," the old man hesitated. "you were experimenting."

"Experimenting?" Severus snorted. "I loved her with all my heart and she went and crushed it under her heels."

"Loved? I don´t think so. You´re doing this for her, aren´t you?"

Merlin, had the old man to rub salt into the wound? Didn´t it hurt enough like it was?

"If you ever mention Lily Potter or what I may or may not feel for her again, you´ll need another spy. Azkaban or not."

"I´m sorry, Severus, I didn´t mean to hurt you. It´s only so sad. – So, the Longbottoms are safe?"

"He refuses to even consider their son could be the child of the prophecy. They could waltz under his nose and he wouldn´t care."

"They´ll be glad to hear that." Dumbledore smiled.

They spent the rest of the day practicing occlumency.

-x-

In September Lucius called for Severus urgently. The young wizard snatched an assortment of what he considered "emergency potions" and apparated to the manor. What had happened now? The last time he had seen little Draco, the child had done well.

Lucius waited for Severus in the hall.

"Whatever you do, don´t ask him what happened!" The blond rubbed his arm absentmindedly as he led the way upstairs.

The potions master followed, bewildered.

Things got even stranger when Lucius led the way to one of the guestrooms instead of the nursery.

The Dark Lord lay in one of the beds, his face distorted by pain.

"Severus is here, my Lord." Lucius stayed by the door while the young potions master hurried to the bedside.

"A painkiller," hissed the Dark Lord. "A painkiller first."

Severus knew better than to point out that the painkiller might interact with other potions the man might need more urgently. He pressed a vial of a rather harmless draught into the man´s hand and the wizard gulped it down eagerly.

"Let me see your injuries, my Lord," Severus demanded softly. Merlin, how did you order your agonized master to do something?

Voldemort lifted his cloak and revealed a nasty wound in his side.

"I have salves to help. I need you to allow me to remove your shirt."

"Do it," the Dark Lord ordered. As the painkiller started to work, he became more of his usual self.

Severus unbuttoned the shirt and tried to pull it off, but Voldemort groaned in pain at the movement.

"Please," said Severus, "allow Lucius to help. You´ll be less in pain if we have more hands to help."

Together they took the dark wizard´s clothes off. The wound looked like a cut, but there were also traces of burnt skin.

"I have never seen a wound like that before. Can you tell me what caused it?"

Lucius looked panicky at the question.

"It may help determine what treatment is best," Severus added hastily.

"I never heard that spell before," the Dark Lord hissed.

"Then I will have to try out salves. I may not find the right one at once."

"Whatever," groaned the evil wizard. "I need more painkillers."

"It would be better to administer the salve first. The effects of painkillers are affected by other potions. Can you stand the pain some minutes more, my Lord?"

The wizard nodded and Severus chose a jar of salve from his emergency bag. He rubbed a bit on the edge of the wound. "There are spells that cause certain potions to inflict more damage. You have to tell me honestly whether the pain gets worse where I applied the salve."

"It gets worse!" yowled the Dark Lord.

Severus wiped the salve off hastily and tried another one. This time the Dark Lord sighed contently. "That´s better," he muttered.

The potions master applied more of the salve and was content to see that some of the angry red colour around the wound disappeared at once.

"I know now what will help close the wound. I´m going down to the lab to brew the right oinment for you. Meanwhile I have a painkiller that goes better with the salve than the one I gave you first. I also recommend you take some dreamless sleep. That way you´ll be most comfortable while I brew."

Voldemort nodded his consent and was given his potions. Then Dobby was ordered to keep an eye on the sleeping wizard and Severus and Lucius hurried to the pavement to whip up the potions needed.

"How´s Draco doing?" Severus asked while he sliced tongues of bats.

"Fine!" said Lucius, who was skinning a toad. "He smiled at me this morning. He recognizes his Daddy. Narcissa says he starts grabbing things. It seems he likes her hair. I´m glad I decided on a pony tail years ago."

Severus chuckled and started to boil bile of goat in a cauldron.

-x-

"Thank you, Severus." The Dark Lord drank his healing draught. He had been in bed for nearly a week now and still nobody knew how he had come by his injury.

Severus bowed silently before he turned to leave.

"Stay."

The potions master returned to his master´s side.

"You did good work with that wound."

"It would help to know what caused it. In case any of your deatheaters gets hit by the same spell."

"You´re brave to ask. Surely Lucius told you what happened when he asked."

Severus shook his head. The Dark Lord chuckled. "It seems the enemy is researching spells. Either this was an old, long forgotten spell or – I shudder to think of it – a new one, though I don´t think so. They have nobody powerful enough to invent spells. Not even I can do it."

Severus didn´t reply. What was he to say? That he had invented several spells in the past? That he was – in that aspect – more powerful than his Lord? It didn´t seem a wise move.

"You are a faithful and devoted servant, Severus," the Dark Lord continued. "I decided you deserve a reward. Therefore I will give you your girl back once I caught her. I will spare her for you, my friend. Do you like that?"

"Yes. Thank you, my Lord." Severus felt sick. As if Lily would ever want him back. The mark on his arm alone would cause her disgust, but if she lost her son to the monster Severus served, she´d rather kill herself than have something to do with him.

-x-

Winter passed slowly. Severus tried to not spend so much time at the Malfoys´, though it was difficult. Once he had gained a bit of weight, Draco Malfoy was a charming little boy. He was curious and eager to learn. By February he already crawled on the carpet in front of the fireplace.

Lucius was as proud as a father could be. And more than once they had to get him off that carpet in order to attend meetings.

The enemy, the spy informed the Dark Lord, indeed had somebody to research ancient spells. That somebody was no other than Lily Potter.

"It is very fitting," cried the Dark Lord as he gave that piece of information to his deatheaters. "The Potter brat is imbibing obstinacy with his mother´s milk. When you find them, capture the mother. She will be a good addition to my servants." He smiled at Severus meaningfully.

-x-

Winter turned into spring and Severus found himself in a battle again. But this time it wasn´t one of potions masters, it was one of spies. It seemed the Dark Lord was putting his through his paces. Again and again they were told the Potters´ address and more than once Severus managed just in time to give the headmaster a warning.

"Sir," Severus said, sipping a cup of tea in their room at the Hog´s Head, "I don´t mean to sound like a coward, but things are getting more and more risky for me. It won´t be long before he understands he has a spy in his group with Lily escaping again and again. You have to find a better solution than me giving you warnings."

"I know that you are anything but a coward, my boy," Dumbledore said gently. "You will be relieved to hear that I have a plan in mind to make your warnings unnecessary. Voldemort won´t be able to find the Potters. You will forgive me that I don´t elaborate."

Severus smiled weakly. "What I don´t know I can´t tell. I understand." So the headmaster wasn´t going to need him any more.

It seemed that the old man had read Severus´ mind, though Severus was quite sure he would have realised had anything like that been done. "You know, of course, that you are welcome here even if you don´t have information or warnings. You saved so many lives these past months, if you decided to leave his ranks, you´d be welcome in ours."

Severus shook his head sadly. "You don´t leave his ranks. The only way to quit is to die."

Dumbledore squeezed the younger man´s shoulder gently. "If you decide to try, you know where to get help."

The potions master nodded, but he knew that he was never going to accept the old wizard´s offer.

-x-

In early summer the Potters disappeared. Not even the Dark Lord´s spy could tell where they were. Severus was relieved. With his spying duties less pressing than before he went to see the Malfoys more frequently.

Draco´s first birthday was celebrated with a big party. The whole Black family was invited, as was Severus. The potions master´s part in Draco´s fight for his young life hadn´t been forgotten.

To his parents' delight Draco walked between the guests on wobbly legs. He fell every few steps as walking was very new to him, but with his innocent grey eyes and angelic blond locks it was easy for him to find somebody to help him back up.

"He´s truely a dragon, Lucius," said Walpurga, widow of the former Head of the noble house of Black. "A worthy heir to the name and fortune of Malfoy. He´ll do your house pride." Orion had died around Easter. The witch wore black robes like it was traditional for a mourning wife. "Not like my own."

"We grieve with thee, Lady Walpurga," said Lucius. "It´s a pity that the noble house of Black is left with no heir. Unless your eldest will come to his senses."

"He´s a traitor," Walpurga spat. "I don´t care whether he comes crawling back. He´s no son of mine. It´s a pity that my husband´s brother has only daughters. The ancient house of Black is going to end with me."

"Have you thought of adoption?" Lucius asked.

Walpurga looked at the young man as if he had sprouted whiskers. "Any young wizard of pure blood belongs to an other house. You don´t expect me to soil the bloodline by adopting a half-blood or, worse, a mudblood."

"Of course not, Lady Walpurga. I meant if you found a house with many sons, you could adopt one of the younger. It has been done before."

The witch snorted and the topic was dropped.

-x-

August was nearly over, when a letter arrived. Not a secret message, like Dumbledore usually sent, but a letter, openly delivered by a post owl. Dumbledore wanted him to come to his office the next morning. Severus trusted the headmaster it must be very important and to have a plan to cover his trip to Hogwarts.

The caretaker, waited for him by the gates to allow him on Hogwarts grounds. "The headmaster expects you. The password is ´honey´."

Severus confirmed he had understood with a nod before he hurried up the path to the castle. Although he was confident that the headmaster had some sort of plan to explain his presence at Hogwarts, he preferred not to be seen.

It was strange to be back at the castle. It held so many memories. The young wizard hurried upstairs and stopped only to give the password to the gargoyle guarding the staircase to the headmaster's office.

Severus knocked and was admitted inside at once.

His heart missed a beat. There, by the fireplace, playing with a dark haired little boy, sat Lily. Severus felt a pain he had deemed long forgotten. He had learned to ignore it when he thought of Lily, but now, as he saw her, the feeling of having his heart ripped out of his chest was fresh and hurtful like ever.

"This is against our deal."

Had he known that the old fool was summoning him to torture him, he hadn´t come. Was this what the meeting was about? Dumbledore didn´t need his spy any more, now he could punish Severus for the evil he had done.

"Come in and close the door," the headmaster said softly.

Severus obeyed, his eyes fixed on Dumbledore, avoiding Lily.

"Yesterday," said Albus, "I, or rather we, made an interesting discovery. Lily came to..."

"If you summoned me here to discuss Mrs. Potter, I shall leave," said Severus coolly and got up from the seat he had taken only moments before. How dare the old man! Severus was not going to stay and take blow after blow. No. He was going to leave now and never come back.

"I see you´re not going to hear my story out," said Dumbledore. "So I´m going to sum it up for you."

Severus was determined not to listen what the old man said. He wasn´t interested in Lily. He didn´t wish her misfortune, but he wasn´t going to face her and have his heart broken again and again. Merlin, the mere sight of her was painful!

"Amortentia." Dumbledore said the word just when the young man was going to open the door.

"What did you say?" Severus slowly turned to face the old wizard again. He couldn´t have heard correctly. Amortentia was a love potion. An irresistable love potion. One that made the victim forget every feeling they had felt before. It was deemed indecent, though not exactly illegal.

"Amortentia," the headmaster repeated softly. "She´s been given Amortentia since her seventh year."

Severus was by Lily´s side with a couple of long strides. He looked into the beloved face and all he saw there was sorrow and longing. What was he to do or say? Suddenly he knew that there was only one thing to do. He pulled Lily into a hug. The woman relaxed instantly and returned the hug.

"I´m sorry, my love," whispered Severus, "I´m sorry for believing you´d betray me, my love and trust wasn´t strong enough. Forgive me, Lily, forgive me."

His words were cut off by a kiss and Severus knew he was forgiven.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27: What you wish for

"I love you," whispered Severus when they finally parted. Lily stared at him in disbelief.

"How can you," she sobbed. "I forgot what you meant to me, I married James Potter. I have his son." She pointed at the child who watched his mother curiously.

"You were under the influence of the potion," said Severus, "I lost my trust in you. I was stubborn and proud. I did nothing to save you from him. The difference is I have no excuse."

"You didn´t know."

"Nor did you."

The child chose this moment to stretch his arms for his mother. Lily bent down and picked him up. "You don´t know what all this is about, do you?" she talked to the child in a reassuring tone. "Don´t be afraid, Mommy is OK."

"He´s cute." Severus smiled. The little boy had Lily´s eyes. How could he be anything but gorgeous?

"Yes, isn´t he?" Lily smiled. "He´s the good part of this whole mess."

"He looks like you, with these green eyes."

Lily laughed. "He´s James´ spitting image apart from the eyes."

Severus couldn´t have cared less. He´d have put up with adopting James Potter himself if only Lily would take him back. Which she wasn´t going to do. Not once she knew the truth.

"Is there a future for us?" Severus muttered to himself, his eyes on the child, who returned his gaze unblinkingly.

"A future? You ask me this when you know about Harry?"

Harry? She worried about the child? Oh, sweet Lily, she was in for such a bad surprise. "Don´t you think I can raise a child?"

"Are you willing to do so? When he looks like James?"

Severus shrugged. "All people would see is a dark-haired man and a green-eyed woman with a dark-haired, green-eyed son. Really Lily, I´m not worrying about Harry, but I´m worrying about this." It was no use. He had to tell her.

Hesitantly he started to roll up his left sleeve.

-x-

Lily stared at the snake and skull on Severus´ arm. Severus didn´t dare look into Lily´s eyes. He squeezed his eyes shut and hung his head in shame, ready to endure any accusations or disgust Lily was going to utter.

They didn´t come. Instead he was kissed on his forehead.

"Why?" Lily asked gently.

"Why?" Severus sighed. "I´ve asked myself this question for hundreds of times. Because I had lost you? Because I had nowhere to go to? No job, no plans? Neither family nor friends? Because Lucius offered me friendship and a job? A purpose to live? Once you joined, it´s too late. You can´t quit."

"It was you!" Lily exclaimed suddenly. "You are Albus´ spy and our guardian angel!"

"An angel? I´m hardly an angel," Severus whispered.

There was a knock at the door and after some moments Dumbledore entered.

"I see you´ve already proceeded to the heart of matters," he said kindly.

"Why didn´t you tell me?" Lily asked.

"I had to protect my young friend. The fewer know about him, the safer he is. Have you considered your options already?"

Lily scrutinized Severus for a while, then took his hand in hers. "There´s only one option we wish to become real," she said, "but we don´t know whether we will be strong enough."

Severus blinked. Had he heard right? Did Lily really consider to stay with him despite what he had done?

"Why do you doubt you´ll be?"

"I´m not sure Severus can cope with James´ son."

"And I´m afraid Lily can´t cope with the Dark Lord."

"But I´ve been coping with him for years! I´d have to hide from him. That´s not really new, you know."

"And I told you I have no problem about the little one."

"So where is the problem?" Dumbledore beamed. "Why don´t you go to Lily´s house and have a nice long conversation? I´m sure you´ll be surprised how few problems there really are."

It sounded so easy, but it couldn´t be done. "I can´t go to Lily´s house. First I don´t know where it is and second, what am I going to tell him where I was?"

"You were with me, talking about your new job." The headmaster beamed.

"New job?" Severus was taken aback.

"You still want the job as potions teacher, I assume."

"You´re offering me the potions job?" Severus stared at the headmaster in disbelief.

"Of course. You´d have to stay here most of the time. Thus you´d be well protected of him and you´d be able to go and see Lily. And I need a potions teacher anyway. Horace Slughorn has been asking me to find a successor for years."

Severus could hardly believe it. "You´re offering me this job to enable me to see Lily? Two years ago I begged you to do so on my knees. I told you he´d kill me if I failed to get the job and all you gave me were two lines of a prophecy. And now you offer me the job to enable me to see a girl?"

"You misunderstand my intentions, my dear boy," the headmaster replied kindly. "Two years ago a frightened deatheater asked me for the job. A boy who had just traded his loyalty for his freedom, not a very trustworthy creature. I´m sorry to say so, but I´d rather risk his life than my students´. Today I´m offering the job to a loving young man, who´s been risking his life for love for more than a year. I trust he won´t do anything to betray his beloved and as betraying me would mean betraying her, I can let him near my students. Do you see the difference?"

Severus stared at Dumbledore. "Yes," he said after a pause.

-x-

Lily handed Severus a piece of parchment.

"What is this?" Severus asked curiously.

Lily explained how the Fidelius Charm, which was protecting their whereabouts, worked. "I´m not sure, though, it´s wise to tell you where we are. What if that monster finds out you know where we are hiding!" She looked doubtful.

"Professor Dumbledore tought me occlumency to protect me from the Dark Lord," Severus reassured the woman. "As long as he doesn´t ask the right questions, I´ll be able to hide from him the fact that I know where you are. When I return he´ll ask what I found out about Dumbledore, not whether I met you, visited your house or kissed you."

The headmaster provided them with hooded cloaks as they weren´t to be seen together and accompanied them to the edge of the apparition barriers.

-x-

They arrived at a small house shortly before lunch time and Lily led the way to the kitchen were she put her little boy into his highchair.

"So, what shall we make for lunch?" she asked the infant. "What about potatoes and sausages? Do you like that?"

Harry squealed happily.

"I assume that´s a yes." Lily laughed and put up a pan.

"He determines what you cook?" Severus asked. Lily had always liked to make her own decisions.

"He´s easily satisfied," Lily explained cheerfully while she pointed her wand at the potatoes. "He wouldn´t have said no to spinach either. Can you get him a toy from the living room?"

Severus went to the living room and chose a toy airoplane from a small pile of toys on the carpet. "Do you like that?" he asked Harry and the boy reached out for the plane eagerly.

"Oh, poor you!" Lily cried suddenly, "didn´t James feed you when he fetched his things?" A cat had entered the kitchen in Severus´ tow and now miaowed piteously. She put a saucer of milk to the floor.

Severus hadn´t thought of about Potter at all. This had to be his house. "He moved out?"

"He was very generous. He agreed to get his things out of the house and on divorce without hesitation."

"That was the least after what he´d done! I can´t believe you defend him!"

"What? Oh! No, James didn´t do a thing. All he ever did was honestly love me. It was Black who slipped me the potion. Promise you´ll never blame James. It really wasn´t his fault."

"Black? Why would he do such a thing?" It sounded like Black to take the blame for his best friend though. Severus couldn´t believe that Lily trusted Potter.

Lily sighed. "I didn´t understand first, but then I remembered. He told me he´d do anything to see his best friend happy. He told me over and over. Well, his friend wanted me and his friend got me," she said bitterly.

Suddenly everything made sense. "Oh my god, this was why..." Severus shivered.

"Why...?" Lily turned the sausages.

"Why he sent me to the shack in our sixth year."

"The shack? I don´t know about the shack."

"He sent me after Lupin. I nearly got killed, but Potter saved me. Knowing what I learnt today, I´d say he tried to kill me to get me out of the way for Potter."

Lily paled.

"He tried to kill you? Merlin! And when it didn´t work, he went for me. And I was stupid enough to accept his sweets. I traded you for a couple of bonbons."

"Stop blaming you. Who could have guessed how evil he is?"

"You know, it´s funny," Lily started putting potatoes and sausages on plates. "I don´t think he meant evil. He did it to help his friend and didn´t care about those who weren´t his friends. That´s how he does things all the time."

"I don´t care whether he meant evil. I´ll kill him when I lay my hands on him." The Dark Lord would be proud of him if he ever learned.

"Queue up. You can have what´s left of him after James and I had our word. And please, don´t talk about killing in front of Harry."

"Sorry."

Severus took a plate from Lily, but he hadn´t much of an appetite. Instead, he watched Lily feed her baby. She looked beautiful even doing that.

-x-

After Lily had brought Harry upstairs for his after-meal nap, she and Severus sat on the living room sofa to enjoy a glass of wine together.

"Do you remember when we sat at my house?" Severus asked softly.

"I liked that a lot," Lily replied. "I always leaned on you and you kissed my hair and I never was as content as at these moments."

Severus spread his arm and Lily accepted the offer, nestling against him. "Tell me about your years with Potter," Severus said. "Did he treat you well?" If not, he was going to kill Potter, too.

"He loves me. He waited on me hand and foot. Until the day before yesterday´s evening I was perfectly happy, only it wasn´t real."

He loved her? And Lily acknowledged it? "I see."

"I shouldn´t have said that." Lily sounded sad.

Severus sighed. He wasn´t going to make the same mistake again. It was okay that James Potter loved Lily, as long as Lily loved him, Severus. "I´m relieved you were happy. I always hoped you were. I´m glad I got my wish. When did it start with you and Potter?"

"Do you really want to know? It was a bad time for both of us."

"I need to know or I´ll keep asking myself at what point I made the mistake, which lost you to me." Or at what point he became easy prey for Lucius and his Dark Lord.

"OK, let´s speak about it now and be done with it," Lily suggested. "We had the quarrel on the clearing and I went to meet James at the pub. I had promised and everybody knew about it and I didn´t want him to look like a fool when I didn´t turn up. You had apologized when I left you, but I couldn´t go back or I´d be late for him. I thought I´d signal you at dinner. I should have gone back."

"You had promised to go and I had been an idiot." He had deserved to be left.

"You weren´t there at dinner. And the next thing I heard from you were incorrect accusations." Lily´s voice sounded desperate. Had she felt like that back then? Had Severus made her feel so bad?

"I saw you hold his hand."

"We were clowning around. I wasn´t holding his hand. Not the way you thought at least. Black gave me sweets that day though I don´t think there was anything wrong with those. He offered them to his friends before. It turned out that only I liked them. Later he gave me sweets he had bought especially for me. He must have started with the potion around Christmas. We kissed for the first time at Christmas."

"He told me you´d been kissing since November."

"Not true. I tried to talk to you until the holidays started, but it never worked out right. I found out after the holidays that he had been lying to you. But it was too late. You had seen us kiss and I felt you´d never forgive me. And Black said you didn´t love me anyway or you wouldn´t have refused to talk to me. I believed him. I was so stupid!"

"He gave you the potion and he manipulated both of us. He caught us in a web of lies. What happened then?" How stupid he had been! Why hadn´t he seen that his Lily would never give him up so easily? She had said she loved him! Why couldn´t he just have trusted in her?

"We got married. James sent you an invitation, didn´t he?"

"He was mocking me."

"He learnt about you only yesterday. He thought you were no more than a brother for me and he wanted my family to come to my wedding. He owled Petunia, too."

Severus snorted. "He sent Petunia an owl? That´s cute. The result must have been spectacular. I´d have liked to see Vernon´s face."

They both chuckled at the thought and sipped a bit of wine. For a while they sat in silence and Severus enjoyed the fragrance of Lily´s hair.

"The rest is quickly told," Lily continued at last. "We had some encounters with Voldemort, we work for Dumbledore, we had Harry. You know the prophecy. We´ve been on the run and hiding ever since he was born. And what about you? Tell me about your life!"

"I´d rather not." How could he tell this wonderful woman about the Dark Lord, meetings and torture? She´d chase him away immediately if she knew. She´d be disgusted.

"That´s not fair. I spilled my secrets to you. Now it´s your turn."

Severus knew that Lily wouldn´t give in until she knew what had happened. He chose carefully what to tell her. "Well, Lucius Malfoy offered me a job as a potions master and friendship. I started brewing medicines. He took me to meetings with friends of his. They talked about curses and blood lines and their Lord. Lucius was part of his society and he urged me to become a member, but I hesitated. When I got Potter´s letter I knew I had lost you forever and joined."

"Oh no!"

"I saw soon that I had made a mistake. The Dark Lord is a killer. He talked about protecting the wizarding community from muggles, but it was all about his power. He made me brew poison."

"No! You were the unknown potions master! I asked you for help concerning your own poison!"

"He knew about it and I had orders to be cooperative, to find out how much you knew."

"We heard rumors you were nearly killed when I found an antidote."

"He said I had been too helpful. He didn´t know how brilliant you are. He punished me." That had to do. Severus wasn´t ready to go into detail.

"Were you nearly killed? What did he do to you?"

"You needn´t know. I survived."

"Did he punish you every time I made one of your brews useless?"

"Yes. But not as severe as the first time. He saw that you were a brillant potions expert yourself and he blamed me less. And he found out that I couldn´t work when I was too badly hurt. He decided to go after you instead; to lure you to his ranks."

"He wanted me for my potions abilities. We thought so."

"That, and for me."

"For you?"

"He knows I loved you when we were at school. He hinted he´d make you join and give you back to me. That would be two birds with one stone. He gets a second potions master and if we´re a couple, he can use one against the other and thus ensure that we do the best we can."

Lily stared at Severus in horror. Severus could have slapped himself. Why had he scared her? "He encourages his servants to get married. Then he uses husband against wife and vice versa. He does it all the time."

"That´s what he meant when he said he had what was mine. He was talking about you! And that was why he didn´t want me to join while I was pregnant! He thought you wouldn´t want me!"

Pregnant? Did that mean the Dark Lord had been after Lily before he told Severus he´d spare her for him? But then Severus remembered. `Born to those who thrice defied him´. The Dark Lord had been after Lily for a long time. "He doesn´t understand love. I wouldn´t have cared."

"We´re lucky he doesn´t understand."

They stayed on the sofa all day. Severus confessed that he had told the Dark Lord about the prophecy. Lily told him about Myra´s wedding and that her best friend had a little daughter called Aimée.

Severus tried to imagine what it would have been like to go to France with Lily and see Myra and Pierre again. Their friends must have been surprised when Lily turned up with Potter instead of him. Somehow it was comforting to know that others hadn´t suspected anything wrong with Lily´s sudden change of heart either.

-x-

After dinner – Severus tried to feed Harry, but after three spoonfuls Lily rolled her eyes and took the spoon from him – and tucking Harry in together, they returned to the sofa. It was pure bliss to sit there with Lily and chat. Severus could have stayed all night, but of course that was not an option.

With a heavy heart Severus offered to go. He wasn´t sure when he´d be able to return.

"Do you have to?" Lily asked softly.

Severus hesitated. "Not necessarily."

"You wouldn´t get in trouble for staying?"

"I stayed away for days before."

Lily got up and offered Severus a hand. "Come, I´ll show you where you can sleep."

-x-

Severus followed Lily upstairs, wondering where he could stay. The house was small, he had only seen three doors. A bathroom, the nursery and one bedroom he guessed. Lily couldn´t mean to...!

Lily opened the door on the right. It was, indeed, the bedroom. With a double bed in it.

"Don´t be shy," Lily whispered and tugged at Severus´ hand. "Come in." She waved her wand at the bed and fresh coverlets appeared.

Severus moaned. "Lily! Are you sure?"

"As sure as I´ll ever be," Lily whispered before she kissed him. "We missed so much time!"

Severus kissed the young woman back passionately and wrapped her in his arms. Oh, she fit there so well. As if the spot was meant for her.

Lily brought her hands up to Severus´ waist and tugged at his shirt. When her hands touched the skin on his back Severus wanted to die. He was in heaven.

-x-

Lily had to get up early the next morning. Harry needed his breakfast. Severus would have liked to lie in a bit with her – after last night he was more determined than ever to make Black pay for every single minute he had missed with Lily – but he understood that the baby came first.

He watched Lily dress for the day before he got up.

When he followed her downstairs some minutes later, Severus was in for a bad surprise.

Potter was there.

"I see you lost no time," said the man. Lily´s husband.

"We lost more than five years," Severus said coolly and continued downstairs. He stood beside Lily, wrapping his arm around her waist.

The two men stared at each other with hatred. Each was trying to outstare his rival. Neither was ready to move first.

"You both claim to love me," Lily said sternly. "Well, proove it. Harry´s breakfast is on the kitchen table. Go and feed him. And don´t you dare scare him. I´ll chase you out of the house if you do. Both. I´ll get dressed in the meantime." She handed Harry to James and started climbing the stairs.

"So you love her," hissed Potter. He glared at Severus.

"I´d die for her."

"So would I." That said, Potter turned to Harry. "Did you sleep well, Harry? Did you miss Daddy?" He shot another glare at Severus. "Did the strange man frighten you?"

"No, he didn´t," Severus replied for the child in a mock baby voice. "The strange man is very nice and Mummy likes him much better than you!"

"Snape!" hissed Potter. "Don´t provoke me! Lily may have run to you, but in the end she´ll return to me! I´m the father of her son!"

"Potter, you should never have touched her! She´s mine! She always was! Until you and Black drugged her!" Severus hissed back.

"I did nothing wrong! Can you blame me for loving her?"

Severus was about to say yes when Harry whimpered. The little boy looked at the two men with unease.

"Look what you have done! You scared Harry!" hissed Potter.

"WE scared Harry," sighed Severus. "Potter, if you and I quarrel, Lily and Harry will suffer. We better go and feed the child as we were asked to. Let Lily decide whom she wants."

"As much as I hate to admit it, that makes sense," muttered Potter and led the way to the kitchen.

-x-

Lily had left a bowl of porridge on the kitchen table. Potter put Harry into his high chair, while Severus went searching for a spoon. By the time Potter had Harry safely in his chair, Severus had found a spoon and started feeding the baby. Harry ate with a good appetite.

"I think this is my job," hissed Potter.

"What, do you think I can´t feed a baby?" Severus asked mockingly and continued his task. He had fed Draco before, hadn´t he? He was the boy´s honorary godfather after all. (His godfather for all formal purposes was Crescens Moleston, Head of the House of Moleston. The Molestons came from one of the smaller northern islands, but, Lucius had pointed out with a grin, were known for their abilities in broom-craft. The fact wasn´t widely known as "Cleansweep" was a better name for a racing broom than "Moleston".)

"I´m the father of this baby!" Potter hissed angrily. He dipped his own spoon into the porridge.

Harry looked at the two full spoons offered to him astonishedly. Which one was he to take? At last he took the safe way out and started to cry.

"Look what you´ve done!" hissed Severus. "Lily will have both our hides." He tried to calm the child down, to no avail.

"Look here, Harry!" Potter called softly. He had his wand out and made his spoon float in front of Harry.

The boy was very interested. His sobs stopped and he watched the spoon.

"Open your mouth!" Potter cried happily and had the spoon land at its goal after a looping. Harry swallowed his porridge and squealed.

Severus recognized a challenge when he saw one and made sure to direct his spoon into a looping, too.

Two minutes later the two men were absorbed in a looping contest and the baby in giggles.

-x-

Lily glared at the two men sternly when she came to the kitchen, dressed in a green skirt and white T-shirt. Severus looked around guiltily. The kitchen was splattered with porridge.

"It will not be me who cleans the kitchen."

Both men lowered their wands. Severus felt a wave of shame wash over him. Had Lily asked so much of them? They couldn´t even feed a baby!

"Oh, come on, don´t look at me like that. I´m glad you´re getting along," Lily continued after a short silence. She turned to Harry. "Did you get enough to eat, darling? Or did the childish men drop it all to the floor?"

"To be honest, you´d rather make another bowl of porridge," said Potter.

"I didn´t spill it."

"I don´t know how to make porridge."

Severus gave a theatralic sigh and stepped to the stove. He put up a pot and started to lay out the ingredients.

"Is this why you prefer him over me? Because he can cook?" Potter started to clean the floor.

"Don´t be stupid. I never cared whether you could cook."

"So why?" Potter sounded bitter now. Severus was all ears.

"Because I love him and not you. I´m sorry. You´re wonderful, James, but I´m not available."

Strangely enough it didn´t hurt to hear Lily say that Potter was wonderful. Let him be wonderful as much as he liked as long Lily loved him, Severus.

"I´ll kill Sirius for this mess."

Severus found that there might actually be one task where he was willing to cooperate with Potter.

-x-

After breakfast – the adults had coffee and toast – they moved their meeting to the living room. Potter tried to convince Lily that she had to stay with him for Harry´s sake, but Lily stood her ground. Potter was devastated to learn that his best friend had known about Lily and Severus.

They were just discussing the subject of Severus adopting Harry and thus giving the boy two parents he lived with, when the dark mark burned.

"I have to go," Severus whispered as he got up.

"To go?" Lily didn´t understand.

"I´m being called." Severus rubbed his left arm. He just hoped Lily understood. He had no time to discuss the Dark Lord with Potter there and then.

"I´ll see you out." Lily opened the front door to let Severus out. "Take care," she whispered.

"I´ll be back as soon as I can." After a quick kiss Severus apparated.

-x-

When he reached Malfoy Manor, he was lead to the ballroom by the house elf. Only the Dark Lord and Lucius were present.

"Where were you, Severus?" the Dark Lord asked sternly. "I sent a list of potions I need to your house yesterday, but you weren´t there. So?"

"My Lord," Severus sank to his knees. "Forgive that I didn´t leave word. Everything happened so quickly and I had to hurry in order not to miss the opportunity."

"Elaborate," the Dark Lord ordered.

"Yesterday," Severus reported, still kneeling, "I got an owl from Dumbledore. It turned out that Slughorn finally decided to retire. I was granted the potions post, my Lord." He looked into the evil wizard´s eyes unblinkingly. That part was true after all.

"Splendid!" cried the older wizard. "I knew Dumbledore is a fool! And what a fool he is!"

"My Lord, may I speak openly?" asked Severus.

"Do so, Severus!" the Dark Lord´s mood had improved instantly.

"Your summons today, though welcome for your humble servant, was most inconvenient today. It nearly gave away my allegiance to you. We have to think about something different." Severus held his breath. Had he been too cheeky?

"You´re right," mused the Dark Lord. "It wouldn´t do to lose the position by warning Dumbledore. We´ll appoint a day when you will report to me. I won´t summon you again. You´re to come when you know your schedule for the year and we´ll fit your work for me in around your Hogwarts duties."

"You´re most generous, my Lord."

"You are aware, Severus, that you´ll have more responsibilities from now on. You won´t be able to ask for advice on short notice. Don´t fail me!"

"My Lord, I´ll serve you and your interests to the best of my abilities."

They had champagne for breakfast.

-x-

Severus spent all day brewing. And not only that, he also brewed the whole evening and the next morning. He didn´t get more than two hours of sleep.

Around lunchtime the Dark Lord himself came to Spinner´s End to see how Severus was proceeding with his work.

"I´m sorry to put you through your paces like that," the wizard said. "But you see, as you will be at Hogwarts and we need those potions you have to make them before term starts." He sat at the kitchen table and watches Severus work. "Your reward will be according."

"Your favour will be all the reward I need, my Lord," Severus said humbly. It wouldn´t have hurt to get a bite though. Lunch would have been nice after having missed all meals since yesterday´s breakfast.

"You deserve a real treat, Severus," said the dark wizard. He took one of the vials Severus had stoppered earlier and examined the colour of the brew. "I tell you what I´ll do. I´ll kill that Potter brat and his father with him when I find them and you can have the girl. Would you like to have your teenage love back, Severus?"

"You´re most generous." Severus ignored the fact that the promise was an old one and made a mental note to warn Potter.

-x-

Three hours later Severus finished his brewing and delivered the potions to Malfoy Manor. With Severus gone to Hogwarts, Lucius was the potioneer in charge for the organisation.

After a quick hello to Narcissa and little Draco, Severus returned to Godric´s Hollow, to the Potter house.

Lily greeted him in the hall with a passionate kiss before she led the way to the living room where Potter was playing with Harry. "Did he move back in?" Severus glared at the other man.

"No, stupid, he´s visiting his son." Lily slapped Severus´ arm playfully.

"I see."

Potter had the decency to take his leave immediately.

"There´s no need to be hostile against James," Lily said softly. "Don´t forget we want him to consent in the adoption matter."

"Sorry, I forgot," Severus had to admit. "I´m so tired, I can´t even think."

"Did you eat?"

"Does yesterday morning count?"

"Does he always punish his servants by starving them?" Lily asked, already heading for the kitchen.

"What? – No," Severus laughed. "I wasn´t punished. In fact he was pleased with me getting the potions job. I was promised a reward."

"A reward? What can it be?" Lily placed a bowl of soup in front of Severus. It was delicious, though Severus would probably have thought the same about any food put in front of him at that point.

"You. He promised to kill Potter and give you to me when he finds you. We have to warn Potter."

"Why didn´t you warn him at once? He only left two minutes ago!"

"Sorry. I forgot."

"Eat now. I´ll tell him." Lily sent her patronus to find Potter. It was a bat and Severus thought it was very cute. "Why didn´t you eat then?"

"He made me brew potions. I won´t have much time to do so when I´m at Hogwarts."

"More poisons?"

"No, mostly healing draughts. It seems that he has a spy in his ranks. His servants get hurt," Severus grinned. It was amazing how life had improved within two days.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28: The beginning of the future

There was only one week left before term started and Severus would have loved to spend it with Lily. But it wasn´t possible. He had to go to Hogwarts every day in order to prepare lessons and materials and – worst of all – to meet his new colleagues.

It was strange to think of professors McGonagall, Flitwick or Sinistra as his colleagues. They had been his teachers only so little time ago!

Especially professor McGonagall seemed to agree with that.

"Albus," huffed the deputy headmistress when Severus was introduced to the assembled teachers as the new potions master, "are you completely out of your mind? First you appoint that ... that ... that woman and now a child!"

Severus felt himself blush.

"Severus is hardly a child, Minerva," the headmaster said benignly. "And he is qualified. I´m confident he´ll do a wonderful job teaching potions."

The woman snorted. "You won´t know the teacher if you enter his NEWT class. Look at him, half of his students will be taller than he is."

"That can be said for Filius, too," Dumbledore pointed out.

Professor Flitwick snickered. "In fact I never had a student who didn´t tower over me," he giggled. The head of Ravenclaw winked at Severus.

"See?" the headmaster asked pointedly.

The deputy headmistress wasn´t beaten so easily, though. "Albus, how can he be a teacher for his former housemates? No offence, Master Snape, but I think you are too young to be a teacher. Too young by far. The headmaster didn´t do you a favour by giving you the job."

"I´m confident I´ll do a good job," Severus replied, though he didn´t feel confident at all. "I may need some hints in the beginning but I planned my lessons carefully and I know my potions. There won´t be any mayor problems."

Dumbledore smiled benignly and professor McGonagall looked doubtfully.

"You can come for advice whenever you feel you need it," said professor Flitwick. "And as we´re colleagues now, you´d better start calling me Filius."

"There´s one more thing," said the headmaster after Severus had accepted the small wizard´s offer to use his given name, "Horace was head of Slytherin. With him gone Severus is the only Slytherin teacher we have. It´s only fit that he takes on the head of house duties."

Professor McGonagall didn´t look convinced it was a good idea but she said nothing.

-x-

Severus asked the headmaster about the head of house business after the end of the official meeting.

"Professor McGonagall is right, and we both know it," he said. "I´m too young. For teaching and even more to be a head of house."

Dumbledore smiled. "My dear boy, the head of house business will come in handy, you´ll see. We can use it as an excuse whenever you can´t be where Voldemort expects you."

"That may be true, headmaster," replied the potions master, "but I can´t just be head of house formally. I have to fulfill the duties of head of house. The students need someone to look after them and guide them. I´m not sure I can do that properly and I don´t want their education to suffer because of me."

Dumbledore chuckled. "I´m sure you will do well, dear boy."

-x-

Hadn´t it been for the fact that Severus feared the Dark Lord´s wrath, he´d have taken Lily and Harry and gone running. Never had he been so frightened than the evening of September, 1st, at the head table of the Great Hall at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. Filius Flitwick, who had visited the young man at the potions classroom to see how he was doing several times over the past week, patted his hand reassuringly.

"Everything will go well," the small man whispered under his breath.

Severus nodded solemnly. He tried to concentrate on the sorting. The deputy headmistress had just brought the new first years into the hall and was now placing the sorting hat on their heads one after the other.

After the sorting, the headmaster made his start of term speech. He informed the students of the school rules, especially about forbidden items. Then he announced the appointment of a new potions teacher.

Severus rose when his name was mentioned. There was a polite round of applause and some whispers at the house tables.

Then Dumbledore announced him head of Slytherin.

The House was dumbfounded. "He can´t be serious!" somebody cried and there was murmur of consent.

The headmaster ignored Slytherin house in favour for announcing the start of the feast.

-x-

Severus went down to the dungeons to greet his house after the feast with a foreboding of doom.

All of Slytherin house was assembled in the Common Room.

"Slytherins," Severus addressed the students nervously. "Welcome back to a new school year. I hope it will be a successful one for everybody. Good night."

Severus was glad he had only prepared a very short speech. Some of the older students were smirking at him. Had they been at the lake in Severus´ fifth year? Did they know about his war with Potter and Black?

-x-

It seemed they did.

A tiny first year knocked at Severus´ door the next morning before breakfast. He held greying underpants in his hand and held it out to Severus. "We found this at the Common Room, Sir," said the boy politely. "And we wonder whether you know whose it may be."

Severus had to use all his willpower not to hex the child. The boy was looking at him so innocently that Severus was sure some of the older students had tricked their younger housemate into asking Severus that.

The young potions master took the pants from the boy and sent him back to the Common Room.

-x-

The first duty Severus had to fulfil as head of Slytherin house was to hand out the timetables to the students. It went well with the lower years, but the older students treated him more like a classmate than their head teacher.

"Sev, double History of Magic on Monday morning?" said Bertram Mullins. "Isn´t there anything to be done about that?"

"It´s Professor Snape for you, Mullins," hissed Severus.

"Oh, come on, I´ve been calling you Sev for years."

That was true, but Severus had never authorized or liked the nickname before.

"Two points from Slytherin for lack of respect for a teacher," said a small voice from beside Severus. "Professor Snape, when you have a free minute, I´d like a word, please. I need your help with a potion."

Severus gave a nod, grateful for Professor Flitwick´s interference. The students were well behaved, now that the small head of Ravenclaw was standing within earshot, waiting for Severus.

When all the students were on their way to get ready for their first lessons, Severus and the Charms teacher sat down at the head table. Flitwick poured them both coffee.

"So, what can I do for you, Filius?"

"I just wanted to sample this excellent coffee with you," smiled the smaller teacher.

Severus blushed. So Flitwick had seen he was in trouble with the Slytherins and had come to his rescue. What was going to happen when Flitwick wasn´t nearby?

"You have to get used to dealing out punishment," said Filius. "Teaching wasn´t easy for me in the beginning, with me being so small. And it won´t be easy for you, because you´re so young. We both don´t look like the typical teacher, so we have to gain their respect. We don´t get it in advance."

Severus was all ears. "How do we do that?"

"By showing in our lessons that we´re competent teachers. Despite their dislike for homework, most students want to learn. When they see that you can teach them something worth learning they will respect you. You have to survive the time before that insight, though. Deal out punishment. Take points. Give detentions. There are rules and you have to insist the students obey the rules. No exceptions unless the castle is on fire."

The small wizard snickered at his last suggestion.

"It sounds easy when you say it, but I´m not sure I can do it," he sighed.

"You´ll see, once you´re started it gets easier."

-x-

Severus´ first lesson was a third year Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw class. He had chosen a simple draught to prevent wounds from scarring. It was easy enough to brew and mistakes couldn´t lead to something dangerous. Severus wanted time to watch his students prepare the ingredients to get an impression where they stood in their learning.

"While the potion should be easy for third years to brew," he explained, "the preparation takes diligent work. Cut your radish too big and the potion will be useless. Crush your fish scales too sloppy and your potion will cause scars instead of preventing them. Count your stirs well. Any change could ruin your brew."

The students started and Severus was content that the Hufflepuffs did a very good job preparing their ingredients. The Ravenclaws tended to be too quick, but they were better at the actual brewing.

Everybody finished within an hour.

"We´ll use the second part of the lesson to brew the same potion again," said Severus. The students moaned. "But this time, we´ll team up a Hufflepuff with a Ravenclaw. The Ravenclaw student in the team will be responsible for the ingredients, the Hufflepuff for the brewing."

"But Sir," cried a blonde Hufflepuff girl. "that way everybody has to do what they can´t!"

"Miss Skyblue, I´m convinced you´re very able to brew this potion. Until now, you only didn´t, because you are even better at preparing ingredients. If you practice what you´re not so good at, you´ll end up a competent brewer."

"Oh!" The girl blushed.

An hour later Severus had twenty exhausted, but happy students in his classroom. Everybody had done what they thought they weren´t good at, nevertheless ten acceptable potions bubbled in their cauldrons.

"Miss Skyblue, Mister McDowel, Miss Scarborough, please fill your brews into one of the flasks you find on my desk."

"Sir?" asked Charles McDowel, a gangly Ravenclaw.

"It would be a pity to waste excellent work. Madam Pomfrey will be glad to get a refill for her stocks," Severus explained.

The children beamed and rushed to obey.

-x-

If Severus had thought things would be easy in class he was mistaken. His first class ever had gone well, but it was an exception. Any class with Slytherins in it was hell. The older Slytherins obviously had lost no time at all to inform their younger housemates of Severus´ time at Hogwarts. He was asked about hexes and jinxes, about inter-house fights and one girl even asked openly whether he could tip her off how to deal with troublesome Gryffindors.

Worst of all was the NEWT class on Thursday. Severus had prepared a lesson on skele-gro, a potion that came up in the NEWT exams in four out of five years.

"I´m sure you´d rather teach us something really wicked," Bertram Mullins commented. "Something more ... dark." He even had the cheek to wink at Severus.

The young potions master paled. Did the children know?

"My uncle says you´re good at wicked stuff," said Cindy Mulciber.

They knew.

-x-

The weekend couldn´t come quickly enough. The headmaster called for Severus after his last lesson on Friday.

"How are you, dear boy?" the old man asked. "I hope you found your way into teaching easily enough."

"It's a disaster," Severus confessed. "I don´t think I can do it." He hung his head.

"You want to resign?" Dumbledore asked softly.

The potions master shook his head. "I wish I could, but he´d kill me if I gave up the job. I only fear I won´t be good for the school. If the students don´t take me serious, they won´t learn much."

"I´m sure you´re having only beginner´s trouble. Things will get better," soothed the headmaster. "So, Severus, you have the first weekend off. What will you do?"

Severus shrugged. "Go back to him. He ordered me to come on my first day off. I just hope he´ll let me leave in time to see Lily."

-x-

The Dark Lord read through Severus´ timetable thoroughly. The potions master had apparated to Malfoy Manor first thing on Saturday morning.

"You´ve got a lot of patrolling duties," he remarked.

"I´m the youngest on staff. It seems it´s a job nobody wants and therefore the new teacher got it, my Lord," Severus explained. Dumbledore had suggested to put ´patrolling the corridors´ onto his schedule for the time he was going to spend with Lily.

"It seems that Tuesday evening is the best time for you to come and report about Dumbledore," said the Dark Lord. "Report to Lucius now. I think he has troubles with some of his potions."

Severus bowed and went to the lab after a quick hello to Narcissa and Draco. Lucius was slicing squid tentacles.

"Severus!" cried the blond. "I was hoping you´d come. Our Lord wishes to use Measle Draught on the muggles, but it´s complicated. It don´t think I can brew it properly without your help."

They made the draught together. Severus couldn´t have been more unhappy. Measle Draught had to boil down for eight hours. There was no way to make it quicker. They put the time they had to wait to good use, though. Severus made more healing draughts and oinments for battle wounds. At noon they took a little break and went upstairs for lunch.

Severus enjoyed conversation with Narcissa – she had read a new muggle crime story and needed someone to discuss it – and playing with little Draco. The little boy had learned to walk properly during the summer and now took pleasure in carrying his toys around all over the house. Dobby, Narcissa smiled, was busy making sure that the Dark Lord wasn´t bothered with Draco´s things.

It was already dark outside when Severus was finally able to apparate to Godric´s Hollow. Lily was waiting for him by the door. They kissed as soon as the door had closed on Severus.

"What kept you so long?" she whispered.

"Potions," Severus whispered back. "He wanted Measle Draught."

"What for?" Lily´s eyes shone with amusement.

"Muggles." Severus felt bad about telling her that he had helped prepare an attack on defenseless muggles.

"Muggle medicine can cope with measles very well," Lily pointed out.

Severus smiled. "I´m glad."

"Won´t he be angry when his attack won´t be the success he wanted.?"

"Not really. Being a pureblood snob, he doesn´t expect his deatheaters to keep up with muggle research."

Lily giggled and led the way to the living room. She disappeared to the kitchen when Severus had sat down on the sofa and returned with a platter of sandwiches and a bottle of wine.

"So, how was your first week?" she asked gently as she poured the wine.

"It's a disaster. The seventh years have wasted no time telling the younger students about my own school-days. And some of the Slytherins even know who I´m actually working for. Luckily they only keep hinting but don´t tell openly."

"How do they know?"

"They have relatives working for the same master. Parents. Uncles. Brothers."

"What will happen to their relatives if a student´s behaviour causes you to fail?"

Severus could have slapped himself. Why hadn´t he thought about that?

-x-

The head of Slytherin cornered Bertram Mullins and Cindy Mulciber before breakfast on Monday morning.

"Listen, you two," he hissed as he locked and warded the door of the empty classroom he had pushed the Slytherins into. "Let´s not beat about the bush. You know who I´m working for and I know why you know. What I don´t understand is why you are stupid enough to endanger your relatives´ lives. Do you really think that He will be pleased if I fail because you didn´t cooperate? Do you really think that I won´t give him your names when he makes me pay for my weakness? I think not."

Bertram and Cindy paled.

Severus smirked. "On the other hand I may mention how helpful you were..."

"We´ll do our best to be of assistance, Sir," said Cindy.

-x-

With the Slytherin students under control life as a teacher became easier.

"I told you so," smiled Filius kindly when Severus told him about his last NEWT class. "only beginner´s troubles."

"I was very sceptic about your appointment," said Professor McGonagall – who had become ´Minerva´ at the end of September – kindly, "but it seems that I was wrong. You´re doing well."

Life had, again, settled into a routine. Most of his time Severus was a Hogwarts teacher. On Tuesday evenings he went to the Dark Lord. No matter how long it took for him to return to the castle, the headmaster always waited for him at the gates and sent a patronus message to Lily to inform her of Severus´ safe return.

Potter spent Tuesday evenings with Lily to see his son. Severus was glad about it. That way Lily was distracted and couldn´t worry for him all the time.

Severus went to see Lily and Harry every Wednesday evening. He could only stay for two or three hours, but every minute he was able to spend with them was precious to him.

The best thing were the weekends. Severus had no idea how the headmaster had explained to his colleagues that the junior staff member had every weekend off, but he didn´t ask. He spent every Saturday and Sunday with Lily and Harry. The days were dedicated to playing with the little boy. It wasn´t easy to raise a child exclusively indoors, especially when Harry had started exploring the world on his own little feet. The child loved to look out of the windows and Severus thought that it wasn´t fair that the little boy couldn´t go outside.

Lily kept asking Potter to consent that Severus adopted Harry. They wanted to become a real family. Potter, though, hesitated. He feared to be left out of his son´s life. Part of Severus could understand him, but nevertheless, he couldn´t wait for Potter to make the decision.

Lily was impatient, too. More than once she told Severus about having quarrelled with Potter because of the adoption matter.

October was nearly over when Potter finally agreed.

-x-

Severus went to Dumbledore´s office when he returned to Hogwarts that Sunday.

"Severus," the headmaster greeted him. "Is there a problem?" The old man looked worried as it was rather unusual for Severus to come and see him on Sunday.

"No, headmaster. I´ve come to ask you a favour."

"What can I do for you, my boy?"

"Potter finally agreed to let me adopt Harry," Severus explained. "So Lily and I can get married. The problem is, Lily can´t go to London to sign any papers. It´s too dangerous. Can you help?"

Dumbledore beamed. "Of course, dear boy. Congratulation! What about I ask a friend of mine to come to Hogwarts. To minimize the risk for Lily I suggest to have the divorce, wedding and adoption on one day. Have you decided on a date?"

"Not yet. We wanted to ask you first."

"Then I suggest the 1st of November. The students usually sleep in after the Halloween feast, so Lily and James won´t be seen when they come to my office."

"November, 1st, would be great, headmaster. Thank you."

"You´re very welcome, my boy, very welcome, indeed. Now, indulge an old man and have a glass of champagne with me." The headmaster handed Severus a glass which hadn´t been there a moment before. "To you and Lily, my boy!"

The raised their glasses and drained them in one.

-x-

Halloween morning dawned bright and sunny. Severus and Lily enjoyed their morning in bed longer than usual. Lily pointed out she wanted to take advantage of having an unmarried boy in her bed. Severus realized only then that the next time they were going to be together it was going to be as husband and wife.

"If you prefer unmarried young men, madame," he growled, "let me kiss you once more, before you have to put up with an old, boring husband."

"You´ll never be boring to me," giggled Lily, but she didn´t refuse the kiss.

They were a bit late when they finally got up (Harry was asking for attention loudly). The only way to be at Hogwarts on time was to skip breakfast.

"Do you really have to go this early? Can´t you stay for breakfast?"

"No, sorry. You know how busy the whole school is on Halloween. Dumbledore´s doing so much for us, I don´t want to make him angry by being late."

Severus pulled Lily close for a quick hug and placed a gently good-bye kiss on her cheek.

"I´ll come to accompany you to the castle tomorrow at 9 o´clock."

"I can hardly wait."

"You´ll have your divorce by 9:15, be my wife by 9:30 and I´ll adopt Harry by 9:45." It sounded too good to be true. "You don´t think Potter will back out?"

"No, he keeps his promises. He´ll be there."

"Good. I´m looking forward to tomorrow."

"So do I. I was a bit nervous, we won´t get our wedding in time."

"In time?"

"For the baby." Lily´s eyes shone with joy.

"Baby?" Severus wasn´t sure he had heard right.

Lily smiled.

"You mean to tell me..." It wasn´t possible! A baby? For him? Just when he had thought life couldn´t get better!

Lily nodded. "Go now, you´ll be late. We can talk tomorrow."

"A baby!" Severus beamed. He kissed Lily again before he was shooed out of the front door.

-x-

Severus had to use all his willpower not to grin like a fool all day. Severus spent his morning brewing Euphoria with the NEWT class. It was, he thought, a clever move. If he slipped and grinned, people were going to think it was because of the potion.

By lunchtime all the seventh years were in an extremely good mood. Severus hadn´t made them sample their brews, but the fumes alone were enough to plaster happy smiles on their faces.

Luckily it was Halloween. The afternoon lessons had been canceled to give the children time to prepare for the feast. Severus spent the afternoon with Filius, decorating the Great Hall. The potions master conjured garlands and the Charms teacher added special effects.

Hagrid brought huge pumpkins and the three men made laterns out of them.

The feast was magnificent. The Hogwarts elves had outdone themselves. The variety of dishes was overwhelming. Severus tried a bit of everything. It was, after all, the closest to a stag party he´d get. By dinner time tomorrow he was going to be a married man. A married man with a wonderful adoptive son and expecting his first natural child. A man with a family.

-x-

Severus was woken before dawn. Dumbledore´s head sat in his fireplace.

"Come to my office immediately, Severus."

The man´s tone alone told the potions master that something was very wrong.

-x-

Severus was just crossing the Entrance Hall when he ran into Hagrid.

"Professor! Good news!" beamed the half-giant. "You Know Who is dead! The war is over!"

Severus could hardly believe it. He was free!

Hagrid´s face fell, when he continued. "What a pity we lost Lily and James so close to the end."

It couldn´t be true! No!

Severus left the gameskeeper and raced up the stairs, ignoring the other man´s cries behind him.

"Tell me it´s not true!" he panted as he pushed the door to the headmaster´s office open without knocking.

"Oh Severus," Dumbledore said sadly. "Who told you?"

"Hagrid."

"Ah." The headmaster needn´t say another word. Severus knew from the pity that was written all over the old face.

The potions master fled to the window. "Is it true?" He stared out of the window. The first light of morning showed on the horizon but the Hogwarts grounds were still pitch black.

"I´m afraid so." Dumbledore said softly.

"Potter died with her?"

"With her and for her."

"This was supposed to be our wedding day. Now she´ll be Lily Potter forever. She never wanted to be this. Why was he there?"

"Whenever you weren´t there to protect her, he was. Under his invisibility cloak, for she wouldn´t let him stay openly. Did you know that she had a habit of telling Harry how happy she was with you? The poor boy suffered cruelly."

"You´re talking about Potter I assume. – Where is Harry?"

"Why do you ask?"

"I´m the only parent he has left."

"I´m sorry to say, but you´re not."

"It was agreed..."

"Alas, it was. But the papers weren´t signed. His guardian is Mrs. Petunia Dursley. His only living relative."

How could Dumbledore rip that tiny little bit of happiness that was left from him like that? "You can´t send him to Petunia! She despises magic and you know it!"

"Do you wish to ask her whether she´ll give you the boy?"

"No. She hates me. She won´t do anything to make me happy."

"I´m sorry, Severus."

Severus kept staring out of the window. The glow of dawn intensified. Soon the sun would show.

"She was with child. My child."

Dumbledore stepped behind his young potions master. He raised his hand to touch his shoulder but withdrew it. The old man looked as helpless as Severus felt.

"I quit. You´ll need a new potions teacher." What was there in staying in a position he didn´t like. Every stone of Hogwarts reminded him of Lily and the little secrets they had shared within these walls.

"You can´t, Severus. The ministry is hunting down the remaining deatheaters. Sooner or later your name will come up. I can protect you at Hogwarts. But I can´t if you leave."

"What would you want to protect me for? My life is over."

"Harry. I promised his mother to protect him. Voldemort´s body wasn´t found, nor was his wand. Oh, Severus, I´m afraid this is not over. The boy will need help and protection in the future. He´s perfectly safe at his aunt´s for the time being. But when he leaves the shelter of her home to come to Hogwarts, we have to be prepared to guard him."

Severus stared at the grounds. Dawn had just touched the Forbidden Forrest. After some moments he turned.

"You´ll excuse me, headmaster. I have lessons to prepare."

Harry needed protection. And whatever Severus was able to contribute, he was going to do.

For Lily.

THE END.


End file.
